Help for a lost soul…..

  • This topic has 12 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by  vazaha.
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  • Help for a lost soul…..
  • alpin

    I’m in Germany. I’ve a cousin back in the UK who needs help. From here I don’t know how much I can help him  but I thought that the STW collective might be able to offer some sage advice.

    He’s from a broken home…. His mum left him with his dad at 4 months  My cousin got together with his dad and brought him up as her own  but despite that he had always had trouble with fitting in /belonging.

    If we’re being honest he’s screwed up a few things in life. Not an out and out duck (replace the u with an i), but has made a few wrong decisions. Bit of a bolshy boy at times. Chip on his shoulder  as it were.

    Perhaps he needs help with this (psychologically speaking) but in the meantime he needs a reason for living

    He’s not afraid of honest grafting.

    He’s now 24 and needs to get his life in order. He can’t be around the area he grew up in – in all honesty it is a shit-hole. He needs a new start in life. He needs something that will give him the kick up the arse to realise that he can make something of himself and that life is worth living

    Are there any schemes or  harities that take people who are next to broke, with nowhere to stay?

    Thinking he needs somewhere where he can learn a trade and keep his head down without any distractions.

    He’s broke…. He’s “borrowed” money from his gran. Doubt there is any chance that she’ll get the money back. (she’s not his blood relative  but she sees him a one of her own ….). Not that she cares or needs the money back. She’d rather see him on the right path.

    My question is;how does he get b the right path.?

    I’m willing to help him financially with a few hundred pounds but don’t want to throw money at a lost cause… .

    He’s sleeping the night in Newquay under the stars this evening.

    We went from Essex down to Newquay to start afresh  (working as a sous chef, a job he had done in the past) but for whatever reason has screwed up this job offer. He left Essex to get away from his old stomping ground, and coming from the same area I know what it is like there ….. Mostly shit

    Il try and speak to him tomorrow  but don’t know what exactly I can do for him.

    I’ve thought about an apprenticeship, but haven’t seen anything that will offer accommodation and board. Perhaps so a scheme with the National Trust or similar.

    The boy is at his wits end and I fear that he running out of options.

    . Danke im voraus ., Fanks in advance


    Perhaps there are options in one of the armed services but I’m unsure how quickly there selection process is.

    whatever I wish him the best.


    As above. I think the forces are the way to go. Will give him stability, a new group of friends and a career. There is so much more than just front line in the military, Raf and navy.

    Premier Icon Alpha1653

    I’ve taken about 200+ recruits through basic training in the past and whilst some came from the background you describe (and several far worse) and were looking for a way out, it still took commitment on their behalf to get through phase 1 and 2…I’d definitely suggest looking at the forces, but if he does he has to genuinely want to do it otherwise he’s going to struggle*. For obvious reasons, it’s not something to be entered into lightly.

    *Incidentally, probably the best recruit of all of them came from a truly rubbish background but was so desperate to get away that he worked like 10 men. I’ve no idea where he is now but I’d wager his career is flying.


    ‘Are there any schemes or charities that take people who are next to broke, with nowhere to stay?’

    Yep, as others have said, it’s called the British Army. I left school at 16, arsed about until I was 22 then joined the Royal Signals. I decided I wanted to be a chaplain, so left, trained as a Baptist Minister and came back in a few years ago. I’m just about to begin an MSc.

    I hear stories like my own almost daily in my job.

    Premier Icon senor j

    Fair play for trying.

    I have a cousin who is in a similar situation. My brothers,partner and I have given assistance with applications / jobs etc/money etc to no avail. 🙁

    He’d rather sit in a bedroom and chat with “friends” on t’internet. Lazy isn’t the half of it & unfortunately he has all the answers and believes he is wise beyond his years.

    Best of luck.

    Premier Icon Dickyboy

    Are there no other extended family elsewhere that could take him in till he gets on his feet – perhaps if you offered to pay his keep for a while or is there anything you could offer him in Germany?


    Thanks for the responses.

    I’ve talked to him about possibly learning a trade visa the forces, but he needs something now.

    He’s going to be sleeping rough next week.

    He needs a roof over his head before he can find work.

    His dad doesn’t want to know anymore and won’t be offering him any help (he’s cost his folks all their savings – several thousand – paying off his bad debts).

    Premier Icon SaxonRider

    I would very much support the Armed Forces route, but with one alternative suggestion:

    Agricultural College. There may be spaces left now that would allow him in almost immediately, he would learn some very useful skills, and would be able to do with a roof over his head. Of course, that would require finance, but only in the same way that all university students do.

    Is he still in Newquay? Homeless charity Cornwall may be a useful start. Help finding somewhere to stay but also help getting back on track. I don’t know this particular charity but I’ve had some contact with similar charities in other areas, and generally they can give some help to people who want to be helped.

    Premier Icon pondo

    Homeless charities FTW – forces might be an answer down the road but the poor chap is gonna need something before he can get in there, it don’t happen overnight.


    Thanks for the link …..

    Have passed it on.

    He’s had a trial in a kitchen at some fancy restaurant today, so fingers crossed.

    I’ve “lent” him a bit over £300 that he says will get him a room sorted for a few weeks, but obviously it’s not going to last forever and if his trial goes pear shaped then he’s kinda screwed.


    Sorry for the lateness of reply, but it is also worth considering the YHA.

    Admittedly not the best time of year to be looking, but it is still seriously worth considering. Most positions are either live in or with accommodation provided, they are (or at least were when I was with them) very good at providing all sorts of training, the job is not ultra taxing but quite varied, in a ‘transferable skills’ kind of way, and you get to meet lots of people who do lots of other things – in that respect it can be quite inspirational.

    You can get experience of catering without the kind of pressure you’d find in a fancy restaurant and be ‘front of house’ at the same time. Be a cleaner, and gain ‘office experience’ whilst doing so.  Provide tourist info, become mr. customer relations, cash handling – put all of that oomska on your CV.

    With a roof over your head and food in your belly.

    Also worth considering the YMCA – I don’t have any personal experience there, but one would imagine the same benefits would apply.

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