The issue:

I’ve been invited (with Mrs tiger and the cubs) to a Platinum Jubilee garden party at my parents in law. I think it is going to be a bit on the gammony side. For example, my brother in law recently used the word ‘magnificent’ to describe old Liz Windsor…

Do I:

A) Refuse to go on a point of principle and earn multiple reverse brownie points?

B) Agree to go whilst secretly praying it pisses down and is called off?

But B), should it not piss down leads to options:

i) Try to stay out of the way of the gammoniness and muck about with the kids as far away as possible from the festivities and agree not to have a beer so I do the driving.

ii) Get shitfaced and harangue anyone within earshot about my republican views – starting with the reddest-faced tosspot I can find.

Discuss.

Aren’t republican views and gammony views fairly closely aligned?

I understand your sentiment but if you are going to attend a

Platinum Jubilee garden party

I think you have to put on your Union Jack underpants and go with it

You could just go and actually try and have a nice time with your wife and kids.

Do whatever you want to do, you’re a grown adult.

When my street had a garden party for VE Day, I joined in by hanging an EU flag from my house. I think you need the right outfit and then you will be able to drink quietly and peacefully in a corner.

Perhaps a nice clean new t-shirt?

Perhaps a nice clean new t-shirt?

Let me know what you decide and how it works out.

Whilst not quite the same, I have a lower level dilemma with the local village effort, a four day gammonfest in honour of the Saxe-Coburg-Gothas.

This:

A) Refuse to go on a point of principle

Or this is also reasonable:

ii) Get shitfaced and harangue anyone within earshot about my republican views

Definitely not this:

You could just go and actually try and have a nice time with your wife and kids.

I’m basically B followed by backup plan i) aka keep quiet. Which almost stopped my posting on this thread because I now expect this to run to 5 pages.

My daughter has one of these, could work.

If you love your wife go.

Otherwise sort that life is too short do whatever you want.

Just don’t go. I’m sure if they knew what you were thinking they probably wouldn’t want you there anyway.

‘B’ it is, then.

<Goes off to research Navajo rain dance techniques>

Aren’t republican views and gammony views fairly closely aligned?

Not in the UK sense, no.

Go and say how disgusting the behaviour of dumbojo and his scumbags was to her royal highness and that you’ll never vote for them again.
A true blue gammon can only agree . The revolution starts with you brother.
FIGHT THE POWER.

You needed to play the long game. When my cousin’s husband was bitching about Meghan during the black lives matter protests I just posted pics of randy Andy and creepy Jeffrey on his Facebook page. Blocked and no invites.

Go and play your own game of Gammon Go a bit like Pokemon Go but you choose targets and coerce them into being more gammony for which you score points.

I go with B but pull a last minute A if needed

I was most pleased when my wife suggested we just go away on the WE of our local street party. She normally moans that I’m just a miserable bastard (true), but obvs a street party is a step too far for her as well…..

My road is doing similar, hope they enjoy it as much as my bike ride…

Go, and deliberately out-gammon them. Goad them on.

As you escalate their ranting, turn it up to 11.

If someone starts shouting whilst red in the face, all the time agreeing with your views, you win. If someone figures out your game before the shouting/heart attacks start, you lose, and make a swift exit, stage left.

The ‘gammons’ around me asked if they could use our drainpipe for the street party bunting but it all was going to be republican.

Go and play your own game of Gammon Go a bit like Pokemon Go but you choose targets and coerce them into being more gammony for which you score points.

Never mind football, this is sounds an awesome spectator sport 🙂

Definitely B with sub-option i)
Suggest you head to redbubble.com to buy some EU logo clothes – tees and some very natty leggings.
Maybe tiger cubs are in need of some new tees?
Download a recording of Ode to Joy to play in car as you arrive – windows down and volume up.
Also find flash mob clip of same on youtube and play on your phone repeatedly through the ‘party’ keeping phone in pocket but at max volume.
HTH

I think you have to put on your Union Jack underpants and go with it

I say, no matter what, turning up in just your undercrackers could be a step too far…

Do you believe in God ? do you celebrate Christmas ? Just because you don’t agree with something doesn’t mean you have to be a dick about it, moaning about the royal family at a family party isn’t going to suddenly change others views live and let live. I think the Monarchy is bollox but I’m really looking forward to my week in France only using 3 days holiday, cheers Liz. Bonus, I won’t see any of the celebrations

You could just go and actually try and have a nice time with your wife and kids.

This. If you can’t manage to be civil to people who don’t share your political views then I think it says more about you than them.

Agree with the last 2 posters, other people probably don’t care about your deeply held passionate beliefs. For most of the attendees it’s just an excuse for a party, they won’t have though too much about the monarchy. It’s a shame but most people in this country are like it. Go and enjoy the party or dont go because you dont like parties but dont project your prejudices onto others, you’re probably assigning political views onto others that really aren’t there.

but I’m really looking forward to my week in France only using 3 days holiday, cheers Liz. Bonus, I won’t see any of the celebrations

the state she was in i am wondering if its only the first extra holiday we get this year in the name of the chief sponger.

Find some urgent DIY jobs to busy yourself with. Drill through a pipe or something.

drill through your foot trying to erect a flag pole.

get drunk and make a scene, urinating on the germans portrait should do it.

Life’s too short, go ride a bike instead. If your missus loves you, she will forgive you. If she doesn’t, more time to ride bikes.

Ride there in your full sausage fest lycra. In fact enhance your package with a strategically placed courgette.
Have some nice gammon sandwiches and crisps, remove courgette, ride home.
You might get offered some extras from tipsy ladies. Best declined if you want to stay married.
What could possibly go wrong

Just go and let your kids enjoy playing with other kids, your wife chat to her friends/family and just mingle, it’s the way of life for most, be it kids birthday’s, family events, etc, etc, you just have to suck it up at times, show up and put on a happy face!

Go dressed as Jeremy Corbyn. Full geography teacher look, stick on beard with a little Stalin hat, Free Palestine badge, carrying round a framed, signed picture of Gerry Adams

I’m not into the Royals but my wife is. We’re going to a street party because she wants to, I’m not a cock, I love her and it isn’t a big deal as the neighbours are all nice people.

Go and say how disgusting the behaviour of dumbojo and his scumbags was to her royal highness

And watch their heads explode….

Enjoy the extra day off. Don’t be a dick.

Mr stainypants has it right.