been dealing with this for nearly 7 years now and i've come to the conclusion today that i am utterly sick of it.

Feelings of depression, lack of self worth and confidence has meant that i'm now stuck in a part tim job I hate (after losing the last one through this) too much debt to give it up and the worst part being far too serious and nasty for my own good.

Tried the self help books and changing small things in my life but usually just end up sat here looking at the same stupid websites day in day out.

My dream is to become a web designer but after doing an HNC in computing I have no idea where to go from here.

Sorry to be a party pooper but i'm really getting to the end of my tether with this

I do sympathise with your predicament, and I know that sometimes answers can come from unlikely sources. But the jokers on here??? (self included)

http://www.singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/confidence-and-depression

Pack in the job and go to uni perhaps, or maybe do an evening course and part time very casual work.

More lube in the seat tube before you start :lol:…sorry somebody would have said it!

I watched a really good documentary about a guy who became a web designer.

Forget all the courses and uni rubbish though. You need to get bitten by a radio-active spider.

Design some example websites with your spare time from your part-time job. Advertise yourself with your website portfolio.

In the meantime, ride your bike as often as possible along your favourite trails.

I know what you mean about the "self-worth" thing but hey, we can't ALL be Leonardo da Vinci!

Watch more porn. 8)

Maybe a sunny spring will give you a boost.
You didn't mention any good things in your life. Is there nothing positive enough to outweigh the negatives?

I go for a ride on my bike.

Maybe a sunny spring will give you a boost.

that's encouraging dependency – it's better not to care about the weather 🙂

We're only animals, we can't help being affected by the weather.

Do you know what makes you miserable? Try to work this out and do less of it.

I find walking around shopping centres really really makes me feel miserable, I think it's my the fact that they sell stuff that no one in their right might would want, so what are all these moron's doing there? Then I realise I'm there (albeit under duress), and so it goes.

Do you know what really makes you content?

Do more of that.

we can't help being affected by the weather.

only if you choose to be passive

This is the story of the lake and the three big fish
that were in it, one of them intelligent,
another half-intelligent,
and the third, stupid.

Some fishermen came to the edge of the lake
with their nets. The three fish saw them.

The intelligent fish decided at once to leave,
to make the long, difficult trip to the ocean.

He thought,
"I won't consult with these two on this
They will only weaken my resolve, because they love
this place so. They call it home. Their ignorance
will keep them here."

When you're traveling, ask a traveler for advice,
not someone whose lameness keeps him in one place.

Muhammad says,
"Love of one's country
is part of the faith."
But don't take that literally!
Your real "country" is where your heading.
not where you are.
Don't misread that hadith.

It's right to love your home place, but first ask,
"Where is that, really?"

The wise fish saw the men and their nets and said,
"I'm leaving."

So the intelligent fish made its whole length
a moving footprint and, like a deer the dogs chase,
suffered greatly on its way, but finally made it
to the edgeless safety of the sea.

The half-intelligent fish thought,
"My guide has gone. I ought to have gone with him,
but I didn't, and now I've lost my chance
to escape.
I wish I'd gone with him."
Don't regret what's happened. If it's in the past,
let it go. Don't even remember it!

Back to the second fish,
the half-intelligent one.
He mourns the absence of his guide for a while,
and then thinks, "What can I do to save myself
from these men and their nets? Perhaps if I pretend
to be already dead!
I'll be belly up on the surface
and float like weeds float, just giving myself totally
to the water. To die before I die…"

So he did that.

He bobbed up and down, helpless,
within arm's reach of the fisherman.

"Look at this! The best and biggest fish
is dead."
One of the men lifted him by the tail,
spat on him, and threw him up on the ground.

He rolled over and over and slid secretly near
the water, and then, back in.

Meanwhile,
the third fish, the dumb one, was agitatedly
jumping about, trying to escape with his agility
and cleverness.
The net, of course, finally closed
around him, and as he lay in the terrible
frying-pan bed, he thought,
"If I get out of this,
I'll never live again in the limits of a lake.
Next time, the ocean! I'll make
the infinite my home."

Sit down and work out how much debt you currently have. You mentioned it so it must be a big part of what is holding you back. Work out how to pay it all back sensibly in chunks and hey it might take you ten years to get rid of it in your current situation but if you pick up, work full time you can chip away at it and get rid of it sooner than you think.

Second of all, web designing is a good profession to get into but you need to know what you are doing and have some experience behind you.
Learn as much as you can by making mock sites etc. in your spare time. Then help other people by doing them sites (can earn a little extra ££ as well). Then when you go for a job interview you have some 'pretend' sites you designed yourself and some you have designed for other people.

I work in IT and if I interviewed someone who didn't have a specific qualification but had passion and experience I would consider them for a job without a doubt.

When doing your web stuff pick a topic you enjoy (bikes spring to mind) and work with that. Get idea's from other sites etc. and go from there.

You'll be amazed how many self employed people who would like a website but don't have time, money etc. to sort out a company to do them so someone like you could really help them. Don't charge a lot but enough and you'll keep the business.

If you don't know anyone put an ad in a local paper or an ad in the supermarket, at work etc.

Chin up and keep going….

oh and riding always helps!!

Edit: One other thing, helping others can really help too. I do a few jobs on the side fixing computers etc. and if I sort out someones problem they can be really kind and full of compliments. This all helps with confidence and a pat on the back goes a long way. Try and use the web stuff to help some people it will go a long way….

borrow a dog, nothing like seeing one revel in the joy of being alive to bring it home that all this career, stress, weather, etc, is all bollocks and is just clouding your realisation of the fact that life is pretty amazing, and the material shit doesn't matter as long as you have somewhere warm to sleep and something to eat.

Being down, and depressed tends to push people and opportunities away from you so it can be cyclical

As for being a web designer, if that's really what you want to do then you need to build some sites get some critical feedback and use them to market yourself.

For the mood stuff – CBT might do the trick – you sound like you are stuck in a pattern of negative thought and need to get out of that. CBT is good for this

deal with the depression first,nothing will change until you have that under control, speak to your doctor he knows about these things and can put you in touch with professionals,there may be some useful medication too, you can't move forward until your head is sorted, do it as soon as you can,good luck!.

Singletrackworld can be a really arsey place….and then somebody comes along,who's struggling with life and the sound advice appears.
Good luck for the future.

Being in part time employment are you in a position to do some volunteer work?

In the last 6 years I've been a council run walk leader. This involves taking all sorts of people out into the countryside for a 3-4 mile walk. Most people are sheep and don't have any sense of direction, so they are grateful to be guided about. Also it's a way to help them get a little fitter than they would normally be. It's very rewarding for all concerned.
This would help you build up a bit of confidence, take you mind off all the problems you have for a short time.
There are other voluntary jobs around if that type doesn't suit you, try the library.

Also I advise you to seek help for you debts at the citizens advice bureau.
Take one tiny step at a time.

Good luck.

watched a really good documentary about a guy who became a web designer.

Forget all the courses and uni rubbish though. You need to get bitten by a radio-active spider.

*golf clap*

Look on this as the first positive step – you've acknowledged that there's a serious problem and you want to do something about it. Your GP may have some pointers for you and would be a sensible place to start.

It took me a long time to realise that the thing that always made me feel better was exercise. But if I wasn't in a regular pattern or something knocked me off course I'd be back to the bad old ways instantly. In a way I really enjoyed the epiphanies you'd get after a period of depression. The first step for me was getting a turbo trainer for the days I couldn't leave the house. I'm now riding almost every day and find it keeps me happy and healthy. Good luck with it mate, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel…

cut right down on booze. regular exercise. eat healthily/simply. regular daily structure- getting up at the same time, head down same time and decent nights sleep. all sounds very normal and regular, unless you really ain't doing it!

I like the fish story. Has resonance for me.

Some people just drew the short straw in the Serotonin lottery – talk to your GP, antidepressants may help.

As previously said I would probably talk to your GP. But that said it really depends on the quality of your GP. If you genuinely feel like you have depression this should be your first move. I am not an expert on these matters, but I understand there to be different causes to depression either enviromental or physiological or a combination of the two, as well as different kinds of depression. I would steer clear of self help books, they are more about NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) than the more academically recognised CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). Again, not an expert, but the former is more about a one size fits all approach (could more harshly be charaterised as brainwashing) where as the second is more simply about understanding how you view the world and how some of those views can be self defeating and about looking at the possibility of changing those views. Its much more personal and about you. But all therpay can be relatively costly, so in your position id try and get referred if you think it would help.

But as said the fact that you ride is a great positive so you are already on the right tracks.

I am a web designer by profession for what it is worth. All I would say is you should really get a good understanding of the different levels of webdesign that exist before you start. Then you can understand what it takes to get to each level. Its a different level designing a website for your local shop than for a Blue chip company and requires (normally) different levels of education. Theres also a difference between building websites and designing websites. None of these are reasons not to do it. Just simply try and form an idea of what you are aiming for and the right course of actions to get there. Search Engine Optimisation is the fastest growing sector in the industry and if you become an expert in SEO there are currently good career paths.

As you are working part-time you might be able to offer your services to a voluntary organisation when you are not doing your paid work, as Bunnyhop suggests above.

Why not get yourself down to your local volunteer centre (see http://www.volunteering.org.uk/IWantToVolunteer for nearest volunteer centre or access opportunities via the web on http://www.do-it.org.uk) and see if there are any volunteer opportunities designing websites for voluntary organisations in your local area – I know there are hundreds of small organisations who either don't have a website or have one that is amateurish.

This would a) develop your portfolio of websites designed b) increase your self-esteem and self-confidence c) put you in a new environment / situation d) help you meet new people and enjoy new experiences e) you will be doing something worthwhile which will benefit lots of other people f) and hopefully the managers at the voluntary organisation will give you thanks for your efforts and contribution which will increase your sense of self-worth. If nothing else at least you will be trying something to get out of your current rut that you say you are stuck in.

Good luck!

you should cut down on your booze intake and get a bit of regular exercise.. eat healthily as you can bare

unless you are Tee-total or a very moderate drinker.. In which case you have to make sure that you go out and enjoy a skinful in a friendly local pub with the pubs regulars from time to time..