Having a wee next to a famous person
tankslapper – Member
You lie Slapper. It is a pathetic attempt to suggest that it was human. And that it engaged in normal bodily functions – next you'll be suggesting that it had a heart ffs. Indeed under Margaret Thatcher, council owned public lavatories throughout the country were closed down, with scant regard for basic human rights …….
Posted 8 years agosnowslaveSubscriber
It's a bit crap really, but you did ask [hem hem]…..
Ok, I was 17, about a thousand years ago, crossing a road in leafy Lytham St Annes of all places, and a big merc comes round the corner and comes quite close. Nothing remotely dangerous, just a bit close, but my mate decides to shout at the driver anyway, and I'm thinking what's the problem, he was nowhere near us. Anyhow the car screeches up. Huge bloke gets out and starts poking us both in the chest v hard, suggesting we are having a pop just cos it was a merc, which I suppose was true – I can't think of any other reason my mate shouted.
Anyway, the bloke carries on pushing my mate in the chest, cuffing him around the head a bit like a boxer, and saying stuff like come on big man, not so tough now eh? Which was very perceptive of him, for indeed my mate was not so hard then. In fact he was not so hard on any occasion ever, which begs the question why he felt the need to get into the situation in the first place. And I'm thinking here we go again, cos he was always doing stuff like that. And I'm thinking we're going to have to fight this guy (I was 17 and stoopider then), and a punch from him would be like being hit by a steam train, whereas a punch from either of us on him would have probably just hurt our hands.
We had a comedic but effective routine for such situations where one of us would get behind the dood, pretend to bend down to tie up a shoe lace, then take his legs as the other one pushes him over, he'd fall on the floor, we'd kick him or something and leg it sharpish. Learned from Enter the Dragon.
So, slowly I start edging around the side of the guy to do this very thing, and I notice a large crowd is building up around us. Quite a lot of old ladies with purple hair, tartan shopping bags on wheels and coats in the summer. Then I hear one of them murmur the words "Russ Abbott", and I realise the big guy is indeed Russ Abbott. At which point I say "**** – you're Russ Abbott". The old ladies gasp. Russ immediately stops being violent and says something about us having a pop just to get our pictures in the Sun, tells us to **** orf, and off he trots, with all the old biddies cheering him on.
I think had it come to a fight, they'd have steamed in on his side. Their shopping trolleys were loaded with weapons, the wheels would have daggers pinging out like on Ben Hur. It was his home turf and they were his ninja protection chick minders, and they'd scented blood. Or something.
So anyway, he kinda wee'd in our shoes big time.Posted 8 years agoernie_lynchMember
I did get told to "F*ck Off" by that Ian Macwotsit from Echo and the Bunnymen once.
What, Ian McCulloch ? You gotta be joking ? If I had found myself in the toilets with him, I would have offered him a bj………maybe you did – is that why he told you "F*ck Off" ?
What a nob.
……… do tell more 😯Posted 8 years ago
The topic ‘Having a wee next to a famous person’ is closed to new replies.