How To Be An Artist

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  • How To Be An Artist
  • slackalice
    Member

    Stay loose. Learn to watch snails.
    Plant impossible gardens. Invite
    someone dangerous to tea. Make
    little signs that say “yes!” And post
    them all over your house. Make friends
    with freedom & uncertainty. Look forward
    to dreams. Cry during movies. Swing
    as high as you can on a swingset
    by moonlight. Cultivate moods. Refuse
    to be responsible. Do it for love.
    Take lots of naps. Give money away,
    do it now, the money will follow.
    Believe in magic. Laugh a lot.
    Celebrate every gorgeous moment.
    Take moonbaths. Have wild imaginings,
    transformative dreams and perfect calm.
    Draw on the walls, read everyday.
    Imagine yourself magic. Giggle
    with children, listen to old people.
    Open up, dive in, be free.
    Bless yourself. Drive away fear.
    Play with everything. Entertain
    your inner child. You are
    innocent. Build a fort with blankets.
    Get wet. Hug trees. Write
    love letters.

    Anon

    Surely learning to paint/draw, etc. would be better

    Premier Icon maccruiskeen
    Subscriber

    Theres nothing in there about cutting and pasting 🙂

    EDIT: Its also not ‘Anon’ and would be better titled “How to make a living publishing self help books written with felt tip pens”

    MrSmith
    Member

    No mention of the curatorial led doe-eyed audience to fawn over your work either.
    So a bit misleading imho

    yossarian
    Member

    what about learning the difference between an easel and a weasel?

    CaptJon
    Member

    How to be an eight year old girl.

    Draw on the walls? On the walls? My kids would get a severe bollocking for that, at the very least. You sir, would be in for an even less pleasant surprise. 😡

    Jamie
    Member

    Anon is a 13 year old girl, who likes My Chemical Romance, and I claim my £5.

    lasty
    Member

    An ex-mate of mine professes to be a photographer …

    The key is to fool some of the people all of the time – and learn how to justify with copious amounts of bullshit.

    Much the same as the original post 🙄

    IHN
    Member

    I get enough of this pseudo deep and meaningfull b0ll0cks plastered all over Facebook, surely we can keep STW free of it…

    Premier Icon martinhutch
    Subscriber

    I blame that Desiderata rubbish. I had to read it out at a wedding once. Mortifying.

    OP should have titled it “How to rub grumpy STWers up the wrong way.”

    Jamie
    Member

    OP should have titled it “How to rub grumpy STWers up the wrong way.”

    Shurrup, you. Or I will rub you up the wrong way.

    jekkyl
    Member

    a piss artist?

    swiss01
    Member

    you mean like this?

    My work explores the relationship between Bauhausian sensibilities and life as performance.

    With influences as diverse as Kafka and Buckminster Fuller, new insights are synthesised from both orderly and random narratives.

    Ever since I was a child I have been fascinated by the theoretical limits of the universe. What starts out as undefined soon becomes corroded into a hegemony of power, leaving only a sense of failing and the prospect of a new beginning.

    As subtle replicas become transformed through emergent and personal practice, the viewer is left with a new agenda of the inaccuracies of our world.

    http://www.artybollocks.com/

    nice…

    MrSmith
    Member

    An ex-mate of mine professes to be a photographer …

    I think everyone has one of those, just need a DSLR and the belief in your meagre talents.

    Premier Icon zbonty
    Subscriber

    That is proper bollocks. Brilliant!

    Premier Icon The Pinkster
    Subscriber

    What a load of pseudo hippy bollox.

    I used to teach art many moons ago, never needed to do any of that shite.

    swiss01
    Member

    arguably not the best and not arty as such, but definitely my favourite piece of critical theory bollocks
    http://www.physics.nyu.edu/faculty/sokal/transgress_v2/transgress_v2_singlefile.html

    i would also submit the disumbrationist school. surely there are some people on stw who could give this a good shout…
    http://reverent.org/bad_painting_contest.html

    Surely learning to paint/draw, etc. would be better

    Stuckist!

    fasthaggis
    Member

    Just ordered a moonbath online.
    I have read ‘The Tiger That Came To Tea’ ,but still not sure about
    inviting someone dangerous to visit.
    My inner child just had a tantrum,so I sent him out the room.
    I gave a pound to a stranger ,now it’s time for a power nap.

    johndoh
    Member

    😆 at fasthaggis

    johndoh
    Member

    Play with everything.

    I can do that bit.

    Premier Icon Pook
    Subscriber

    SEND THIS TO 10 FRIENDS OR YOU’LL HAVE BAD LUCK FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

    LOLROFLMAO

    Premier Icon maccruiskeen
    Subscriber

    I think comparing the OP’s post to anything in Artybollocks is overselling it. As i say the original post isn’t ‘Anon’ its from a canon of work by Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (although Comic Sans would be more apt than Ariel) – someone who makes self help and motivational posters with coloured felt-tip pens. Other great and inspirational works in her canon are

    “how to really love a child”
    “just for a mom”
    “being a wonderful friend”
    “dog are miracles with paws”
    “cats are angels with fur”
    “how to relax about money”
    “how to really be alive”
    “ways to be with angels” (presumably for when you’ve exhausted ways of being alive)
    “Being a succulent wild woman”

    and so on. No well meant advice about how to deal with your work being regurgitated on geocities, myspace and facebook for the entire history of the internet, uncredited, in the mistaken believe that its some sort of ancient nobel truth, rather than a glib bit of printed teatowel philosophy.

    samuri
    Member

    Well that’s how you know it’s complete rubbish.
    No one can love dogs *and* cats.

    Premier Icon DezB
    Subscriber

    No-one else really inspired by it then 🙁

    finbar
    Member

    Maccruiskeen – you’re going to have to explain why you’re so familar with the works of this visionary ‘Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy ‘..

    Premier Icon maccruiskeen
    Subscriber

    It was the word “anon” at the bottom, that caught my attention as Baz Luhrman had a bit of hit in the popular music charts reading someone else’s inspira-blog about sunscreen out loud and not crediting the author. Googling the first line shows that this one its been cut and pasted into forums and blogs for decades – and in many instances the author is credited.

    Premier Icon The Pinkster
    Subscriber

    “how to really love a child”
    “just for a mom”
    “being a wonderful friend”
    “dog are miracles with paws”
    “cats are angels with fur”
    “how to relax about money”
    “how to really be alive”
    “ways to be with angels” (presumably for when you’ve exhausted ways of being alive)
    “Being a succulent wild woman”

    I have to say, some of those titles nearly induced an involuntary puke response, they’re so twee.

    Premier Icon maccruiskeen
    Subscriber

    I have to say, some of those titles nearly induced an involuntary puke response, they’re so twee

    Well get ready to make a call on the big white phone to O’Rourke – because you can buy them as audio books.

    Or should that be audio boaks

    Just drink loads.

    How to be a piss artist

    IHN
    Member

    and in many instances the author is credited.

    ..but would probably have wished to remain anon now they’ve grown up a bit?

    ti_pin_man
    Member

    a mate of mine claims to be a photographer and has some success in persuading pretty young women to remove their clothes to prove it.

Viewing 36 posts - 1 through 36 (of 36 total)

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