I’m on an oil rig in the middle of the north sea and the most recent supply vessel brought us a pair of kestrels. They’re already visibly knackered so I don’t think they’ll last too much longer if left to their own devices. We’ve had success in the past capturing racing pigeons and getting them returned by helicopter, but I don’t think kestrels are quite as friendly. Any ideas how to lure them down?

Meat of some description, if anyone onboard has a hamster* they may have to make the ultimate sacrifice

TBH I’d say you’ve got slim to no chance of saving them but a call to the RSPB to get hold of a raptor expert would be my first shout

*probably all of you, you dirty beggars

Oh if only there was some kind of organisation set up to look after wildlife and maybe someday one to look after birds in particular; given how many of the pesky things there are… we could get sponsored by those nice Royal people so as t make all official like.

Seriously Ox… The RSPB not STWbirds (which is probably sexist in some way or another to someone)

put a hawk on one shoulder, nothing on the other and start vacuuming with the lights off.

they may have heard the hawk, kestrel man hoovers in the dark gag and oblige?

failing that a meat baited trap (or a load of meat on the next supply ship and hope they follow it home?

Why is no-one asking why they brought you kestrels in the sea?

Top Joke ^

but a call to the RSPB to get hold of a raptor expert would be my first shout

You might some remote advice but I doubt there are many who have offshore medicals and BOISET though?

Well durrrrrr

I thought you were meant to have parrots at sea? Kestrels are for young Ruffians from Yorkshire. Can you not get one of those in to sort it?

Why is no-one asking why they brought you kestrels in the sea?

to catch the racing pigeon obvs.

Why is no-one asking why they brought you kestrels in the sea?

It’s an oil rig! Kestrel are famous for their oil!

Why is no-one asking why they brought you kestrels in the sea?

It’s an oil rig! Kestrel are famous for their oil!

As in Kestrel GTX?

Kestrels are for young Ruffians from Yorkshire. Can you not get one of those in to sort it?

I am a young(ish) ruffian from Yorkshire, but not even my best Toad Int’Ole & Hendos can coax it to within pouncing distance.

You could of course join a doomsday cult, then go outside and wait for the raptur

[video]https://youtu.be/meyQYkDag68[/video]

I once spent a few hours on a “hawking” course, and one thing I remember being told is that birds of prey never ‘step down’ to a perch, but will always ‘step up’. I don’t know if this is only the case for captive birds, but what it meant was that if you have a bird sitting on your left hand, it would only move to your right hand if you held your right hand an inch or two higher than the bird’s feet on your left hand. I’m just wondering if something like that might work – raise a T-bar so that it’s in front of the bird and a little higher than its current perch. Once it’s on it, perhaps you could gently move/lower it… After that, it’s anyone’s guess – possibly throw a towel over it, or encourage it into a cage, or grasp it like you would a smaller bird such as a budgie. Open your hand out, and in one steady motion slide your first and second fingers either side of its neck, and close your thumb and other fingers around its body so that its wings can’t move. The fingers on either side of its neck means it can’t reach down with its beak and draw blood, and by clamping its wings its immobile. I was taught to do this with budgies, and it once worked extremely successfully on a pigeon. However, a kesterel might be something altogether different!

Tandoori Chicken

Full disclosure: I don’t get my own “joke” – I honestly don’t understand why they’re there!

However, Kestrel GTX is pretty good 😀

The post above you. Orchestral manoeuvres in the dark.
Which is good.

Surely Kes should be on your research list , if a scrote from yorkshire can nick one it shouldnt be too hard for fine upstanding folk etc etc.

Make a larsen trap and bait it with the rig hamster.

Cleared out four magpies in 20hrs with mine last week.

With one hour 25 minutes of Thursday left Kestrel GTX is favourite to win the internet for the day. Proper clever. Well done sir.

Decent suggestions there folk. Thanks. Not sure how we’d make a Larsen trap out here though. You need five different signatures and a full risk assessment just to take a photo; cobbling together unofficial equipment using pallet scraps is likely to be frowned upon. Interesting about the step up/step down thing. I guess we can try to lure them up to the helideck.

Happily, although not quite for all involved, it appears there were a few pigeons oh the boat too. We saw one of the kestrels take one out just before end of shift, so at least they’ll not go hungry.

As for why they’re here, it happens pretty regularly:- bird find a comfy perch that just so happens to be a ship in harbour and falls asleep. Ship sets sail and when the bird wakes up it’s 150 miles out at sea. It’s normally pigeons, starlings and sparrows though. Only recall one other bird of prey in the last 10 years.

caught a sparrow hawk on the mss1/NTVL/neddrill 6 once.

It was so knackered it fell out the derrick from the shiv beam and down the V door onto the catwalk.

pretty much just walked over and picked it up – wearing welders gauntlets – have you seen those things claws they are huge.

We stuck it in a large box and sent it to town on the days chopper where the relevent people met it , fixed it up and set it back out on its way.

Happily, although not quite for all involved, it appears there were a few pigeons oh the boat too. We saw one of the kestrels take one out just before end of shift, so at least they’ll not go hungry.

free pest control, you just need a plan for when they eat the last pigeon

I’m not surprised you’re finding them hard to catch, OP – Oxen aren’t very aerobatic compared to kestrels.

Seriously, apart from stepping up to a perch I also understand they fly up to one; they need to stall to land, so will aim below the perch and then go up at the last minute; a flat deck may be problem.

If baiting them with meat, maybe put it on the next supply ship – lure them on there, they’ll stuff themselves to over their flying weight and then the supply ship can be on the way before they wake up.

Which brings us to the origin of the phrase ‘fed up’: http://listverse.com/2012/06/09/10-words-of-phrases-derived-from-falconry/

“free pest control, you just need a plan for when they eat the last pigeon”
– I guess you’re not allowed to leave bits of chicken from the kitchen out on an oil rig?

Trail Rat are your referring to the Ton Van Langeveld?

thats the one sbh……

The giant floating ashtray.

Galleys good though.

Does the name Al White ring a bell?

Has this thread turned into hot-bunking reunited? 😆

SSPCA have been great for us recovering injured birds, but we are on land not out at sea, maybe worth a call though, assuming your in Scottish territorial waters… if there is such a thing. 03000 999 999

not at all SBH .

Ive spent about 3 weeks on there total – and that was too long.

Are they definitely kestrels? I guess hunger might have given them extra powers but I’ve never heard of one taking a pigeon – small rodents, beetles etc are more their usual bag.

EDIT – having Googled this I see that they are flown at pigeons on occasion and have been used commercially to keep pigeons away. Nothing on wild ones taking a pigeon though.

Craig David mask??

The rspb are not an emergency service. They’ll tell you to Leave out food and let the creatures sort themselves out.