If the OP is reluctant to give his wife anything and everything she wants then I’d have to question the strength of the commitment in the relationship. And vice-versa.

I’d question that if a wife demands her husband go without on the basis she can have a luxury lifestyle on the money hes earned, thats disrespectful to him and basically bullying. If however a man dotes on his wife financially through choice thats completely different. As Ton -in my view correctly if i interpreted his statement properly – states there should be no “expectation”.

kryton, there is a difference between expecting to be given cash, and both paying into a family bank account regardless of the amount each party earns.

When we got married my account became the joint account, which my wages goes into and all the bills are paid from. SWMBO still has her own account which her wages are paid into, and that money is used to fund holidays etc. I earn about 2.5x what my wife does but we don’t have any agreement on allowances or the like (we both pretty much make our own decisions on what we buy) and it’s never been an issue.

I’d question that if a wife demands her husband go without on the basis she can have a luxury lifestyle on the money hes earned, thats disrespectful to him and basically bullying.

But that’s not an equal partnership, that’s controlling and bullying.

If my wife wanted to buy something significant, we’d discuss it like adults, decide how best to fund it, then buy it if we could afford it. If she suddenly turned into a demanding, spoiled WAG then we’d have a different discussion.

@Ton – Yes i get that. i’m referring to the remaining disposable income the OP refers to. His wife “expects” him to give it to him. Thats different from him happily providing a fianncial balance act of disposable income.

In my view she sounds like the selfish one.

All goes into one account and we spend whatever we want. If it’s running dry we warn each other and temper it a bit. Not difficult.

This, although ours should never run dry now wev’e paid the mortgage off! 8)

We both have our own little pots as well though. If the Mrs does any overtime it goes in her pot & my titchy little £72 a month pension goes in mine.

everything comes out of my account; mrs petec uses my credit card (only thing she puts on hers is a haircut, after i expressed surprise once. And if i’m lucky she’ll remember to use hers on my birthday present).

this is mostly a tax thing (she pays less), and also cos i’d probably spend it. So i end the month on £0 in the bank, but if i need any money, then she’ll transfer some in; there’s no restrictions. Otherwise hers is saved, but i’ve no idea what she actually does with it 😯

Basically, what’s mine is hers. And what’s hers is hers 😆 . Unless i need it. Or she wants a new bathroom or flat roof. It’s worked for 22 years so it seems to work.

The girlfriend has mostly been out of work since before Christmas so hasn’t really earned any money. She gets the odd dinner out or groceries but I stump up for the rest.

I know she feels bad about it but I work too much and earn enough that it isn’t an issue. Normally she pays me £400 a month towards everything which I put into the house deposit fund and pay everything anyway.

It’ll be the same when I succumb and agree to having kids anyway so won’t be a massive change except for less bikes

Pay half each on everything. And food shopping weekly we take it in turns.
The remaining wage usually about £700/800 is free to spend on whatever we want. Mine is paying for holiday this year and she is saving up the spending money.
We also split the reptile/snake food bill which is 60 per month.
Both on about £2500 a month after tax. Mortgage is £450 per month. Plus her daughter 20 year old earns about £1500 per month, pays £300 rent and sorts her own food out.

We used to take the same amount out of our wages for ourselves, the amount varied a bit over the years but say £400 then everything else went in to a joint account. The joint account paid for mortgage, bills and anything we did together including meals and holidays anything left over from that went into a savings account. The personal money could be spent on anything without any discussion or argument. It was a system that worked really well.

The nice thing about this approach was that we each had the same disposable income regardless of who earned the most which varied over the years.

I pay everything.
Well, for the last 4 years anyway, whilst she has been re-training as a Nurse. But she will be earning again soon. Not sure what we’ll do, as we don’t have a joint account, she has muted opening one.
Regardless, I’d happily give her my last cent.
She’s my Wife, & Mother to my kids. She works bloody hard, we both do. She’d happily support me if it was the other way round.
Well, I hope she would… 🙂

My money minus expenses (bikes, beer, guitars, drugs, hookers etc) goes into a common pot which is then fairly divided on essentials.

Used to be two separate accounts.

Then was two separate accounts + a joint account (for joint expenses) funded solely by me.

Now it’s two accounts + joint account funded by both of us.

Whatever the structure, I’ve always taken the lion’s share of our costs but then I earn materially more than she does. She still plunders the joint account when she’s run out of her own money..!

I earn 90% of our family income, my wife has limited earning potential as she’s bringing up the kids. I’d be a huge d*ck if I told her she couldn’t buy anything for herself as she doesn’t earn much.
When she was earning, all earnings went into a joint account and we paid for all aspects of life out of that.. whatever we needed. Thankfully she’s not a serial spender and aside from the mortgage we have no debt.
Have a few friends with chips on their shoulders about how much one brought to house deposits vs the other. We also had vastly different savings behind us when buying our house. We tracked this originally but once married and kids in the picture, it’s a moot point. What’s mine is hers and all that.
What still makes me chuckle is that whenever we go out for dinner, she says thanks even if it goes on her card.. which reminds me I must say thanks to her more often for being generally awesome.

I earn significantly more than the Mrs, I pay all the bills. What she earns is hers, what I have left after the bills is mine. There’s not much in it by that point, and there isn’t actually a hers/mine feel to it.

When I earned significantly less than the Mrs we split the bills 50/50, and we used to argue about that.

There’s some pretty convoluted setups being stated here.

Ours is simple: all earnings go into the joint account. 90% stays there for living costs and savings, then 5% each is transferred into our individual personal accounts for spending on whatever we like.

It seems unfathomable to me why one person in a marriage should get more spending money than another.

Edit to above: on reflection maybe there are circumstances where an uneven split on spending money could be agreed. For example, if my wife took up horse riding or I took up racing fast cars. As it is though, my 5% is enough for occasional spending on a new bike. She seems to spend hers on clothes and haircuts.

Waderider – Member

All goes into one account and we spend whatever we want. If it’s running dry we warn each other and temper it a bit. Not difficult.

this.

However, its all managed by the missus, inc tax, as I hate doing it, and she may well be siphoning off funds to an offshore account to fund her lavish next marriage with a toy boy. I have no clue 🙂

Sound’s like you don’t have kids….cos when you do there is no spare cash for nice things.

One pot here for my one income for her to spend it all…..

You are me 🙂

We put money in a joint account each month. I earn more so put more in. If we have more money left at the end of the month we put more in next month. When the joint account reaches a certain level we put some in savings. Or it comes out of savings if it sinks too low.

Each to their own, but I’ve never ‘got’ the idea of separate finances if you’re married/sharing bills/raising kids etc..

I was earning significantly more than MrsDrP – all the money went into joint account, all the money went out joint account.

Her business is doing really well now..the above still stands.

We pay the bills, spend it on stuff, save it, and slow down when it gets low…!

I get proper wound up that my sister in law frequently ‘borrows’* money off us to pay for food etc etc, despite the fact she and her husband have plenty of money, it’s just in ‘his account’. Granted, she sounds terrible with money, however that should be sorted between themselves and trust built up again…

I’d hate the idea of my wife ‘asking’ me for ‘our’ money. Feels very archaic..

DrP

*Is it borrowing if it’s never paid back? Sigh…

My wife pays for almost everything, it’s great.

The only thing i have to pay is her credit card bill* 😀

*Tesco card, i get the points redeemed as Evans vouchers

Oh christ, I got flamed for this last time

http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/married-finances-separate-accounts-or-fully-shared/page/3

but just to prove I learn nothing.

when i met my wife she was a credit disaster, county court judgements, the lot (CCJ not really her fault other than ignorance to be fair)

As I was in the process of buying a house we may have fibbed about cohabiting and the mortgage was applied for and granted to me alone. Remortgaging, once we were married, i didn’t need to use her salary to get any extra so didn’t. Hence all the mortgage, and the associated endowments to pay it off are in my name still.

We just haven’t got round to having a joint account since, but given the difference in salaries I pay all bills apart from the car/pet insurance – it’s her car/dog she can pay for it. She does the food shopping from her salary (in general -if she asks me to go to the shop to pick up some bits I don’t ask for the money or anything daft) and then I make her a payment* into her account so that we end up with similar levels of disposable income in the end. We buy what we want (within reason) and we ‘share’ discretionary expenses thereafter.

* The mistake I made last time is that I said I paid money into her account for the housekeeping – because she mainly pays the day to day house expenses plus kids clothes – and I got accused of being Victorian Dad deciding what my wife has money for. Which is bollocks, it just splits like that and makes sense, i/ she loves cooking and hence makes sense she decides what to cook and hence what food to buy; ii/ as we have separate accounts for reasons given, if she takes the kids into town to buy clothes or shoes for them after school of course it’ll be her account it comes from.

To the OP; that would seem to me like saying that rather than make a payment into my wife’s account to balance, I made a payment to balance it but heavily in my favour because I earn more. I would expect a flaming for that, but at the same time a marriage / partnership is equitable so it’s not really up to a bunch of internet moaners like us, it’s up to what she thinks and you think and you need to decide between you.

taking more from the partnership because you earn more is just plain old selfish.

And you dont think expecting – which is very different from being offered – a pile of cash someone else who works longer/harder/more successfully than you isnt? [/quote]

I haven’t earned anything in 15 years, why would I when Madame earns more than we need doing a job she enjoys? That doesn’t stop me buying anything I want, I contribute in other ways and the whole basis and reason for marriage is the stronger sex looking after the other half and kids. It’s just that which is the stronger sex isn’t as clear as some might think.

All property is in both names. The current account is joint but for practical reasons (French law) the bigger financial investments are in individual names invested 50:50. “Practical” is for example is being able to spend money should one of us get run over by a bus.

I pay for everything, my wife doesn’t bring in any income but looks after the kids and she gets? an allowance. I’m clearly old school!

Joint account for all the bills etc. Rest of the money stays in our own current accounts to do as we please. Seen to many people have arguments when all the wages are lumped into one account.

I earn 4 times as much as my wife, I pay for everything with exception of council tax.

I would however never put all my money into a joint account as I manage my money like an accountant and lets just say she doesn’t.

2 individual accounts and 1 joint account. As i earn more i pay a bit more in. Then holidays etc come out of our own accounts. Everything else is covered

All in one account and I don’t worry my pretty little head about money. Just ask if we can afford x. If the answer is yes it gets bought, otherwise we/I do without.

There’s no balance sheet in our marriage. What I earn is ours, what she earns is ours.

We originally arranged finances so we both had the same amount of disposable income after monthly essentials, even though I earn more. Most of the monthly bills come out of my account, other half does a few plus shopping, then at the end of each month she send me cash via Paypal gift to balance things out.

We probably ought to look at the figures again, because we set this up a couple of years back, since then bills have gone up a fair bit and our wages have gone up a little.

Everything into the joint, which pays everything (bills and long term savings). The same allowance to my wife and I. I’m the only one earning.

so it’s not really up to a bunch of internet moaners like us, it’s up to what she thinks and you think and you need to decide between you.

Probably the most sensible advice in the thread.

she send me cash via Paypal gift

Lol…

Completely separate accounts, I pay a larger share of the mortgage and all of the council tax as I earn more (2.5x) and everything else is split down the middle. I pay for everything and then she gets a total at the end of the month to transfer over, which is also handy for keeping an eye on monthly spending. However, if there are any big purchases (house deposits, new kitchen, car, etc) then I generally pay for it.

We’re both happy with this arrangement and have never had an argument about money in the 8 years we’ve been together – we don’t have kids though and both work full time. For us it works because we’d probably both hold off buying semi-frivolous things (bike bits in my case and knitting bits in hers) if it was coming out of a joint pool, as we wouldn’t want to be wasting “our” money.

I also saw what happened to my brother at the end of his marriage where his wife, who we all thought was lovely and would never do such a thing, absolutely rinsed their joint accounts and credit cards and left him in a ton of debt while she buggered off to Dubai.

Not read the whole thread but what your suggesting in the OP seems like the first step to divorce.

We have everything paid in to our joint account then have a small equal allowance each month to fund bikes booze (with others, not when we’re together) and tat. Currently that allowance is £60 a month and it’s not enough for me.

But my wife doesn’t have a job because she looks after me and the kids so in the op example she’d get nothing and I’d be minted, which doesn’t seem like a good basis for a partnership.

When we first got together she had her own house and earned double what I did, ultimately things haven’t changed it’s just where the money comes from that had, luckily I’ve managed to asslick my way to a salary that’s about what our combined income was, so we’re struggling financially but we’re in it together

Share a bed, share your money, simple really.

i pay 2/3rds into the joint account , she pays 1/3rd into the joint account for all the household bills

we also put asside into another account 100 pounds each for vehicle maintainance/mot/insurance/tax which covers running 2 vehicles and a surplus for the replacement vehicle in future.

I save the difference between my wage and Jaynes as a minimum into OUR savings and mortgage overpayments.

The rest between us is split between living/recreation and house renovation/repairs.

all big purchases are discussed openly – ie anything over hundred or so pounds regardless of whos account is paying- most of the big ticket items for us both are bikes and bike related kit.

I buy the essentials

She buys the luxuries

Sole breadwinner, we just buy what we need/want.

Why make it more complicated than that?

😀 Some penny pinchers here.. Of course you put all money into one pot. None o’this, I earn more, I pay extra for this, I give money for that.