Had my messenger bag stolen in a pub last week. Nothing of any value in it except work pass and house keys. Reported to the police. Just seen the bag on ebay.It’s an unusual bag, not many out there 99.9% sure it’s mine. One of the buckles was broken and guess what that is nicely hidden in all the pictures. The no mark who is selling it is non contactable so I can’t arrange a viewing with some trusty mates. . My house keys were in the bag so don’t want to buy it and not pay a few times to give away too much that might lead to my address. I contacted the police on line tonight and stressed that the bag had my works pass in it (I’ve had it deactivated) and told the police it is for a government building in the hope they might do something. Any suggestions of how I could get even with the ****er. I know deep down there is nothing I can realisticly do and that police resources are so thin they are not going to track down a £140 bag but come on , if nothing else make me laugh with some far out tips for revenge.

Hammer frozen sausages into his lawn.

Tell him its yours and you work in a Govt ebola lab, there has been a contamination incident and he really needs to go and get himself checked out (include description/pictures of Ebola victims).

Buy the bag.. go and collect it.
Hit him lightly once.
If he’s bald.. 3 good further hits should do the trick.

Buy it

Collect it.

Wait 4yrs burn his house down

Buy a whole fish.

Leave it for a week or so.

Wait till late one night.

Insert rape alarm into mouth of fish.

Turn on rape alarm and post fish through letter box.

Run.

These are all excellent suggestions.

I don’t suppose it’s worth contacting eBay, is it? Letting them know they are aiding in the selling of stolen goods.

Is collection an option?

Buy it collect it bum his dog.

Oh I’d buy it get it posted and then raise a dispute on PayPal.

That will really mess with him

Pay a hacker to ruin his life.

Steal his number plate or clone it go n get a speeding ticket.

Steal his wife

Buy it collect it bum his dog

a relative’s best friend’s cousin’s boyfriend bummed the cousin’s family dog while they were out. The dog had to be put down. True story.

get his phone number and get this bloke to ring him to tell him about his particular set of skills in a Liam Neeson “Taken” stylee.

https://www.fiverr.com/stevevz/make-liam-neeson-speak-your-video-message-in-the-phone-scene-from-taken

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don’t have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my messenger bag go now that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you and I will  put a rape alarm inside a week old wet fish and post it through your letterbox.”

And I’m surprised my posts not the saddest darkest insight to human mind.

I mean who wants a PayPal dispute

Wee in his Bombers?

These are legendary, laughter is the best medicine on this one. love the long game of waiting four years and torching his house. The sausages in the lawn is clever. . Unfortunately collection is not an option , this **** puffin has done this before.

Buy the bag and raise a not delivered dispute.
Follow his Ebay, win all the auctions and never pay. (You might want to set up a fake account for this, I’ve got one but cant remember the password)

I’m intrigued with the take out a dispute with Ebay. How does that work. Is there a way to buy it get it posted then just cancel payment

Can someone please explain the frozen sausage ruse?

Can someone please explain the frozen sausage ruse?

Frozen sausages can be hammered into the lawn under the turf. They are then dug out by local foxes/badgers/strays ruining the lawn in the process.

I don’t suppose it’s worth contacting eBay, is it? Letting them know they are aiding in the selling of stolen goods.

‘Hello eBay – I’ve got some news for you. Now… you should probably sit down, this is going to come as something of a shock….’

Can someone please explain the frozen sausage ruse?

the ruse is – the perp gets peckish and goes to the freezer and discovers all his sausages have gone.

…..blames the dog and bums it himself……

the bag had my works pass in it

Message the seller and tell him he’s been passed over for promotion again.

Hammer sausages into his dug

I one booked a guy into custody who had allegedly bummed his mother’s dog. He was adamant he was innocent, but asked to speak with the nurse. She approached and told me he needed hospital treatment for bites to his genitalia. Guess the dog had the last laugh……

Hammer him into a sausage

Hammer him with your sausage?

Grrrrr

Can someone please explain the frozen sausage ruse?

Eventually, with enough sausages, his lawn will freeze solid. Like meaty permafrost.

Turn up at his door tell him he’s won a selection of invoices, a Chinese takeaway and the deeds to a lock up garage. But he’ll have to get them his **** self.

Sight gamble- buy bag then open dispute for the broken buckle. Don’t accept partial refund, then you have a return address. Return a poo in a box.

If you win the auction, you always used to be able to then request contact details, which are address and phone number. Downside is ebay provide tours to the other party, so you pays yer money, and takes yer choice, really.

Yeah, id definitely be using eBay policies to buy it the dispute it and get the money back.
You’re not conning him, the bag isn’t his to sell.
Also, genuine lol @scapegoat

Shit down his chimney.

Bid on it win it. Hopefully it won’t be sent recorded and signed for. Then PayPal dispute as a no show
You get refund
And your bag bac
He pays ebay listing fees
So what is yours is yours again
No harm. No foul, but no revenge
You could hammer some frozen sausages into him, gert big ones so he can’t sit down for a week

Track him down, find his family, kill them, sodomize them, cook them, and eat them. Or, just shrug it off as shit that happens and move on with your life.