are you kicking yourself for not asking enough?

We asked him the one time we needed help and he didn't have the time (nor could he suggest a date when he might have the time).

Read the first few posts.

Maybe you should offer to look after the kids all day so your wife can go and help her brother?

Mastiles. Thats one occassion. I have also said no to family members when i have either been too busy or plain couldnt be bothered. I hope it doesnt stop them asking in future though.

Hobo – I can't comment on any other times as generally I am able to cope by myself (or at the most ask my father-in-law or brother to pop round for an hour to give me pointers then leave me to it).

Rightplace – that one has been covered 🙂

OR…

Maybe you should try to think of something you need doing and build it into the deal now/

e.g. "OK xxxx I'll be over to help you with the move, and by the way, when will you be able to help me with yyyy?"

Doesn't matter what yyyy is, just so long as you let him know he is going to have to make some pay back.

Maybe you should try to think of something you need doing and build it into the deal now/

I tried mentioning that one to my wife (ie, the fence we will need erecting if a neighbouring farmer will sell us a little plot for a garden) and it didn't go down well – apparently I shouldn't be counting, I should take this approach (as Rocky would say) 'friends don't owe, friends do 'cos they wanna do'.

MF is his b1tch.

and leeches keep on sucking

I'm all for counting. There are some people in life who are simply see you next tuesdays.

MF is doing this for his Wife not his brother in law.

This being STW and 'all, some of you folks probably don't have partners. 😆

MF is doing this for his Wife not his brother in law.

100%

Thinking about this more, I only started to count when I started to think I am being taken for a mug. For example, my younger brother is fantastic – there isn't a thing he would say no to if he is able to do it and I have no problem asking him for help (during our house move for example – all helpers were paid in beer and a slap-up curry) and conversely he often asks me for favours – we actively offer our help to each other all the time. I have no idea what I have done for him over the years, nor what he has done for me, because we simply help each other when we can.

I WAS like that with my wife's brother until I started to notice that he never offered help nor available on the one occasion we did ask.

My bro in law (good bloke) slept in with a hangover when we were moving house. Poor mrshora had to help carry a double fridge freezer with me!

Definitely stop helping out – you've already done waaaay more than enough. Sounds like he's done the sum total of zilch for you in return.

What a git.

TBH – after the last move we did (small house, no kids, minimal clutter) I wouldn't ever ask someone to help me move – it just seems to make sense to pay someone to do it for you.

And my brother in law is moving from a three bed + shed + 3 kids house…
😐

That's a good argument – you wouldn't move yourself so why help move someone else? Maybe offer to pay for him to have removers just to see what he's say; need to be able to back out quickly though if he's cheeky enough to accept….

Presuming you think negotiations are going to go well with the farmer, and that you trust the BIL to work to your standards when you plant the new fence / lawn etc, hit him with big smile and slap on the back as you finish on Saturday and remind him that he 'owes you one' when the time comes…
That way, he knows the lay of the land and, if he shirks (be it the fencing etc or a.n.other favour that you call in) then you have to ask yourself if you're gonna help then again and he'll know you're not gonna be looking favourably…

hit him with big smile and slap on the back as you finish on Saturday and remind him that he 'owes you one' when the time comes…

I am so tempted – I will have to do it out of earshot of Mrs M though – she'll know it is a veiled dig 🙂

But if he doesn't help at that point I am sure Mrs M will take my side for future requests from them.

I will have to do it out of earshot of Mrs M though

I am sure Mrs M will take my side for future requests from them

You're certain of that are you 🙄

A serious case of MTFU if ever I heard one…

A serious case of MTFU if ever I heard one…

That's the thing about being in a relationship – sometimes you have to make concessions to what your partner wants – at least that's how I see it.

Er, but YOU are the only one making the concessions aren't you

Er, but YOU are the only one making the concessions aren't you

On this occasion yes – because I know what it means to my wife to be able to help her brother.

IMO the compromise would be to let her do the helping instead of doing family stuff

I know what it means to my wife to be able to help her brother

So why question doing it then?

Why can't you tell him straight I don't mind helping you but giving me a hand sometimes would be nice?

Book a removal company / man with van and pay for it yourself…point out that this is their house warming, birthday and christmas present.

I would never do my own house removals again the pain / stress and fatigue was silly the first time and the second time the £200 spend on a removals firm was probably some of the best money I have ever spent.

Just say no.
Helped my brother move house last week as he couldn't do it by himself.
Do odd jobs for him but he does pay me for them as admits he can't be arsed and I'm cheap as he's my brother. Everyone's happy then.
Favours only last so long if they are not being re-paid in some form.

Suggest to your good lady that you will help, begrudgingly, with the move on the sole proviso that this is the last time unless favours are returned. I think you have been more than reasonable in the past. Inform Mrs MF that you are doing this for her, and not him and all future favours must need to see some form of reciprocation.

How's that sound?

Just wait until you turn up and nothing is packed in boxes and no beds are dismantled etc.

Then you can have a proper rant.

If I'm in gainful employment I will never move house myself again. In fact I'll be paying them to pack and upack and I'll be at work.
I will help other people when I feel they need the help (as long as they have done the packing and dismantling and just need a hand shifting between A and B and into the house)

Just wait until you turn up and nothing is packed in boxes and no beds are dismantled etc.

Well I know it is (mostly) packed as they are in short-term rented at the moment whilst their sale went through. It is the lugging and the (inevitable) fitting (as he is not very good with drills and Rawlplugs and the like) that he wants the 'help' with.

A ha! I think I see a way out.

Let me paint you a picture.

He puts something round on one of the shelves you have put up for him – it rolls off and smashes.

He puts something heavy on another of the shelves – the shelf falls down and it smashes.

He looks for some vital electronic gadget that was in a box that you carried into the house – he finds it smashed under the corner of something heavy.

He never asks for your help again.

Could I be that evil?

The way I feel – possibly…

Overnight I thought more about this – with the twins around we have a list of chores that need doing at home as long as you like – but we never get chance to do them. So here we are finding time to help someone else! I'll have to get them to babysit for a full day or something so I can at least get on with my own bits sometime soon.

I love these cute little middle-class dilemmas. Makes my life seem a total breeze in comparison!

m_f

We know someone, he's called Mat – known as 'Door Mat', cos everyone wipes their feet on him…

Get a backbone, ring him up and tell it like it is. "You've been at work all week and you want to spend time with the kids plus put your feet up and watch the TV", plus "you feel the favour 'count' has been going the wrong way for a while now".

Yes, your wife will have a strop – that's what wives do. She'll get over it (eventually).

If I'm in gainful employment I will never move house myself again. In fact I'll be paying them to pack and upack and I'll be at work.

Yep, me too, for the last upteen times.

We know someone, he's called Mat – known as 'Door Mat', cos everyone wipes their feet on him…

I guess I am (trying) to take the approach of karma – when I do need help I would always hope there will be someone there to help me and there always is. It's just that up to this point (at least since he married his wife – hmm, connection made 💡 ) it hasn't been him.

Ok sick of the silly suggestions.

Bang his wife. Really blow her backdoors off with sexual-semtex.

Then, whilst she is still agaga and staggering around bewildered speak to him and say 'you've climbed ontop of me and dry-humped me enough. Like how the favour feels returned'?

sexual-semtex

LMFAO!!!!!

Hand grenades are soo yesterday.

I get this a lot, because I work in IT. It seems to be the one profession where your services are expected for free; if I had a pound for every friend-of-a-friend-of-my-mum's-hairdresser's-cousin who'd gone "oh, my computer at home is running a bit slow" I could retire. You wouldn't expect a plumber to come fit a new bath for free, so why is it expected of geeks? Because we're all stupid enough to keep doing it I suppose.

Anyway, before I descend completely into rant mode, where I'm going with this is, do the people you help appreciate it?

I don't ask for money when I look at PCs for people, but I appreciate it when they offer some form of payback for my services. It's nice to get a couple of bottles of wine or a single malt in return when I've spent all weekend off and on fettling something. It's got to a point now though where some people clearly take the proverbial, so my policy now is that I'll look at anything once, but their attitude when I do will wholly dictate whether I'll ever look at something twice. I don't mind doing favours for people, but I don't want to be openly taken advantage of.

The situation posted by the OP, the telling line for me is "when I needed help, they were busy" – that could be genuine, of course, but it'd leave me with a bad taste in my mouth personally. I don't do favours on the proviso that they are then indebted to me, but as someone else said this has to flow both ways.

Cougar your situation is far worse. At least its one couple taking the mick.

True, but on the other hand, the only thing stopping me saying "no" is my own stupidity rather than spousal grief.