I do love a cream cake but, who invented one that’s impossible to eat?

You can’t just bite it because all the cream splurges out the sides and just get a mouthful of pastry and iced top bit.

You can’t turn it on its side and eat it because……well…just because that’s all wrong.

So , today I had to take off the bottom bit (and eat), then turn it upside down so the cream’s on top and the iced top layer is on the bottom. It just wasn’t right.

Should I just cut my losses and stick to cream horns and doughnuts?

With a cake fork, innit?

Down in one, in landscape mode. Or simply use a buzz-saw to segment it into bite-sized pieces. Works for me.

On its side. Cut with knife (both bits of pastry in one go) and it’s chunked up nicely. Then just eat the thing

You need to hone your tongue technique.

Nom! Nom! Nom!

Easy 🙂

Just get wired in and enjoy the mess … sticky fingers!

^as per the above. Using utensils is cheating and should end up with the slice being taken off you and given to someone who will appreciate it.

you must struggle badly with a double nougat! 😆

Carefully, savouring the flavour. 😉

In a tool free setting the only feasible way is to go gangster gun 90 degrees in two bites. I’ve had great success with this method.

Landscape mode as mentioned above is reserved for king sized mars bars.

Use the Scottish method – deep fry it and the batter stops the cream escaping.

Instead hold it at 90 deg.  Same with custard slices.  Job done.

* edit – and always read other replies before shooting 😎

Thinking about it, I have taken the top off after trying to smodge the cream equally between the top and the base. That way you get one half with cream and icing, then one half with jam and cream and no icing.  I decided after experimentation that it was wrong so the 90 deg method won.

Here’s the real puzzler – how does one eat a mille-feuille without getting cream on the oak-flooring and/or moustache?

Eating a cream slice is very much like making love to a beautiful woman….

Cream slices – the more expensive and disappointing relative of the infinitely better custard slice. (Especially those pathetic efforts you get in supermarkets.)

That double nougat thing looks just about the most awesome thing ever!

I’m obviously going to have to do a lot more research on the eating of cream cakes. I might publish a paper on it?

I can’t condone the usage of knives and forks though. How are you supposed to cut it up when you’re eating it in your car on the way home from the supermarket because you’re so hungry you couldn’t wait till you got home?

Eating a cream slice is very much like making love to a beautiful woman….

I don’t think we can condone cutting beautiful women into bite size peices with a buzz saw

…when you’re eating it in your car on the way home from the supermarket because you’re so hungry you couldn’t wait till you got home?

With a custard slice you:

1. turn it upside down

2. surgically remove and then eat the base layer of pasty

3. cut neat slices of custard, the upper pastry and icing, scraping the latter off the plate as needed.

This way you get half of the pastry out of the way first, then after that every slice is an optimum portion of lovlieness.

Just shove it in yer face, it’s supposed to be messy.

The best way I have found is to apply gentle pressure top and bottom thus causing the cream to slowly ouse out of the side. You then rotate the pastry around 360 licking off all the exuded cream. Then repeat as many times as necessary until there is almost no cream left inside and polish off the remaining top/bottom and icing with whatever cream is left inside (it won’t be much)

Lots of wildly differing opinions here.

People keep mentioning these ”plate’ and ”cutlery’ things but I have no idea what they’re talking about?

I might give welshfarmer’s idea a try but maybe not in public.

I thought the cream slice was the cake you give to others to enjoy watching them struggle.

People keep mentioning these ”plate’ and ”cutlery’ things but I have no idea what they’re talking about?

I’m glad it’s not just me who is confused. Have you seen those monsters that use cutlery on pizzas and (whispers) chicken legs.

Malvern Rider
…Here’s the real puzzler – how does one eat a mille-feuille without getting cream on the oak-flooring and/or moustache?

The lovely lady one has attracted by the artistry of one’s tongue scooping out the centre will happily lick the residue off one’s moustache.

I was at a gig at Wembley back in the day, and a posh looking guy in a suit sat down next to me with his cheeseburger he’d just bought from the greasy kiosk outside. He then picked up his briefcase (!!) and took out a knife and fork to cut up and eat said burger out of the polystyrene box.

When I say gig, I actually mean Ultravox concert so maybe using cutlery during this sort of high brow show might be the done thing?

Never ever for eating cream cakes though.

Not even messy ones.

Oh…cream slice

Not pie

Idlejon the custard slices in Swansea market nom nom nom sublime

Has the slice down the middle of the cream technique been mentioned?  Removing the top (or bottom) layer from the equation means the cream doesn’t get squeezed and thus cannot ooze out when you take a bite.  Downside is that you don’t get any icing while eating the bottom half (unless you take alternate bites out of each half).  Civilised but a bit boring.

I agree Pigface – hence my casual disregard for cream slices. Who needs ‘em! 😁

You need to practice your ‘licking between the slats’ technique….

choppersquad
That double nougat thing looks just about the most awesome thing ever!

I’m not gonny lie, it’s up there! 😆

The best way I have found is to apply gentle pressure top and bottom thus causing the cream to slowly ouse out of the side. You then rotate the pastry around 360 licking off all the exuded cream. Then repeat as many times as necessary until there is almost no cream left inside and polish off the remaining top/bottom and icing with whatever cream is left inside (it won’t be much)

Same as this then

Eating a cream slice is very much like making love to a beautiful woman….

If there is a woman nearby,  you have to eat using the above method whilst staring her straight in the eyes.

Find a room where you can be alone – generally the bathroom or a cupboard.

Install a dropsheet for the inevitable crumbs and cream spillage.

Using both hands, shove it in your face

Emerge from the cupboard or bathroom shamefacedly, with cream and pastry crumbs all over your hands, face, forehead, clothing.

Spend the next 10-15 minutes trying to get it off you, while feeling somewhat disgusted at what you’ve become.