Getting married and asking for cash instead of a present

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  • Getting married and asking for cash instead of a present
  • Premier Icon hatter
    Subscriber

    With many B&G’s desperately trying to get a deposit together for a house I can thoroughly understand asking for cash but I do feel that it should clearly stated as ‘for something’ serious and not just beer tokens.

    I also think that it’s good form to offer the alternative of a charitable donation so that conscientious objectors to ‘funding your lifestyle’ have an option, it also makes you look less grasping.

    Please note that this doesn’t include couples who spunk £30K on getting married in a castle in the back of beyond that costs everyone a fortune in flights and hotels, for them your presence is enough of a gift and expecting cash on top is taking the piss a bit.

    zokes
    Member

    D’oh 😳

    gonzy
    Member

    just put on the wedding invite “no boxed gifts please”
    i’ve seen many invites like this…
    TBH all the weddings i go to are asian ones and nowadays no-one gives boxed gifts…i think there is an unwritten rule that cash in an envelope is acceptable…i always prefer to give cash…let the new couple decide what they want to do spend it on…when i got hitched 7 years ago the total cash gifts we got was about £6k…
    i expect my invite in the post OP 😀

    Premier Icon footflaps
    Subscriber

    but you would have been happy to give them something that they didn’t want instead..?

    As they can afford to blow £30k on a wedding, I don’t think they should be asking for anything.

    We get married in 10 days time, and our invite has a list of our favourite charities and said ‘if you’re feeling generous, please make a donation’.

    rwc03
    Member

    I think as long as you explain what it’s for it’s fine. Last 3 weddings I have been to all had a honeymoon fund. People are renting for longer and getting married later, I’d rather have/give money towards a house or the honeymoon rather than a new toaster or silver plated gravy jug.

    yunki
    Member

    As they can afford to blow £30k on a wedding, I don’t think they should be asking for anything.

    We get married in 10 days time, and our invite has a list of our favourite charities

    Well that’s very noble and I salute you and all that.. Congratulations! (who’s making your cake hmmm..!?)

    Working in the wedding industry as I have done now for the last few years has opened my eyes a lot..

    For some people this really is the biggest event of their life, and some folk pour everything into it.. whether it’s a shoestring registry office wedding with a reception at the local boozer or a weekend long bells and whistles do at a fancy venue..

    It’s people’s big day to celebrate their love and throw a party for their loved ones, let them do it however they like..

    Tallpaul
    Member

    Are there really people who would accept a Wedding invitation without any intention of bringing a gift?

    If you are happy to give something, what difference does it make if it’s a George Foreman or cash to the same value?

    It’s immensely noble to donate all the gift money to charity. However, I imagine that for the majority, a Wedding has been funded from life savings of either the B&G, the parents or both. Must be lovely to have sufficient cash to pay for all the major expenses in life without any help from friends or family!

    Premier Icon footflaps
    Subscriber

    People are renting for longer and getting married later, I’d rather have/give money towards a house or the honeymoon rather than a new toaster or silver plated gravy jug.

    To me that seems just mad. If you can’t afford a deposit on a house, you certainly shouldn’t spend anything on a wedding and just get married in a registry office.

    Premier Icon footflaps
    Subscriber

    It’s people’s big day to celebrate their love and throw a party for their loved ones, let them do it however they like..

    I’m not saying don’t do it, but if they’re borrowing money to throw it, I reserve the right to think of them as ‘stupid’.

    Are there really people who would accept a Wedding invitation without any intention of bringing a gift?

    Yes, if you don’t have a lot of money and it’s going to cost you a lot of money to attend said wedding, I don’t think that’s unreasonable. I’d rather have my friends come and be part of my day and if they can’t afford a gift, so be it.

    However, when we went to a wedding locally that didn’t cost us for the travel and overnight accommodation, we contributed to the honeymoon pot. But still the couple in question would never have dreamed of making attendance conditional upon a gift.

    Premier Icon footflaps
    Subscriber

    If it’s compulsory then it’s not really a gift….

    Premier Icon stilltortoise
    Subscriber

    Nothing wrong with asking for cash, but it is very difficult to do so in a way that won’t grate some people. My wife and I did this some years back and whilst I think it was the right thing to do (ours was for honeymoon) it still upsets me that some probably found it offensive.

    The whole tradition of a wedding is out-dated and this is just one change that shouldn’t be frowned upon. Personally I think the whole shebang could go one step further and ask people to pay for their own food and drink. A vast proportion of wedding budget is on feeding people, so if guests paid their own way instead of buying unwanted gifts or giving cash, everyone’s a winner. Better that than the newly weds going home with a load of tat they don’t want or need…and I’m not talking about their new spouse 🙂

    gonzy
    Member

    Yes, if you don’t have a lot of money and it’s going to cost you a lot of money to attend said wedding, I don’t think that’s unreasonable. I’d rather have my friends come and be part of my day and if they can’t afford a gift, so be it.

    However, when we went to a wedding locally that didn’t cost us for the travel and overnight accommodation, we contributed to the honeymoon pot. But still the couple in question would never have dreamed of making attendance conditional upon a gift.

    i agree with this. my family made a point of specifically stating on the invite for guests not to give any boxed gifts…simply being there to share in the occasion was more than enough…the cash gifts were a nice bonus…we still ended up with loads of electrical items such as toasters and irons and quite a few dinner sets…
    personally i’d feel more comfortable giving cash rather than a gift that the b&g might not like which then becomes a waste of money

    Premier Icon footflaps
    Subscriber

    Surely if you did do a wedding list it would be stuff you actually wanted? Do people really create a list of stuff they don’t actually want?

    breatheeasy
    Member

    Surely if you did do a wedding list it would be stuff you actually wanted? Do people really create a list of stuff they don’t actually want?

    You’d be surprised! Especially if it’s a John Lewis type present list – very easy to end up putting tat down (or the matching salt and pepper set to the plates you do actually want) just to give options. JL would make a killing if they worked out how to allow people to put contributions to, say, a washing machine or fridge freezer.

    I’m kinda on the side of if you have to ask for money then your wedding is costing too much brigade. Maybe a halfway house is asking for gift receipts for the presents you get 😛

    Premier Icon Clover
    Subscriber

    Are these threads related?

    tonyd
    Member

    Most seem to be assuming that said wedding would cost tens of thousands of pounds? I don’t see the harm in asking for cash, as already said though it would be polite to say what it was for. If the guests actually know you I’m sure they won’t mind.

    Two weddings in recent years that spring to mind, the first was a fairly well off couple who were just setting up a new B&B business. The wedding list contained everything they’d need to kit out the B&B which I thought was a bit off so we bought them a couple of trees to plant in the garden and mark the occasion, they understood and appreciated the gesture. The second was an average couple on average wages who get by, they asked for cash towards the honeymoon so we gave them more than we’d have spent on a present.

    We haven’t got married yet as we can’t afford it (together 9 years with two kids, trying to buy a house) and we’re thinking that when we finally do do it we’ll go for a registry office with close friends and family, then throw a big party for everyone with a free bar and no gifts. If we can stretch to it we’ll also include cheap hotel rooms for those that need them. Seems like a better way to spend what money we have as what we really want is everyone there with us, bells and whistles would be nice but not a requirement.

    Premier Icon leffeboy
    Subscriber

    Actually, reading this again, I think that cash if it is for something specific is a good thing (e.g. flights for a trip or something they are unlikely to get otherwise). Cash for the sake of cash is a bit dodgier. But if friends wanted cash just to help cover the cost of the party and make it bigger and more fun I’d be up for that as well.

    Premier Icon leffeboy
    Subscriber

    they asked for cash towards the honeymoon

    Brilliant. i’d go for that as well. I’d rather contribute towards great memories than a house full of tat that I chose

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    Don’t get me started on second weddings! FFS. I turned down an invite, having been to the groom’s first one and just think it’s all a bit silly when you’re middle-aged and shouldn’t be wanting to be prince/princess for the day. 😐

    Premier Icon ransos
    Subscriber

    We had a wine list. So now there’s a cellar stuffed with vintage champagne, claret and port ready to be opened on anniversaries and birthdays.

    Pip pip!

    joemarshall
    Member

    Personally I think the whole shebang could go one step further and ask people to pay for their own food and drink

    Sounds like:”Hi, I’m having a big party, which you are under a certain amount of pressure to attend, please could you pay for it (ps. and we’re having it at some ridiculous hotel where a pretty poor 3 course meal will cost £70 a head, and beer is £5 a pint)”.

    I guess people who have a pub or nice restaurant meal, without extra wedding tax, and if they’re the sort of people you’d go out for a meal with them anyway, it doesn’t sound so bad, but for most ‘wedding venue’ type places it would be taking the piss (and I bet loads of people wouldn’t bother coming if you did).

    mrmonkfinger
    Member

    We asked for B&Q vouchers.

    We had plenty of stuff to put in the house, but the house itself was a bit defective in a number of areas. Everyone was cool about it. I guess it just depends on how you do it. Plus its just a bit awkward for guests to giftwrap a 3m section of kitchen worktop or a concrete lintel.

    larrydavid
    Member

    Asking for money is unbelievably tacky and thoroughly naff.

    The only way it would be acceptable would be if you were totally broke then maybe. And by that I mean keeping the wolves from the door, not ‘can’t afford a nice car/bathroom suite/bike holiday this year’.

    If anyone asks me for money, they’re getting sod all.

    When it comes to weddings normally reasonable people end up acting like spoilt, entitled brats.

    zokes
    Member

    Asking for money is unbelievably tacky and thoroughly naff.

    Unless you happen to be asking for it for any number of reasons, as detailed by many above.

    Reading FAIL

    pocketrocket
    Member

    I had been with my Missus 15 years before we finally got round to tying the knot last September.

    We made no mention of cash or gifts on the invite and left it to people to make up their own mind as to what kind of gift we would receive ( if any).

    As it turns out some of them clubbed together to buy us a family (got 2 kids,already) weekend in a tree house on the outskirts of Snowdonia, I can honestly say had I been given the money I couldn’t have spent it better myself, we had a fantastic time and the memories will live on a lot longer than any of the other items we brought with cash received. Though to be fair, it was nice to go shopping without looking at prices with the cash gifts!.

    How well do your friends know you? They might surprise you if you leave them to it.

    Premier Icon davieg
    Subscriber

    JL would make a killing if they worked out how to allow people to put contributions to, say, a washing machine or fridge freezer.

    They do, they are called vouchers, or faulty tenners if you prefer 😉

    Asking for cash is pretty naff and would not appeal to me. Personally, I am not so keen on honeymoon contributions, but understand it and have made gifts that way if that is what the couple want. Always better to ask for something tangible and concrete.

    Most weddings I have been at, including my own, have stated being there is a gift enough. This shows an appreciation of the time and effort people spend on attending. I equally think that some form of gift shows an appreciation of being fed and watered. This is all within reason and is dependent of course, on your circumstances and relationship to the couple which they will equally understand.

    However, some people still wish to give gifts so better to tell them what you want, or direct it where you want it.

    Premier Icon stilltortoise
    Subscriber

    Interesting thread in that it’s clear some people fundamentally object to giving cash, or are they objecting to being asked to give cash? It’s a shame, since for every wedding guest who can think of a fab present, there are 10 who will buy tat*

    *ratio invented to make point 🙂

    gonefishin
    Member

    The whole point of wedding presents is, or at least it used to be, that you would be helping a couple set up a home hence the wedding list. That way everyone gets to buy something that the bride and groom actually want, they don’t get four toasters and it avoids the rather tacky (to my mind) approach of asking for money. If you’ve already set up a home before you get married, then why on earth would you ask for presents? If I ever get married, there is no way that I’d have the cheek to ask for presents.

    andyl
    Member

    john lewis vouchers are good – furniture, electronics, kitchen goods and failing that buy nice food and drink at Waitrose.

    MY friends did a good idea a few years back. They were going heli skiing so they used a website that lets you buy certain experiences for them while on their honeymoon – Xft of altitude in the helicopter, spa, romantic meal, husky ride etc. They had lived together for a few years and had everything else they needed.

    skids
    Member

    Why not just charge an admission fee instead?

    titusrider
    Member

    we asked for money towards a NZ honeymoon, we had some v generous family and are now going in December 🙂 #HolidayOfALifetime

    johndoh
    Member

    Why not just charge an admission fee instead?

    We did that for the midnight show.

    wilko1999
    Member

    We scraped together £2500 (not including honeymoon) for our wedding and had close family and friends only totalling 30 people. We didn’t want presents but said to people that if they desperately wanted to give us something then a donation towards our honeymoon fund would be hugely appreciated. Whats wrong with that? Any good family and friends will understand, and anyone that doesn’t (or thinks its cheap or chavvy) don’t count

    trail_rat
    Member

    we had this discussion.

    registrars and a free bar/decent quality buffet for all involved, no gifts.

    Probably be a better night than a crap sit down meal.

    only been to one wedding where the meal was good and it was food from the kilberry inn ….. i believe that wedding was 10s of thousands….. lovely though.

    but we were never normal.

    i suspect we will be thwarted by the powers that be (both sets of parents…..)

    Premier Icon stilltortoise
    Subscriber

    ^

    Whats wrong with that?

    Absolutely nothing in my opinion.

    Premier Icon Imabigkidnow
    Subscriber

    I’m .. flying .. to a wedding over the weekend (others are there for a full week).

    Stag was 3 days in Amsterdam
    Wedding is in another country
    There’ll be a second bash back at home for those that couldn’t/wouldn’t travel to the main event.

    But they’re asking for cash for a honeymoon.

    no way.

    They’re close relatives of mine. My ‘wedding’ cost £150 and no one was invited! 🙂 We just told them afterwards.

    Admittedly we were in Vegas already, and had already co-habited for 6 years!

    Premier Icon footflaps
    Subscriber

    If I ever get married, there is no way that I’d have the cheek to ask for presents.

    That was our thinking…..

    Premier Icon Pik n Mix
    Subscriber

    4 weeks left until my wedding, I don’t want anything from any of my guests except their attendance on the day. We have paid for everything ourselves including the honeymoon but are still being asked what gifts we would like.

    A page has been set up so people can pay for massages, meals, excursions etc on the honeymoon but personally I hope no one goes for it as it would seriously eat into piña colada o’clock!

    Premier Icon Imabigkidnow
    Subscriber

    piña colada o’clock!

    😆

    I’m a Margarita man myself

Viewing 40 posts - 41 through 80 (of 83 total)

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