Driving gods to the forum – help stop me reacting!

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  • Driving gods to the forum – help stop me reacting!
  • dashed
    Member

    I just can’t seem to help myself reacting to folk driving like tits. I’m not an aggressive driver normally, pretty laid bad, let folk out of junctions, trundle along at 70mph on the motorway, have done some advanced driver training etc but I don’t half go off it if someone does something stupid.

    I know all the logical stuff – let them get on with it, keep out of the way etc etc, but it doesn’t seem to make any difference in the heat of the moment.

    bsims
    Member

    Just think how bad their life is that they are in such a hurry, don’t have time to say thanks, ignore others etc…

    It’s probably something else you’re unhappy with. Sex, work, the yawning chasm of impending death after squandering your one chance of life on this earth

    I’m the same as you. I’m actually going to buy a decent dash cam as a) I drive sensibly most of the time and it’s only a matter of time before something happens to me which isn’t my fault and b) because it’s recording my voice it’ll make me stay calm so I ensure I’m still the innocent party!
    A friend of my is an insurance fraud investigator and he said he wouldn’t drive a car without one anyway.

    I had a bit of a lightbulb moment years ago…

    I’d been “on the road” for work so the usual, considered myself well above average in skillz, everybody else on the road was there purely to hold me up, they were mostly shit drivers, etc etc.

    I simultaneously started a rant at some poor woman in a services car park (she didn’t know I was ranting) who’d probably had the temerity to pull out and pocket dialled someone in the office whose answering machine kicked in and recorded my full rant. She rang me back on her mobile and played it to me. Oh how we laughed but it was then that I realised how utterly ridiculous I sounded. Someone had just momentarily inconvenienced me and I was talking about her like she was out to kill my family. 😀

    So, I dunno, maybe record yourself in the car, play it back and see how you sound.

    Premier Icon dove1
    Subscriber

    I was/am the same as you @dashed. I am getting less reactionary by remembering my new mantra for life: People are dicks.
    You can do very little to change them, especially in a vehicle, so just let it go.

    Premier Icon matt_outandabout
    Subscriber

    Have the Benny Hill music in your head and overlay it across the driving you see…

    Premier Icon pondo
    Subscriber

    On motorways, I find driving slower makes me a lot less prone to being ragey.

    Premier Icon stumpyjon
    Subscriber

    I think many of us are in the same boat. One thing I’ve realised is actually a lot of people drive quite well, you just don’t notice because they don’t cut you up. For me it’s a conscious effort not to react, I’m getting better but it’s something I have to work on. I also realised the people who wind me up are the least likely to care about me, my ranting, my reaction to them so all it’s doing is stressing me out, making the roads incrementally less safe and having no effect on the dicks. You know thatmsmug feeling when you’ve got your own back on someone who has cut you up, you need to try and generate that feeling in yourself when you don’t react, when you give way to the dicks just to keep the traffic flowing smoothly. Reward yourself mentally for being the clearly better driver.

    Dash cam also sounds like a good idea, bit like having a black box, something to keep you honest.

    kerley
    Member

    This is more of a question on how you can handle idiots in life rather than a question for driving gods. No tips by the way as I am same as you, I get overly annoyed by careless/dangerous drivers and even more so when I am cycling.

    Premier Icon martymac
    Subscriber

    Guitarhero speaks truth, possibly something else is bothering you.
    I drive a coach for a living, so see the occasional bit of muppet driving, with practice you can train yourself to just think* ‘oh for **ck sake’ and then carry on with your life, it’s really not worth having a heart attack about some halfwit that you’re never going to see again.
    Make a conscious effort to do it and it will get easier.
    Obviously, if they’re on their phone, or doing something equally stupid you may consider phoning the rozzers.

    *or say it.

    BruceWee
    Member

    I find sarcasm helps me on the bike and in the car. ‘Sorry, my fault. I was obviously cycling so fast you weren’t able to judge my speed which is why you looked at me, made eye contact, and pulled out anyway.”

    Premier Icon martymac
    Subscriber

    @pondo
    That’s interesting, my default speed on a clear motorway is 60-65, 70 actually feels slightly too fast for me, mainly because coaches have 100kmh speed limiters and that’s what I spend my working life doing.

    Premier Icon BadlyWiredDog
    Subscriber

    I think you need to separate the being annoyed by bad driving which isn’t unreasonable – it’s putting other people’s safety at risk – and how you react to it. You seem to be beating yourself up about being annoyed, but I think it’s fair to resent people driving badly within reason. I guess ideally you just observe it dispassionately and take appropriate action, which would be a more mindful way of dealing with it, but being resentful’s not irrational and very human.

    What’s not reasonable is behaving irrationally and disproportionately as a next step.

    How are you reacting to it? I mean are you gesticulating / cutting them up / banging your head against the steering wheel / taking it out on other people later / chasing them down and starting a fist fight? It sounds a little like an anger management issue. Cars do weird things to people. I think somewhere in the whole driving mentality is the idea that you are or should be ‘in control’ and safe, but in reality you have very limited control over the actions of others, which is frustrating. It’s also a sort of microcosm of everyday life.

    Anyway, if the way you react is distressing you – which it seems to be – maybe it’s worth considering some sort of counselling to help you find coping strategies or get to the bottom of why it’s annoying you to an extent which you feel is disproportionate?

    I used to get quite wound up, I think as a result of riding motorbikes for years, which means other people’s mistakes have potentially serious consequences, but it doesn’t really get you anywhere good.

    More a driving dog than a driving god fwiw 🙂

    Premier Icon bikebouy
    Subscriber

    On motorways, I find driving slower makes me a lot less prone to being ragey.

    I’m looking forward to the Smart Motorway default speed limit being set to 50mph.

    The M27 along the 20mile stretch of enforced 50mph has been a pleasure to drive along… and before anyone says “yerbutt” every vehicle actually drives pretty much safer and gets to the end of the enforced limit in probably the same time.

    As for reacting, you are better than them don’t forget. Rise above the nobends, slow down a bit more and create those lovely gaps in front of you and behind.

    Premier Icon nickc
    Subscriber

    I’m looking forward to the Smart Motorway default speed limit being set to 50mph.

    While it may reduce the impact of crashes somewhat, which would obviously be a positive for many reasons.  I don’t think it would do anything to reduce speeding or bad driving. (those things still  tend to occur at the same rates) The default 70mph limit does nothing to prevent those things. and I think it’s speed cameras and not the limit that makes people drive to 50mph

    Premier Icon nickc
    Subscriber

    To answer the OP, agree with guitarhero and BWD, try to work out what it is in your life that is winding you up. I think it’s easy to shout and gesticulate in your car, because you’re in you’re own private space, you obviously wouldn’t act like that on the street or at the shops. (well most of us wouldn’t)

    Most folk haven’t set out to annoy you personally, they’re just trying to get along, yep they may be bad at driving, but TBH, it’s sometimes confusing if you’re driving around an unfamiliar town, and folk drive slowly or erratically or make poor decisions because they’re stressed. Try not to let it bother you. Which is hard I know, but a good test of ones perseverance.

    My own remedy is comedy, I try to pretend that I’m writing to them (poor drivers) in the style of those pompous 18th C vicars you get in Jane Austen novels…Dear sir, imagine my surprise this morning when I set out in my motorised carriage…etcetc… It’s just a distraction technique to get myself to smile. Works for me, find what works for you

    fasthaggis
    Member

    Just think how bad their life is that they are in such a hurry, don’t have time to say thanks, ignore others etc…

    Yup

    Premier Icon BadlyWiredDog
    Subscriber

    It is a truth universally acknowledged that an angry man in possession of a motorised carriage must be in want of a wife?

    Premier Icon Rich_s
    Subscriber

    I’ve become aware recently that I get more shouty/blamey when there are other people in the car than when I’m alone. I’m normally to be found doing 77mph on cruise on motorways (1.6tdi engine is not very economical above these speeds) and driving a bit slower than I used to means I’ve had more time to watch out for driving habits rather than simply pressing on.

    FWIW to the OP, I’ve found that watching out for the pricks/potential pricks means that I consciously make decisions to move away from their path thereby changing road rage into mild bafflement.

    This works very well on the 4-lane motorway network which have a constant display of inside lanes empty except for trucks, outside lanes rammed full of cars nose to tail (24/7). The whole look ahead/plan ahead thing really works in your favour – and this works for dealing with Captain AlphaMale in Merc/Audi/pickup swerving between lanes at 100, Doris/Ernest in her Korean car of choice dawdling in whatever lane takes their fancy, and Chardonnay in her Fiat 500/Merc A class rigidly in lane 3.

    Spot and avoid = destress.

    Premier Icon nickc
    Subscriber

    Indeed, quite so…He has £10, 000 a year, you know?

    Premier Icon andybrad
    Subscriber

    just imagine giving them some coaching tips.

    Many many people i sit in a car with are very poor drivers (myself included)

    phil5556
    Member

    just think* ‘oh for **ck sake’ and then carry on with your life,

    I mostly do this and / or have a little laugh to myself about them.

    But the thing that does wind me up though is lane hogging and it happens a lot on my commute. 2 lane motorway, inside lane sits at 50 – 60mph with big gaps and outside lane is often a queue bumper to bumper at less than 5mph quicker than lane 1 with the car at the front refusing to pull in. I do give the odd flash or slightly dodgy undertake that I’m not proud of.

    I mostly try and avoid the motorway though and go to the A/B roads where I just laugh off drivers that get angry at being overtaken safely and legally.

    Premier Icon Rich_s
    Subscriber

    Oh, try listening for R4 podcasts like Monkey Cage or something with heavy scientific content. I find it makes me concentrate much more on everything.

    fossy
    Member

    Don’t get worked up, it just isn’t good for your health. Driving standards are terrible. When I cycle commuted I wasn’t too bad until I had the deliberate cut ups etc then I’d be shouting back. Stopped the commuting after a few bad incidents of stupid driving, the last one left me in hospital for a long time with a broken back.

    I drive to work, and just let the idiots get on with it. Pop on some tunes and plod away – maybe leave earlier to reduce the traffic. It’s no good for blood pressure/stress getting worked up.

    My son’s recently got a car, but fitted front/rear dash cam, and he says he sees so much bad driving, he could start a you-tube channel (but doesn’t).

    Premier Icon jj55
    Subscriber

    I learned my lesson one day when I had a rant at a guy who cut me up badly in a slowly moving queue of traffic. He turned out to be a VERY big and VERY angry man who got out of his car and invited me to sort it out at the side of the road! A very unpleasant character. Thank goodness for central locking 😳

    Premier Icon DezB
    Subscriber

    I’m the same as OP, overreact terribly to shit driving… I wonder if getting a dashcam would help.
    On the bike, I get annoyed and shouty cos the’re basically putting my life in danger, or so it feels at the time. I usually just think, I’ll check that on the cam, watch the footage back later and it’s nothing… Maybe that would help with the driving scenario too.

    Ps. IANADG

    Premier Icon jamesoz
    Subscriber

    It’s interesting, I drive between 100 and 300 miles a day, in cities and all over the country.
    My lodger drives maybe 30-40 a day, he seems to have some story of idiot driving every week.
    I barely remember any, there is the odd stand out moment where I’ve feared for my life. Such as near head on etc. The thing is in such a situation I don’t have time to get a rage on or blowing the horn as i’m avoiding an accident then recovering.

    If I’ve had the time to get all stroppy etc then it’s probably just an inconvenience rather than near death. So why get angry?

    Mister P
    Member

    I can let most things go on the road but it’s the idiots texting / facebooking / whatever on the motorway in rush hour that get me. They always get a lean on the horn and gesticulation. It won’t change their habits though, I know that, so why do I bother?

    Premier Icon MarkyG82
    Subscriber

    There is a marked difference in the driving style between my brother and me. I drift between lanes on the motorway and let the weight of the car take me up to junctions etc. He jumps between lanes and accelerates up to junctions before chucking the anchors out. He always seems stressed when driving but I like to enjoy the drive and sometimes that means going with the flow. For me anyway.
    FWIW he started his driving life commuting an hour each way on the M25. I started when I was living in the sticks driving to the farm for work. I don’t believe this is a coincidence.

    philjunior
    Member

    But the thing that does wind me up though is lane hogging and it happens a lot on my commute. 2 lane motorway, inside lane sits at 50 – 60mph with big gaps and outside lane is often a queue bumper to bumper at less than 5mph quicker than lane 1 with the car at the front refusing to pull in. I do give the odd flash or slightly dodgy undertake that I’m not proud of.

    Unfortunately, the problem isn’t people staying in the outside lane, it’s basically traffic*

    * It would be better if people would show good lane discipline, but let’s be realistic, people are pricks about letting others back into the outside lane, so hogging it happens, so it barely moves faster than the inside.

    trail_rat
    Member

    and I think it’s speed cameras and not the limit that makes people drive to 50mph

    oh thats for sure but im in favour of average speed cams on arterial routes .

    both the a9 and the a90 are now pleasures to drive comparitively to what they once were.

    they have also reduced the traffic build up at either end by giving a staggered arrival time instead of everyone that left at 7am arriving – as well as those that left at 7.15-7.30 and did various degrees of speeding to get there at the same time.

    the traffic is less chaotic and people seem in less of a rush as the speed is the speed.

    but that wont appease the driving gods.

    Automatic boxes and cruise control are how i personally tune out from the idiots. When you stick cruise on you realise how bad people are at holding a specific speed.

    Premier Icon bikebouy
    Subscriber

    and I think it’s speed cameras and not the limit that makes people drive to 50mph

    Ohh.. theres no doubt at all that the 50mph limit and cameras every 2k make people drive at 50mph…

    So.. Yay!!! for speed cameras.

    I’m looking forward to the new gantries and the new speed cameras they’re going to stick on them.

    If people break the speed limits, they deserve to get punished.

    And in the first month of the cameras being put up on the M27 6000 people received points and a fine.

    Says it all really.

    But the advent of smart motorways and cameras will have an effect, thats for sure.

    Premier Icon edhornby
    Subscriber

    I use the mantra ” feel free to overtake and drive your car into somebody else, that other person will also be driving like a XXXX (takes two idiots to cause an accident) so that’s two less morons on the motorway”

    Premier Icon BadlyWiredDog
    Subscriber

    But the advent of smart motorways and cameras will have an effect, thats for sure.

    Give it time. Eventually autonomous, electric-powered cars will restrict proper road rage to a select group of very stupid people who would become irate even though the guy in the other car isn’t actually controlling it. You just know it’ll happen, give it time.

    Meanwhile this is all too many motorised rats in too small a space no? I mean at base. And yet we still insist on building more and more roads instead of trying to reduce car use and dependence on it.

    Premier Icon pocpoc
    Subscriber

    I got a dash cam front and rear about a month ago. Drive approx 500 miles per week and only had one incident in that time where I even considered taking out the SD card to view it on a bigger screen.
    But then by the time the journey ended I realised I had stopped caring about it any more and didn’t bother.
    My usual tactic with bad drivers is normally calling them a couple of very strong swearwords and then I feel better. Except the man pulling a caravan down the M1 the other night who decided the he could indicate and instantly pull in front of me even though I was just about level with the rear of his van and going around 10mph faster than him with traffic in the lane next to me and nowhere to go. He got a long blast of my horn after I’d anchored on.

    But generally I try to pre-empt the proper dicks and get out of the way. No point getting myself wound up over their own self importance.

    Premier Icon pondo
    Subscriber

    @martymac
    I think it’s a combination of two things – firstly, I’m out of the way of the stressy overtaking lanes where gaps are small and no-one gives you an inch. Secondly, in order to get there on time I’ve had to set off early to allow for my lack of progress – not being worried about making it on time instantly removes a load of stress, for me. 🙂 You go faster than me – if I’m on my own*, I’ll set the cruise control around truck pace. 🙂

    I’m with bikebuoy – smart motorways and sections of roadworks with average speed cameras are the most well-behaved bits of the motorway network in England, I reckon. 🙂

    * Mrs Pondo demands a more lively pace.

    Premier Icon Nobby
    Subscriber

    I’m with bikebuoy – smart motorways and sections of roadworks with average speed cameras are the most well-behaved bits of the motorway network in England, I reckon.

    Apart from the Jct 10 to Jct 8 of the M20 which has been ‘prepared for Brexit’ for nearly a year now. The two remaining lanes are too narrow with little/no safety devices on the nearside & a steel barrier on the outside. The biggest issue though, is the authorities electing to not bother trying to prosecute foreign vehicles/drivers as it’s “not cost effective”. Word soon got around & now you simply get HGVs hammering down the outside lane on their limiters which is terrifying, especially in wet conditions.

    I’m with a few others on here, fitting a decent dash cam has calmed me down – in the beginning I couldn’t really have shared footage of any bellendery with the authorities (or anyone else) without some audio editing at least.

    tjagain
    Member

    I used to react mwith anger but realised it was ruining my day ( this is to near misses when cycling) Having realised that I decided to ensure it spoils the idiots day more than mine so nowadays I do not get so angry. I will confront them but I laugh at them if the over react then I leave. Its petty but knowing the are wound up and I am laughing means I “won”

    Probably better to just miss out the confronting bit.

    Premier Icon brant
    Subscriber

    I just can’t seem to help myself reacting to folk driving like tits. I’m not an aggressive driver normally, pretty laid bad, let folk out of junctions, trundle along at 70mph on the motorway, have done some advanced driver training etc but I don’t half go off it if someone does something stupid.

    I know all the logical stuff – let them get on with it, keep out of the way etc etc, but it doesn’t seem to make any difference in the heat of the moment.

    You should stop driving.

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