- Funeral expenses for Mrs Gnusmas
Read the original thread and was struck by the stw response. So sad to read of Mrs G passing away – thoughts with you all at what must be an unimaginably difficult time.
Small donation made and thanks to spawn for setting up – stw is just amazing at times like this.Posted 4 months ago
Trying to get through each and every day
Since you were sadly taken away
I sometimes wish i was way up high
With you, another star in the sky
I know the kids need me aroundPosted 4 months ago
So i have to stay here on the ground
As hard as it is all alone inside
I will continue to look up at you, far and wide
Alan- seriously, just go with things. If you feel down, let it happen. The funeral will be difficult but reading your FB posts and then looking on here it is plain to see that you have a lot of people out there for you.
Purple was her favorite colour you say… I’ll wear a bit of purple, just for both of you.
I’m loving these clear skies at the moment, letting us all see the stars oh so clearly.Posted 4 months ago
Shirt, tie (cadburys purple), trousers hanging up.
Order of service done.
Visited Lyanda yes. 4 times over the last 2 days. Definitely got easier at each visit. Able to tell her things i wasn’t able to before. I think helped me ease my mind a bit and try to control the chaos inside.
The final goodbye tonight was very difficult and very painful. Knowing it was the last time i would see her as i have known her all these years is tough, very tough. But it has all helped to focus my mind on tomorrow. I know i will cry and i know i will go to pieces, but I’m ok with that. Having to deal with it all is another matter, and one that will take a long time to be able to deal with.
Hopefully, tomorrow will go as well as any funeral can go. There will be sadness, tears as well as happy memories. Tomorrow will be the day i say a final goodbye to my best friend, my soul mate, my wife. One of the hardest things i will have to do in my entire life.
Here’s to you Lyanda, until we meet again, may you rest in peace.Posted 4 months ago
The service went well, as well as any funeral can. Thankyou to everyone again for all you have done, and thankyou for the STW card I received. Genuinely touched. I briefly met Saxonrider for the first time and saw Ambrose again. Apparently molgrips was coming but i didn’t see or meet him.
It is eerily quiet here tonight. Kids all doing their own things, happy as can be expected.
For the past couple of weeks, i have had people calling, phone calls, messages etc, but now nothing. I had something to focus on, things i had to do and a lot of stuff needed sorting. Now i have nothing to focus on, i am completely lost.
It is a sickening feeling. Now the day has arrived and the service and reception are over i suddenly feel very hollow. Completely empty.
Aside from the fact i still desperately want Lyanda back with me, and would do anything to make that happen, knowing i can’t, i am at a standstill. Numb even. I would rather have a lifetime of no sleep, running around and being called to help do things than another day of this.
At this moment in time i honestly don’t know how i will continue. How i am going to survive. How i will be a Dad and Mum to our children. I understand that i have to do these things, and it will slowly get easier day by day, but, the heart wrenching emptiness i feel inside is nothing i have felt before.Posted 4 months ago
James (Saxonrider) and I attended the funeral today. We met up beforehand for a cuppa, had a chat and managed to arrive a tiny bit late in proper STW faffing about style. I wore a purple tie, with a very discrete floral motif. James cut a fine figure in his cassock. The weather was superb, the mood was wholly appropriate and the ceremony was very moving.
We handed Alan a card I had selected that I hope suited. It was a deep metallic blue/ purple, with a starry scene that included the brightest star in the sky. James inscribed it to pass on all our thoughts and wishes for Alan and his family.
I chatted on the phone to Alan earlier this evening, we’ve almost sort of perhaps and possibly decided to maybe go for a ride one day in the future, who knows when. It’s a loose agreement that may well happen! The Millennium Coastal Path is a place of absolute beauty.Posted 4 months ago
Alan, thank you for allowing James and I to attend the funeral earlier today. The two of us represented a huge and disparate bunch of people and I hope that that came through. I’m glad you liked the card, the design seemed appropriate. We will sort out a ride with the kids ASAP. in the meantime- take them to the beach whilst the weather lasts! Give me a call sometime soon. I’ll let you know when I’m next in Carmarthen for a coffee.
At this moment in time i honestly don’t know how i will continue. How i am going to survive. How i will be a Dad and Mum to our children.
All big questions, there’s no manual either! It’s a one day at a time journey. As you say it will get easier but short term we’re listening and friends and family will jump if you ask. Don’t forget to ask.
All the very best from a purple shirt wearing (yesterday) Sandwich.Posted 4 months agosmiththemainmanMember
Sending big man hugs from Cumbria at this very sad time, sadly I can`t say anything that will help, maybe let family know you don’t want space at the moment and that visits/communication are appreciated.
Top effort Ambrose and Saxonrider and anyone else that went along to represent the “unknown family”.Posted 4 months agoInbred456Member
Followed this thread from afar. Didn’t really have any words to say at the time that I felt appropriate. Bit dusty in here has never been more apt. This forum can be an amazing place at times with some wonderful people. I don’t think many of us have an idea just what you’ve been through. I guess try and think what your wife would have done or expect you to do. Take each day at a time and don’t focus ahead to much. I’m sure you are more than living up to her expectations of you and how you would cope.
<span style=”font-size: 0.8rem; line-height: 1.3;”>Best wishes from the Inbred Clan.</span>Posted 4 months agofunkrodentSubscriber
Keep writing the poetry. Creativity is part of our brain’s way of dealing with these emotions. Write about when you first met. Write about your kids. Write songs. It’s good to get things out and on paper. It can be very cathartic.
Whilst not in the league of the loss and challenges that you have had to face, I lost two of my best friends within a couple of years of each other about 15 years ago. I found that writing helped me so much with the process of understanding and dealing with my emotions.
And your poems are pretty good too! 🙂Posted 4 months agotheotherjonvSubscriber
Lovely poem and lovely thoughts. As said elsewhere, keep writing, it’s a great way to say things in your own time and at your own pace that are difficult to express face to face.
Next bit I’ve hesitated to say, having read your poem several times in the last couple of days. Please forgive me, even as i contradict myself here. If you want to write for yourself, for the sake of writing, or as a means to communicate with Lyanda, then what i say matters not a jot, just write. But if you are writing for others to read, whether now or in the future…..
Last line of verse 3 – it should be You’re, not Your.
Sorry.Posted 4 months ago
It has now been a month, and what a tough month it has been. It will, unfortunately, only continue. While there have been distractions, there have been no high points, only low and even lower points. Trying to support the kids, staying strong and positive for them while battling my personal emotions is extremely difficult.
As with most things that don’t get discussed, what appears ok on the outside is most definitely not what is happening on the inside. I understand it is difficult to talk about what has unfortunately happened. Sometimes i want or need to talk about it, other times i just want to talk. About anything. Anything to distract myself.
I am living in a very dark and lonely place. I have lost my best friend, my angel, my wife. While times were tough before, i would trade the way i feel right now for a lifetime of that in a heartbeat. Feeling heartbroken is an understatement.
But, i have to be there for the kids, as and when they need me. I fear i will fail them as i struggle to hold myself together each day. Fighting the tears each day so they don’t see me cry. Until it is eerily quiet when they are sleeping, when it all comes out. Every night is painful, and every morning the cycle begins again.
Without the support i have received i don’t think i would be able to carry on. Without the generosity i don’t how how i could survive. I thank you all again for all you have done. More than anyone will ever realise or understand.Posted 3 months ago
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