Family tragedy. I need some help/advice.

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  • Family tragedy. I need some help/advice.
  • mieszko

    It’s a long read but I really am still shaking and can’t believe in what happened so any advice will be hugely appreciated.

    My mum phoned me today crying so I thought it was something with my grandmother. It wasn’t. Long story short, my dad died in 2001, than my mum had to wind down the family business and is now retired and looking after her mother who is 86 this year. Some time ago (probably 1-1.5 years) when I was visiting home she introduced me to a friend of her and I assumed rightly they have a relationship. My mum lives in Poland, he lives and works in Paisley. He was coming over to see her and seemed like a perfect gentleman, caring, was looking after my mum, grandmother and the family liked him. Now when I went home for Christmas to propose to my GF I knew something is wrong but I just thought it’s some relationship trouble between her and him and things will work out. He was supposed to come over for Christmas but said on the day of his flight that he couldn’t as he had to help his son or some other reason.

    Turned out she thought he is the one and they started to make plans for their future etc. He was going to start his business in Paisley or Glasgow using the cash he was going to get from the sale of his flat. But because the transaction was going to be finalised after New Year he needed cash earlier. My mum has a house plus another property but she is not rich or even well off just makes the ends meet. We always support her with my brother and sister as much as we can. Turns out she gave him close to £20,000 in cash so that he would be able to buy tools and start up his business. I can understand her as they were planning their future together and he always told her he would pay that back after the sale of the flat or even quicker as he had “loads of work lined up”. Now this £20k is £20k that she borrowed from a very good friend and not from a loan shark etc. He flew over for 3 days and took the cash from her, some of it was exchanged in my home town. The guy now went quiet, his mobile phone is dead and no one picks up the landline. I have his address in Paisley and would love to own him with bombers but I’ll leave the keyboard warrior stuff for later.

    I went to the local Police station in Edinburgh today but the woman there told me my mum has to file in a complain or whatever it’s called back home and the polish Police will contact them for details. She would have to come in person to Glasgow (as the guy lives in Paisley) to report it. That is not a problem. I don’t think the money will be recoverable but as You can imagine I hate him and still can’t stop shaking. His actions left my mum shattered and she had to go to to the hospital twice to get some medicines to calm down. My mum is the nicest, most organised and sensible person I know and that scumbag just used the feelings and played the perfect partner to scam her out of the cash. It’s a huge amount for her and the vision of not seeing it again is sad.

    Could anyone advice me on my options here or have any ideas what to do? It had a huge impact on my mum and does not make it any easier that he stays in UK but took money from her in Poland.

    I was thinking if anyone from this forum is from Paisley and could just check whether he still is at his address or just did a runner? Deliver a fake package or a letter or something. If he is there I will be visiting him to have a word with him I would just like to know if he really stays there.

    He really is a scum of the earth and took advantage of my mum shattering her life. I love my mum and I will not allow anyone to hurt her. Any advice is welcome. I still can’t believe it as it’s so unreal that something You see in the movies happened to Your close one. She is in pieces that someone managed to hurt her so much. I wish him the very worst and even if she won’t get the money from him I want to make his life MISERABLE as I hate him so much! Any ideas on how to make someone’s life hard (but still within law) is more than welcome.

    I cant offer any advice, but i hope her gets what he deserves. (made me slightly angry)


    The key thing is do they have any written agreement? anything at all on paper to say she leant him this money not gave it to him?

    You should be able to trace the guy – there are folk who live in glasgow and there are many ways of tracing him.

    You need to go down the legal road but this sort of thing is one of the few times I would be tempted to go down the non legal road – do you not know a bunch of expat poles that look a touch scary? He is probably relying on her having no one over here to trace him.

    No one is untraceable but without documentation it will be hard to get the money back legally.

    Premier Icon scaredypants

    sorry, no idea what can actually be done but that’s a shitter mate

    does the bloke know you’re in the UK ?

    are you SURE he’s done a RUNNER ?


    This is the problem, nothing written down, some text messages but not sure whether anything is mentioned there. Maybe couple of pictures of him but no recorded conversations etc.

    I’m trying to follow the legal route first (however a very good friend of mine knows quite a few cage fighters).

    It’s just so unreal, I tried to get some sleep before work and I thought for a second it was a dream but it’s not.

    Is there a term in English describing that sort of a scam? I don’t know it and it would make it quicker rather than saying the whole story over and over again.


    Bollox to legality! Own him with some friends. Time to give it some eastenders scenario, coz family is family!!! Scare the bejesus out of him with some pole friends. I’ve met a few in derby and there’s definately some scary ones out there for sure!!


    Paisley is only about 50 miles from Edinburgh. 😕


    I have a baseball bat, which maybe of some use.. I would if it was my Mum 👿


    Stitched up!!

    without documsntation the legal road will be very difficult.


    Thats a dreadful story, I don’t know how some people live with themselves.

    I don’t have any advice, other than don’t take matters into your own hands, that will only make things worse…

    I know what i’d be doing. I wouldnt be getting caught either.


    Scaredypants yes he knows I’m in Edinburgh (my brother is here as well). We both study here. I’m a very nice guy but this has got me raging. I’m trying to be sensible to get him to pay for what he’s done and for me to not to go to jail. I’m also calming down my brother as he’s a bit less friendly than me and used to train boxing and kick-boxing.

    Well that is the thing I would like to know whether he is still in Paisley as everything he was telling my mum could be false. I don’t have a car and I work during weekends. So if I go over there I will have to ask some mates for a lift. I’ve got an exam this Wednesday as well. She never visited him as my grandmother needs constant looking after. He always came over ans stayed in our house. It’s just shit that something like that happened to my mother who never hurt anyone or did anything wrong.


    Shit…sorry to hear that.

    Personaly i’m impressed at your resolve, legal is the right route…dunno if i’d have held back if i had an adress.

    Hope you get it sorted.


    I really think the last thing people on here need to be doing is encouraging the OP into violence, him being arrested is the last thing he, or his mother needs

    Understand your feelings entirely. However, today is only the 7th January. Unless I’ve not read you post correctly, and apologies if I haven’t, so far it’s just that you haven’t been able to get hold of him since New Year. Perhaps at least speak to him, check that nothing untoward has happened to him etc. before everyone goes off on one. After all, you judged him to be a decent guy, and instinct is often right.


    Thats shitty Mieszko , Hope things get resolved . Definately worth heading through there for some undercover detective work and once you identify he is still there I’d call in the cage fighters. Good luck .


    Oh Mieszko that’s awful 🙁 . I don’t have any useful advice I’m sorry other than what Warton has said above. Take care.


    Is the sweat filter broken along with the tin pot servers?? Warton what would you do then?? The old bill obviously don’t give a toss, least you’d do is go for a visit surely!!


    No advice I’m afraid but really hope you and your mum get it sorted and the cash back.


    I tried to phone him on the mobile today. The number is dead. I tried to phone the landline, no one answers.

    My mum did not tell me anything earlier than today as “she did not want to spoil my Christmas” as I proposed to my girlfriend over Christmas. So I have just been told the whole story today. I knew something was on but I was thinking something along the lines of him cheating etc, not scamming her out of money she do not have.

    Money is a concern as it is a very big amount, I would not be able to rise that much but as it was borrowed from a friend it will just take much longer to repay. Worst case scenario I’ll be selling my bikes etc. But I want justice for him.

    My mum is selling the other property and would get the cash to repay. However she just feels terrible as the guy not only cheated her but she won’t be giving that much cash to that scumbag to make his life comfortable.


    The person:

    1. Alive

    2. Runner

    3. In poor health

    4. Seeing another person

    5. Involve with underworld. Load sharks etc.

    6. Business failure

    7. Dead

    Except for 7 (dead) you might want to take the following steps:


    1. Take care of your mum first.

    2. Assure her that (you need to plan something) her children i.e. you, brother & sister together will be able to repay the money. You have to as she is your mom. Money should not be a problem if all children chip in.

    3. Ensure that she has something to live on until matter is solved. i.e. children might need to support her.

    4. Check security i.e. tell neighbours etc that the man is no longer welcome if he is really a con man.

    5. Change all locks to the house if he has the keys.

    6. Install CCTV.

    7. Keep assuring your mom and keep talking to ease her fear etc.

    8. Report to local police.

    9. Keep monitoring bank account etc.


    As for finding the guy.

    1. Report to the local police in Paisley to have a record of this person.

    2. Track down his address.

    3. Track down his associates i.e. friends, members of family etc.

    4. Find out his business if he has registered one.

    5. Find out his local hang outs.

    6. Ask for the police or lawyers advice if you can find the person.


    Approach the person.

    1. Careful … he could be someone dealing with the underworld or is in trouble with people from the underworld.

    2. Find out what sort of trouble he is in.

    3. Let him know that his action has hurt your mom badly.

    4. Ask him how is he going to repay the money.

    5. Arrange for some sort of instalment payment (with a proper contract if he is willing).


    Update your mum.

    1. Let her know the actions you have taken.

    2. Keep a track record of what you have done i.e. a diary.

    3. Keep a look out for stranger(s). Phone call etc.

    4. Assure her.


    If things turn nasty.

    1. Call the police immediately.
    2. Explain to the police the situation.
    3. Gave them a copy of the diary if further action is needed.


    If the person repays.

    1. The decision is your mom or in consultation with the children if the person is worth it.

    2. The decision is your mom if she still thinks he is worth it.


    I just hope he is not a professional because if he is then there is nothing you can do. Apart from letting karma catch up on him …

    No matter how much this has upset you, deal with it through the proper channels. Going off on one like Van Damme will only end up with you in trouble & doing time while he spends your mum’s money & laughs at you. Get your mum over here to do the report to the police and start the legal processes off.

    there was some thing like this on tv just before xmas and i think they manged to send 2-3 men down for just the same thing as it is the “in” think to con women into anyway sorry to here about but i know a close friend that would lend you a nice cross bow as it would be more painful shooting 1 ball at a time with a arrow 😉


    We are looking after her and first thing I made sure about was whether she has money for day to day expenses etc. She has the house, all bills are paid for and neighbours look after each other. My mum has a dog as well, it’s a huge doberman so she should be safe.

    We were brought up in the old way (family values etc) so we all love our mum so if we will have to we will pay that back. Paying back the money is not the biggest concern. I need to know where this guy is and speak to him. My other concern is he only played the soft touch nice guy and could be a real criminal so it could turn nasty.

    Like I said I only was told of this today and we are looking into ways of reporting it. My mum already has a plane ticket and we will be visiting Glasgow/Paisley with her.

    I’m off to work now and will check back later.


    Sorry to hear this mate. Sadly there is probably little that can be done legally.

    Good luck – and be careful – Paisley is not such a peace loving town!

    Not sure I’d be able to be sensible were I in your shoes.
    Trace the guy, keep an eye, try the proper channels. Cage fighters are handy to know but there’s always someone better. Always. And not many are bulletproof in real life.
    Good luck!


    if he lives in paisley but knows you have been to where he lives, he’s likely to do a runner. softly softly catchy monkey


    mieszko – Member
    My other concern is he only played the soft touch nice guy and could be a real criminal so it could turn nasty.

    Hence you need to check out his background first before you take further actions as he can:

    1. counter by saying you threaten to inflict bodily harm on him.
    2. inflict bodily harm on you if he is from the underworld.

    3. Take your time but do not rush in without planning.

    thegreatape – Member

    However, today is only the 7th January. Unless I’ve not read you post correctly, and apologies if I haven’t, so far it’s just that you haven’t been able to get hold of him since New Year.

    My thoughts entirely…….it’s only a few days and you are completely convinced that he’s done a runner ? 😕

    I would have thought that there are a 101 reasons why he might be difficult to contact……lost his mobile and is busy working, got knocked down and is in hospital, etc, etc, etc


    Has your mum ever posted anything to him? If so does she know if he recieved it?


    I forgot to clarify the timescale. He got the money in October/November and gradually started to limit the contact with my mum. She did not tell us about it until now. I would not panic about that if he would not phone her or text a “love You” message in last 7 days. He is a scammer and I just want justice.

    sorry that your mum got conned for £20k. That is alot of cash to loose.
    If it were me i would not be going to work but ringing in sick, and going straight to Paisley. If you have an address ask neighbours or landlord if he has been around , before smashing his door in .

    Chances are he will have done a runner , and unfortunatly will probably be abroad ,somewhere sunny , spending the cash.

    There is the slight chance he will be uncontactable , but thats extreamly slim. dont suppose you have a photo to take to all the local boozers / betting shops/ working mans clubs as thats where he will spend his time.


    hardly a “tradgedy”


    dirtyrider – Member
    hardly a “tradgedy”

    Sounds like it could be for these guys, dirtyrider..
    Wind your neck in and learn to spell / type.

    If you have nothing positive to add, the nicest thing to do would be to keep quiet. I’d be seething if it happened to any of my loved ones.

    Good luck with getting it sorted, OP – really hope you do.


    OP – Hope you get this sorted out.
    If it was me I wouldn’t bother with bombers.I’d get the 888’s on his sorry arse. 😈

    People like this are rarely ‘one hit wonders’. He will have previous.

    Therefore go the official route.

    I suspect trawling round Paisley will be in vain. There is a slim chance that he may be back if he believes there is more money to be had.

    Premier Icon takisawa2

    Hey meizsko. Sorry to hear of this. Feel bad for you as having dealt with you I know what a thoroughly nice chap you are.
    (SKS mudguards for that bargain Hahana…) 🙂

    The Police love nothing more than an easy cop, & someone who’s not used to roughing folk up, going around all emotional & angry, kicking doors in with a baseball bat is playing right in to their hands.

    What about your mum sending him another couple of well worded emails/texts/letters…
    Needs to be done carefully, but to try to lure him in with the promise of another pot of easy money waiting for him. Something along the lines of having cashed in a policy, loves & believes in him, children not told of money etc. Someone with a bit of a talent off STW could script something up for you.


    A similar thing happened to my Mum years ago. The lad ended up dead in the end (murdered/unconnected).

    I really feel for you, think rationally/carefully but if it was me I would confront him (without any intention of violence) otherwise this will eat at you for years.

    If you feel violence will help (it may do) remember you could do time which could upset your mother further.

    You come across as a very nice bloke on STW- all the best

    Although there is obviously a lot of anger, try thinking from another angle and see how lucky you’ve been…

    She still has her home and it doesn’t sound like she is going to lose it paying back the £20k loan.
    She hasn’t lost the entirety of her life savings.
    She and other relatives are still with you, which is contrary to what the thread title suggests.

    You will all pull through, its just the anger of been done over. Hope you get some justice.

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