extreme thoughts as i age ??

is this even a thing ??

as i get older i find my thoughts on life in general are becoming more extreme.

and about most things, i find myself expressing them quite vocally, to my poor wife, or to mates over a beer.

and about everything, and some quite trivial things.

my wife reckons i need to see someone for some help.

anyone else ?

No harm in seeking some professional advice if you’re concerned.

I’m finding that I’m less and less likely to “express” my thoughts these days as I’ve realised that, in most things that really matter, I’m powerless to change the direction of the government or society. Sometimes that means ignoring current affairs, being choosy about social media and deciding that there are some folk that I just no longer want to interact with.

I’m with Colin ^^^

We live in an age of polarisation I think, tribalism too so one man’s extreme is another man’s mainstream.

Is it the build up of positive re-enforcement over time?

You start with a mild view about something, let’s pick Size 7 shoes as a silly enough subject.

You start with something like I don’t small feet and blokes with size 7 shoes look strange.

People either agree, laugh and join in, laugh and ignore or just ignore it as silly. 3 out of 4 do not discourage. You pick up some of the points made by the people who agree,or laugh and join in. so the next statement is stronger and more extreme.

People with size 7 feet are abnormal. I had size 7 feet but I grew out of it. As before few directly contradict you but some might. You then defend your position and become slightly more entrenched in your opinion.

Over time, those who disagree stop talking with you about it so you only hear people agreeing and adding to your views. After 20-30 years you suddenly sound like a Daily Mail looney calling for size 7 shoes to be taken from the shelves and not allowing people to wear them in public.

A slow an insidious process which is why young people seem to change their minds on a whim while older people tend to argue vociferously over such things

I’ve learnt to not let stuff ‘bother me’. My wife is a bit different to that, but we both realise, if it’s something ‘you’ can’t change just get on with life. Yes you worry and discuss it, but, what an you do, other than try and do what you think is right.

There are plenty of folk that don’t give a shoot about how they behave in every part of life. I always am pleasant to everyone (where deserved) and never get shitty with shop assistants etc etc. Oh ‘the entitled’…..

welshfarmer

Full Member

I’m with Colin ^^^

Me too…

Kind of yes, and kind of no….

I think I’ve finally gained enough wisdom not to voice my opinion to others, unless invited to.

Equally, I’ve become very intolerant of those who try to impose an uninvited opinion onto me.

Yup, getting older now,I sometimes feel like I know too much,and often not in a good way.
But I also remember being young ,and how dull it was listening to some of the older ‘know it alls’ dishing out solutions .
So I stay quiet most of the time while thinking ” It’s hard being perfect” 😉👍🤣

I think I’ve finally gained enough wisdom not to voice my opinion to others, unless invited to.

Have a look at your posts on here, Mattyfez. 😉

If you need inspiration for your extreme thoughts you’re in exactly the right place on this forum, Ton. 🙂

I get the feeling I’m back in the late 70s and early 80s when there were all sorts of extreme shit going on around me and in the world. My answer then was to live for the moment, hedonism without tipping over into nihilism. Still holds good.

With @mattyfez on this – less tollerant of idiots on opinions, but we’ve the ‘tools’ to turn it round with our age/experience.

Opposite. I’ve mellowed as I’ve aged and become more tolerant (I think) and more moderate in my outlook. I have definitely changed my views on loads of stuff – abandoned a load of black/white, right/wrong certainties I once had. Everything is more complicated and nuanced than that.

The downside to that is that I question everything, challenge my own beliefs constantly and as a result am sometimes unsure what I think about lots of stuff I once had very clear views on. It’s very unsettling and can even make me wonder who I really am sometimes. Certainly not the same person as I was 20 or 30 years ago. A bit adrift sometimes if that makes any sense.

There’s an element too of powerlessness and resignation at my inability to change stuff that I dislike. In the past I devoured news and current affairs, more and more these days it depresses me so I switch it off.

Things that keep me grounded and sane (ish) are friends, family, being outdoors, riding bikes, pottering about on my own.

I’m getting less and less willing to engage in debate (if you can call it that on social media) real life is maybe different I am willing to debate but not if it’s a parade of cliche or virtue signalling

I also agree with Colin. It cant hurt to see someone professional and there’s no need to continue if you don’t want to

Have a look at your posts on here, Mattyfez.

Hey, I’m not saying I’m perfect, I’m a work in progress 😉

I’m not saying I agree with you either! I guess I’d like to think that every day is a school day in one way or another. Sure I’ve said some things on here that are a bit questionable at times, and I genuinley think I’m a decent person, most of the time, lol!

As I’m sure most are…it’s very easy to type something in a reactionary way, and if I’m being really honest, sometimes, if something someone has said, annoys me, I might type things in a slightly inflammatory way to provoke a conversation… it’s not always productive, and I’m working on it.

Buy equally, whatever. 😉

Am I to take it extreme thoughts aren’t as fun to participate in as extreme sports?

Try and get on a LSD therapy program, might be interesting, and a different type of extreme thought.

Interesting choice of verbs. I don’t think you can ‘provoke’ a conversation. You can invite one. If you’ve ‘provoked’ it, it’s an argument/conflict not a conversation.

Interesting choice of verbs. I don’t think you can ‘provoke’ a conversation. You can invite one. If you’ve ‘provoked’ it, it’s an argument/conflict not a conversation.

Fair point.

The downside to that is that I question everything, challenge my own beliefs constantly and as a result am sometimes unsure what I think about lots of stuff

Yeah, I think at times I actively try to avoid forming any sort of opinion, it’s safer for me to not go around ‘passionately’ spouting opinions. Feel like I know less and less with any certainty as I age, just as much assisted by poor memory as learning things that bring into question prior assumptions.

I want to be more Colin. But I have a tendency to be more Ton if I’m not careful. Got a well deserved mod warning the other day for precisely this.

Maybe its partly an age thing – being less tolerant of stupid. Maybe it’s a product of the polarised and uncertain times we live in, with too many outlets for angry people to broadcast angry thoughts at you with inevitable result in your own thinking.

It’s definitely something to be worked on – but that just might mean tuning out some of the negativity outside of my control and live in the local here and now, which luckily for me is a better place than the world at large.

Feel like I know less and less with any certainty as I age

I think that’s a sign of intelligence…the more you think you know, the more you realise there’s a whole lot more you don’t know.

It’s the ones that think they know it all, they are the dangerous ones!

Feel like I know less and less with any certainty as I age, just as much assisted by poor memory as learning things that bring into question prior assumptions.

Absolutely this

These are weird times, nationally and internationally and if I’m honest, things are pissing me right off.  I wear it OK most of the time but if something/body kicks me off I can & do get a bit ranty, on most subjects.  I feel that’s legit, and I don’t think I’m really stressed by it – I think a good rant is a bit like a good cry … in a way

I think I’m less tolerant of **** individually because I’ve seen what they can achieve collectively

Nobody’s told me to seek help (yet) and I don’t feel like I need to, but if you do, then do it for sure

If you’ve ‘provoked’ it, it’s an argument/conflict not a conversation.

In the current frame of mind many here seem to be in, it might be a good idea to avoid this book – I’m dropping this review in here just in case anyone sees it and thinks it might be worth reading. I’ve read the review, and I’m fairly confident it’s a book I can never imagine reading.

https://unherd.com/2024/04/this-book-will-send-you-to-hell/

Bravo!

i seriously think i am losing my shit, and dont even know where it has come from.

i have just sat and made a list of the things i have thought about, and how i would deal with them, or how i would like the government/police/courts/society to deal with them. and some of my of my answers/punishments ??   could be seen as a bit extreme.  but not to me if you see what i mean.

maybe i do need to talk to someone, and i know i deffo need to stop watching any new programmes. if only to stop my anger levels rising by the second.

Tory government maybe?

Yep, 14 tears of Tory government will do that to a man.

I see a lot of angry, negative old folk about and it’s sad really. Often more wealth and an easier life than I’ll achieve, with family around them, yet they’re still unhappy because they can’t resolve their thoughts and own ego. And they dissipate that misery to those around them. It’s sad because it’s pointless?

I know this will sound like lame cod philosophy stuff.. works for me though, in my ‘don’t be old and bitter’ aims 🙂

Control/Influence/Concern – Stephen R. Covey’s model. Put your effort into what you actually control or influence. Stressing over things that might concern or anger us but we can’t influence is GB News tactics. Pointless. Unless something concerns you so much you can start to do something positive about it (actually positive being the important thing, links to next point I guess).

Earned or learned opinions – it’s good to try not to hold opinions on things we don’t know much about, or that don’t affect us. Why would I think I need to have an opinion on everything? I mean, just look at the average comments section below a news story.. full of idiocy, who wants to be one of those types. It’s ok to say “I don’t know?” and listen to someone who has earned the right to their opinion through experience – experience they should be able to demonstrate easily. This seems like a good filter for bullshitters and grifters (they always pretend to know the answers). And I have a lot of time for people who don’t pretend to know lots about everything. Big difference between opinions and learned experiences.

Reading books instead of news / internet. The news is just stuff we can’t control anyway. Newspapers are just daily doses of bias in print.

Look forward to voting opportunities though..

The world just doesn’t need more negativity. Positive conversations can have a ripple effect I believe, we can influence the small circle around us. Negative points can be kept to ourself or we can deal with them by trying to figure out positive ways to resolve them.

/hippy
Ha

I find I’m getting mellower,I’ve seen the daily mail brigade and don’t want to join them 🙂

I try and look at things from a young persons and an old persons perspective and hate it when things I took  advantage of are removed from others.

It does seem to be easier to be a hater, people seem to be easily riled up over nothing,these days rather  than just being kind.

It takes a bit more work to not be a knob 🙂

I wonder if it’s a natural reaction to the sheer volume of information we get these days. We pinball around all these newws stories and opinions from pundits and can’t process them all, so we tend to get more reactive and less thoughtful since it’s faster.
Lazy fast thinking to cope with a busy world – answer may be to make our worlds a bit quieter? More localised too.

is this even a thing ??

There is/was plenty of research relating ageing to political shifts to the right, so yes, it probably is, though I guess it depends on how ‘extreme’ your thoughts are. There’s a point where stuff starts to shift over from reasonable indignation into irrational fury / disproportionate rage etc.

That said, most people have slightly bonkers thoughts from time to time, but mostly without  verbalising them. If it’s genuinely upsetting to your wife and troubles you, you should arguably look at doing something about them.

Fwiw, being furious about stuff you have no agency over, is a short-cut to frustration/rage/depression. I’m not saying you shouldn’t care about stuff you can’t control, but wanting those things to be different from the way they are, without having any way of changing them, is a sure way to be impotently furious.

Meditation is maybe a useful way of stepping away from those thoughts before you verbalise and maybe worth looking into.

I guess the base question would be along the lines of, is it the extreme thoughts which are a problem to you or just the fact that you’re expressing them verbally and in particular, the impact on your wife? Only you really know the answer to that and it might take some thinking to figure it out.

Is it adversely affecting your life?   If so seek some help

I’m moving more Scotroutes than ton and its manifesting as quiet ambivalence. I’m literally saying less and caring less.

I wonder if this is a manifestation of some kind of depression or just moving further into middle age.

Stop watching the news. and Filter your Social Media intake.

I was an avid follower of current affairs up to the pandemic. Not anymore.

In my case ignorance is bliss.

Sorry to hear this Ton. Your cycling after so many health problems has been an inspiration to me.

I think what you are experiencing is what I call “spiralling”. The brain creates a thought path with a thought about an issue that matters to you. The brain then goes round that loop over and over again. Each time it’s easier as you rehearse the arguments. So it’s hard to stop.

It is possible to learn to break these thought patterns. One option is “cognitive behavioural therapy” replacing a negative thought with a positive one. TJ I think has mentioned this. The method needs teaching and practice.

I use mindfulness. Which is about accepting feelings but practicing controlling thoughts. The practice is maintaining focus, often on your breathing. I can definitely break negative thought patterns more easily. But like strengthening the muscles round a weak joint. It makes things better but not perfect

I also try to stick to the following

No news in the evening. Avoid social media in the evening.

Focus on what I can control. I use this lots at work.

Be selective on here and other social media about what I interact with

Almost everything is now descending to culture wars and click bait. People are setting out to wind you up. Don’t let them

Focus on the positives. The things that you really take for granted. Yesterday I got out for 1 muddy hour in my bike. But I have a great bike. My body can still ride it. I have great routes from the house. You get the idea

Don’t be afraid to get help

I wonder if it’s a natural reaction to the sheer volume of information we get these days. We pinball around all these newws stories and opinions from pundits and can’t process them all, so we tend to get more reactive and less thoughtful since it’s faster.
Lazy fast thinking to cope with a busy world – answer may be to make our worlds a bit quieter? More localised too.

Totally agree.

If there was some means to graph world stress / anxiety levels as the 24hr news cycle was introduced, I think the numbers would be predictably terrible.

As this progressed to being available on a portable device everywhere all the time, with added comments sections, everything ramps up .  There’s measured evidence of this over the past 15 years or so.

Terrible stuff has gone on in the world forever.  There’s very little I can do about it, other than trying to be positive to those I interact with and voting for the least worst politicians.

Children are crushed and burned, women are stoned for leaving the house, schools are shot up, dogs are skinned alive for fun.  It’s all going on, right now, and there’s sweet **** all I can do about it.  I don’t need to click on yet another video of any of those things on a daily basis, it’s too much.

Don’t be ignorant, but don’t immerse yourself in the shite.  Unless you’re swimming in the Thames, then there’s no choice…

Is it that you are angrier? There is a lot in the world to be angry about over the last few years so probably don’t worry too much (and the way you’re describing what you’re doing to understand it seems reasonable).  If I recall our conversations and your background, I can see why the world today might anger you – not unreasonably.

Or is it that you feel you are losing you’re filter? In which case get some advice. I’ve seen that in my parents and my father in law and I know where that can on some occasions lead, but I’m an engineer not a doctor so get advice from someone better qualified.

no it is not affecting my life in anyway.  i have a good happy family life, which is shared by my wife, 2 kids and 4 grandkids.

it is more in my head, which i vocalise when i see something.

example is, on a new 5 mile bike path, dog walkers walk their dogs and let them shit and then dont clear up after.

i said that the way to stop it would be if you could somehow catch this happening, and then make the owners eat the shit then it would put this filthy act to a end.

this is a mild version of the kind of thoughts i have regarding sometimes petty incidents.

Just go with it (presuming you’re not getting thoughts to tell you to blow up a building or something!!)! Everyone likes a good rant at the state of the world.

The older i’m getting the more right wing i’m getting (and so is everyone i know…friends, colleagues, customers….).

My ploy is to avoid social media, the news (Weekend FT is my only real source of news) and i don’t have a TV otherwise i’d spend my days constantly at melting point! 😀

Joking apart though, go for a walk in the woods, hills or whatever brings you joy, life’s too short for letting the world upset you! My neighbour gets himself in a right state when someone parks at the top of his 50m drive!! He can’t even see the parked car from his house and the drive meets a public road, he knows this, but he doesn’t have much going on!! 😀

Ton your thoughts aren’t you. Weird or OTT thoughts popping into your head happens to everyone at some time. It seems that you don’t act on them and that you recognise that they are unreasonable. Maybe try to just observe the thought in a detached way and let it pass. I suppose if they become your dominant way of thinking, then seeking some advice might help, but if it’s an occasional thing it’s pretty normal I think. Brain chemistry innit.