Just tell him he’s not welcome. I don’t get on with Mrs Z family. I can’t be arsed to put up with all their constant hassles. Just cos I married their sister/daughter doesn’t mean my life’s got to be one roller coaster of blame and counter blame about who did what, said what to whom.

They’re constantly falling out with each other, blaming another and before you know it the ones that fell out are fine and blaming the other. **** ’em. They’re worse than schoolkids.

Mrs Z is happy to visit them, or they come to ours when I’m not there.

Just as an example, the father refused to join the first dance at his wedding as “he doesn’t dance” and changed out of the formal gear and sat in the pub attached to the wedding venue in jeans and a t-shirt for the rest of the night. Twunt.

mmm. Double standards?

I know some people have to put up with far worse from family, but why put up with something you don’t have to?

Shag your Sister-in-Law, then tell him???

Um no, it’s amazing how a few changes to the old genetic variation can result in vastly different levels of attractiveness!

mmm. Double standards?

I’m not sure that not wanting an ar$e in your house is the same as not dancing at your son’s wedding and leaving the daughter-in-laws mother with no-one to dance with. One is a situation where people generally only come by invitation and it’s the home-owner’s choice to invite them, while the other is a social construct during which certain things are expected of attendees, particularly those related to those getting married! I.e. it’s fine if you want to run around with only pants on in the house, but try doing it while you’re out at the pub at people are going to judge you!

There may be another option, could you not just book a couple of days off and **** off to the zoo or something with the rest of the family?

Your wife gets to spend some quality time with her niece and you can stay out of the house until her bed time, come home fed, watered and ‘knackered’ and trundle off to bed.

Bonus points for putting the road bike in the boot to go to the zoo and riding home, thus getting you home hours later than the rest of the family.

Tell them to bugger off! “I’m sorry, it’s not convenient. No I don’t have to tell you why. Stay in a hotel.”

This.

“Yes, I’d love to meet you for a beer that evening, no problem, Dog and Duck at 8pm? Oh, you were hoping to stay? Really sorry, there’s a few things going on that mean that’s not convenient I’m afraid. No, nothing I really want to talk about, I’m sure you understand. Yes, the beer’s good there, see you there”. That’d be my approach.

Turn up, 2 pints, keeps a bit of family harmony, leave when you’ve had enough. Done.

I’m not sure that not wanting an ar$e in your house is the same as not dancing at your son’s wedding and leaving the daughter-in-laws mother with no-one to dance with

Its not the same but it follows the basic rules of ‘why put up with something you don’t have to’ just because it’s the sociable and right thing to do. I’m sure there must have been someone else for the mother to dance with. What would have happened if he really couldn’t dance for whatever reason.

Doesn’t sound like a very nice family but unfortunately that’s what you’re stuck with.

We are all repeating ourselves but we feel your pain, @lunge has it perfectly

You’re under no obligation to see him at all and there is no such thing as “he’s invited himself to your house”. Frankly if he turned up I’d tell him to his face he’s not welcome to stay now or any time in the future. He’s an arrogant parasite.

Kinda related, one particular tribe of inlaws has regular “BBQ” parties, BBQ is in quotation marks as the BBQ is only a small part, it’s followed by a full selection of re-heated lasagne, shepards pie, fish pie, macaroni cheese, and other assorted slop, followed by pudding (multiple rounds of). So you can get the idea these people are no Mo Farah’s.

After breaking my arm one decided to put a post on my GF’s facebook along the lines of “i don’t know why you put up with him and his sports”.

To which I put up a post saying “If one more fat person* feels the need to comment on my exercise regime then I’ll feel the need to comment on theirs”. The ensuing fallout is still the subject of discussion 4 years later.

*they were the third such comment that week and I was staying off the pain meds so already grumpy.

and do you do that on wednesday mornings? what about wednesday afternoon?
what sort of pants do you wear? I like Y fronts.
What do you think about when you’re having a poo? I sometimes think about Pooh bear and Piglet, do you think they were gay lovers?
Just obscure nonsense.

Is that considered obscure? It’s normal conversation in this house. 😯

OP – is it time to redecorate the spare room? it really could do with a lick of paint. And that window frame still needs sorting. I suggest you leave all your tools and decorating kit in there while the job’s in progress – you never know what you may need.

Its not the same but it follows the basic rules of ‘why put up with something you don’t have to’ just because it’s the sociable and right thing to do. I’m sure there must have been someone else for the mother to dance with. What would have happened if he really couldn’t dance for whatever reason.

He didn’t have any physical deficiencies so he’d have been quite capable of sucking it up for 5 minutes and trundling round the dance floor. I don’t think you can apply the same logic to both situations – in some situations certain things will always be expected of you and you’re being a d!ck if you don’t conform, e.g. despite being an atheist I’ve happily gone along to weddings that have been in a church despite feeling uncomfortable in them. In contrast, there’s no way I’d get married in a church. Both can have ‘why put up with something you don’t have to’ applied, i.e. I don’t have to go to the friend’s wedding in the church, but I’m being a d!ck if I don’t go cos I don’t like churches!

There may be another option, could you not just book a couple of days off and **** off to the zoo or something with the rest of the family?

No kids, just me and the gf – I’ll probably just bugger off with the bike on my own if he does come!

To which I put up a post saying “If one more fat person* feels the need to comment on my exercise regime then I’ll feel the need to comment on theirs”. The ensuing fallout is still the subject of discussion 4 years later.

Lol, I can imagine! My gf’s family is similar, thankfully I’ve not had any serious injuries for them to poke fun at and they’re taking a serious look at their health since the heart attack scare last year!

OP – is it time to redecorate the spare room? it really could do with a lick of paint. And that window frame still needs sorting. I suggest you leave all your tools and decorating kit in there while the job’s in progress – you never know what you may need.

That is a very good idea – we’ve been putting off getting the bedrooms replastered since we moved in, might be time for that to happen!

Was wondering if the issue was staying…when he’s there on work the company has no right to expect you to put him up. Just say you’re away..you can always make up a trip that gets cancelled at the last minute.

Killing silently is a tall order, but a quick look at an anatomy chart will show that the larynx is an easy enough target—providing you can make a stealthy submerged approach, sneak up on your victim, and catch him unaware. Once that’s accomplished, grasp his hair as close to the scalp as you’re able to and yank his head back while using your Ka-Bar combat knife to make a lateral cut across his throat. Make sure you sever both the carotid artery and jugular vein while piercing the windpipe, and press hard; the larynx is a tough, rubbery piece of tissue.

Try and engage with him and keep drinking. Or take him on a bike ride and show him the joys or riding. You don’t have to talk and you could lose him if need be

Killing silently is a tall order, but a quick look at an anatomy chart will show that the larynx is an easy enough target—providing you can make a stealthy submerged approach, sneak up on your victim, and catch him unaware. Once that’s accomplished, grasp his hair as close to the scalp as you’re able to and yank his head back while using your Ka-Bar combat knife to make a lateral cut across his throat. Make sure you sever both the carotid artery and jugular vein while piercing the windpipe, and press hard; the larynx is a tough, rubbery piece of tissue.

We can’t do that til he gets life insurance. Has a 3 year old and refuses to get it to provide for her if he dies – which isn’t unlikely given that his Dad died of a heart attack at 50 (plus that fact that he’s quite widely hated).

Try and engage with him and keep drinking. Or take him on a bike ride and show him the joys or riding. You don’t have to talk and you could lose him if need be

I think this might be a quick way of killing him off! “Sedentary” would be the most polite adjective I’d use for him.

He’s the type that will lecture you for hours on topics you’re clearly not interested in without having a back-and-forth conversation with you – it took him 2 days to actually ask what I did as a job last time he was down, all the while boring me with details of his job.

I think this guy may have been in my chalet when I was snowboarding in France over new year.

Anything you’d done, he did it first, he did it one better than you and he probably did it in Japan, where he lived for three years, which he reminded you about every 23 minutes.

I resorted to going to bed early every night to get away from him.

Tell him you can’t get 4g where you live. He sounds like the kind of knob for whom this would be a make or break issue.

A lesson I learned far too late in life is, life is too short to spend in the company of arseholes.

There’s only one way to deal with this and that’s just to say no. You don’t want to do it, don’t do it; it really is that simple and your life will be immeasurably better for not having to put up with people you don’t like out of some misplaced sense of obligation.

As others have said, if you do want to meet up then do it somewhere where you can control the time like a pub or restaurant. Pre-empt it with the assumption that they’re not staying even, “which hotel will you be staying in, we’ll join you for dinner?”

I think this guy may have been in my chalet when I was snowboarding in France over new year.

Something about that kind of holiday that attracts that type of person. We managed one holiday in a chalet with randoms and then swore we’d only ever do it with mates again! Bit odd though, as during my seasons working in chalets about 80% of the guests were great – but then you don’t have to have dinner with them every night.

just tell him you are busy, I do it all the time

Tell him you can’t get 4g where you live. He sounds like the kind of knob for whom this would be a make or break issue.

What an odd thing to say.

Something about that kind of holiday that attracts that type of person. We managed one holiday in a chalet with randoms and then swore we’d only ever do it with mates again! Bit odd though, as during my seasons working in chalets about 80% of the guests were great – but then you don’t have to have dinner with them every night.

This guy was on his own. Everyone else in the chalet was lovely, and we all thought this guy was an absolute helmet. It speaks volumes that on the chalet staff’s night off, everyone made dinner arrangements and absolutely no one invited him to join them.

What an odd thing to say.

you’re boring us by repeating yourself 😉

thestabiliser – Member

I think you misread that – I was saying ”let her deal with it” as in let her deal with the issue cause it’s her family, staying well out of it yourself, cause as soon as you open your mouth you will be the big baddy – not “lay down the law with your missus and ‘let her deal with it’ emotionally”

Is your partner’s sister’s partner actually “family”?

As others have said, no obligation at all when he’s in the area with work. BUt when he visits with your sister in law, unless you want to harm your/your OH’s relationship with her and the niece the you’ve really got no option but to suck it up.

Of course other family in the area should do their share of sucking it up.

This is nothing compared to one of my aunts, but she lives miles away and is nice in small doses so my parents put up from time to time (unfortunately none of the other brothers and sisters will).

I think that just starting other conversations with others in the room will sort him out.

On another note… a lot of the stuff he’s doing/his dad has done points to just being socially awkward – and commenting that no one likes him (which he’s bound to notice) and he didn’t go and see the member of your family who had a heart attack nearby – why would he if no-one likes him?

Anything you’d done, he did it first, he did it one better than you and he probably did it in Japan, where he lived for three years, which he reminded you about every 23 minutes.

“You went to Tenerife? Well, I’ve been Elevenerfife. Lovely it is, much nicer than where you went…”

A lesson I learned far too late in life is, life is too short to spend in the company of arseholes.

Cougar – Moderator

😀

perhaps you could direct your BIL to this forum as he sounds ideal as a prospective STW ‘big hitter’ unless of course he already is one.

Are any of these guys being discussed called Tony perchance? Seems too much of a coincidence and there can’t be that many of them surely?

Is your partner’s sister’s partner actually “family”?

Is he not your brother in law ?

That said i think you are correct about giving up your time for arseholes

Is your partner’s sister’s partner actually “family”?

I’ve told the missus many times that I won’t marry her as I don’t want to be related to him – I’m only half-joking I think.

On another note… a lot of the stuff he’s doing/his dad has done points to just being socially awkward – and commenting that no one likes him (which he’s bound to notice) and he didn’t go and see the member of your family who had a heart attack nearby – why would he if no-one likes him?

I’ve made that point myself to the gf’s family in trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. If he’s that self-aware though he should know we don’t want him in our house either!

Arrange to meet at a pub for a meal. Then you’ve only wasted a few hours, and can sit at the other end of the table! don’t turn up.

or, as soon as he starts, plug in a set of earphones, tell him it’s the sound of paint drying and it’s absolutely fascinating, you’ll listen to him later.

perhaps you could direct your BIL to this forum as he sounds ideal as a prospective STW ‘big hitter’ unless of course he already is one.

I’d be willing to bet he’s a big hitter on some other forum, probably one about air rifles, ales, or Tolkien. Not that there’s anything wrong with any of those things, I’ve just heard enough about them to last me a lifetime…

Could it be that he is autistic?

Why not try to find out and if he is, try to find a way for you to deal with it.

squirrelking – Member
Are any of these guys being discussed called Tony perchance? Seems too much of a coincidence and there can’t be that many of them surely?

Jonathon was the name of the throbber I had the pleasure of spending my week with…

Could it be that he is autistic?

Why not try to find out and if he is, try to find a way for you to deal with it.

Obviously IANAD, but I don’t think he is. I’m not sure I’ve ever met anyone with autism though, and I doubt relying on the depictions on tv would help!

Invite them to stay, be nice. Moan about him for a year til next time.

Invite them to stay, be nice. Moan about him for a year til next time.