Guy in the office hates cycling and I’ve just drawn him for secret santa

Any suggestions as to what I should get him? I’m thinking of bib shorts:)

A mini pump ..to keep all the hot air he spouts topped up ..

A turd in a Tupperware box.

Skills course

hates cycling or hates cyclists ?

if he hates cycling, get him something nice to do with something else
if he hates cyclists, there’s a whole variety of tupperware boxes available, so go with Harry

New forum username for him.

If he hates cycling, buy him a gift relating to something he does like. It is possible that not everyone likes your hobby

The word ‘hate’ is nearly always over-used/misused IMO. A globally-adopted USA-ism that by now could surely be defined as anything from ‘mild dislike’ to ‘snarling, spitting, careering repugnance’. Usually the former.

Also need to know whether definitely ‘cycling’ or ‘cyclists’*

In most all situations (excepting a requirement to physically disarm or neutralise) I find that kindness wins.

ie if he ‘hates’ a thoughtful gift from a ‘cyclist’, then pfffft, you still did a nice thing. If OTOH he likes it, then you still did a nice thing.

*For purpose of safety-awareness if sharing road-space on cycle-commute.

What does he like? I think football is a shite game, but if I had to buy a gift for someone that likes it, o would get them something football related.

A tax disc holder

Highway Code?

A 26″x2.4″ inner tube with Schrader valve.

As mentioned there’s an important distinction between cycling and cylists.
Turd in a box if it’s cyclists.

The word ‘hate’ is nearly always over-used/misused IMO.

I literally hate people who say this 🙂

If he hates cyclists, buy him a mug of the main rival of the football team he supports.

If he just hates cycling buy him some normal secret Santa random shit, like Anne Summers slide and ride lube.

Gimp Mask & Lube & Job Done

He jokes about knocking cyclists off on a regular basis. While this is office banter it’s also a good opportunity to get him something appropriate.

Something you know is cycling related but he won’t
Such as Planet X merino Socks
https://www.planetx.co.uk/c/q/clothing/footwear/socks
He will like em and you can nod knowingly

Copy of the highway code then.

Bad taxidermy

A premium subscription to the Singletrack Chat Forum. There’s little chance of him encountering any cyclists or bike related content there.

In that case buy him a chain or some brake pads.

Or some random cycling route book.

He jokes about knocking cyclists off on a regular basis

Splash fake blood over his car a smash his windscreen sprinkle some crushed helmet about. Take a photo. Make it a card with “cyclists are dicks I hate them with careering repugnance. Lol” put card in envelope for secret santa to dish out.

Actually scrap that.

That is not workplace banter. Book him a one to one with his line manager to deal with your formal complaint.

Even if said workmate was an avid cyclist + great guy i’d still go the turd in box route

anyways , i thought secret santa was an american thing for mainly women office workers ?

sounds a bit queer for british blokes.to be doing it

cold buffet spread , cheap warm booze and a punch up with the supervisior seems the proper way of celebrating xmas in the workplace.

Bpw voucher.

Make a donation to a cycling charity in his name. Be sure to include all his contact details.

Velodrome taster session

Draw a picture of him being bummed by a cyclist over the bonnet of his car.

Frame it.

Merry Christmas.

I’d be happy to pay for a picture like that if we have any budding artists on here 🙂

I would just test his general sense of humour/ability to laugh at himself in gift form…

Traffic Jam Sound Book

Almost any partridge related gift

A book to prompt some introspection

I’d be happy to pay for a picture like that if we have any budding artists on here

Got a link to his Facebook/Linkedin…?

sounds a bit queer

Welcome to the 1970s

Make a donation to a cycling charity in his name. Be sure to include all his contact details.

Just this.

Definitely gift to cycle charity in his name. One that promotes cycling in some way, Sustrans maybe. And for sure his the details, they’ll be contacting him for ever. The gift that keeps on giving 🙂

BTW, he sounds like a git.

APF

A t-shirt with “I broke rule #1” on the front.

Chamois cream

Chamois Cream

Haha, looks like I’m too slow with the best suggestion ever!

Buttplug.

Rubbed with a hot chilli, just in case he tries it.