Have you ever made a sexual advance that you subsequently found out was unwanted? And if you have (assuiming you did the right thing and stop immediately) do you retrospetively feel that that constituted either harassment or abuse?

If you mean “Did you grab a birds arse on the dancefloor” then of course….

I don’t feel it was abuse… i don’t get the impression she felt it was abuse either…

What have they charged you with?

Since Facebook suspended my account, no.

If you mean “Did you grab a birds arse on the dancefloor” then of course….

NO I have no special power that enables me to tell if grabbing another persons arse without asking them will be acceptable or not so i think that is at best risky and at worse unwanted assault.

I have certainly tried to interest the other sex, at various points with varying degrees of success, but there is no way I will ever be accuse of assault as I never just grabbed/mauled them and saw what happened next.

“Will you stop poking me in the back with that and just get to sleep”

Indiscretions ? Yes, guilt ? Yes but only one situation.

6th form fumble, taken out of context by me and felt guilty for the remaining two years.. then occasionally even today it appears and I go all embarrassed.
Wasn’t serious, wasn’t even what you’d call “sexual” these days, but it has actually formed my personality and still hangs around the back of my brain.

I could be wrong, but I think I know where this could be going.

Making a sexual advance which you subsequently discover is unwanted (which we’ve probably all done) is not the same as abusing your perceived ‘power’ to put women in a position where they may feel unable to turn down your ‘advance’.

I asked a random girl a rude question in a shop once. She looked like she was coming onto me, I was young and bold. She turned me down.
I retrospectively think I should’ve just smiled at her and taken a mental picture.

As a married man I find that 95% of my sexual advances are unwanted…

Anyway as a teenager yes, more of a went in for a kiss and been less then politely told I’d misread the situation (only in Teen speak).

Or tried to move a kissing situation into a bit of a shagging situation and been told to cool my jets.

I don’t think I’ve ever groped anyone like some stealth ninja attack on the dance floor, it does happen though, only the other day my Wife told me someone grabbed her arse as she walked through the pub on my birthday back in June.

Have you ever made a sexual advance that you subsequently found out was unwanted?

Yes, more than once.

And if you have (assuiming you did the right thing and stop immediately)

I did

do you retrospetively feel that that constituted either harassment or abuse?

nope.

Not after getting rid of her friends and my staff by devious means to engineer a one on one situation in a hotel room, no.

I could be wrong, but I think I know where this could be going.

I think it might be “I have a Men’s Rights issue I really need to talk about, but I need an in.”

I suspect I have, yes. The location was likely a dance floor and I was likely a very naive teenager just trying anything to get a snog, we’re talking a deliberate brush against a young ladies bum here. I am not particularly proud of the fact, in fact looking back it makes me feel rather ashamed.

but I think I know where this could be going.

Harvey thingy?

Shame it takes one brave woman to come forward, then others start accusing. Definitely abuse of power.

Define what you mean. There have been times (before I was coupled up, in case Mrs V is reading) I’ve approached people with the intention of chatting them up with a view to companionship, maybe leading to more (OK, definitely leading to more). Most of these times i’ve been rebuffed, ergo my advance was unwanted.

Have I ever used power (physical or ‘managerial’ type) to try to make an advance. Lord no…..

I think it might be “I have a Men’s Rights issue I really need to talk about, but I need an in.”

😆

Probably.

Making a sexual advance which you subsequently discover is unwanted (which we’ve probably all done) is not the same as abusing your perceived ‘power’ to put women in a position where they may feel unable to turn down your ‘advance’.

+1

I also, back then and at the behest of my girlfriend, approached a girl in a club and invited her for a 3bee 😆 Couple of times actually. One of them was quite pleased but refused, the other was shocked and probably felt abused!
It’s how we learn the boundaries in our teenage years. Something fat, ol Harv obviously didn’t have the same lessons in.

Making a sexual advance which you subsequently discover is unwanted (which we’ve probably all done) is not the same as abusing your perceived ‘power’ to put women in a position where they may feel unable to turn down your ‘advance’.

But when unwanted = harassment then likely everyone has sexually harassed someone else under current definition.

I suspect I have, yes. The location was likely a dance floor and I was likely a very naive teenager just trying anything to get a snog. I am not particularly proud of the fact, looking back it makes me feel rather ashamed.

I was, many times, a recipient of such an advance. It happened, that’s what discos were for 😆 There’s really no need to feel ashamed.

Its ok bikebouy – your old Headmaster doesn’t hold a grudge (although apparently he’ll hold something else for a bag of Werthers and a pint of Mild)

Once in Prague in Darlings before I knew what was what. Got quite swiftly reprimanded by the lady involved once she realised I wasn’t getting my wallet out. 😆

But when unwanted = harassment then likely everyone has sexually harassed someone else under current definition.

To me, harassment would imply a bit more persistence than a one-off advance.

Unwanted does not equal harassment.

Unwanted does not equal harassment.

You’d be surprised.

Sexual harassment is unwanted behaviour of a sexual nature which:

violates your dignity
makes you feel intimidated, degraded or humiliated
creates a hostile or offensive environment

You don’t need to have previously objected to someone’s behaviour for it to be considered unwanted.

I would have previously thought of the incident in the report below as harassment not sexual assult.

Former GCHQ chief admits assault after putting hand on woman’s knee

Have you ever made a sexual advance that you subsequently found out was unwanted?

I have had several turned down over the years. But these are verbal advances, I think any physical contact without getting permission is a bit 1970’s.

And if you have (assuiming you did the right thing and stop immediately)

Since for me it just involves accepting a verbal ‘no’, there isn’t much to stop. I don’t then feel a prolonged period of unwanted courting/ stalking will change the response.

do you retrospectively feel that that constituted either harassment or abuse?

No, as I just accepted an answer. But I do think if you have just initiated some unwanted physical advance without permission then yes it could be seen as harassment or abuse.

I always think asking is the best way to understand if another party is consenting.

That depends on what you mean by “sexual advance”.

Unwanted does not equal harassment.

True but unwanted hands is assault. That is a full stop at that.

As a married man I find that 95% of my sexual advances are unwanted…

This.

I’d guess when I was single about 40pc of my advances were unwanted.

Now I’m married, about 95pc.

Like a few other people, misread situations and got politely (or not-so-politely in some cases) told to do one. Always backed off immediately, been somewhat embarrassed, and left it alone. (Though in one case, the young lady got back to me some time later to make her own return advance, having just become single.)

I think it might be “I have a Men’s Rights issue I really need to talk about, but I need an in.”

Psychic, or what? 🙂

Is it sexual assault if it’s done by women? I ask – because even though I am totally average looking, when I was 16 my 40 year old **** Tescos manager came along and gave me shoulder massage whilst I was working at the checkout, some bird randomly stuck her hands up my shirt at a club and another slapped my arse as she walked past – only a few weeks ago.

So is that three counts of sexual assault in my lifetime? Do I need trauma therapy, or is it a case of it being because I am a man and therefore obviously stronger – that I have never felt threatened by female deviants and therefore don’t need to see a head shrinker?

As a married man I find that 95% of my sexual advances are unwanted…

95%?

How long have you been having an affair?

On the subject of unwanted or uninvited physical contact

I have on a number of occasions had my balls grabbed in pubs/clubs etc etc by drunken ladies…

I’ve never given it much thought before , but does this make me a ‘victim of harassment’? I just put it down to drunken behaviour and never gave it a second thought..

hmmm

Tom_W1987 – Member
Is it sexual assault if it’s done by women? I ask – because even though I am totally average looking, when I was 16 my 40 year old **** Tescos manager came along and gave me shoulder massage whilst I was working at the checkout, some bird randomly stuck her hands up my shirt at a club and another slapped my arse as she walked past – only a few weeks ago.

Is it that complicated, yes it is. If it’s uninvited then you are not invited to do that. The man or woman thing actually masks the issue completely and makes things like reporting harder for people. There was a report of a rise I reported cases in the news.

For some men I guess the question is how would you like somebody doing that to your daughter

I have never felt threatened by female deviants

Clearly, you’ve never worn a kilt.

I’ve never given it much thought before , but does this make me a ‘victim of harassment’? I just put it down to drunken behaviour and never gave it a second thought..

It is ‘harassment’ in the same way as a man doing the same to a woman. However, how harassed you feel is down to the individual. Some may love it, others feel violated.

but does this make me a ‘victim of harassment’?

Sexual harassment is [*]unwanted [/*]behaviour of a sexual nature which:
violates your dignity
makes you feel intimidated, degraded or humiliated
creates a hostile or offensive environment

Depends – did you want your balls grabbed?

Yep and to make a don’t misquoted post…..
If a man said he had just shoved his hand up a woman’s skirt for a feel what would your reaction be apart from Donald Trump

was wondering when this thread would pop up.

sigh.