doorstep evangelists

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  • doorstep evangelists
  • Premier Icon dannybgoode

    I keep a beheaded chicken and a Ouija Board handy for such occasions. Invite them in – set it up etc and ask who they would like to contact.

    Seriously though, the couple of JW’s that used to come round every so often have stopped coming since my rather odd neighbour invited them in. He hardly lets anyone in to his house (including the police) so we were surprised by this sudden show of hospitality.

    They left about 45 minutes later looking rather shaken. I wish I knew what he had said to them…


    A very quaint couple, recently retired at a guess, have been round a couple of times this summer..

    I’ve entertained them a bit, had a listen, asked some polite questions, explained a bit about my thoughts and made them giggle.. Mostly in the spirit of letting them know that not all tattooed skinheads that live on council estates need saving..

    you lonely then and in need of company.


    disappointing, I thought this was a barefoot running thread



    A couple of Jehovah witnesses came round a few weeks with the normal set up of the good young woman groomed to remind you of the film Witness and make you have depraved thoughts, plus of course her minder.
    I was outside fiddling with the bike at the time, so the ‘no thank you’ and shutting the door option was gone.
    So I genuinely tried to engage them on the ideas of Deism vs. Theism figuring that at least it might be an interesting conversation whilst I adjusted the rear mech.
    Didn’t go well as they had never heard of the words before, which I found a bit depressing. Poor kids sent out to convert but without the means to even have a useful discourse on their world-view.

    Premier Icon Cougar

    I don’t get them very often, given that I live in an area with a large Muslim population.

    Couple of anecdotes I remember, going back a few years:

    I was woken up one Sunday by persistent doorbellage. Hung over with eyes like pissholes in the snow and breath like a dead skunk, I hauled my broken body out of bed and almost fell down the stairs, got to the door to find the obligatory Jehova’s Sith Lord and his Apprentice.

    Their opening gambit was “tell me sir, what do you think is the main cause of the problems in the world today?” I replied, “lack of sleep on a Sunday morning” and closed the door. Was quite pleased with that one.

    On an earlier visit I thought I’d try a different tactic. “No thanks,” I said, “I already have a faith which I’m very happy with.”

    “Oh?” they said, “which one would that be?”

    “Shit,” thinks I, and blurted out the first religion that came to mind. I think I said I was a Baptist or something.

    They then proceeded to tell me exactly what they thought of “my” religion, how it was inconsistent and various other negative things. I said yeah, that might be true, but at least we don’t go round door-to-door slagging off other people’s belief systems.

    From experience though, the only thing that really works is a polite but firm “not interested” and closing the door before they can get a word in. Accepting their propaganda pamphlets out of politeness just encourages the buggers and you’ll never be left alone.


    Friend of mine made it his mission to try and challenge the faith of Jehovah’s Witnesses and other evangelicals that came round to his house. He’s a pretty intelligent guy and ended up doing loads of research about their beliefs and theology generally.

    He eventually got some fairly high level leaders of the church coming round for in depth discussions as he kept getting ‘escalated’ as he was asking questions people couldn’t answer. Not sure if he successfully got any of them to renounce their faith.

    I think he’s actually now doing a degree in theology.

    Had a few round recently, mostly Americans strangely . Not one has been able to tell me share Cains wife came from. When t hey come up with a credible answer, I’ll have to find a more searching question.
    Tbh I haven’t got any time for doorstep paddlers, and to me selling relgion is as unwanted as selling dodgy drive repairs, I’m just a little politer telling them no.

    Premier Icon jamj1974

    I love doorstep evangelists. Promoting the installation, effective use and protection of doorsteps everywhere. Doorsteps are essential for civilisation – just imagine what would happen without them…


    I kept getting people when I was at college. An African foreign student kept coming round to see me.

    OK, you come to my door and ask me to join your religion. I politely decline. You then keep talking *at* (not to) me and every time I say anything you continually read from your bible (heavily annotated, I might add). That’s just plain rude.

    That’s the problem. It isn’t a conversation, it is them talking AT you. Grr!


    Long way to get rid of them, ask them to explain dinosaurs. Short way give them a knowing wink and tell them you are just in the middle of something and look down at the socks you have stuffed down your boxer shorts…ask them to come join in if there is any reluctance to leave immediately.

    Premier Icon unklehomered

    Ask “who sent you?”. For people on a mission from God, its a question they often struggle to answer.


    I usually have a bit of a chat with them but if they start getting pushy, I find that turning the tables on them and telling them about Orthodoxy gets rid of them sharpish!


    My lodger is a catholic envangelist. I love it when the jw’s come round… The theological arguments get quite agressive;


    Its pointless engaging just shut the door
    How rude you wish to be is your call

    The only folk I engage with is the Tories as i figure they will never convert me and it wastes shit load of their time and resources

    Top Tip: Its quite fun to see how racist you can get them as they try to agree with you to get your vote- jobs for British folk – who would not support that, control immigration oh yes we are into that …then escalate to the EU making them come here etc

    Last election I got DVDs and all sorts from them – I think I am on a list


    Just tell them you believe in the old religion and don’t have time for these modern impotent religions that don’t even have decent spells.

    Premier Icon Brainflex

    My favourite moment was with a mid 20s man n woman. Came knocking and when I answered asked, “Are you ready to let the lord into your life?” My reply was that “I don’t discuss religion or politics with anyone I hadn’t slept with”. Looked at my watch, looked at the woman and said “I have time now if you do?” Look of confusion on her face followed by her being dragged way by the bloke. Not had any visits since.


    I had a guy and his son come to the door, it was pretty early sunday and I really didn’t get what he wanted for a bit, so I sort of stood there drooling stupidly while he waffled on, then GF appeared at door, pecked me on the cheek, looked at the bloke and said something like

    “who’s this, Hun?” to me.

    He went very red and dragged his son away pretty quickly

    binners – Member
    In all honestly I’ve lost count, but I think there are about 23 of them buried in the back garden.

    Hope you planted them well apart or they’ll never germinate, otherwise you should get a decent congregation in Spring.


    Many years ago in the far east there were two elderly ladies(a German & a British) from Jehovah Witness spreading the gospel in a MuslamicLand (was safe in those days but not today as they would have your head instead) and when they went to my parents’ house my mum would let them in to see what they were “selling” or to listen to them. My mum felt sorry for them as so let them in because the day was very hot and they could do with a rest and something to drink or eat. I think my mum gave them water, coffee, tea and biscuits etc. I remember every year they would visit us whenever they visited the area and every year my mum would welcome them. That was for several years and I cannot remember they when they stop visiting my mum. I think they knew that there was no hope in converting my mum so they became friends. We do not belong to any of the Abrahamic faith put it this way.

    Personally, I would just reject them politely.


    “Had a few round recently, mostly Americans strangely .”

    Wearing ties and name badges? Probably Mormons.


    a top tip from a friend who was brought up as a JW, when they knock on your door just say that you are disfellowshipped they will never return again


    There’s scope for having great fun with these people. I always invite them in. Makes for an entertaining evening in a car crash sorta way. Most of them are really ill considered and don’t know much, so a little knowledge of the book of mormon, or the Jehovah’s witnesses pamphlets can go a long long way.

    I had one Protestant evangelist threaten me physically (which I laughed out loud at much to his annoyance), and a follow up from his boss/leader chap banning me from his church, just in case I was thinking of going there to “infect them with satan”

    Caused another to have a melt down as when he told me evolution was a lie I asked “Why do Whales have hip bones then?” (they do)

    Try and convert them to Atheism. I know it’s cruel, and they *are* people with sore, sore self esteem issues…but it’s the best pound for pound fun you’ll have short of sex or biking – and they did bring the fight to you. 😀


    I’ve had good results telling them I’m a born again athiest, allowing about 30 seconds for a reply and then politely shutting the door.

    If I know it’s them I normally open the door holding a Ferret. That’s a complete show stopper, their opening gambit comes off the rails and hit’s the orphanage. If ferrets don’t go to heaven (don’t worry they do, who do you think eats all the slugs) then the door gets slammed in their face.

    It’s either that or I wind up our excitable Staffie something chronic so he’s barking like a mad thing and answer the door holding him back as he desperately tries to say hello.

    They don’t tend to stay long either way.

    Mr Woppit

    wwaswas – Member
    Is Woppit on holiday? He’d normally be all over this sort of thread…


    I had a couple of numpties at the front door last year. Don’t know what particular brand of bullsh*t they espoused, it didn’t get that far.

    One short, dumpy older guy who looked like he’d not long finished having good cry and a younger acolyte, about 18 and a bit wet looking.

    Me: “Hello. What are you selling?”

    Older bloke: “We’re not selling anything.”

    Me: “Wouldn’t have anything to do with religion, would it?”

    OB: “Yes”.

    Me: “Not interested in nonsense.” (Looked at younger bloke) “And you need to ask yourself what you’re doing hanging around with this loser”.

    Then I shut the door. Watched them through the kitchen window as they departed. Older bloke angry, younger bloke looked like he was in shock. 😈

    Premier Icon Cougar

    Long way to get rid of them, ask them to explain dinosaurs

    And follow up with “do you drive? Where do you think petroleum comes from?”


    Ah balls..

    I just lost my rag with them 😳


    Last time i had them round i explained that i was a “fundamentalist atheist” and that i would be visiting where they live with copies of the books of Charles Darwin.


    Ha … they’ve got you !!

    You feel embarrassed…. that means you feel guilty… that means you need to confess.

    Go! Go now or forever live up to the stereotype you hate the most … a BNP reject 😆

    I let the dog out 😆


    When I was 14/15, we were all round a mates house when it looked like some evangelists wee going to come knocking.

    We persuaded him to go put on a dress and stick a plunger on his chest before opening the door.

    They weren’t very pleased and called him foolish before going next door.

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