• This topic has 50 replies, 40 voices, and was last updated 7 years ago by csb.
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  • Emotional support for miscarriage
  • willard
    Full Member

    Big Yin,

    Really sorry to hear about your loss and I feel for both you and your wife. It’s a terrible thing and I think I know how you feel as my ex-wife and I had the same thing happen to us all three times we managed to get pregnant by IVF.

    The first time we lost a child, the hospital offered us counselling through ‘Petals’ http://petalscharity.org/. They tried to help, but my wife had a big resistance to talking to people so we only went a couple of times. When it happened the second time, I got offered counselling by the people that did the IVF and took that up. It helped.

    Look, if you want to talk, my e-mail address is in my profile. Drop me a line and I’d be happy to lend you an ear. It gets easier. The pain never goes away, it just gets a little easier to deal with over time.

    Merak
    Full Member

    My partner and I suffered a miscarriage just over two years ago. It has almost destroyed us, we haven’t dealt with it well at all.
    She went to counseling, I didn’t.
    You should think about it. I wish you and your wife well.

    longmover
    Free Member

    We lost our first one at 24 weeks, he had rare genetic condition and couldn’t survive. I remember holding him and giving him a kiss, my wife gave him a little bath and dressed him. We left the hospital a few hours later completely empty, drained and void of emotion, completely numb.

    I can’t say it gets easier with time, it hasn’t, some days are ok others a harder. I liken it to carrying a pebble in my pocket, some days I don’t notice it, others I can feel the pressure and some days it digs in.

    Try to keep yourself well to look after your wife, try to talk about it, it really does help. Make time for yourself as well.

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    johni
    Free Member

    We were in a similar situation a few years ago when we lost our baby at 28 weeks.

    It really is tough and I can’t really add to the messages above. We contacted Sands who were a help.

    It is something that does have a huge impact on you and you need to take time to process it. 6 years later, we are still affected by it but whilst we will never get over it, time does help you to come to terms with it. Grieving is an important process and you’re obviously making the right steps by looking for help.

    The one thing that surprised me was the number of other people who had been through similar things and the number of sympathetic ears available. Make use of each other, family and friends as well as charities etc. They know you better and you’ll know the ones who will help you in your time of need.

    Take care

    John

    bigyim
    Free Member

    Thank you all for your kind words. Just had a lovely bouquet of flowers from some friends

    eddiebaby
    Free Member

    So very sorry to read this. I can’t offer advice just my sympathy.

    teamhurtmore
    Free Member

    BY – very sorry to hear your loss. There have been some good suggestions made already but I would also add The Samaritans. They are v well trained and are excellent listeners. They wont give advice per se, but that is probably not what you need immediately. Perfect is you want to talk/share your grief with a caring and non-judgmental person in confidence.

    Very best wishes and condolences.

    jamj1974
    Full Member

    Have to agree that Samaritans can be good – they have helped me in the past.

    jambalaya
    Free Member

    BIg Yim. I am like everyone else sad to hear about the loss of your babies. I have never had to deal with such a loss after so many weeks, it’s hard enough in the earlier weeks. I can only imagine how hard that must be for you and your wife. It is of course perfectly normal to feel the way you do. As suggested above I think it would be wise to name the babies. I know that has been helpful for others who have been in a similar position. Perhaps you can take some comfort to understand that this can be natures way to deciding the babies where not healthy enough to make it. Having children is a miracle when you think about it and there are many hurdles that have to be cleared and sadly many pregnancies don’t make it to full term.

    fatmax
    Full Member

    I’m so sorry to hear your news.
    We suffered one and it was devastating, and really tough mentally – and it’s a process of grieving and mourning that you go through.
    All the advice above is spot on. Talk, take and look after each other. And all the best.

    csb
    Full Member

    Feel for you having been there twice. Tried to be pragmatic each time, stats on likelihood blah blah but it’s so deeply personal and vulnerable it’s scary. Only recently realised how upset my wife was about it when we were watching a tv programme about it, she coped by looking to the future. I should add that 5 years on and we have 2 lovely kids now, but it still hurts.

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