I can list a few worse/pointless presents:-

Singing Christmas tea mug. It died a swift death with a hammer.

12v plug in ice scraper – tried it once just because it was a present and someone thought it was useful, took 5 minutes to heat up. Binned it. What’s wrong with a 6 pink milk bottle of warm water.

Cheap ‘bike’ shaped clock – like a kids 3 wheeler with a basket and a clock.

Monkees album.

Aye, one they recorded in their dotage.

Not mine but a mate got a personalised leather bound Bible from his dad. An atheist vegan mate. Thanks, dad!

Frying Pan.

Monkees album

I got one of those from my mum, I laughed as I thought it was a joke.

But then I saw her face.

Self stirring mug from my sister in law.
I take coffee black with no sugar. Tea is the enemy.
And it didn’t even come with a battery.

A voucher for a 3 Min helicopter ride over Liverpool.
I live in Swansea.

I believe you tomhoward whatever others say

Power kite and a ceramic poppy.

Work secret Santa today. Approx £15 value had been agreed.

I was given a packet of Halls cough sweets (I’ve had a cold this week) and a £10 note in a Christmas card.

Initial thoughts…
1) You lazy ****t (everyone else seemed to have made a decent effort)
2) that’s only £11, so tight as well as lazy
3) why bother taking part (it wasn’t compulsory) if you can’t be bothered?

A lead acid battery powered torch that used a car battery, had a reflector about 30cm diameter, and needed a shoulder strap to carry it. WTAF! Completely out the blue, in the era when LEDs and Li batteries were becoming ubiquitous.
It was from my gran in Scotland, so I suspect it was bought from an ad in the paper. She’d posted it to me. I had to make up a reason to use it for my thoughtful thank you phone call, but in reality I didn’t get it out the box and it went straight to the charity shop.

I had a crazy old posh great aunt who sent me a suspender belt for Christmas when I was 14 (I’m male). I think it was meant for my female cousin, but not sure that it was appropriate for her either, given she was only 15 at the time.

JP

Spice rack, not even kidding.

I have to do the cooking in my house because no other prick will, it felt like “here you go, he’s something to make you slightly more competent at the task you dislike doing”.

I order my own Xmas gifts now, I’m surprisingly generous and thoughtful.

Either a cat calendar or Readers digest Elvis greatest hits CD vol 2*.

I was about 14 and **** hate Elvis.

*My step mums brother got vol 1!

Chocolate biscuits
I am allergic to cocoa products.
The guy who gave them to me was aware of this….

Got a onesie from my mum, apart from the questionable clothing choice it was so small I gave it to my sister in law who is built like a skelf.

Could that get worse?

Apparently, yes, it could. Next year she got me one that fitted.

Spice rack, not even kidding.

I’d love a spice rack.

A pair of edible undies when I was about 16. From my gran.

Her mental health was in decline at that point, I hope.

But then I saw her face.

ISWYDT

My 10 year old nephew (who has Aspergers) had a brainwave – decided he knew exactly what my mum / his gran (who has dementia)  needed for her birthday as a present from ‘the family’ and that he was going to take care of everything – procuring the gift, wrapping it and presenting it. We all decided to let him get on with it as he really likes to make kind gestures, is very inventive and has a really generous streak.

The big day arrived and he proudly presented her a gift wrapped bottled of weedkiller.

a trouser press

I was at University at the time, and any hopes I had of pressing anything into anything were swiftly extinguished when whoever I’d managed to invite in for coffee saw my **** trouser press.

It was the deluxe version too – timer, hanger for my jacket, and a little tray for cufflinks.  FFS

I’m now in my fifties and I still don’t need a trouser press (actually I technically still have one in the loft)

a trouser press

Me too. The first Christmas I was married and I thought I was going to get a Playstation from my new bride.

How wrong I was.

Still use it though

A friend once got a SatNav and a LadyShave from her hubby. You have no sense of direction and your legs are hairy. Love you 🤣

avdave2 he couldn’t leave it if he tried

a box of liquorice allsorts. i cannot stand liquorice unfortunately. i never said i disliked then so as not to hurt the persons feelings so i kept getting every crimbo after 😅

When I was about 12 I really wanted an rc glider. I knew they were a bit expensive fir my parents so asked for the glider kit itself for my birthday in July and the radio gear for Christmas.
Got a lovely 2m wingspan kit for birthday, which I painstakingly built over the summer.
Christmas came and I unwrapped a Roberts portable radio…

Still have it to this day but it never made the glider do what it should have, had to wait until the following July birthday for that!

A Westies waterskiing calendar 😳*

I don’t waterski

I don’t own a Westie

(It was from my Brother in Law who used to waterski so can only assume it was a re-gift)

* It could also have been the most awesome gift ever on reflection. After digging out that image I’m torn.

A set of six cheapo wine glasses in a grey cardboard container, that my sister and BIL had definitely got from a petrol station.

A battery operated flying pig – you hung it from string from ceiling, and it flew round in circles…from my mum, for my 34th year on planet xmas!!

Plus, i haven’t been a chef for over 20 years, yet every year, i have to do all the cooking, even if i go to mother or sisters houses, and every year i get pigging cookery books!!!

Possibly the three biggest WTFs of Christmas presents for me

An air hockey table.

No, not a girt big thing like a pool table, it was A3 sized. Plastic things the size of 1p coins for pucks. Required 4 x AA batteries. Just for ships and giggles I put some in. Through at least one or two of the many holes that had been only partly punched in its (and I use this term generously) playing surface, the most mild of air movements could be detected. No, of course they did not keep the “puck” moving.

An electronic organiser.

At a time entirely coincident with the introduction of the affordable mobile phone (I bought one about six months later). It had buttons! You could enter a name! And a phone number! And then look them up! So you could ring them on a normal phone! It was NO USE whatsoever.

A suitcase.

I was 18 and just going to uni away from home. Just what I needed to carry around my notes and stuff, a stylish and functional yet reasonably priced tough ABS plastic suitcase. Just to confirm, I have never carried a suitcase anywhere in my entire life, nor worn a suit and bowler hat whilst en route to a day job in Barclays Bank in central London circa 1954.

A red towel, I was about 8. Remember thinking it was an odd present even then.

The first Christmas after the current MrsMC moved in with me, my mum got her a large box of household cleaning products.

They didn’t get on before then, things took a turn for the worse after that. Wondering what my mum will get her this year as a 20th anniversary momento…

Got a onesie from my mum, apart from the questionable clothing choice it was so small I gave it to my sister in law who is built like a skelf.

I don’t wear jumpers other than exceptional circumstances, haven’t done since school days. If it’s that cold I’ll wear a technical fleece. Year on year my mum takes this as a sign that I don’t have any jumpers and buys me one.

Her cousin jumped on the bandwagon one year and also bought me a jumper. It was XL and I’m about 10 stone, I could have folded it in half and it would still have been far too big.

A red towel, I was about 8. Remember thinking it was an odd present even then.

It wasn’t a Christmas present, but when I was perhaps around that age my grandparents once went to Blackpool (without me) and brought me a present back. They made a big deal about it and then presented me with a paper bag. I opened it and peered in, it contained a ham sandwich. I cried, a lot.

As it turned out, they’d bought me a soft toy (which was awesome and I loved it for years), they’d just accidentally handed me the wrong bag.

My wife gave me a half finished knitted jumper for Christmas one year. I was actually pretty disappointed, first year I had not received a single present.

I got the completed jumper 2 christmases later. I don’t wear it.

Just after getting divorced the single Christmas present I got was a vacuum cleaner. I already had one.

Work Secret Santa this year. £5 limit. I gave a very nice bar of Italian soap. I received a 10 page book, plastic coated – like for a 2 year old – with pictures of 10 different Christmas jumpers.

Michael Crawford’s autobiography.

An ex’s grandmother once gave her a ball of string for Christmas. Wrapped neatly using Sellotape. Not string. Apparently they are useful.

I received a particularly hideous purple-ish T-shirt once, in an almost insulting large size that I have never been. (My family do generally believe that you might as well go big with clothing in most situations). I have yet to wear it, but being a present, have no doubt kept it somewhere…

I gave my brother a penknife, mostly as I worked in outdoor shops and panic bought on Christmas Eve. The third time, he pointed out that I’d already given him two. I had no idea, and am pretty sure I gave other people at least 2 or 3 head-torches for similar reasons.

It took all the members of my then team (about 8) to talk one of the older chaps out of giving his misses a new vacuum cleaner as a surprise Christmas present. I suspect he still did but kept quiet.

My Dad bought me this some years ago.

Bit late to the Christmas party, but just remembered… one of these oh so hilarious t-shirts, I think from mother. It was too small l0LZ
https://images.app.goo.gl/ezEP844qCj961Chr9

Paper shredder from my parents one year.

I already had one.

One year I got a bag of reusable freezer bags (thick plastic with ziplock type sealing).

Another year I got  Fat Trapper from  Lakeland plastic.  We don’t eat that much fried food.

They were from the same person.

My Sister.

Thanks Sis, merry Xmas to you too!