How to break up with someone with depression?

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  • How to break up with someone with depression?
  • Premier Icon jam bo
    Subscriber

    Probably get flamed for this but sounds like she’s playing you.

    richpips
    Member

    To make matters worse better, she’s just moved town and started a new job.

    Maybe you’ll just drift apart.

    smell_it
    Member

    If she doesn’t want to get dumped, then there is no ‘easy’ way to do it, try as you like. But sometimes you just have to get on with it, and accept that you will feel like a shite for a while. Harsh as it may seem, you are not responsible for her behaviour.
    If you are worried she might make a scene, try packing her in a public place where she may be a bit more restrained.*

    *No guarantee’s mind.

    Premier Icon bearnecessities
    Subscriber

    Sounds awful. However, and ultimately, you must look after yourself. Nothing more I can add, as such situations, as you know, are more complicated to summise rather that words.

    The fact that you care says a lot, but equally you need to break free. The best things to do in life, weirdly, are often the hardest.

    Good luck.

    Premier Icon footflaps
    Subscriber

    There’s never a good way to break up, it’s pretty grim. I’d just get it over and done with as sympathetically as possible (ie not by txt).

    You’re not responsible for her actions…

    scuzz
    Member

    The fact you’re unsure how to handle your own situation tells you how qualified you are to help with her situation.
    You want to help her out of decency, which is courageous, but ultimately all you can do is offer as much support as you are comfortable offering. Point her in the right direction and go get the things from life you feel you’re currently missing.
    Make sure she knows she can always talk to you, give her a call regularly and give her every opportunity to express how she’s feeling to you, be patient and listen as much as you can but ultimately live your life.

    If she’s going to hurt herself she will do it regardless of wether you stay or go. Get out of there before you become depressed yourself, thus becoming a problem for someone else

    Sorry to lower the tone of a Saturday evening, but I’m after some advice please. (This is a new login for a sensitive issue, sorry mods)
    I’ve noticed there have been quite a few threads on here about depression and people here seem to have a fair amount of experience, so I thought someone might be able to help.

    So here’s the story: I’d decided not long ago to split up with my girlfriend, for various reasons, and was thinking about the best way to do so (we have a good number of mutual friends so I don’t want it to be too messy.) Simple enough. However, between me deciding and actually going through with it she told me she was depressed to the point of wanting to harm herself and contemplating suicide, having fairly recently made the preparations to take her life but eventually deciding not to. I asked her to go to a doctor, which she did, and is hopefully starting treatment soon.
    So what to do? I’d still like to end the relationship-the problems are not related to depression and are still there-but I obviously don’t wish to make her illness any worse, or lead her to hurt herself in any way. To make matters worse, she’s just moved town and started a new job, so her friends and support network are not immediately available to her.
    Any thoughts/suggestions greatly appreciated, thanks.

    jekkyl
    Member

    Break up with her & then ignore all texts
    /emails/calls from her for a good 4 months or so. She’ll need time to grieve for you and the relationship. If she continues to try & contact you be a little bit nasty so she’ll hate you a little bit & you can get on with your life.

    andrewh
    Member

    I had a ‘should I, shouldn’t I’ dilema with a girl a few years ago. She was a little fragile mentally, although nothing like as bad as yours by the sound of it. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it in the end (she didn’t know this) and we carried on. She dumped me 6 months later.
    Anyway, point is, not doing it will merely postpone the inevitable.

    Premier Icon mboy
    Subscriber

    Trust me, from someone that’s been in a similar situation before, it’s much better for her in the long run to be a little bit of a shit right now, and just dump her then ignore her. No matter how much you might want to help, if you’re not helping her get distance between the two of you, in her mind it will make her think there’s a chance of getting you back.

    I’d say you owe it to the both of you just to pack it in ASAP. But being a gentleman I would at least contact various mutual friends and let them know you’ve just ended the relationship, and that she may need some support going forward. She’ll need a couple of good mates shoulders to cry on, and a “nasty bastard” (you) to focus her attention on to help her get better. Anger concentrates the mind, and she’ll get over you soon enough and then probably realise quickly that you split up for a valid reason, and then the possibility of becoming friends in the future again then occurs.

    hora
    Member

    Are you a joy to be around OP? Maybe you’d be doing her a favour. Seriously.

    FunkyDunc
    Member

    Depressed, but moving jobs and town, that’s a pretty good achievement for some one in the depths of depression!

    ^^ not suggesting that you’re anything other than a lovely person… but if it isn’t the right relationship for you, then it probably isn’t for her either. Although she might not have identified it yet, the relationship might be one of the things that she is struggling with just now, but she will only see that after the dust has settled. Doesn’t make it any easier for you though. Good luck.

    slimjim78
    Member

    Oh my god, i was thinking along horas lines..
    Now im depressed

    monksie
    Member

    I have manic depression. I’ve been married for 19 years. My wife has left me twice because of it. There is no easy way to do it. She just tells me she can’t cope anymore. Fortunately she has come back both times although I’m sure she won’t if there’s a third time.
    There is no good time to walk away.

    Thanks for all the replies folks. The consensus seems fairly unanimous and confirms pretty much what I was thinking-I should just pick a time when she’s relatively ok and get it done. There’s no good time, but I suppose some are worse than others. Thanks for the help.

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