I’ll start with today’s offering from white van man as he squeezed me against the kerb.
“I don’t need to indicate, I live here”.

Or when being left hooked:

“It wasn’t my fault I was indicating”

were you stood in his driveway?

Actually no, I had just turned right into his street and failed to notice he wanted to drift across to my side of the road to park in front of his house.

Yoof after I pulled him up for hooning up a 70m long residential cul-de-sac “I wasn’t going faster than 30”. Sure carry on kid.

“I only broke the law in a limited and specific way”?

<driver overtakes me then immediately slams on the brakes hard to make their left turn>

“oi you’re going too fast”

🤷🏻‍♂️

“I only broke the law in a limited and specific way”?

I’m printing that up as a get out of speeding card.

“You were cycling through the bus stop and I had passengers to pick up” moments after half overtaking then pulling in to the kerb in a 56 seat bus…

“I don’t need to indicate, I live here”.

That’s spectacular. What a complete and utter bellend.

That’s spectacular. What a complete and utter bellend.

Also unwise if the OP owns a schrader valve core remover.

On riding up the track to my house…

Her “You can’t go that way, it’s some-ones house”

Me “Yes, I know, my house”

Her “Bloody cyclists, think they own the place”

Me “?”

Some people, weird.

I’ll never forget a clueless left hooker from years ago who I caught and had words with-
Moron: “well, what was I supposed to do?”
Me: “you could’ve slowed down and waited”
moron: “So could’ve you”
I **** had to or I would’ve been under your wheels bloody moron ****.

“as soon as I have indicated, I have right of way”

Volvo estate, looked like a retired professional, clearly in denial about a **** move he’d just done.

cynic-al

“as soon as I have indicated, I have right of way”

Many people do actually think this!

Driving through town round a blind corner, stopped just after the bend due to traffic.
Bloke drove round the corner straight into the back of me.

Moron: “There isn’t normally a queue on this bit of road.”
Me “.”

I mean WTF do you say to that? What I should have said.

“Drive with your eyes, not your **** memory”

After being left hooked ‘It’s your fault you were cycling to fast’

cynic-al

“as soon as I have indicated, I have right of way”

Many people do actually think this!

The general rule now appears to be ‘signal , manoeuvre’ and to hell with anyone that may have been where I’m now placing my car.

And, occasionally, it’s “manœuvre, then signal briefly”

They also ride bikes. Some years ago on unlit cycle path, thought I could see something in the distance (Lights were still pretty pants for seeing with, even with some 10w cat eyes). Suggested that t other cyclist in full black stealth mode should some lights…

“Nah, it’s alright, I could see you”

Moron: “There isn’t normally a queue on this bit of road

I was riding down a residential street with parked cars staggered along both sides of the road. Saw a woman walk out of a house ahead of me, off the drive and over the pavement to the back of a car, head down with car keys in one hand and a bag in the other. I’d have bet my house on her going to that car. But instead she carried on and strode out into the middle of the road right in front of me. I shouted “whoa, look out” and swerved around her. As I carried on down the hill I heard a reply of “well it’s normally empty”.

Too many.

SMIDSY twice when lying in bits on the road.

One driver threattened to run me down (my problem was I was in front of him in a traffic queue). He saw red and tried to chase me around a few roundabouts, but as soon as he drew level, I shouted, “I’ve got your plate” – he shat himself and drove off at speed (I only got his plate when he drove off). On reporting the driver, the ‘car’ was known on the vehicle check, so always worth reporting, even if the police can’t make it stick, because at one point it will stick, and all the other ‘reports’ will be considered.

From pull outs, I’ve had ‘you were going too fast’ – WTF, to being ignored. Had to take avoiding action from one lady who just pulled out from shops without looking. I was right next to her driver’s window at this point, so shouted ‘Oi’ – she jumped off her seat – literally no idea I was there. Slapped a few roofs in similar situations.

Car coming towards me and turning right at crossroads, me going straight ahead.

Driver “I have right of way coz I was here first”

“I’m in a car“

“I cycle as well”, as I was lying on his binder after he’d driven out of a side road. Windscreen wipers make good handles for letting yourself down to the ground.

“Yes, I saw you”, after he’d driven straight across me forcing me to serve and stop on a roundabout.

Followed a car on my way home for several miles, doing a consistent 35-40 on a 60 road, got to a roundabout and indicated right. ‘Hallelujah’, I thought, and carried on, then out of the corner of my eye I saw something and the car I’d been following forced itself between my car and the oncoming traffic, pushing my wing in.
We stopped, I went up to the driver and asked her what she was doing. “You were going too fast!”, an odd thing to say as I’d been following her at 10mph under the posted limits, and just gone into a roundabout, so I said “but you were indicating to go right”,
“Well, I changed my mind!”
I just had no answer to that.
She said the same thing to my insurance company as well.

travelling at a decent speed on the road bike, and coming up to one of those road crossings – not a zebra or anything, but with a central refuge so you can cross in 2 stages without needing the whole road to be clear. As usual i take primary. I’m then long blast on the horn’ed by someone coming up fast behind who has to slow to avoid crashing into the central refuge.

After we pass I move over again to secondary so he can pass; at a guess this has cost him a few seconds of progress at most. But he isn’t having that, he overtakes and then pulls in forcing me into the kerb.

His anger apparently was because if I’d moved over, ‘I could have squeezed through the gap instead of having to slow down’

In a 2.5Te transit van at 60mph, I think if we were still there now he’d still be trying to get his thick head around the rationale.

She said the same thing to my insurance company as well.

Let’s see – 50/50?

I had a woman in an Audi A3 left hook me at a mini roundabout – I narrowly avoided hitting her.
I gave her the international coffee bean shake sign to which she called me a ‘horrible little man’ and that she should reverse over me.
Slightly further up the road while I was still shouting a her, as she had refused to see anything wrong with her driving she did then stop and reverse at me.

Nice people in Stamford.

“I cycle as well”

Quite common, that one. Worst incident where someone used it was a driver that turned left on a roundabout carving across me. I managed to “wave” him down and that was his first line. When I showed him the marks on his tyre sidewall that my tyre had left as he hit it he then just asked “what else could I have done”. He didn’t seem to understand my advice that he could have just slowed down or stopped before turning left across me.

Once got forced down a road by someone who turned left as they were alongside me, and when I caught up to them at the traffic lights, it was my fault as I hadn’t indicated. You know, indicated that I wanted to carry straight on along the road and not turn left. Had to admit that I certainly hadn’t done that.

Had a close pass at speed the other week where the driver had to stop at some temp lights a few hundred yards further on:

Me “That was a bit close wasn’t it”
Him “You were in the middle of the road mate” (actually about 1-1.5m from kerb as it’s a road with frequent traffic islands)
me “You’re still meant to give me 1.5m”
Him “Not when you’re 1.5m from the kerb”

Fortunately all on camera, wonder if it’ll result an any action.

Typically Victorian street with parked cars on both sides and a single lane in the middle. I’m cycling on the left, car come speeding round the corner, sees me and has to stop. As I squeeze past he shouts at me for being on the wrong side of the road.

as soon as I have indicated, I have right of way

I have had similar but with “Excuse me” after a woman pushed me out of the way in a super market, with the excuse “well I said excuse me”.

Oo, approaching a T junction, overtaken by a qashqai that brakes and moves left as soon as the back wheel is level with me. Cue emergency braking and scraping my tyres along the verge to avoid being hit as the driver slows to make a left turn at the T. When I expressed my displeasure the driver told me “you’re meant to SHARE THE ROAD!!”

As I was riding down a hill at the speed limit and using the full width of the lane to negotiate a sharp bend, the driver of a white van pulled alongside me and forced me off the road by squeezing back into the lane (I was quite literally banging on the side of the van and eventually had to escape by riding onto someone’s drive). His reasoning…

‘You were in my way’

I’d like to say I am embarrassed to say I punched him in the face but I am not embarrassed by my response in the slightest bit.