Having sex with friends to "get it over with"…

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  • Having sex with friends to "get it over with"…
  • Premier Icon BigDummy

    A very good friend has declared that we need to sleep together so that we can carry on being friends.

    We’ve been fairly close for 7ish years. I’ve always rather held a candle for her, and blurted this fact out unwisely some years ago when she got engaged. Wasn’t a popular move, and we didn’t speak really for a year or so afterwards. We’ve seen a lot more of one another since my marriage imploded and she called hers off a couple of years ago. We look out for one another, are generally supportive, and occasionally get together and get recklessly drunk without incident. I’ve been assuming we’d been doing alright at re-building a friendship and that we were fairly relaxed about it all.

    Anyway, having had more wine than was strictly wise we ended up a little on the cuddly side, and she then moved on to saying that we ought to sleep together, to “get it over with”. She is adamant she doesn’t want a relationship, definitely just sees me as a friend, just thinks that in the circumstances we probably ought to have sex, get over it and then carry on. We didn’t have sex, although there was some kissing, which perhaps tragically was one of the high points of my life to date.

    I’m highly sceptical that this is a good idea, or indeed feasible. I think setting myself up for immediate, pre-meditated rejection is going to hurt like hell. And I’m arrogantly not wild about being talked into bed by someone who sees it as something to be “got over with” (not that I get asked enough that I’ve much right to be fussy really!).

    And we’re both moderately bad at emotional stuff, commitment or actually dealing with anything. So I don’t really know what she actually wants, if she wants what she says she does why it could possibly be a good idea and am generally confused.

    Does the Hive Mind of Singletrack have any wise insights it would care to share with me?

    Thanking you all. 🙂

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