Funny footie chants

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  • Funny footie chants
  • local derby game, high ball two players jomp, and there’s a collision of heads
    United player gets up, rubs head walks away
    Dundee plyer is stays down and rolls about a bit.

    “leave him there and let him die, dooh dah, doo dah
    leave hoim there and let him die, dooh dah dooh dah”

    At a rangers manager at the time
    “he’s wee he’s fat
    he’s gonae get the sack
    Dick Advocaat, Dick Advocaat”

    To Andy Goram, after he was doagnosed with a mild form of schzophrenia
    “Two Andy Gorams, There’s only two Andy Gorams”

    Dundee United fans, most Saturdays for a couple of years
    “We’re shyte, and we know we are
    We’re shyte and we know we are”

    And one of those years, whilst flirting with relegation, Dundee Unted made it to the Cup Final
    “Down with a trophy
    We’re going down with a trophy”

    “Robinho on the bus goes round and round.”
    Man City fans celebrate Robinho’s shopping trip on the bus.

    “Knight fever, Knight fever – he knows where the goal is.”
    Rushden supporters serenade Leon Knight, to the tune of the Bee Gees’ Night Fever. Sadly it was good-Knight soon afterwards when the striker was sacked.

    “He’s fast, he’s red, he talks like Father Ted, Robbie Keane.”
    Liverpool salute their short-stay striker.

    “John Carew, Carew. He likes a lap-dance or two. He might even pay for you. John Carew, Carew.”
    Villa fans to their striker after he was caught visiting a gentlemen’s club.

    “Chu-rch, whoah-oh-oh, Chu-rch, whoah-oh-oh,
    His name suggests he’s holy, he’s gonna beat your goalie!”
    On-loan striker Simon Church is heralded by the Leyton Orient faithful.

    “Leighton Baines – I bet you think this song is about you.”
    Everton fans, to the tune of You’re So Vain by Carly Simon.

    “There’s only one Vince Grella, ella, ella, hey, hey, hey.”
    Heard at Blackburn-Wigan to the tune of Umbrella by Rihanna.

    Ipswich fans to Ivan Campo, to the tune of Ottawan’s D.I.S.C.O.

    “Don’t you wish your midfield had Kompany?”
    Man City fans serenade Vincent Kompany, to the tune of the Pussycat Dolls’ Don’t Cha.

    “Dimi, Dimi, Dimi, Dimi, Konstantopoulos – he swam away, to Cardiff bay.”
    Cardiff fans salute their on-loan goalkeeper, to the tune of Karma Chameleon.

    “Viva Da Silva, Viva Da Silva, when they’re on the pitch, we don’t know which is which, Viva da Silva!”
    Man Utd supporters on the debut of Fabio da Silva, twin brother of Rafael.

    “Your car’s too fast for you!”
    Derby fans to Ronaldo before the Carling Cup semi-final second leg – days after he had totalled his Ferrari.

    “Get your mascot off the pitch!”
    AFC Hornchurch fans to Peterborough’s pint-sized midfielder Dean Keates.

    “Shall we poach an egg for you?”
    Aberdeen supporters to Rangers defender Kirk Broadfoot, injured when an egg exploded in his microwave.

    “Tom Davis whoah-oh-oh,
    Tom Davis whoah-oh-oh,
    He’s better than Zidane,
    He’s got a perma-tan.”
    Sung by AFC Wimbledon fans to the bronzed Tom Davis.

    “When the ball hits your head and you sit in row Z, that’s Zamora!”
    Heard at Bolton v Fulham to the tune of ‘That’s Amore’.

    “Speroni, whoah-oh-oh,
    Speroni, whoah-oh-oh
    He’s got a ponytail,
    His name is like an ale.”
    Crystal Palace fans to keeper Julian Speroni.

    “For he’s a jolly good Vela!”
    Arsenal fans salute Carlos Vela at the Emirates.

    “Fahey’s a jolly good fellow.”
    Birmingham fans at Doncaster, in honour of midfielder Keith Fahey.

    “He’s going green in a minute!”
    Sang at Arsenal v Porto whenever Porto’s Hulk touched the ball.

    “We love our Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny,
    Baldy Headed Warren Feeney.”
    Northern Ireland fans, to the tune of Yellow Polka Dot Bikini.

    “Where’s your hair at?”
    Basement Jaxx adaptation for Djibril Cisse, heard at Man City v Sunderland.

    “Whoh-oh Theo Walcott, Theo, Theo Walcott. He’s an Englishman at Arsenal.”
    Arsenal fans to the tune of Sting’s Englishman In New York.

    “Allan, Allan McGregor, he couldn’t handle his Stella!”
    To the tune of Abracadabra by the Steve Miller Band. Sung by Scotland supporters in the pub after the Iceland game, when MacGregor was banned for drinking.

    “Dee-dum, dee-dum, dee-dum, dee-dum, Car-los Cueller,
    Dee-dum, dee-dum, dee-dum, deed-dum, Car-los Cueller,
    He’s 6ft 3 with curly hair, and goofy teeth but we don’t care,
    He’s Carlos Cueller, the Villa centre-half!”
    To the tune of the animals went in two-by-two.

    Premier Icon theotherjonv

    not a chant but I heard a great tale similar to the first story of bigbutslimmerbloke’s post.

    The bloke out sparko on the floor is revived with a dose of the smelling salts, but is clearly concussed. The message goes back to the bench – “It’s no good boss, he doesn’t even know who he is, what shall I do?”

    Message comes back from the bench. “Tell him he’s Pele and move him up front!”

    I think the funniest thing in this line I heard was a few years ago at the last game of the season when the entire crowd sang “always look on the bright side of life” as their team were relegated.


    I laughed at this one when i realised what they were singing!

    Park, Park, Where ever you may be
    You eat dogs in your home country
    But it could be worse
    You could be a scouse
    Eating rats in your council house!

    To Ji Sung Park, Man Uniteds Korean superstar!

    Your sister is your mother
    Your uncle is your brother
    You all f@*k one another
    The Norwich family
    der der der der clap clap etc


    I fear none of the above have the quality of many thousands of people asking David Beckham, using the medium of song, “Does she take it up the arse?”.

    Neath! Neath! Neath! Neath! Neath! Neath!Neath! Neath! Neath!Neath! Neath! Neath!Neath! Neath! Neath!Neath! Neath! Neath!Neath! Neath! Neath!

    Neath Rugby supporters chant – frightening!

    tankslapper – Member

    Neath! Neath! Neath! Neath! Neath! Neath!Neath! Neath! Neath!Neath! Neath! Neath!Neath! Neath! Neath!Neath! Neath! Neath!Neath! Neath! Neath!

    Neath Rugby supporters chant – frightening!

    Thats the creative welsh for you!! Sure it wasn’t “sheep, sheep, sheep”


    to the tune of ‘You’re My Sunshine’….

    You’re a scouser
    An ugly scouser
    Your only happy, on giro day
    Your mums out thieving
    Your dads drug dealing
    Please don’t take my hub caps away

    pmsl – read that rudeboy!

    Go down the pub, drink 6 pints, you’ll get really plastered
    go back home and beat yer wife,big fat northern bastard

    “Ginger hair is unacceptable”

    St. Mirren


    I remember when City played Albion just after Barton’s brother got sent down, the whole of the Brummie Road was chanting ‘where’s your brother gone, where’s your brother gone’

    Premier Icon NZCol

    “You’re slightly worse than we are, You’re slightly worse than we are”

    The joys of the Wellington Phoenix !


    1) The new Ji-Sung Park song at OT.

    “Park, Park, Where ever you may be
    You eat dogs in your home country
    But it could be worse
    You could be a scouse
    Eating rats in your council house”

    2 **************************************
    (To the tune of The Addams Family) by fans visiting Norwich:

    Your sister is your mother
    Your uncle is your brother
    You all f@*k one another
    The Norwich family
    der der der der clap clap etc

    3 **************************************
    Newcastle fans towards Sunderland fans.

    ‘Going down, going down, going down.’

    Sunderland fans reply…..

    ‘So are we , so are we , so are we.’

    4 ***************************************
    “Where’s your real dad, where’s your real dad!?”

    Charlton fans to Shaun Wright-Philips

    5 ***************************************
    Toon fans to JF Hasselbaink. He even laughed!:

    “You’re just a fat Eddie Murphy”

    6 ***************************************
    (To the tune of Craig David – Rewind):


    7 ***************************************
    To Graham Rix when he was released from prison after being convicted
    for, well, you know… (To the Manic Street Preachers song):

    “If you tolerate RIX, then your children will be next”

    8 ****************************************
    West Brom sang:

    the premier league is upside down
    the premier league is upside down
    we’re up the top Chelsea bottom

    the premier league is upside down

    then a few seconds later

    champions……………champions…………..cha mpions

    9 ***************************************
    He’s here, he’s there
    We’re not allowed to swear
    Frank Leboeuf, Frank Leboeuf”

    Chelsea fans after Leboeuf said in a radio interview that he didn’t
    like the idea of a swear word in his song.

    10 **************************************
    A song about Tim Howard’s tourettes syndrome…..
    *in style of Chim-Chiminey*

    Tim timminy
    Tim timminy
    Tim Tim Tirooo
    We’ve got Tim Howard
    and he says F*CK YOU!!

    11 ***************************************
    In reference to Jaime Carragher’s dad being banned from football
    stadia after being arrested for being drunk at a football match…

    He’s red,
    He’s sound,
    He’s banned from every ground,
    Carra’s dad,
    Carra’s dad

    12 ***************************************
    Sung by Birmingham fans after Heskey started banging in the goals at
    St Andrews…

    There’s only one Emile Heskey,
    one Emile Heskey,
    He used to be sh**e,
    But now he’s alright,
    Walking in a Heskey wonderland

    13 ***************************************
    Here’s a beauty sung at Highbury when Cygan is drafted in as emergency

    He’s bald,
    He’s sh*t,
    He plays when no-one’s fit,
    Pascal Cygan!
    Pascal Cygan!

    14 ***************************************
    To the tune of Rebel Rebel

    Neville Neville, you play in defence,
    Neville Neville, your play is immense,
    Neville Neville, like Jacko you’re bad,
    Neville Neville is the name of your dad

    15 ****************************************
    Don’t blame it on the Biscan,
    Don’t blame it on the Hamann,
    Don’t blame it on the Finnan,
    Blame it on Traore,
    He just can’t, He just can’t, He just can’t control his feet.
    He just can’t, He just can’t, He just can’t control his feet.

    16 **************************************
    “Two Andy Gorams, there’s only two Andy Gorams”…

    Celtic fans to Andy Goram after its revealed the chubby keeper was
    diagnosed with Schizophrenia.

    nicked from here;

    Park, Park, Where ever you may be
    You eat dogs in your home country
    But it could be worse
    You could be a scouse
    Eating rats in your council house


    You’re Fat
    You’re round
    You blew a million pound
    Barry Fry, Barry Fry.

    All away fans at POSH just after he bought the club – a few years ago.

    ‘3-1 and you can’t get home’ – to the tune of Go West

    Ipswich fans to Millwall after an announcement that one of the away coaches had broken down!

    ‘He’s only a poor little Yiddo
    Who stands at the back of the shelf
    He goes to the bar
    And buys a lar-gar
    But don’t get one for nobody else’

    Always makes me chuckle when I’m at White Hart Lane


    Another Tim Howard one..

    ‘Tourettes Tourettes
    He’s in our nets
    F*ck, fc*k, fc*k’


    Our fluffy sheep
    Our fluffy sheep
    Our fluffy sheep are wonderful
    They’re big & white & fluffy
    Our fluffy sheep are wonderful

    A Cardiff song apparently


    “You’ve got a hole in your heart dear Asa, a hole” (to the tune You’ve got a hole in your bucket) – Leeds fans to Man City’s Asa Hartford after a medical when in the proces of signing for Leeds showed he had a major heart defect

    “Does your wife know you’re here?” – Leeds fans to Forest’s Peter Shilton when he was caught ‘playing away from home’

    Premier Icon Northwind

    German fans: “No world wars and 3 world cups, doo dah, doo dah”

    I reckon this is the best football song of all time, the Hearts European Song:

    “And Now, The end is near
    We’ve followed Hearts from Perth to Paisley
    We’ve travelled far, by bus and car
    And other times we’ve went by railway
    We’ve been, to Aberdeen
    We hate the Hibs, they make us spew up
    So make a noise you Gorgie boys
    We’re going to Europe

    To See H – M – F – C
    We’ll even dig the channel tunnel
    When we’re afloat on some big boat
    We’ll tie our scarves around the funnel.
    We have no cares, for other players
    like Rossi, Boniec, or Tardelli
    When we’re overseas, the hibs will be in Portobelly

    We all, can laugh at Hibs
    When we play Chelsea, Metz or Inter
    They’ll travel far, to see Stranraer
    And visit Airdrie in the winter
    While Hearts, go marching on
    And show the Hibs the way to do it,
    They lost at Ayr, and we don’t care,
    We’re going to Europe

    The days, not far away
    When we will reach the heights of glory
    We’ll follow Hearts through foreign parts
    And Gorgie boys will tell the story
    How we scored three, at Napoli
    Took care of Bierhoff and Vierri
    When we’re overseas, the Hibs will watch us on the telly
    (sung to the Frank Sinatra tune “my way”)

    The only trouble is it’s too long, by the time you get to the third verse you’ve been knocked out by Red Star Belgrade.

    Premier Icon Sandwich

    He’s tall, he’s skinny
    He’s going to Barlinnie

    Sung to Duncan Ferguson while awaiting sentencing for assault in Glasgow.


    To the tune of Daydream Believer –

    Oh dear Arsene Wenger,
    What can it be,
    to be a french homosexual
    with a sh*t football team

    Sung by the Spurs fans, who have ironically finished below Arsenal since Wenger joined.


    “Tell him he’s Pele and move him up front!”


    “You only live ’round the corner”

    Wolves at home, sang to the Liverpool fans in the ‘away’ end.

    Premier Icon GrahamS

    “Kazakhstan. Kaaaah-zak-stan. What a bunch of…


    Oh sweet jesus, my leg…


    Oh Christian Daly you are the love of my life.
    Oh Christian Daly I’d let you s*** my wife.
    Oh Christian Daly…I want curly hair to.


    Despite being a Liverpool fan I can’t help finding this one quite amusing.

    When you walk through a storm
    Keep your head down low
    And don’t be afraid of the law
    At the end of a street is an unlocked door
    And the sweet silver coins in the meter

    Steal on through the wind
    Sign on through the rain
    Tho’ your dreams
    Be tossed and blown

    Sign on..
    Sign on..
    With a pen in your hand
    And you’ll never get a job
    You’ll never get a job

    Steal on..
    Sign on..
    With a pen in your hand
    And you’ll never get a job
    You’ll never get a job

    Premier Icon BigJohn

    Villa Fans (after Eduardo broke his leg) to the tune of Volare

    Eduardo oh oh oh oh
    Eduardo oh oh oh oh
    You used to have silky skills
    Now you walk like Heather Mills

    A mate of mine is an Ipswich fan and I went to Portman Road with him to watch a game against Norwich. One of the songs they sing is,

    If I had the wings of a budgie,
    If I had the ar*e of a crow.
    I’d fly over the city of Norwich,
    and sh*t on the bast*rds below….

    Sh*t on, sh*t on, sh*t on the bast*rds below, below.
    Sh*t on, sh*t on, sh*t on the bast*ards below……..


    Bolton fans to Liverpool a few seasons ago after a certain Man Yoo player had been caught being ‘indescreet’ with rather elderly professional ladies

    ‘Has Wayne Rooney shagged yer mam?’

    ‘Same old cockneys, always cheating’ always raises a smile when a Landan team is visting.

    Premier Icon binners

    A funny one from the City fans, at the Manchester Derby, when Ferdinand was banned. To the tune of Duran Duran obviously

    His name is Rio, and he’s sitting in the stands!

    Premier Icon binners

    The scouse fans to Peter Couch when he briefly played for them

    He’s Big! He’s Red!
    His feet stick out of bed!
    Peter crouch. Peter crouch.

    At Stourbridge years ago.

    Player nicknamed Smudge, vertically challenged.

    A goal for Smudge is just enough to give the fans a treat, a goal for Smudge is just enough to prove we can’t be beat, he’s full of Morton’s (Manager) goodness, he’s very small and neat, a goal for Smudge is just enough to give the fans a treat.

    Also . . . Dave Trend, long range freekick specialist.

    His name is Dave n’ he is Trendy and all his balls are really bendy!!!


    My all time favourite was during a particularly rubbish Ipswich v Grimsby match where the away fans were taking a load of stick from the home lot, until they started chanting “We piss on your fish and you know we do!”

    Personally I’ll admit to stopping for a moment and thinking … “do they?”

    Another favourite came during an Ipswich v Liverpool game where the away lot were giving it a lot of Oww Arr Oww Arr, the instant rejoinder to which was “I’d rather be a farmer than a thief”

    some belters fellas – keep it up!
    personal fave at barnsley fans

    “we’ve got a shed as big as this, we’ve got a shed as big as this, its got a door and a window, we’ve got a shed as big as this”

    he plays on the left
    he plays on the right
    that boy ronaldo made england look sh-te
    that **** ronaldo is on the next madrid flight


    “one team in Tallinn, there’s only one team in Tallinn”
    sung by Scotland fans when the Estonian team failed to turn up.

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