Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 86 total)
  • How do you get along with you parents?
  • restless
    Free Member

    I have a mum, but we dont really see eye to eye.
    With yours,Do you bite your tongue and just roll with it or do you set the record straight?
    or do you do the sensible thing and just keep your distance?

    nealglover
    Free Member

    Get on really well with both mine, always have a laugh and see them regularly.
    Go out for a few beers regularly with them, and go skiing every year with my dad.

    (I’m 40 this year if that makes a difference)

    Coyote
    Free Member

    Get on fine with mine. Why should it be any different?

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    djglover
    Free Member

    They brought me up in a reasonably secure environment. Dad only hit us a couple of times, mum used to put us down and make us feel worthless occasionally. But as they keep telling me, it was MUCH worse for them.

    No point in setting records straight. Just keep them at arms length

    ho hum.

    Junkyard
    Free Member

    great with my mum
    barely see my dad
    not unhappy with this arrangement

    Stoner
    Free Member

    Absolutely great with both. Their 40th anniversary is this weekend.
    I make no apology for loving being part of their family.

    restless
    Free Member

    You see, I live opposite my mum, but we are not close emotionally.. if i didnt have kids we wouldnt speak.

    so i am enquiring i guess at other peoples relationships, because i am jealouse, envious, wish i had that? i just wonder how you manage to get along. my mum is very argumentative and bitter and quick to blame.

    Stoner
    Free Member

    My dad gave up arguing with me when it was clear he would only lose 😉

    Much of it is respect, and a lot of it is learning from each other. 65+ years of life yields a lot of recipes, engine servicing tricks and how to prune Wisteria in August. And I help with their computers 😉

    Junkyard
    Free Member

    My dad gave up arguing with me when it was clear he would only lose

    were graphs involved 😀

    restless
    Free Member

    barely see my dad
    not unhappy with this arrangement

    I understand that as i never see my dad, not since i was 20, i am now 36 and have no idea where he lives, which makes the poor relationship with my mum even worse

    Stoner
    Free Member

    were graphs involved

    pen and graph paper took too long against my ninja excel skillz 🙂

    Stoner
    Free Member

    i am now 36 and have no idea where he lives

    that’s a tough break.
    Is it that you have no interest in finding him or do you fear that he still has no interest in being found?

    restless
    Free Member

    Get on fine with mine. Why should it be any different?

    You probably cannot comprehend how jealous i am of your statement!

    But it is nice to hear that you have such a healthy relationship so i wish you well ::

    restless
    Free Member

    that’s a tough break.
    Is it that you have no interest in finding him or do you fear that he still has no interest in being found?

    Not really, he left when i was a baby, i found him in my teens, but he wasnt that bothered. i had my first child at 21 and he wasnt interested so i had no contact since, he moved away from last known address so dont know where he is now.

    Stoner
    Free Member

    I have no experience of anything liek that, but it seems to me it makes sense to draw a distinction between someone who is nothing more than a donor of genetic material and a dad. Did you not find a “father” figure during your life instead? You dont have to call that person “dad” to his face, but it would make sense (to me anyway) to feel it inside.

    Celebrate the relationships you have. Some of them might only exist because you dont have a relationship with your genetic father.

    And if it’s any help, if you’re ginger it’s not just your dad’s fault: your mum has to have dodgy genes too 😉

    Junkyard
    Free Member

    That was pretty much my experience but I got to know him later in life[30 ish]. It did not change much really as he was pretty much as you would expect from someone who had done that.
    He regrets it more than I do as i never lost a Dad as i never had one but he lost a son as he always had one.

    restless
    Free Member

    [/quote]Celebrate the relationships you have. Some of them might only exist because you dont have a relationship with your genetic father.

    And if it’s any help, if you’re ginger it’s not just your dad’s fault: your mum has to have dodgy genes too

    this is why i try so hard with my mum but it seems like such a loosing battle. it does not come naturally. Thats why i ask if other people have normal relationships because i really dont think i do.

    Although, I do wish we did.

    Also, just a note, i do have red hair, ginger if you like 🙂

    and my quote marks didnt work

    tomhoward
    Full Member

    Always got on with my dad, get on much better with my mum when I’m not living with her, wasn’t great while I was living at home, then left for uni, relationship improved, came back, it deteriorated, I moved away for work 4 1/2 years ago and it’s as good as ever now.

    BoardinBob
    Full Member

    My mum drives me mad. Domineering, set in her ways, racist, it’s her way or the high way, etc. Only see her when I have to.

    My dad is just me but 25 years older.

    restless
    Free Member

    it’s as good as ever now.

    But what do you class as good?

    do you argue, does she disgaree and storm off in a strop and ignore you for 3 months and swear at you or do you discuss your different opinions like normal people

    nealglover
    Free Member

    I honestly can’t remember the last time I had an argument or even crossed words with either my mum or my dad.

    It was probably almost 20 years ago, pretty much half my life.

    restless
    Free Member

    Did you not find a “father” figure during your life instead?

    No my mum had several realtionships, the longest with another woman throughout my teens.

    rogerthecat
    Free Member

    Love them to bits, in their late 80s now. Raised me in a safe & loving environment. Never had much cash but never missed it. Speak to them every day.

    restless
    Free Member

    I honestly can’t remember the last time I had an argument or even crossed words with either my mum or my dad.

    It was probably almost 20 years ago, pretty much half my life.

    That is so sweet, I wish i had that. you are very fortunate.

    tomhoward
    Full Member

    We speak once or twice a week, I pop over every 3-4 weeks (I’m an hour and a half by train away and don’t/can’t drive)

    I’m never at hers long enough for blazing arguments anymore, so generally we have a discussion, and in the end we just part ways, both convinced we were right all along. Bit like here really.

    restless
    Free Member

    Love them to bits, in their late 80s now. Raised me in a safe & loving environment. Never had much cash but never missed it. Speak to them every day.

    Again, that is beatiful to hear. I hope my children say the same about me one day.

    restless
    Free Member

    I’m never at hers long enough for blazing arguments anymore, so generally we have a discussion, and in the end we just part ways, both convinced we were right all along. Bit like here really.

    That made me chuckle.
    My mum is always right, even when she is not! Still like here!

    nealglover
    Free Member

    That is so sweet, I wish i had that. you are very fortunate.

    I don’t always realise how lucky I am I suppose.
    They probably get sick of me using their house as a “free cafe” a couple of times a week when I’m in the area working, but they never say anything 🙂

    restless
    Free Member

    They probably get sick of me using their house as a “free cafe” a couple of times a week when I’m in the area working, but they never say anything

    I bet you they really enjoy it, the company and the feeling of usefullness, so long as you dont take the piss of course.

    Cooroo
    Free Member

    It would be easy to say ‘it takes two to make it work’ but I don’t think that’s true. If parents get it wrong, there’s not much you can do.

    As a mother of a teenage girl, I’ve always felt it was vital that we get on, enjoy each other’s company, from babyhood. Yes, I will assert my authority if I have to. We do fall out over homework! But fundamentally we get on well, and I couldn’t live with myself if that wasn’t so.

    So I think parents need to work at the relationship from day 1. I guess you need to find a level at which you can get on with your mother and not overstep that. Maybe it can improve gradually if there’s good will on both sides.

    Still, some people are unpleasant and some of them are parents.

    monksie
    Free Member

    Both now dead. This makes me happy. Evil bastards.

    samuri
    Free Member

    Mine were fine. We weren’t particularly close but they provided a reasonably safe, pleasant and caring environment for us to grow up in. Struggled to get on with my dad in his later years but my mum is fine if a little over-bearing sometimes.

    I get to compare this to my wife’s extended family who were all brought up in these stiflingly maternally based families where ‘me ma’ is the most important thing in the entire world and the mothers have this incredibly strange relationship with their sons where they mother them through a large part of their adulthood. It makes me angry and disgusted when I see this. I see successions of little boys in grown men’s bodies being molly-coddled around the world, causing problems for everyone they have a relationship with and all because their mothers wouldn’t let them grow up and become well round human beings.

    trail_rat
    Free Member

    growing up i never saw much of my dad tbh he was always working – my parents were young – 19/20 when they had me.

    Looking back now i know why he worked so much and it was to give me and my mum a good life.

    His hard work during my formative years helped me be able to go to uni.

    how ever – over the last few years we have established stuff in common (DIY , engines and he has even started cycling) and seem to get on better than ever, despite always arguing when i lived at home.

    Lifer
    Free Member

    Love my Mum and Dad, they’re awesome.

    Alphabet
    Full Member

    I get on really well with my parents, siblings, cousins and large extended family (still have 2 grandparents going strong at 97 and 98). I know that makes me one of the lucky ones.

    ericemel
    Free Member

    My Dad lives in Chicago and is close to 70. Though I speak to him more than once a week, I only see him once maybe twice a year. So if he lives to 90 I may only see him 20 more times….this makes me so sad. Though I am now planning long weekends and such in Chicago to get more time with him.

    Other than that – they are both amazing. My Mum is like my best friend and my Dad is a inspiration, still hold a director position, works and plays hard despite his age!

    I cannot remember the last time I argued with either – probably 20+ years

    trail_rat
    Free Member

    one thing that makes me sad though is my mums mother

    through lack of effort on my part and me falling out with my alcoholic grandad i never met her for 5 or 6 years then she got alzhiemers and i met her in the street outside our house by chance – she asked for directions to the street her house was on and she had no idea who i was even after i explained who i was – i had to go get my mum to take her home.

    for the rest of her years she had no clue who i was.

    Ive made sure to make an effort to see my remaining grandparents lots after that.

    lunge
    Full Member

    I get on with mine really well, really don’t have a bad word to say about them.

    Both would do anything for me and my brother, my dad rides bikes and like real ale, my mom is the most understanding person I know. Pleasingly I also get on really well with my inlaws as well, arguably better than my GF.

    Apologies if that comes across as smug but it’s only when you think about these things that you realise have good you’ve got it.

    monkey_boy
    Free Member

    only mum left dead died 5 years ago.

    to be honest im basically mums butler and chauffer, she is old school and doesn’t show affection, however she is great with my 2 year old daughter and that is the only thing that keeps her going!

    When I do work for her the wife says I should get paid an ‘inheritance wage’, bit of an in joke.

    I do lots of jobs for her and most of the time I am her ‘psychological punchbag’, she is all about image and what other people think of her.

    For example she can be on top of the world talking to her mates then when I turn up the ‘real her’ appears and she’s in the doldrums again.

    My god im going off on one here, what also pushes me to the edge is the fact my older brother does **** all, which doesn’t help.

    But it’s all karma man….. the oldman is looking down on me 😉

    (was father was a great dad, but to be honest i never really knew him, he was a bit of a closed book, but gaian i put this down to age and his upbringing)

    King-ocelot
    Free Member

    My parents are amazing people and I’m blessed to have them. I did have a few rocky patches with Dad in my late teens early 20’s but I can honestly say that was mostly from my part, the advice he gave me was hard to take but the best advice can often be that way. He’s a hard man but a gent, I remember him going away to work when I was a child, he was taking building contracts on to send money home during the recession. I have so much respect for him for doing that. I brought a house this year, the drains needed sorting without hesitation he was here (50 mile drive) wellies on and helping me shovel shit, didn’t ask for anything in return. My fiancées dad is the opposite. I’ve seen him maybe 8 times in 3 years despite living 2 miles away he wasn’t even aware his daughter had brought a house and had moved, but that’s what happens when you don’t pick your phone up.

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 86 total)

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