They were really good when they were alive, but they died in quick succession when I was a young teen. I’ve missed them like crazy ever since. Especially my Dad as it was only in the last year of his life after Mum died that we become much closer. They were both fine people and I know I’m blessed to be their boy.

great with my mum
barely see my dad
not unhappy with this arrangement

this.

My mother is an absolute legend which more than makes up for my father being an epic bellend. They’ve been divorced for years which has been great for her.

Pretty good really. I still see them regularly. My Dad is 72 soon and we still get out on the bike together from time to time. Over the years he’s taken me climbing, skiing, canoe-ing, sailing etc and I’m very conscious I’ve had opportunities to do these fun things that weren’t available to others (he used to run an outdoor pursuits centre). My Mum brought me up very well and instilled some great values in me. The bad bits are all my own doing 🙂

That said they were always parents first and there’s still part of me that holds back with them. My wife’s parents are younger and I’ve always had a more laid-back relationship with them. I’d never get drunk with my parents, but have shared many a drunken night with the in-laws.

Both now dead. This makes me happy. Evil bastards.

I cant believe anyone would say this. Chip off the old block maybe?

I never really realised how lucky the wife and I are. We both get along with our own parents and each others and are happy to spend time with them, at their places, out for meals, us blokes on the golf course.
They are supportive when needed and leave us to our own devices the rest of the time, which is just ideal really.
I get on much better with my dad now I am an adult, he was a little distant when I was growing up but we are much closer now, shared interests I suppose, and he has softened over the years.
The mother in law is a bit annoying, but only because she is a bit fussy and a worrier – but it is only because she cares so much so it’s easy to let it slide.

What throws this into sharp contrast recently is a couple of very close friends are currently organising their wedding, it’s next week, and they have had so much stress heaped on them by both sets of parents. I just can’t comprehend how these people can be so self centred and try to take over. It is so different from our experience of organising our wedding last year.

Get on fine with mine, probably helps they’re in the UK and I’m in Spain 🙂

Didn’t get on with my parents.
Both died early,(by the time I was 42) so didn’t get chance to rectify our probs 🙁
Get on better now they’re under the ground 😀

Just great, best it’s ever been, now that they’re both dead… 😀

They’re looking down at you now from heaven as you typed this…

Always had good relationship with my parents. Growing up was much closer to my dad and loved doing the the ‘matey’ stuff with him as i grew up. we really appriciated the same things in life.

About 5 years ago while i was at uni he started to visit AA. Looking back Im sure he had an issue with drink but he deffo was not a problem father. he was bubbly, friendly and really fun. I do think he hid from me the worst of his drinking though.

He has been changed noticably as a person by AA and has found god in quite a big way through them. Personally i have found this difficult to manage. Yes he is still my dad but he is very noticably and suddenly not the dad from my childhood. (deffo not all bad, he is more respectful of others and their views now)

Anyway this has all meant I have bonded more with my mum over recent years and have had some really nice moments with her recently.

“Both now dead. This makes me happy. Evil bastards. “

I cant believe anyone would say this. Chip off the old block maybe? ”

You are a tit and I claim my £5

transapp – Member

They’re looking down at you now from heaven as you typed this…

Still get the occasional **** to put up with in life, mind…

My parents bought me up with little money but a ton of love, now trying to do the same with my two.
My wife and I were discussing our old family camping trips as we loaded the kids into the car for their holidays and realised we were starting the whole circle again – a nice feeling.
Reading this thread has made me realise that the line between family accord or a life of disappointment is a relatively thin strip. Good luck to all.

I think by reading all the posts, it has confirmed to me that my relationship with my mum is far from ideal!

I have tried to improve it over the years but it never seems to work.
I guess I just have to accept it for what it is, she is too old to change her ways now.

The plus side is that I have learned from her how to be a better mum to my own kids, by not doing the things she has done

I got on really well with both my parents (both now dead) as well as my brothers. We still get on well with aunts and uncles and see them too.

I hope I can pass on this attitude to my children.

After years of arguing over the stupid stuff I did as a kid/young man, my father and I finally put it to rest when, on one fine and sunny day as he was serving-up yet another dose of scummy son, I changed tack by way of a non-emotional reaction (harder than I thought). He struggled to understand, shouted some obscenities about past deeds and how they’d hurt my mother and tried to escape in his car, at which point I removed the keys and stood my ground.

He glared at me. “Go on. I can see you want to hit me!”

With a tear forming in my eye “Nah, Dad. I just wanna give you a hug…”

I could see he was upset and thought it best to let him leave. He called me later that day and once again gave me an earful. A week later he apologised and we haven’t looked back since.

That all happened about 8 years ago and we have a great relationship now; something I cherish with all my being. He hasn’t got long left now as he’s quite ill but I’ll always be thankful for building that bridge before it was too late.

Peace and love, folks…

I’m still ranting to myself about that shit up there ^, sorry.
I need to leave this place alone for a while.
My mum didn’t come home the day before the police came for her and my dad only got away with it because a) all but my oldest brother were too afraid to say anything to the police when they tried to help and b) such was our fear of him, we believed everything he said. So, when he said that if we went into care, it would be twice as bad, we continued to quietly wet ourselves and our beds most days. Sometimes he was too drunk and we’d count every one of our very limited blessings on those days.
Chip off the block? My daughter and my wife adore me Elzorillo, despite a quite severe mental illness, as I adore them. I wouldn’t harm a hair of their heads. I’d die for them and they know this.
Sod it, I’m off.

I cant believe anyone would say this. Chip off the old block maybe?

He has revealed some details on the past on here
He is not wrong
Not all parents are wonderful and doting and some are beneath contempt
Think before you post as you just put your foot in it big time

EDIT: he beat me too it but only because of the fire alarm drill here

i often wonder about what my kids must think of me, they live with their mum and for the past 2 years she hasn’t let me see them, alleging alcoholism and drug abuse (untrue). from their point of view, i’m an absent father, though i’m doing everything i can to see them. for all those who didn’t grow up with both parents, there is often more going on than you know, kids get told all sorts of lies.
any way, hopefully my case is reaching its end soon, after 18 months going through court. i cant wait for the chance to build bridges again

Love my mum to bits, dad died 5 years ago and I still miss him every day.
Was lucky with my parents and am hoping I will be as good in the future

Restless; did you see the Patrick Stewart episode of ‘who do you think you are?’ (?)

The reason I ask is that PS was quite scathing of his father’s domestic violence and attitude towards his family, but it was revealed that he suffered PTSD (shell shock) from his time as a soldier. PS’s viw of his father was completely altered by this revelation (some of the most common syptoms of PTSD are domestic violence etc)
I was wondering if there was anything in your mother’s past which might explain her behaviour now? It might not change her if you know about it, but at least you would understand why she is like she is.

Haven’t seen my father in 20+ years no idea if alive or dead.

Get on great with my mum and step dad.

Not always been the case but any issues now resolved especially after i realised that they were mostly my issues getting in the way 🙂

Our family was always a bit disfunctional – too much stiff upper lip, but we did have a secure upbringing. My parents were far too controlling and my Dad didn’t deal with his own issues too well and we took the brunt.
So leaving home to go to Uni was a relief but my anger stayed for years. But then a few months of counselling when I got signed off with stress was the best thing I ever did – it helped me realise my Dad had his own issues and had tried to be a good father, but hadn’t really done as well as he wanted – and was probably beating himself up about it.
So I took this knowledge and took the lead in changing my behaviour towards them and quit being angry. In a way which they were comfortable with, showed my parents I forgave them for the mistakes which I thought they’d made.
My relationship with them is now one of the best I have – open and honest and adult to adult. My relationship with my brother improved too…
Life’s too short IMO to let childhood experience rule relationships for the whole of your life, although a lot of people do

Restless; did you see the Patrick Stewart episode of ‘who do you think you are?’ (?)

The reason I ask is that PS was quite scathing of his father’s domestic violence and attitude towards his family, but it was revealed that he suffered PTSD (shell shock) from his time as a soldier. PS’s viw of his father was completely altered by this revelation (some of the most common syptoms of PTSD are domestic violence etc)
I was wondering if there was anything in your mother’s past which might explain her behaviour now? It might not change her if you know about it, but at least you would understand why she is like she is.

Yes she has many issues of abandonment etc from her own childhood. If there is a person who could definately benfit from counselling it is her, but instead she pushes everyone away.
She just announced she is going away at Christmas on her own as she has done her time doing family stuff! I guess some leopards just don’t change their spots.

I guess some leopards just don’t change their spots

Indeed, abandonment issues which are self-fufilling throughout her life from what you have said. I suspect that the best you can do is not allow her attitude to result in you and yours being the next ones to abandon her :-/

Interesting one.

Didn’t see my father for 25 years, no major falling out really, just accidental drifting apart and not really liking him that much, This was 10 years after my parents split up and I really liked his second wife. Back in touch now, and I understand and respect him more, but still no real chemistry.

My mother has always been a challenge, but more self-centred and awkward as she gets older. I love her but don’t like her and my brother feels much the same.

I do like my parents-in-law… but they are unlikely to like me since I left their daughter recently

So the real question for me is how much I have become like my parents, and what I could have done differently.

But my relationship with my kids – aged 10 and 16 – seems solid and close – so hopefully things stop with my generation

Never got on well with my Mother as a child, but got on fine with my Dad. Live two miles away from them but only see them a few times a year. I’m fairly ambivalent about the whole family thing to be honest.

I get on great with mine but my Mum has Alzhimers and is now quite hard work.

He has revealed some details on the past on here
He is not wrong
Not all parents are wonderful and doting and some are beneath contempt
Think before you post as you just put your foot in it big time

EDIT: he beat me too it but only because of the fire alarm drill here

Shut up you fool.

My father was an abusive alcoholic who was dead by the time I was a teenager. My mother a schyzophrenic who throughout my hell of a childhood refused to take her medication. As a ten year old I would have to wash my clothes in cold water with no soap.. The only way my weak little body could squeeze the water out of them was by wrapping them around a tap and twisting them, then sleep on them wet so they would be uncreased and half dry for the morning. All this so I didnt stink at school.

I was hungry for the first 10 years of my life (thank god for free school meals).

By the time I was 11 I’d found my mother twice unconcious through suicide attempts.

One of her boyfriends would beat me so bad that I was too scared to come out my bedroom and would piss in the corner of the room. The place was such a tip no one even noticed.

Those arent the worst bits.. If you’re interested I could elaborate.

I grew from it.. I promised myself each night that I would be better. I built a successful business and managed to shield my children from most ills in this world.. They have never met their grandmother.

But.. I would never stoop to their level.. and never ever gloat over anyones death, especially a parent, however bad they were.

Woppit, that was my attempt at humour based on the many religion threads. In the overall context of the thread, I should’ve stayed quiet. Sorry if it pissed you off.
I’ll butt out now.

never ever gloat over anyones death, especially a parent, however bad they were.

why not..?

why not..?

Do you believe in the death penalty??

is that a threat..? 😆

if I want to celebrate the death of someone, especially someone as close and as personal to me alone as my parent, can you give me one rational reason why I shouldn’t..?

I’m not being deliberately facetious, and I’ve never held a grudge against my folks.. although perhaps I’ve had more than enough reason to if I stop to think about it..
I just don’t understand why we shouldn’t revel in someone’s demise if it brings us happiness..?

well.. and this is just my personal opinion (or I wouldnt have posted) but revelling in the death of another person (however bad) reflects somewhat on your own character too.

I get solace from the fact I’m nothing like the mean people I’ve met along the way.

As they say.. Rise above it 😉

revelling in the death of another person (however bad) reflects somewhat on your own character too.

in my case it probably does, as many people consider me quite unsavoury.. although many also consider me to be a very benevolent soul at the same time.. and quite a few consider me just blimmin’ lovely..

I’m happy to rise above the dodgy deeds of others, but also not above having a good cackle when the occasion allows.. or perhaps just allowing myself a raised eyebrow and a wry smile if I’m particularly sober..

It’s very much bred into our society to celebrate the death of a baddie though isn’t it..?

It’s very much bred into our society to celebrate the death of a baddie though isn’t it..?

Then maybe it’s my lack of any normal upbringing that causes me to find such behaviour abhorrent.

sorry, I didn’t mean that..

I was just referring to history where we would turn out to watch the hangings in the square, or even more recently with so many Hollywood blockbusters where the baddie meets a sticky end..

I’m still not sure that I can see the link between death and a desire to preserve some sort of purity about it though..
wishing death is another thing perhaps, and I couldn’t really revel in the violent death of an enemy or a stranger as in war or murder..

but after a person has finished their life, I think there’s no shame in admitting that you’re glad to see the back of them..

(sorry for the morbid thread hi-jack restless.. FWIW I believe that sometimes it pays to mother your parents a bit, and try to treat them with a parental love and kindness.. especially if they’re bitter, which to my mind is a type of mental illness)

Get on well with Mum and Dad
Father.. well he’s an idiot.. Lives in another country… Seen his grandaughter twice in 2 years… forgot her birthday and christmas…. Best place for him.

My dad hasn’t spoken a word to me since 1982! No christmas or birthday cards, never seen his grandchildren. Tip to dads: Don’t die, it pisses your kids off! Get on great with my mum.

Both now dead. This makes me happy. Evil bastards.
I cant believe anyone would say this. Chip off the old block maybe?

Only someone who hasn’t ever truly feared a parent would make the response you did. I used to wish my biological father was dead for a long time because accidentally bumping into him somewhere frightens me to death and gives me sleepless nights for weeks. He is a prize see you next Tuesday and an evil shit. It was worse when I was small but I can just about cope with it now though there are usually tears and panick attacks involved on the rare occasion he surfaces from under his rock and I have the misfortune to see him somewhere. Not a nice feeling.