I dont want to be married to you anymore………
said the wife today out of the blue…
bit of a bombshell that really, been together 12 years through bad times, and tbh other bad times.
its been not the usual marriage, her being poorly me starting to be her carer about 2 years ago, we are early 30s.
her health is picking up, but we have grown apart, we both dont feel the same as we did.
I spose it had to come from her, but it was a bit of a shock tbh.
although the signs were there over the last month, one conversation sticks in my mind “so if something were to happen to you it might be an idea for you to tell me how to run all the finances just in case”
feel very wierd, and didnt blubber at all, not even a moist eye, until i walked back in after a day of wandering around in a daze and the dogs jumped on me.
sitting in the spare room waiting for her mother in law to leave so talks can recomense.Posted 7 years agoZulu-ElevenMember
Tim, my heart goes out to you mate.
Hopefully its just a bit of doubt, and she’ll come round, but at the same time I’ve seen it happen quite a few times after illness, depression etc – in a battle to move on from the past, people feel a need to get rid of any and every thing around them that serves as an “uncomfortable reminder” of the past.
Whichever way it goes, good luck, keep strong, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Ride! Lots!Posted 7 years agopstokes99Member
sitting in the spare room waiting for her mother in law to leave so talks can recomense.
what more is there to say? She doesn’t want to be married anymore is a decision she is entitled to make. Personally I’d start loading the wife’s belongings into her mother’s car, however I hope you get it sorted (to your satisfaction).Posted 7 years agoNZColSubscriber
Communicate, if it truly is that broken – and you alluded to it ‘both don;t feel the same as we did’ – then best you can do is make sure you have said what you need to say and move on, quickly. Been there and done it and come out the other end happy, smiling and having learnt a lot about myself. It’s not failure – its just life and sometimes stuff like this happens. Chin up, ride your bike, take the time to sit in the sun* and think of all the positives 😀
* I’m wagering that one day it will reappear 😈Posted 7 years agosharkiMember
It seems like she may now feel to be a burden to you.
With you now appearing to be her carer. Would it be fair to say she mentally struggles to see you as her partner.
Have you shown that any emotions that suggests you feel like you’ve lost her. As in. She’s not the person you married.
Did you show the pain that you felt, from her being poorly for those 2 years?
It could be she doesn’t want to cause yo any more pain. And wants to see you happier.
If there is any hope, councilling may well help.
If all is lost, then for both of you, it is in the long term, the best thing.
Take care Tim.
Hope it all comes good one way or another.Posted 7 years agoLuminousMember
Tough break kid !, seems like you were of a similar mind anyways.
As others have posted, keep your dignity, keep calm and don’t do anything you may regret later.
I know thats easier written than done, as none of us are having the emotions you are right now. (probably)
If this is the bottom, then hopefully things get better soon.
All the best.Posted 7 years agomcmoonterMember
I think what Sharki said summed I what I’d like to say.
Marriage break ups are really painful. I walked out of mine 9 years ago tonight. Everyones circumstances and different but speaking to your friends really helps. You’ll find they have hidden depths.
Good luck to you both.Posted 7 years agoTracker1972Member
Can recommend going to relate, when my first marriage came to an end, at my instigation, I went on my own and with the ex. Helped put everything into perspective and helped me move on. Might sound daft but even though it was my decision it was still hard but we both ended up with someone far more suited and both happier rather than just bobbing along sharing a house.Posted 7 years ago
Still crap when it was happening but as others have said, it gets better.WoodySubscriber
Sounds like you both knew it was over but out of a sense of loyalty or responsibility, due to the fact she has been ill, you felt it had to come from her.
Whatever happens, I’d like to echo the sentiments above and confirm from personal experience it is often for the best.
Hope it works out for you.Posted 7 years ago
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