Funny Things Children Say
Sitting having dinner tonight I was trying to get my 3yr old son to eat carrots by telling him the age old adage that they would help him see in the dark. He looked me in the eye and told me to “just turn on the lights”. Can’t really argue with that! Anyone else got smart assed kids?Posted 5 years agoCaptainFlashheartMember
Youngest son of an ex-girlfiend (Who is still a very dear friend!) ran up to me recently, in a church, before a christening for a mutual friend’s son.
In a non-stage whisper, that only a child can muster, he shouted, “CFH, are you my mummy’s boyfriend?”
It’s rare that I am lost for words.Posted 5 years agothegreatapeMember
About 3 weeks ago my 5yr old son spotted a dwarf in the supermarket. Unfortunately he was only about 5 yards away when he asked ‘Dad, is that even a real man?’
I think some of my subsequent advice must have sunk in, because when we saw a dwarf couple at Braehead yesterday all he did was keep looking at them and trying to follow them.Posted 5 years agojoemarshallMember
In the swimming pool changing rooms Rose came out with ‘look, man rubbing his nipples’. In the pool, she wanted to stand on the hot bit where the warm water comes in but a woman was standing there, ‘lady, go swim up and down please’. Hmm, we have work to do I think!Posted 5 years agoCougarSubscriber
At a party a few years ago, the hosts’ young kid wanted to help so the parents had him go round handing out snacks. They told him to tell people they had cheese in them.
Cue the kid going round with a tray, then as the guests bite into an offering, innocently blurting out, “they’ve got jizz in.”Posted 5 years agohughjayteensMember
By the pool in portugal a couple of years ago, my 3 year old son said ‘I hope I don’t get stung by an eskimo’. I assume he was talking about a mozzy as opposed to the business scruples of the Inuits!
I was explaining to my 6 year old daughter why I say ‘bath’ when she and the wife say ‘barth’ and she said ‘It must be much easier to learn northern than english daddy, as you just say it like it’s written’ !!!
My wife was very proud of her!Posted 5 years agoneninjaMember
Last weekend our 2 boys stayed the night with my parents.
The next morning my mum told me about a conversation she’d had with Ben (7).
Ben – Granny is cock a rude word
Mum – Not really it’s just a silly word. It means a boy chicken.
Ben – Why would someone call other drivers a boy chicken?
Busted 😳Posted 5 years agobinnersSubscriber
While at a christening, a friends daughter was staring up at the church roof all the way through the service. After a while of studiously surveying it, she nods confidently and announces “Yep. Definitely big enough to keep a giraffe”
My eldest daughter calls me turbine hill head. As if she was going to put a wind turbine anywhere, my big baldy bonce would apparently be the perfect site. I’m quite flattered that she thinks I have some practical usePosted 5 years agogravitysucksMember
Dropping my 5 Year old daughter off at school the other day she starts to tell her friends mum (who is highly attractive) about her Daddy’s willy.Posted 5 years ago
Her: You know my daddy has a really big willy, its much bigger than Ben’s (My 3 year old boy)…
Me: Nervous laughter
Her: He can make it grow…
Me: Look of shock and starting to go red.
Her: It gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger……
until he can wrap it round a branch and swing from it like spiderman.
Me: Bursts out laughing and breathes a sigh of relief wondering where the hell she was going!RickosMember
When the wife asked the 3 1/2 year old why the 18 month old pooed more than him, his reply was “Because he has shorter legs”.
I can only assume he fathomed this because of me saying all his food had gone down into his legs.
Eldest (then about 3) used to point and shout in sheer astonishment at women in tights “That lady’s got black legs!”.Posted 5 years agorocketmanMember
Went to visit some relatives a while back with the (then) three-year old rocket jr.
The relatives have four daughters who have no concept of the word ‘tidy’ you have to watch your step when you walk in and move magazines/clothes/makeup/remote controls/plates/cups to one side before you can sit down. The house is like a bomb site.
As he walked in Rocket jr asked in a loud voice ‘What’s happened here?’
😆Posted 5 years ago
The topic ‘Funny Things Children Say’ is closed to new replies.