someone i know is really struggling because they are immobilising themselves through what i would say is a hypersensitivity to pain, neurotic fear of illness and death, being ‘out of touch’ with the body/desires/appetites. the person just had a health scare which turned out to me nothing out of the ordinary, though hurts, and literally shut down, so a long term trend has become acute. this person is well on paper but is kind of wasting and shrinking, both in terms of not living life and the more medical sense. it is just a matter of time before inactivity is going to cause real issues i believe. the already existing issue is a kind of low level madness, i don’t say this jokingly.

how do i get this person managed help? i don’t think i can do it because when i try i get arguments, excuses, conveniently arising and quickly forgotten afflictions, judgements about gender, the list is endless. i don’t want to be in the role of coach, or worse dad, we are friends.

Not a lot you can do other than remaining supportive, not joining in the games, and encourage them to seek professional help.

Maybe an approach of ” shame you feel like that, how about a walk in the park”
IE not telling them its all wrong, in their head and they need a shrink but rather acknowledging what they feel and then trying to divert them in a different direction

Getting angry / having rows will not help in any way just push them further into whereever they are going

Tom84; I’ve never encountered that level of resistance but I always try to ‘lead from the front’

In other words keep yourself moving, healthy and happy and make sure they see you and understand how you achieve these results.

The biggest difficulty is then being patient and waiting for them to follow your example. I’ll tell you right now; it doesn’t always work and it’s tough watching them struggle.

But anything more usually leads to anger, resentment and deliberate avoidance 😥

You do make it sound like a mental health problem. Health anxiety or something like that.

I don’t think anyone can give you anything definite to do other than seek professional help for the underlying anxiety.

Anxiety is proper horrible once it’s been released from it’s cage though. Genuinely debilitating. Your friend needs to accept their is a problem with it and want to change before progress is made.

Best of luck to you and your friend…

Sometimes, relationships with our bodies are complicated! (heh – I should know!)

Just be supportive. Make sure they know you support them, no matter what their situation.

But – and it’s a big but – if it begins to look like they might genuinely cause harm to themselves, don’t hesitate for a moment to get them professional help. Whether they hate you for it or not.

Rachel

Offer cake and a trip to the cinema, normal stuff, not things designed to ‘help’, who wants muesli and sympathy in real life? This will work for teens, 50 somethings and all in between.

Good luck

Hello, thanks for these replies, sounds like some of you have had similar experiences. All the advice is great and is much appreciated thanks.