I may have gone out for a family meal to a local restaurant here on holiday in Spain. As we were sitting outside in the sun I may have thought it would be acceptable to let out a little silent fart. It may have then, inexplicably come out at about 100 decibels, reverberated through the plastic chair, just as everyone sat nearby happened to fall silent, therefore making it sound even louder 😳

Please make me feel better….

At least you didn’t follow through…

I was in church and turned to the wife and said “I’ve just let out a silent fart, what should I do?” She said “Probably get a new battery for your hearing aid.” IGMC. Actually I haven’t seen another person today so little chance for embarrassment.

Received an email from a colleague complaining that he wasn’t the only person in his office don’t I know so why was he being asked to do a wee job for me.

Replied reminding him that the request had been sent to everyone in his office for anyone to do when they had a chance.

Forwarded it to the other people in his office with the sarcastic suggestion that they split this 2 minute task up so as to share the burden.

Copied grumpy knickers into it by mistake.

Oh well, he’ll probably think I meant to 🙂

Didn’t quite shake it all away, pee stain on the kecks. At least it was an “open air” pee and I was on my own in the middle of nowhere, and it was a nice “drying wet cloths” windy sort of day.

well, everyone prepare yoself for this true story that happened about 3 years ago………….at the time i was a virgin anyway, i was at a party at a girls house who i have liked for a while, this girl i like is dancing with me and when the party is over and everyone is going to leave, she grabs my arm and drags me to her bedroom, she quickly undresses and lays on the bed completely naked, legs open and everything, im standing there screaming inside “IM GOING TO LOSE MY V-G” then she says “i want you”, then i start to walk towards her and as i move i feel my bowels open and liquid shit came rushing out, i quickly ran out of the door with faeces dripping down my legs, i walked 15 miles home crying with poopoo in my pants.
anyway
couple of weeks ago i saw her again and she said to me quietly “you shit on my carpet you ****”

hora – is that you ?

scaredypants – Member
hora – is that you ?

me?

Defo Hora 😀

WHO THE SHIZNIT IS HORA? im elliott

Oh bolleaux, looks like there’s two of em….

lol, IM NOT ALONE………….YAAAAAAAYY

Had bike fall scabs on knees and elbows om display at my desk job today whilst wearing MTB shorts and a Tee. Today is my 61st birthday. Oh and I ride a Cannondale. So no hope…

I ordered an Orange bike today…

ive got an orange bike…..woop im involved

6 beers and a G&T.

Managed to lose control of a hobie cat and ventured into a swimming area off the beach nearly taking out a few swimmers! Oops!

Sailed off pretty quickly feeling very embarrassed!

Went for a pee on a Virgin train. Mid flow, the electric door slowly begins to open…

Cue shocked 40-something woman not knowing where to look, but too frozen in embarrassment to walk away! I’m pleased to report that my aim remained straight and true throughout, even though I had to shuffle round to regain my modesty. I did however pretend to get off at the next stop, and move to a different carriage pronto.

I hate untrustworthy electronic locks.

Was browsing the net at home, didn’t realize i was logged onto my wife’s Google acc so all my search history was on her phone while she was at work.

Not specifically today, but one of the shirts i left at work to wear after cycling in was ‘modified’ by one of my colleagues with the addition of a McDonald’s style badge. ‘My name’s Jonny, how can i help you?’

I didn’t spot it and hence was only notified when i went into the supermarket to get my lunch, by the girl on the checkout. ‘Nice badge, Jonny’

Worst of all, the **** had only given me 3 stars.

Went for a pee on a Virgin train.

I did this a while ago, but when I pressed the button to enter the loo the door slid open to reveal a shocked 40-something woman frozen in embarrassment mid flow, I tried to stop the door and re-close it, but the bloody thing wouldn’t close until it was fully open so I stood there feeling really uncomfortable while it opened so I could close it for her. I then had to walk through 3 carriages to get to the next working toilet as I wasn’t going to wait for her to finish! 😳

Poltheball , my ex mother in law used the loo on the train.
The guy inside obviously pressed closed but not lock.
Upon relaying this story to us she then exclaimed that in all the years she was married to her husband she had never seen him dry his willy in such a fashion.
Bless.

Went for a pee on a Virgin train.
I did this a while ago, but when I pressed the button to enter the loo the door slid open to reveal a shocked 40-something woman frozen in embarrassment mid flow, I tried to stop the door and re-close it, but the bloody thing wouldn’t close until it was fully open so I stood there feeling really uncomfortable while it opened so I could close it for her. I then had to walk through 3 carriages to get to the next working toilet as I wasn’t going to wait for her to finish!

That’s fantastic, haha! They really should have an override function for such occasions…

Poltheball , my ex mother in law used the loo on the train.
The guy inside obviously pressed closed but not lock.
Upon relaying this story to us she then exclaimed that in all the years she was married to her husband she had never seen him dry his willy in such a fashion.
Bless.

Drying it vigorously, was he? 😉

I’ll never understand why they didn’t just stick to the visible handbolt method. Whenever I pee on a train now I’m always on edge…

Drying it vigorously, was he?

I’ll never understand why they didn’t just stick to the visible handbolt method. Whenever I pee on a train now I’m always on edge…

Made all the better by the fact it’s practically the entire wall around the thing which slowly opens to reveal the victim crimping one off. Recurring nightmare fodder!

The other day I took the van into the garage as it needed some welding on the rear crossmember.

The mechanic put it on the ramp and we looked underneath. We then agreed on a price and he went to check his diary to book it in so we went to his office and arranged the day.

As I was thanking him, I started walking out with a cheery ” no probs mate, cheers for that, see you Thursday ” when he had to point out to me that it was my van still up in the air on the ramp 😳