First off, I’m no stand up comedian and am terrified of the prospect of doing this speech, so do not expect much! I’m best man next week for a friend……he’s a weird roadie type so won’t see this, he commutes by bike and got struck pretty badly by a car last year, so:

Andy and XXX have recently moved into their first home together. Now as we all know, moving into your first house and furnishing it comes at great expense and although Andy had his own bachelor pad before, a TV, a chair and a huge selection of DVDs isn’t furniture.

So they decided that a few short-term cut backs were needed, for instance, they only needed one car…I remember both of them saying ”WE, only need one car”

PAUSE

Andy now cycles 20 miles to work and back each day. Oh XXX, by the way, how’s your brand new Golf working out?

However, on a serious note, we all know that bicycle commuting can be very dangerous…we’ve all seen it during rush hour, people not indicating where they’re going, not paying attention to their surroundings, not adhering to road signs, an accident waiting to happen…It can also be dangerous for the cyclist as Andy found out.

STOREY ABOUT CRASH

FOLLOWED BY GIVING HIM A PERSONALISED HI-VIS VEST ANd STABILISERS AS PRESENT

Why are you having a pop at his wife?

You could include some of the rules of roadies.
http://www.velominati.com/

Although non-roadies may not get them.

Also some stuff about racing other commuters maybe?

@glu
coz he’s a male friend of the groom, she’s taking him away from the lads, it’s standard.

Nah – standard operating procedure for a best man’s speech is to rip the piss out of the groom without comeback.

Its not really having a pop at her is it?? 😕

just make sure the vast majority of your humour is accessible to the whole audience. went to a wedding the other week and all the jokes were in-jokes about the groom’s place of work. alienated 19 of the 20 tables at the wedding who before long started to add some humour themselves, at the expense of the best man…

Sounds like a shit speech.

Get pissed (properly pissed), attempt speech & fail, make a pass at his wife then throw up everywhere whilst shouting “Andy, Andy, why don’t you love me anymore”.

😉

Whats above is just one part of the speech….also a couple of parts about him being a teacher and his ultra-competitive nature – I’m pretty sure it accessible to everyone – I really wanted to mention his crash was Strava related but cut that as I’m sure I’d get a lot of blank faces.

Whats above is just one part of the speech….also a couple of parts about him being a teacher and his ultra-competitive nature – I’m pretty sure it accessible to everyone – I really wanted to mention his crash was Strava related but cut that as I’m sure I’d get a lot of blank faces.

or you could give a brief explanation of what strava is.

woody – thats why I’ve decided to at last write something down – although its become apparant I should have started weeks ago 😯

<heads off to read the rules>

Needs more nob gags.

Andy and XXX have recently moved into their first home together. Now as we all know, moving into your first house and furnishing it comes at great expense and although Andy had his own bachelor pad before, a TV, a chair and a huge selection of DVDs isn’t furniture.

Would reference to his huge pron stash here be inappropriate?

Andy now cycles 20 miles to work and back each day.

And as a result will likely be too tired to consumate his marriage tonight?

has he ever embarrassed himself in public? while drinking perhaps?

Drop the para about bike commuting, it’s a proper groan joke in my opinion even though you’re then going into the full story.

Brief description of strava instead and incorporate that into the story. Gives you room to exaggerate the facts as any best man should.

has he ever embarrassed himself in public? while drinking perhaps?

nope, thats my thing!

I’m more trying to just get this one bit to sound like I’m talking about bad car drivers but I switch it at the end to mean cyclist……hilarious I know, but like I said, I’m no stand up comedian

Needs more coke and hookers stories.

If you haven’t got any of these, whens the stag do?

[iWould reference to his huge pron stash here be inappropriate?[/i]

I think maybe as theres going to be loads of bloody kids there

theres going to be loads of bloody kids there

Don’t do as a freind of mine witnessed at a wedding then. And that was for the best man to proclaim he and the groom had been though a lot together over the past years. Namely the majority of the girls on the table at the back.

jekkyl – Member
or you could give a brief explanation of what strava is.

Don’t do this. Jokes that have to be explained aren’t funny.

ell_tell – Member
Andy and XXX have recently moved into their first home together. Now as we all know, moving into your first house and furnishing it comes at great expense and although Andy had his own bachelor pad before, a TV, a chair and a huge selection of DVDs isn’t furniture.

Would reference to his huge pron stash here be inappropriate?

yoshimi – Member
[iWould reference to his huge pron stash here be inappropriate?[/i]

I think maybe as theres going to be loads of bloody kids there

I’d just say:

” …furnishing it comes at great expense and although Andy had his own bachelor pad before, a TV, a chair and a huge selection of DVDs isn’t furniture. PAUSE …at least, not the type of DVDs Andy had…”

Leave the rest to everyone’s imagination, that makes it funnier.

LenHanke- thank you, that’s a perfect addition 🙂

Do not include the sarky remark about the wife’s new car. It won’t go down well as it comes across as a snipe at her rather than taking the piss out of him which is your job.

Maybe instead turn it around to make out that you mate is so under the thumb he agreed to a 20 mile bike commute.

..furnishing it comes at great expense and although Andy had his own bachelor pad before, a TV, a chair and a huge selection of DVDs isn’t furniture. PAUSE …at least, not the type of DVDs Andy had… And yes, it turns out 5 girls, 2 cups, 3 horses and a melon is a real thing… that I never wanted to see…

little bit more?

He commutes everyday then has enough energy for the local bike?

Agree on the bride comments, no one’s allowed to take the piss out of her.

That said, only you know them and what sort of people they are. Just say something you mean, it’ll be fine.

I think the joke’s OK, but I’d phrase it slightly differently, leave it hanging a bit rather than spelling it out:

‘So after discussion, x and y decided that one area they could cut back in was by sharing a car. And may I be the first to say how slim and fit x is looking now he travels everywhere by bike’. Maybe with a thumb on forehead visual behind the groom’s back if you know she isn’t going to take offence….