No monkey?

Eeeh, you need to get her drunk, see if she’s annoying, or a bit fighty, buy her some chips, natch, snog her to death while she still tastes of salt and vinegar, then shag the living daylights out of her.

Then you’ll know.

I’m like a relationship counsellor and a dietician all in one.

Fish and chips? Surely its a kebab you want to be going for?

It took til about a week ago before she started coming out with some pretty worrying stuff, alarm bells have started ringing.

Please do elaborate . Please

Fish and chips? Surely its a kebab you want to be going for?

Steady now, there’s a line….

I recall emsz has a bit of a thing for chips in the context of dating, hence my sage advice.

A badly tended garden is a deal breaker…

Tea/keyboard interface scenario.

Two months since our first date and I still can’t find owt wrong with her. She’s single, relatively fit and more-or-less sane. Dunno if she’s “the one”, mind. The tyranny of distance could be a factor… 😐

Sage on Chips..

“wonders what that will taste like”

Are you Crikey Bloo’ mental?

You need a test ride before you know….

I recall emsz has a bit of a thing for chips in the context of dating

Has she been taking pointers from the dating maestro’s…..

😆

Sage on Chips..

“wonders what that will taste like”

Are you Crikey Bloo’ mental?

LOL…

The point is that in the past both emsz and myself discussed the use of chips in a dating scenario, a bit like an early-in-the-game-of-love aphrodisiac.

Fairly bland tasting, so no embarrassing breath, packed with high GI carbs to allow physical adventures to occur unhampered by a lack of energy, freely available in most town centres, halal, kosher, vegetarian, and yummy.

more pertinently how many ‘the ones’ have people had before the current ‘the one’? 🙂

Please do elaborate . Please

Just some bunny-boilerish characteristics, constantly seeking commitment not consistent with only having known a person 3 or 4 weeks.

Plus, and I’ve no idea how this is going to sound, but she seems to have developed a really powerful hatred for Nicole Shirtswinger after I made a comment about her undeniable charms on Facebook.

I’ve pointed out that it would be perfectly normal and acceptable for a woman in a relationship to recognise attractiveness in other men, but this concept seems alien to her. Could be a sticking point.

more pertinently how many ‘the ones’ have people had before the current ‘the one’?

Ooooh good point!

I’ve had at least 3, and a wee wobble with this the one.

Get the chips out!

but she seems to have developed a really powerful hatred for Nicole Shirtswinger after I made a comment about her undeniable charms on Facebook.

Isn’t that normal? Bloke says ‘XYZ looks nice / beautiful / fit’, followed by GF developing instant hatred for XYZ with continual sniping comments……

Isn’t that normal? Bloke says ‘XYZ looks nice / beautiful / fit’, followed by GF developing instant hatred for XYZ with continual sniping comments……

My missus often agrees / disagrees.

My missus often agrees / disagrees.

That would imply she wasn’t insecure ergo she’s not a woman….

In my experience, sharing that kind of comment is not something which contributes to a calm and quiet domestic evening in.

Is that normal? I’m talking utter hatred, like totally venomous…

And it’s kind of started snowballing, we went out with some of her friends on Saturday – one of them is particularly hot. When we got home, I sat on the sofa and the hotty put a cushion against me and plonked herself down. Very innocent.

The following day, my ‘date’ told me she’d had nightmares about me having an affair with the hot friend…

Lots of little things… Like I said, alarm bells…

I wouldn’t mind a threesome though! 😀

What does her mum look like?

Always a good barometer..

That would imply she wasn’t insecure ergo she’s not a woman….

Insecure? That’s weak.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

In a cup.

Has she asked for your email and Facebook logins yet?

Years ago, my stepdad commented on the loveliness of Jill Dando. I think she may have been wearing a swimsuit on some holiday programme on the beeb. From that day forth, my mum developed the most irrational hatred of our poor old Jill – you do NOT want to know what her reaction was when I told her she’d been shot….

why did she need to put a cushion down on you?

how damn hot is she???

😉

She just kinda flung it against me and sat down… Maybe a bit flirty, maybe just friendly and ‘comfortable’. Gave me a great view down her amazing cleavage though, and her hair smelled intoxicating… 😉

She’s a 9.5.

more pertinently how many ‘the ones’ have people had before the current ‘the one’?

er… 4? 5?
Unless the OH asks, in which case, obviously, none.

but she seems to have developed a really powerful hatred for Nicole Shirtswinger after I made a comment about her undeniable charms on Facebook.

a) fair play, Nicole Shirtswinger is immensely annoying
b) she may just be trying to show you the error of your ways. For starters, a), and for seconds, she’s just not that attractive.

Or she may be mental

Ahhh ha.. the “previous Ones”

Well actually, taking infatuation out of the equasion..

None..

Nope.. 0, Zero.

Though I did have a 12 year “match made in heavan” relationship with “almost the One” Though to be fair I know why that ended.

Me.

I can be a right bullish tw*t on occasion.

Nicole Shirtswinger isn’t that attractive??? WHAAAT??????

She’s as close to perfection as I’ve ever seen! She’s a 12!

go out with cushion girl.

She’s a 9.5.
Given your taste for Nicole Scherzinger, is that out of ten? Or pints? 😉

I don’t dish out points like that willy nilly… I’m at a loss as to how anyone could find fault with the Shirtswinger, apart from that silly little appendage Hamilton…

fringe is a bit daft.

pass the cushion.

Was/Is she moulded out of PVC by any chance?

I’ve heard about “girls” like that.

Though s’pose theres somewhere for your ketchup.

3rd date.

Shirtswinger is hawt, even my missus thinks so.
I saw one of those making the video things on mtv once & the producer said her body is so tight that it acually squeeks.

so tight that it acually squeeks.

😯

her body is so tight that it acually squeeks.

To be fair, so does mine….

I don’t know if her squeeks smell like mine though

I can honestly say that along with Beyoncé, Shirtswinger is the most named woman when women talk about who they’d be prepared to have a dabble with…

I don’t know if her squeeks smell like mine though

you can have this cushion back.

I can honestly say that along with Beyoncé, Shirtswinger is the most named woman when women talk about who they’d be prepared to have a dabble with…

you’re thinking of rihanna.

Is she made of wax?

Cushion girl – this thread is useless without pics.

A mental picture will have to do ononeorange: 26 year old South African, blonde, 5’9″, size 8, 36d, eyes like Charlize Theron, arse like Kylie in the good ol days… :p