Have we upset our mates?

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  • Have we upset our mates?
  • Eddie_fb
    Member

    This might seem a strange post, but some of my friends are upset at my wife, and by extension me, and I'm not really sure why? Could the STW massive shed a little light on it?

    Bear with me…..

    We went out for a few beers with some mates, spent a few hours chatting to all and sundry, no arguments, I remember commenting on the way home what a nice time we'd had. The next day, my wife is experimenting with blogging, so writes the following blog;

    Shocked Response
    So we were out last night with a group of friends.

    It meant leaving my babe with the mother in law. This should be fine, he sleeps in the evenings, undisturbed normally. But the opportunity to go out hasn't happened very often, and I have issues leaving him. I feel lost without him. I feel like I'm missing something when he's not with me, which is silly in the evenings because he sleeps in a room by himself and I wouldn't normally see him anyway. So of course, he woke 5 minutes after she arrived, and I had to go down and soothe him back to sleep. He slept well all evening after this, so I needn't have worried!

    We were out with four other couples, all of whom have children, three of them currently pregnant again. Most of them breastfed for a little while.

    We got chatting to one couple who are pregnant with twins. Talking about my babe, how he's just started crawling, how he's been poorly, how he doesn't really eat solids and just mainly has milk feeds. The husband said to me 'You're not still feeding him yourself are you?' in a disbelieving tone, and when I replied sheepishly, 'Well, yes, of course' the look of shock on their faces! It kind of made me laugh a little, 1 at me feeling sheepish in my answer, and 2 why would I feed him any other way? He's 10 months old.

    I've recently completed my breastfeeding Peer Support training, and I'm eager to help other new mummies out. And yet, a friend asking me if I'm still feeding made me feel sheepish, and kind of like I'm being a bit weird to still be feeding? I know it's thoroughly against the norm to still be breastfeeding at this age, and even more so that my babe has never ever had a drop of formula milk. It shouldn't be this way though.

    My husband and I were raised soley on breastmilk, and I wouldn't have it any other way for my babe. Just think of all the money we've saved!

    This morning I get a text from a mate (the one expecting twins) saying how upset he is, and if we had anything to say, why didn't we say it to his face? Apparently another friend is a bit miffed too?

    Now, I had to search out the blog to find out what they could be upset about, but I'll be blowed if there is anything controversial in it? Am I being dim?

    I am surprised any of my friends even knew about this blog, I didn't know it had been written at the time. More to the point, as mentioned in the blog, it was more directed towards the Breastfeeding community that my wife in involved in, not my friends, and that's why no names were mentioned?

    So, what's the big deal, are my mates being oversensitive, and what's the best way to apologise?

    Sorry for the long post, but I know I can rely on the STW collective!

    surfer
    Member

    Its not offensive as such but it was a private conversation and now it is in the public domain.

    I have to say I sympathise with your friends on this one. Not enough to fall out but I dont think it is appropriate IMO.

    Premier Icon GrahamS
    Subscriber

    Well the "We're doing what's best for baby" tone does rather have an unsaid flipside of "They didn't do what's best for their baby because they are rubbish parents"

    Might have been a bit more politic to say that everyone has different approaches, but you are doing what you feel is best for your baby in your circumstances.

    Gary_M
    Member

    I've recently completed my breastfeeding Peer Support training

    I'd like to get involved in that, where do I put my name down.

    You seem a failry intense bunch to be honest so not surprised by any over sensitivity. Do you all have beards?

    clubber
    Member

    I've recently completed my breastfeeding Peer Support training

    This can often be mistaken for the "breastfeeding nazis" and can make people who choose differently pretty sensitive about their choice. My wife nearly threw the NHS health visitor out because of their "breast is best" fanaticism irrespective of what we were choosing to do.

    BlingBling
    Member

    I hope I never become a parent. I couldn't handle the preciousness of it.

    All my friends that have had kids have turned into complete and utter tossers overnight.

    clubber
    Member

    You should hear what they say about you 😉

    simonfbarnes
    Member

    Its not offensive as such but it was a private conversation and now it is in the public domain.

    except the people in question are not named

    alpin
    Member

    why. why the **** would you want to tell all and sundry about your life?

    it amazes me that 'celebrities' do it. i guess the've perhaps more time than most and feel they need to justify it somehow. it amazes me all the more that some sod wants to read about it.

    why does your misses feel she needs to write publicly about it (and who's reading it??!!)?

    N.B.
    now, i see the irony with me writing this on a public forum.

    hosepipe
    Member

    our baby stopped breast feeding by herself aged 16 months. wife went through very difficult time trying to get her to breast feed and cracked it with help of breast feed councillor. i think some mums have to give up, for whatever reason, and from the time they give up, they struggle with feelings of guilt. nothing to feel guilty about though, either way is fine i think. but your friends wife/girlfriend is obviously not settled about her decision. you're doing nothing wrong…tell your wife to stick with it and get some less defensive friends!

    Premier Icon ourmaninthenorth
    Subscriber

    'You're not still feeding him yourself are you?'

    I suggest you tell your mate that it's rare for 10 month olds to know the difference between a soup and dessert spoon and, until he's taught himself these clearly vital life skills, he'll have to make to with your wife's breastmilk.

    Oh, and tell your friends to get a grip – if they feel they can make a comment like that, then they shouldn't be surprised if it isn't well received.

    tankslapper
    Member

    The great 'breast feeding' debate.

    Firstly it probably shouldn't have gone up on a blog – the conversation that is; but you weren't to know. FWIW from personal experience my first wife breast fed both of ours for a year each, my second wife tried so very hard and simply could not manage it; to the point of our first child going hungry! Dreadful bloody time, all the pro-feeding lobby telling her how easy it was, assistance etc etc did no good (The videos were worth a watch…!) The result was a very unhappy Mrs.T. I guess, and that's all it is, that like us, your friends are being bombarded with the old 'earth mother ship' 'bay of plenty stuff' and may feel upset by it/unable to do it! We've had to go over to formula on both occasions and to be frank its broken my wife's heart – there's a lot of pressure to breast feed these days.

    That's my guess anyway – if I'm right it may be worth a quick face-2-face to sort out

    cheers

    Shakey
    Member

    If your friends found that blog then they might find what you have written here 😉

    BTW – We fed our first for a year and the second for 2 months. I think 'its horses for courses' or whatever the mother and baby feel comfortable with.

    wombat
    Member

    tried so very hard and simply could not manage it; to the point of our first child going hungry! Dreadful bloody time, all the pro-feeding lobby telling her how easy it was, assistance etc etc did no good (The videos were worth a watch…!) The result was a very unhappy Mrs.T. I guess, and that's all it is, that like us, your friends are being bombarded with the old 'earth mother ship' 'bay of plenty stuff' and may feel upset by it/unable to do it! We've had to go over to formula on both occasions and to be frank its broken my wife's heart – there's a lot of pressure to breast feed these days.

    We had a very similar experience, all OK now several years down the line but very very difficult and emotional at the time. Each to their own I say but with support (NOT preaching/bullying) available should it be required

    KINGTUT
    Member

    All my friends that have had kids have turned into complete and utter tossers overnight.

    Being a tosser already, I have no fear.

    MRanger156
    Member

    Read the jist of it – sounds pretty pathetic on both sides (not you, your wife). Just go round and sort it out. Posting on bike forums probably wont help.

    Eddie_fb
    Member

    full stop……… .

    Surprisingly, not a beard in the house

    Shakey

    That did occur to me……after I'd posted!

    tankslapper

    My wife tried for months to happily breastfeed, she went through a lot of pain and heartache, but was determined, and after about 12 weeks, managed to get reasonably comfortable with it. She is, justifiably I feel, proud of herself, but I don't think she comes across as evangelical about it. We have no problem with people who don't/can't breastfeed, and all of our friends breastfed their babies quite a while, so certainly wasn't any intended criticism of our friends!!

    I'd like to point out we did talk about other things, having not seen each other for a while, breastfeeding probably took up 5 minutes of a 3 hour chat and drinking session! We're not sad you know……….?

    Cheers for all your comments!

    HTTP404
    Member

    Since we are all grown-ups and entitled to our own opinions – it would seem reasonable to assume the offense was caused by the publishing of the blog and not about the merits of mammary milk.

    In which case this thread can only cause more offense.

    Eddie_fb
    Member

    MRanger156

    Yeah, aware of that, it's just some live in Guildford, and I'm in Cornwall, so not reasonable I'm afraid. I will be talking to them on the phone later, cos I figure it's non-verbal conversation that's the problem, no one's getting the right gist of what we meant.

    TooTall
    Member

    Being a tosser already, I have no fear.

    I hear you are also water soluble, you big stay-indoors jessie.

    KINGTUT
    Member

    TooTall – Member

    Being a tosser already, I have no fear.

    I hear you are also water soluble, you big stay-indoors jessie.

    He he, I went swimming.

    BTW thanks for the call re the website, very much appreciated.

    Dobbo
    Member

    Firstly try calling him your baby not your babe. I feel moderately bilious at such a sickly twee reference.
    Secondly,

    But the opportunity to go out hasn't happened very often, and I have issues leaving him. I feel lost without him. I feel like I'm missing something when he's not with me,

    Toughen up or he'll have issues and be either too clingy or rebel and turn into a murderer.

    TooTall
    Member

    Pfft – so much so that you didn't come out and be a little bit rad in the filth. Pro racer prima donna to the last!

    Premier Icon feenster
    Subscriber

    Oh, and tell your friends to get a grip – if they feel they can make a comment like that, then they shouldn't be surprised if it isn't well received.

    +1

    On the face of it yours pals should be saying, "We'd rather you said it to our faces, rather than on a blog, but sorry, no offence intended".

    ….IMO….unless more to it than what's above.

    clubber
    Member

    TooTall, I haven't met you yet but on the basis of your abuse of KingT, it sounds like you fit right in 🙂 Looking forward to seeing you out on the trails 🙂

    bigsi
    Member
    bristolbiker
    Member

    > Bitty ?

    In the context of the discussion that could be considered borderline inappropriate….

    ….. but I have just spat tea at the screeen and am being looked at strangely for laughing at my computer – chapeau.

    allthepies
    Member

    Middleclass dilemma #252

    tankslapper
    Member

    My wife tried for months to happily breastfeed, she went through a lot of pain and heartache, but was determined, and after about 12 weeks, managed to get reasonably comfortable with it. She is, justifiably I feel, proud of herself, but I don't think she comes across as evangelical about it. We have no problem with people who don't/can't breastfeed, and all of our friends breastfed their babies quite a while, so certainly wasn't any intended criticism of our friends!!

    eddie – I think you've just illustrated the sensitivity surrounding the subject. Of course there was no criticism intended, that's pretty obvious, but I know from my own experience it can be a bit difficult given other peoples personal circumstances. No offence intended my friend.

    Premier Icon takisawa2
    Subscriber

    They're being a tad sensitive IMO.
    Tell them to MTFU.
    Seriously though, call them.

    simonfbarnes
    Member

    In the context of the discussion that could be considered borderline inappropriate…

    you mean overinflated sensitivity ?

    MrSmith
    Member

    the chattering classes poring over the minutiae of their lives because they have nothing better to do whilest being obsessed with practical cars, their children's first proper toilet pooh/ first words/pathetic 'creative' daubings and what other middle class people think of them.
    this thread needs a james blunt/coldplay soundtrack to be totally complete.

    rs
    Member

    Firstly try calling him your baby not your babe. I feel moderately bilious at such a sickly twee reference.

    ^^^ This

    marcus7
    Member

    Gotta say that the OP line of "issues with leaving him" says it all to me, Me an her indoors can't wait to get away from ours! well maybe not, although i'll be riding at delamere tonight while the wife is at work (inlaws babysit BTW) Both ours were breast fed and went onto formula after about 4 months, never felt guilty as life is too short and there is so much more to be getting on with.

    I think your friends should grow a thicker skin, I expect they are inwardly feeling guilty for not breast feeding for longer like so many lazy arsed mothers these days..we all know breast is best, nowt wrong with a bit of bitty 😆 I admire your wife for sticking with it and doing what IMO all mothers should do. I mean to get offened by a blog when you did not mention them by name either so only your friends know who they are. I think you should make it up with your friends by buying them a breast pump each and say you didnt mean to offend, lets hope theur little Tarquins and Emillias get a better start in life next time around. Happy days!

    Premier Icon chakaping
    Subscriber

    Have they texted you about this yet?

    Threaten them with a restraining order unless they leave you alone in future, they sound like nutters.

    coffeeking
    Member

    the chattering classes poring over the minutiae of their lives because they have nothing better to do whilest being obsessed with practical cars, their children's first proper toilet pooh/ first words/pathetic 'creative' daubings and what other middle class people think of them.

    While I'm inclined to wonder why anyone would post such waffle on their "blog", I'm also inclined to wonder why the friends care.

    But what's more baffling to me is this response ^^^ – should we all be sorry we're not battling through poverty and working all the hours god sends just to put food on the table? Is the only sort of conversation allowed that of the thoroughbred working class hero, fighting with the holes in his roof and the gnawing lack of sleep from tinitus caused by the sound of the rock crusher down the mine shaft? What bizarre inverse-snobbery.

    soobalias
    Member

    nothing makes people more angry or upset than being inadvertantly told what they should do.

    thats what your missus did, she didnt even have the courage to tell them directly, but posted it online.

    you and yours have some issues, your mates, however, read your missus blog – they must be having such exciting lives.

    simonfbarnes
    Member

    thats what your missus did,

    and how is that different to telling people what they shouldn't do ?

    Jujuuk68
    Member

    No one suggesting this thread is no good without pictures?

    splendid…

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 187 total)

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