From the dust jacket thread.

Used to love nicking books from pubs, when decent but obscure hardbacks were used as a means of decoration and insulation.

Essays on sheep diseases, obscure19th century travelogues, biographies of forgotten soldiers and statesmen, bad romances and pre Soviet era train timetables.

All good fun.

Only ever caught once, by the landlord of the Golden Lion in Tod. Was shown the boxes of books he kept upstairs  and told to take my pick. 🙂

Never been tempted to nick anything else apart from the odd decent newspaper from MacDonalds.

You?

i once legged it from a Little Chef in Shropshire without paying.

On foot, because I was very drunk.

*Bookmarked

It’s a fair cop guv 😶

Not the face……

Walked out of job with 27” Apple cinema screen in my (big!) rucksack. Due to policy/circumstances I knew it wasn’t going to be used by anyone else anyway so didn’t feel at all guilty.

Careful on them stairs….

The hearts of a few fine ladies.

Does scrumping over 50 years ago count?

sort of*…. a mate and I nicked a pub sign; the Kings Head in Guildford. 15th Centruy Inn, Good Food, Fine Ales, etc. An A-frame style one, about 4 foot high and 2 foot wide, it took two of us to carry it.

What was astonishing is that we carried it off up the High St, stashed it in an alley while we had a curry, and then persuaded a taxi driver to take us, and it, home. The rationale was that the description above, spelling mistake and all, was what was written on the sign, and we convinced the driver that the landlord had said we could have it because it was spelt wrong. He even had to fold the seats down in the back, and my mate sat on it all the way home.

We set it up on my back patio and then woke my girlfriend up to show her the gift we’d brought her. Unimpressed doesn’t cover it.

* I say sort of because the bit about the landlord saying it was OK to take is an absolute lie. What is true is that we stole it at kicking out time, and I returned it very early the next morning, probably before it was even missed. Does it count as theft in that case?

It was a very long time ago, and may I also ask for morning after drink driving (unforgivable) to be considered in sentencing. I wouldn’t have usually, but she was very annoyed.

(not annoyed enough that she’s now my wife)

*Bookmarked

Proper LOL

Not theft if you bring it back quickly enough (or even abandon). Intention to “permanently deprive” is in the law IIRC. Hence TWOC as a specific offence.

Not that I’ve had cause to look this up in detail or anything…

I’m from Liverpool.

Don’t you live near me?

Goes out out to check bike shed. (I’m from Birkenhead).

😆 @ weeksy

A kiss, at the turn of a mile.

Contents of a beer barrel from a local tennis club in our youth – rolled it into the bushes and syphoned the contents into empty IrnBru bottles. We were about 14 at the time and got very pissed very quickly and were pretty ill afterwards.

Were on a skiing trip to Avoriaz and “borrowed” a local restauranteur’s ‘goods sledge’ made from a pair of 2m skis attached to very heavy wooden sledge. It took three of us to carry it up through all the inter-connected apartment lifts to the top of the ski slope in the dark and terrified ourselves on the descent – it was so hairy we didn’t go again for fear of seriously hurting ourselves.

I tried to nick a snickers (marathon) once from the school tuck shop, a dinner lady caught me

I’m a shit thief

I stole the top 12ft of a 30ft conifer Tree, got arrested and the police and the owner took the piss out of me!

That drinking sesh cost me £500 to replace the tree plus a caution!

2 gear cables, from halfords.

i stood at the till for 10 minutes. nobody came. so i just walked out.

i didnt feel any guilt.

I can’t walk past a pick’n’mix without a quick swipe of a couple of cola bottles or the such like. Evidence usually destroyed.

RM.

I too borrowed a sandwich board from outside a pub. I managed to get it home and set up in my bedroom.

Next morning I felt pretty bad about it, not helped that I lived across the road from the pubs chef. So once it was dark I loaded it into the boot of my car and placed it by the road leading into town. Next day it was back outside the pub.

Oh, I woke up with a flashing beacon once too.

I remember stealing my pocket money in advance off my father in order to feed my hubba bubba gum addiction.

Just the glistening tear from the cheek of a golden child.

A large sack of lemons from outside a house in Elounda, Crete at 2am in June 1987. I was extremely drunk and it seemed amusing at the time. An old lady watched me do it.

I felt exceptionally guilty (and Ill) in the morning and took them back. They were bloody heavy and not sure how I’d managed the night before.

We nicked a picnic table from the pub across the road.

How the **** we didnt see the marked police car parked next to us i’ll never know but i’m glad they just told us to take it back rather than having a little stop and search 😀

There’s only a 5% chance of getting caught anyway…

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/jun/17/figures-less-than-5-of-burglaries-and-robberies-in-uk-solved

Never stolen anything, only liberated things.

Actually I did get the sack from my paper round for pinching a 1p sweet.

“i’m glad they just told us to take it back rather than having a little stop and search”

Bloody hell, how big are your pockets?

Vimto. Quite a lot of Vimto…

A book called the Book of the Book, from a house we used to rent. I just thought nah, this is awesome, i’m having it, sorry. Mild regret but it found a better home and it was thematically appropriate

At a mates wedding I took a bit of a drunken shine to an ornamental wooden toad on the bar at a Cardiff pub. 15 years on it’s still rotting away in my Dad’s garden:

Multiple road cones, temporary road closure signs and road work lights, the flashing amber ones. Had enough to close of both ends of the street at one point in time. Seemed a good idea when a pissed up teenager.

I’ve got one of those singing toads, you remove the stick from the mouth and run it down the back to make a very unlike “toad” noise

While holidaying in a caravan at Brean, I used to walk along the beach into Burnham, and nose around the shops. Had very little money, my dad had died several years before, so I used to go into WH Smith and nick Hot Wheels cars. This was when they actually sold toys, and they were ridiculously easy to pinch.

Not nicked, exactly but I still have a DeVilbiss Super 63 airbrush from a company I once worked for. I was the only one who could use it for retouching photos, and I had it at home when I left for another job. The original company folded six months later, which was why I left, writing on the wall, etc.

Then there’s countless pens, rolls of tape, scalpels and blades over the years, but they were considered perks of the job.

Was out one night with my Uni MTB club during a trip to the FOD. Went for a wee in the bushes, came back to the van with a 40 sign still attached to the pole.

Has anyone who works in IT ever bought software or hardware?

  How the **** we didnt see the marked police car parked next to us i’ll never know but i’m glad they just told us to take it back rather than having a little stop and search

I have the feeling the contents of your pockets may well have something to do with the lack of observation.

Myself? I’m a firm believer that a good thief doesn’t get caught, much less incriminate themselves.

Somafunk, the sound is a near-perfect rendition of the rare natterjack toad.

A copy of ‘No rest for the Wicked’ by New Model Army on tape from the bargain bin of Stratford Woolworths. I feel fairly sure that I’m not responsible for their collapse, but could have been a contributing factor 😐

An ice pop or two from the corner shop near primary school. Used to reach in the freezer and slide the odd cola ice pop up the sleeve.

Feel terrible about it.

Oh God, where to start. My friends and I whilst drunk or otherwise impaired have borrowed Sandwich board from outside a pub. We even wrote a ransom note on the other sign. Lights from roadworks, letters from various signs, lightbulbs from Christmas trees, pint glasses, road cones, shopping trolleys, For Sale signs (always more than one so that we could hit each other with them)and ash trays.

My favourites by far was when I fell over a garden wall and popped back up with one of those Stop – Children lollipop things. It stayed with us for the rest of the evening and then we took it back.

Awaits pm from bregante

“PM” incoming funkers.

When I was a kid Duracel ran a promotion to collect tokens and get a battery powered dinosaur.

A well know supermarket took quite a battering that summer because you needed to spend about £100 on batteries to get one, and I only had a paper round for £3.50 a week.

Never did get enough for the dinosaur but my bike lights lasted ages!