- Exit Interview
– why am I leaving?
Tell them you want to be known as Yolanda from now on and next week you intend to start your hormone treatment
– what could they have done to make me stay?
A signed letter from both Popes and a miniature statue of the Eiffel Tower covered in custardPosted 7 years agoAdmiralableMember
They don't have anyone with pinnipeds surgically grafted to their bodies for sexual gratification.
You aren't allowed to bend her over and go out for a bike ride
You can't own anyone with bombers
And you aren't allowed to pi$$ in anyones shoes and punch them in the goolies
that should cover it
EDIT Forgot the meat!Posted 7 years agoourmaninthenorthSubscriber
You are disappointed that the avaibility of Japanese octopron via the reprographics department has dried up now Paul the Octopus has gone into gambling.
You would be tempted to stay if you could have the office senior partner's office lined (floor, walls and ceiling) with the skin of recently flayed baby seals and the entrails of goats. It would then be filled knee deep in live squid. You have no intention setting foot inside the same, but would work as the solely licensed ticket seller for assistants to come and watch said senior partner working in his office.
(HTH and enjoy telling HR absolutely nothing.)Posted 7 years agoElfinsafetyMember
Tell them you no longer want to work in such a vicious, back-stabbing selfish cut-throat environment and wish to fulfil your lifelong dream of becoming an International Football Hooligan, as the travelling opportunities are far greater. Ensure that you attend the interview with a shaven head and wearing a Millwall top. Explain that you want more from your career than simply sitting around bored all day posting nonsense on STW.
Sing them a Kate Bush song, as a parting gesture. Maybe 'The Man with the Child in His Eyes'. Do a little dance in the style of a Massai Warrior crossed with an old ladies' Tea Dance. Come into the GaRDEN MAUDE…Posted 7 years agoroMember
Just be honest.
Tell them you've become hooked by the world of 'net forums where you discuss the minutia of your life and interests. You've lost perspective and balance, your sense of humour has evaporated and you've developed an uncontrollable urge to post pictures and reply to people you loathe,
That should cover it 🙂Posted 7 years agoallthepiesMember
This is how to leave in style:-Posted 7 years ago
I leave my job next week. I've got an "exit interview" with a nice woman from HR today. They want to know why I'm leaving, and what they could have done to keep me.
Now, I know that I'm leaving before I'm found out, and the only way they could have kept me is by moving the whole firm to Bristol and giving me a largely non-executive role on the same salary but fewer hours. But there's a strong tendency to get creative on this one, so some ideas from you lot please.
– why am I leaving?
– what could they have done to make me stay? 😀Posted 7 years agobrakesMember
Just what might you have done that you could get found out for?
after a few years in a job, everyone has stuff they've buried that they don't want anyone else to know about, and that could likely ruin them.Posted 7 years ago
like the time they took a pritt-stick home by mistake, or broke a chair and hid it in the basement, or skimmed £100k from the corporate accounts to pay for midget hookers and squirty cream.
don't they?Berm BanditMember
My Mrs has been having some of this at work. She supervises a team of mainly female staff.
The first problem was with lady who apparently bats for the other side. She had an issue with my Mrs, (it has transpired that the same has happened previously where she has had female supervision, and she has been moved around as a result. When she left she gave my Mrs both barrels at the exit interview. Questions were asked from above, but nothing was found to be out of order. It now transpires the the woman has taken her next employer (female) to a tribunal on the grounds of sexual discrimination.
Currently she is going through a similar experience with another one of her team. This one has also been "recommended for internal transfers" several times also, (for internal transfer read being moved on due to being a pain in the arse). Similar accusations are being made with a similar lack of substance. However, it does not take a genius to work out that "the no smoke without fire" argument will at some poiint get deployed, and that there will eventually be some impact on the old girls career.
Seems to me to be a practice with good intentions but a potentially suspect outcome, which in my Mrs employers case leads to poor staff being shuffled rather than dealt with properly, and to that extent is counter productive. Wifey is now contemplating shuffling as opposed to doing her job properly and standing her ground.
The company is a large multinational with high professional standards and a permanent HR presence on site, and these incidentas have occured some time apart.Posted 7 years ago
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