Look ive known this guy years but he doesnt do a lot other than play computer games and drink beer, and Im in need of a bit of inspiration, any advice greatly appreciated. Wedding is on sunday so should have a bit of time to prepare a masterpiece…..

At our mates wedding the best man brought up everyone thinking he was gay until that day. Raised a few hundred laughs.

may all your up n downs be between the sheets.

bit of blue fer dads!

I learned the first two paras in Italian as the bride is fluent and half her friends speak it. The content was okayish I think but that really seemed to lift it. Took some practise but it worked.

Been best man a couple of times. I thought it'd be easy to write the speech but turned out to take me ages to get it how I wanted it. Don't bang on for hours. A few minutes is grand. It's all in the delivery

I started with, bearing in mind it's his wedding night, tonights a big night for Paul/dave/Barry/Bruce to consumate their marriage, and hopefully he'll go one better than tim henman ever did and get past a semi.

It's been an incredibly emotional day…..even the cake's in tiers

Bur dum chi

go for the gay gag. My best man did it and it went down a treat

"I was surprised when x asked y to marry him… Because I always thought he was gay."

Sellotape dozens of cue cards together so you can use the 'lots of stories I can't tell you' line, just let the cards fall to the ground then scan down to the odd one that actually does have an anecdote on it, worked well at my wedding.

I started off by saying " Being here, is like being in bed with the Queen… It's a great honour, but one not many people actually wanna be doing…"

kinda set the tone…

If x had a £ for every girl he slept with at university, he'd now have enough for a snmall sherry.

there are some very funny speeches on Youtube that you could lift a few lines from. Just look for "worlds funniest best man speeches" 🙂

I've always printed off about 10 embaressing photos, tagged them together and put a set on each table. It helps build a story around and you can't help but amuse people looking at the Groom's 'Flock of Seagulls' haircut in his teens.
Also, keep it short. You're generally the last on and people are getting fidgety.
Good luck.

Surely there must be some amusing stories you can tell about this guy? I always think that jokes such as most of those above have been heard 100 times before by all so make it personal and suitably embarrassing – even if the 'jokes' aren't as funny, at least they are relevant and people might enjoy listening.

Don't forget to finish off by saying something sincere though about how happy you are for them, how good you know he will be as a husband etc.

he doesnt do a lot other than play computer games and drink beer

I'm laughing at him already 🙂

Why not construct a gag around his 'hobbies' – something like 'given all he does is play on his computer or drink beer, I always thought he would marry a mail-order Thai ladyboy or meet a 6 pinter in the pub'.

(But obviously funnier than my quickly thought-out idea).

🙂

he doesnt do a lot other than play computer games and drink beer

I think this is perhaps the angle. Think what feats he has accomplished in computer games, while drinking beer! He has probably faced down demons with several arms, saved humanity from several marauding alien civilisations, flown jet fighters and possibly had races in small cars with a blue hedgehog. Just recount a couple of these stories absolutely straight, and then remark that when he's off duty and he can hang up his magical sword/uzi/raygun he is just a sweet, regular guy who you're proud to call a mate.

🙂

My brother at my wedding said 'thanks to my wifes parents for making, er, …pause…. her', to which her father in law replied 'it was my pleasure'. That raised a few laughs.

"The foundation of every successfull marriage is the husband learning those three little words………your right dear……"

you're right dear……"

😉

Sorry…

"Given that my best pal spends his free time playing computer games and drinking beer, I'm amazed that he's managed to find a girlfriend, let alone a wife."

How's that strike you?

at my second party, my best man recited the speech from 4 wedding and a funeral, I knew he was going to do this (as he asked if it was okay) and I was surprised by how many people fell for it… very funny though

other than that, go with the guy joke + nerd

"As you can imagine, this is not the first time today I have been thinking of <name> while sitting on a hot seat with a piece of paper in my hand."

Don't know how low you want to go.

Old photos of him works well. Used it a couple of weeks ago and it went down well. Doesn't matter then if you are a good comic as people are just laughing at the photos.

If he spends most of his time on the computer then you have to refer to porn somewhere. Maybe you expected his new girlfriend to be a Thai bride..

with matey not getting out much I assumed that when he asked me to be his best man it was going to be something to do with a computer based virtual life, so I'd virtually written a speech…… it looks like I might have underestimated you mate, because I've poked her and she's definitely real, so this speach could be a real life let down for you…. like the Nintendo game cube.

Try this one….

Not many people know how x and y met… it was in fact while x was decorating….. y walked into the room hitting the steps that x was standing on with the door….. the steps went over and there x lay motionless…. y ran to help him shaking hom gently and saying "x whats the matter? x are you alright?" Eventually x opens one eye, looks striaght into y's eyes and says "you walked into the room and the next thing I can remember is lying her all overcome with emulsion"….. and the rest as they say is history

Pad it out as you see fit, works every time!