- I hate that guy.
My brother in law is an alcoholic, has struggled for years with drink. In and out of rehab type facilities, and the typical profile of a guy with demons.
Like many in this position, when sober he is great. Funny, good company.
The ‘good’ him bought weights, and scattered enough exercise equipment round his house that it was clear he wanted to not be an alcoholic, the person that he wanted to be was fit and healthy and sober.
The alcoholic version of him though was found earlier today by his gf and 4 year old daughter. We got there just after the ambulance, but he’d been dead for a couple of hours.
I hate that guy. The guy that leaves 3 kids, his gf, his distraught sister (my wife) and a mum.
But I love the other guy.Posted 3 years agofrankconwaySubscriber
My thoughts and best wishes go to you and yours.
I have no experience of this but…..adults support each other and all adults collectively must support the children – and not just in the short term.
This will be no immediate consolation to you but…..I’m a lapsed catholic who sometimes goes to church, lights a candle and prays for some of the shit in my life to get better; my next time will be for you and yours.
Stay strong xPosted 3 years agoalanlMember
My brother is similar, though it is rare that he is nice any more, in fact there is only my parents who visit him now due to his aggression.In February we said he’ll be dead by Christmas. There was blood coming from both ends of him this week.Posted 3 years ago
Crackdowns on hard drugs? How about a crackdown on alcohol? Reduce selling times to what they used to be 30 years ago? I know it won’t stop bingeing, but should it really be possible to get strong cider at 7am?bikebouySubscriber
I don’t usually comment on threads like this, but it struck a chord with me.
My best mate BITD was an alcoholic, couldn’t for the life of me (nor others incl family) change his habit nor attitude towards the drink. As mentioned, he too was the life and soul of any gathering, funny to the end. Oh the days of bellyaches and banter..
Long time ago now.
But i think i know a little of what your are going through.
BOL to you and family.Posted 3 years agomountainmanSubscriber
Thoughts with you n your family ,stay strong together.
Was talking to an chap that attends the day centre where some of my clients go yesterday afternoon,he was saying how the winter evenings are lonely now as dark earlier,n that they were lonely,he lives on his own 72/73 has to use a walking frame and only has a sister local left family wise(both parents, RIP)He doesn’t go out as gave up the drink as he calls it when advised by doctor that he would be in the grave by the time he was 50.Posted 3 years ago
But he has a smile and always speaks and has a good word to say,for all but the local priest who won’t even call even thou his parents were god fearing regulars at the church.
So much for the church looking out to him as they told his parents would be,n we never see hide nor hair of them with our clients thou their mother was always giving all to the church ..The Flying OxMember
Sympathies, OP. There’s not a lot to be said that can make you feel better, but I guess you maybe don’t want to feel better yet.
My MIL died last year due to drinking. Wasn’t quite as sudden as your BIL, but still devastating to everyone who knew her. One thing my wife struggled with, and I think made it harder for her to come to terms with losing her mum, was the guilt she carried for feeling relief that it was “all over”. I’m no psychologist or grief counsellor, but I think it’s OK to feel that relief. The past few years will have been testing for all involved.
I’ll leave this here. The local Reverend had it written down on a well-worn bit of paper, and he read it for my wife. I asked for a copy.
Some people say they wish they could get used to people dying, but I don’t. It tears a hole through us whenever somebody we love dies, no matter the circumstances. But we shouldn’t want it to “not matter”. We shouldn’t want it to be something that just passes. Our scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that we had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that we can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that we can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.
As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a place, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or visiting their favourite spot. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.
The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
Hope that helps. Im sorry for your loss.Posted 3 years agosinglespeedstuSubscriber
Tom.Posted 3 years ago
You’re a level headed guy and you’ve had shite thrown at you before and I’m sure you’ll have shite thrown at you again.
One thing I would bet on though is that you’re tough enough to get through it all and then some.
Stay strong and talk to your mates.
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