My 5yo son brought home a page of sheet music from his recorder lesson. A basic rhythm, 3 or 4 bars, all played with one note.

My wife asked him what the tune was.

He started humming the Star Wars theme.

Wy wife was well impressed that he could read music so well after only 2 or 3 lessons.

I had to explain.

8 year old girl to step mum: –

“I’m 8 this year aren’t I?”
“yes sweetie”
“And in 8 years time I can start to drive?”
“yep!”
“I like your new red mini!”
“… no, just no!”

Did NOT see that coming 😮

Last year my nephew (4 ish then), when I was out somewhere with him, a gaggle of ~12 year old girls walked past he stopped, put his hands on his hips, rocked on his heels and went “Hello ladies!” and carried on walking. Cue lots of swooning / fawning from the girls. Atta boy 😀

From today, my three year old again:

“Don’t wipe your nose on your sleeve.”

“I didnt. I wiped my sleeve on my nose…see watch…”

My three year old other day had a dodgy belly and said he needed a poo so off he went when he came back he said he couldn’t do one and his belly still hurt he said he sat down and just paint came out , he was very sad about this 😉

Boy in a friend of mine’s primary school class on being shown an olympic torch by someone who ran with on so got to keep it etc that 8000 people carried the torch and the holes on the torch represent those 8000 people

“Which hole are you?”

“it’s party time” is a classic

My eldest, aged about 6 got a bit concerned about dad’s roadraging tendencies and said, “try to keep calm dad – shouting at the morons doesn’t help”.
The wife thought this was hilarious and started taking the piss a bit, until “mum just shouts FUGGERRELL !” 😆

She also once described Stockton (where I was brought up) as a bag of skin that holds your testicles. Fair enough.

Sitting on a bench in Bourg d’oisans two years ago eating ice cream on a hot day. Middle aged english couple sitting beside us.

Son (7) turns to me and says “Dad, I’m sweating like a whore in a church”

I blame Rob Warner for that one 😳

My eldest, aged about 6 … “try to keep calm dad – shouting at the morons doesn’t help”.

Your eldest should have a word with that loony bag-of-skin-that-holds-your-testicles being discussed here

Toddler P playing with a balloon he got from a birthday party..
“I’m really pleased with my balloon”

A few minutes later, once it had popped…
“Mummy, I’m less pleased now” 🙁

Bless!

And last night, after a mixed up ‘nap time’ that continued into ‘normal sleep time’, he awoke and said
“can I have some calpol, my tummy hurts”
Wife: “Is it hurting, or hungry?”
“That’s it – I’m hungry..”

Proceeded to eat a whole roast dinner portion we’d saved – what a midnight snack!

DrP

one i’ll never forget – we used to have some old xmas decorations hanging in the kitchen (as you do)…..

“daddy will you help me reach for the stars”

Just remembered one from when my cousin stayed. He went to the toilet and when he came out his mum asked if he had washed his hands.
Why? He asked and she explained about germs on the seat when he lifted it getting onto his hands.

He replied ‘you told me that last week so now I use my mouth to lift the seat’

Our twins both had a favourite bedtime toy, daughter’s being a small version of Big Bird, known as Tooty. No one could get to sleep if either were missing their toy, but she had a habit of hiding Tooty and forgetting where she’d put it. Needless to say this meant that virtually every bedtime resulted in Mrs Scape telling us all that she spent half her life searching for Tooty. Her brother was far more phlegmatic than she was, and simply ensured that his toy, a glove puppet fox, was tucked up in bed ready for when he came down. One evening (they’d have been about three)I came in from work to find the kids in bed, and asked if Mum had read them a story. Scape Jr looked up and said in a deadpan voice “No, she’s too busy looking for that bastard bird.”

This morning we were asking my 6yo why she felt the need to wake us up at 5:45 to put her hair-band away after she’d been for an early morning trip to the loo…
The conversation had been going back and forwards with her coming out with increasingly nonsensical excuses…

In the end she erupted from nowhere with “Well anyway! I’ll be Santa one day!”.

That still has be confused and amused in equal measure…

Nursery nativity is 2 weeks away, Tyred Jr (4) is a shepherd. Mrs Tyred was sorting out his costume yesterday – robe, tea towel headdress, that sort of thing.

Tyred Jr, looking puzzled: “Where are my big teeth? And my claws?”

Us: “Eh???”

Tyred Jr: “And my spots? Shepherds have spots you know. They don’t have stripes. Tigers have stripes.”

The Tyred household is not a committed Christian one.

Yunki Jr (3) marched down this morning after a visit to the potty and declared..

‘dad, there’s poo on my bedroom door’

It was funny peculiar rather than funny ha ha.. and on further investigation I discovered that there was indeed poo on the bedroom door..

quite a lot of it..

I love this thread, you couldn’t make it up. It actually makes me broody.

I remember when I was about 6 or 7, I shouted ‘Bring out the Bastards’ I meant to say Branston, my Mum did not see the funny side – belted for that one I was.

My son used to called them, and even now the whole family still call them ‘Smokerettes’.

scardypants
She also once described Stockton (where I was brought up) as a bag of skin that holds your testicles. Fair enough.
sorry my bag of skin is useful and i have become quite fond of it, Stockton on the other hand

Stepdaughter: “Cant wait for Sunday when Dad gives me my forst driving lesson – I’m really excited”

Me: “Cool. Er… which car will you be driving?”

Stepdaughter: “Yours”

😯

Family holiday at Flamingo land a good few years ago, me and the kids were pottering around the animal park section when we noticed that the rangers were prepping for a ‘feeding time’ at the tortoise section.

Kids (5&3) said they wanted to see it so they bagsied space at the fence right next to the tortoises. As the crowd grew, I dropped back to let a few more nippers in close.

feeding time starts, the rangers start telling the kids how great the tortoises were etc etc, 5 mins in my 5 yr old boy stands up, turns to me (10 feet away) and yells at me, while pointing to the tortoise

‘Dad, there’s good eating on one of them’

Proud moment.

Well, today I had “who’s the man who licks your willy daddy”…..

I blame Numberjacks….

DrP

My grandmother died recently and we explained this to my two five year olds by pointing out that she was very old at 95 and this was a normal thing to happen at that age.

The following day we took my other grandmother out for lunch….

Boy A: ‘gran gran, how old are you?’

Grandmother: ‘I’m 93.’

Boy B: ‘you’ll be dead soon, daddy will have to rent another truck to empty your house. I like trucks’

You could have heard a pin drop in the restaurant.

😀

My 2.5yr-old is going through a creepy stage – she turned to me this morning and said “the moon is still watching you”.

Another for the list…

Power Rangers Samurai has the catchphrase “by the power of the Ancestors”.
In our household it’s migrated to “by the power of the incestors“.
Brilliant.

DrP

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjX9trDwp_o[/video]

On Wednesday night was getting more exasperated with son two not going to bed. I was pronouncing it with two syllables to give it some emphasis.

Me: bed, BED, BE Deh

Him: Bed Trois

He’s 5