finding a person….how?
I think I’d want to know more, regardless of the relationship I’d had with my “father”.
I’d start with asking your mother, then any friends she/they might have had, all she knew about him, including where he came from, where he worked etc. Googling their name might bring up something (especially if not common).Posted 6 months agofishaMember
Well, he doesn’t seem to make cricket bats anymore:
But seriously, date of birth seems to be a key starter a lot of the time. I agree with the above comments too. A lot of the programs seem to come down to just hard graft of talking to people and finding out what they can.Posted 6 months ago
Ah – she’s not keen you find out then?
She may have her reasons of course, but it would be best if you could talk her round. Do I recall that other members of your family knew? Perhaps you could appeal to their better nature as they might know a little more and be willing to share.Posted 6 months agoslowsterMember
I would also suggest contacting the Salvation Army. As I understand it, if they locate the ‘missing’ person, they will approach them and ask them if they are willing to have the SA disclose their location etc. to the person who instigated the search by the SA.
That power of veto is probably a good thing: if the person does not want to be contacted, then it’s probably best to accept that and try and forget about them.
I expect that, resources permitting, the SA are probably well placed to advise and counsel people in your position, whichever way it goes.Posted 6 months agoflashinthepanSubscriber
I completely understand your want to find out more
But this could be a bit of a minefield
I think you really need to talk more with your mother. She’s likely to feel a little uncomfortable with it – after all she’s raised you along with your ‘other’ dad. She’ll probably need some reassurance.
Tread carefully, be patient and good luckPosted 6 months ago
few months ago, i was told some pretty shocking news by my mother. turns out the bloke who i always thought was my dad, wasnt, even though i only met him twice.
so i now have the name of the bloke who is/was my biological father.
dont know why, but i need to find out a bit more about him.
like if he is still alive? or if he has other kids.
good idea? bad idea?
and how do i find anything out.Posted 6 months agoCountZeroMember
Insert can’o’worms photo here.Posted 6 months ago
While the desire to find out more, what you discover may lead to more than you bargained for. On the other hand, as it was, as your mum says, ‘just a fling’, there may not be that much to discover, he may quite likely be just an ordinary bloke and nothing more.
‘Be careful what you wish for’ may be the most appropriate thing to say.frankconwaySubscriber
Hmmm, sounds like an itch that you want and need to scratch but, maybe, shouldn’t.Posted 6 months ago
If you have his full name you could use 192.com but if his name is (relatively) common your search may turn up hundreds of possibilities.
Going down the 192.com route, use his name (including variations/abbreviations of first name) and county as a start point; you’re a yorkie if I recall so name – first and surname – plus yorkshire might be a good place to start.
You can use any leads from that to explore parish records.
Has your mother shared this with anyone else – her brother(s) or sister(s) if she has any and they are still alive? Could you ask any relations on your mother’s side if they know anything about this?
You could employ a private investigator but that would be ££££ and may not turn up anything you couldn’t find out for yourself.
Just thinking out loud, you might want to find him and possible half siblings but how would they feel about it?
I have no experience so my comments are not rooted in personal experience.
If you choose to go ahead, I hope it gives the outcome you hope for and doesn’t cause problems for others.
On balance I would say don’t do it.mikewsmithSubscriber
I’d say more of a conversation than the practicalities with your mum if you have that sort of relationship really.Posted 6 months ago
There are obviously reasons why she hasn’t told you to this point. If he knows about you that is very different to if he doesn’t, it’s not just your life you are entering into at that point (regardless of any moral points in there) if he is alive he could be hapily married, kids, grandkids etc. how would that go for them?ahsatSubscriber
My dad’s cousin was contacted via Facebook by a guy in Australia looking for thier joint Mum. Turned out he had been born due to a fling she had during the war and had to give him up for adoption. Depending on the name etc, I have heard other stories of Facebook offering some leads.
Good luck ton. Sounds complicated.Posted 6 months agoadjustablewenchMember
Ton, these are two stories I know of where people have located there other family members using dna databases.
I see people’s comments about opening cans of worms but I think we all know we live in a world where these things happen and you are right to be intrigued about your heritage as much as the next man.Posted 6 months agojimdubleyouSubscriber
When I was 17-18 my mum wanted me to speak to my biological father.
I wasn’t interested, and I’m still not 20+ years later.
There have been a couple of times in my life where I thought it might have been a good idea to go looking, but really it has only been in times of stress, where really I should have been looking for a way to improve my existing relationships, not find new ones.Posted 6 months agodovebikerMember
My wife was adopted at 6 days and her adopted parents did their best to keep it a family secret. Because adoption files in those days were ‘sealed’ she had to jump through hoops to get access to the information – her father wasn’t listed on her birth certificate and her natural mother wanted nothing to do with her. She tracked her father down to Australia 2 years ago via an intermediary service. He was totally unaware she existed, having got married and started his own family. They’re happily re-united, email and Skype regularly.Posted 6 months agoadjustablewenchMember
I’m sure she would have a good idea of why she thought it was the other man, as for dates a pregnancy can be 37 – 42 weeks long so deliver dates are not an exact science.
In the days before ultrasound scans to estimate dates I’m sure a
it was a lot more ‘vague’
If your wife delivered a baby 3 weeks earlier than anticipated i doubt a dad’s first reaction would be ‘hang on a minute I didn’t go near her in that month’ he’d just accept it was natural variation surely?Posted 6 months agoedlongMember
Nothing practical to add, but an observation that when we get the sorts of threads where people are opening up about their personal family type stuff I think its beholden on people to actually read the OP’s contribution(s) properly before wading in. I.e.
Has the bloke who you thought was your dad generally been a good dad?
seems like a pretty crass response to an OP which contains
..the bloke who i always thought was my dad, wasnt, even though i only met him twice.thejesmonddingoMember
This must have been a shock,having lived your life with one story,and finding out it wasn’t true.To me,it would make a big difference if your birth father new about you.If he didn’t,contact may be very difficult for you both,as he has led a different life with out you in it,it is impossible to know in advance what his reaction would be,but it is very possible that he would be very upset.I would ask your mother if he knows about you and try gently to get a little more info from her,then reassess whether you want to try to contact him.Whatever the outcome,I wish you luck in your venture.Posted 5 months ago
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