supermarket…
married mum mid 20’s on checkout having affair with lad who works nights in petrol station..
one night she goes to someones leaving do.. cops with one of the other women who works on the checkouts..
they decide to wind up the lad in the petrol sation who’se locked in the shop by getting down and dirty on the bonnet of a car on the forecourt..
lad loses it big time and necks half a dozen boxes of painkillers before calling police.. who arrive in squad cars and a helicopter!

supermarket…
married mum mid 20’s on checkout having affair with lad who works nights in petrol station..
one night she goes to someones leaving do.. cops with one of the other women who works on the checkouts..
they decide to wind up the lad in the petrol sation who’se locked in the shop by getting down and dirty on the bonnet of a car on the forecourt..
lad loses it big time and necks half a dozen boxes of painkillers before calling police.. who arrive in squad cars and a helicopter!

So good he posted it twice!

Not anyone I worked with, but numerous sketchy search histories on customers virus infected PCs. Probably the weirdest was his Google search history was full of ‘Amy from Futurama naked” or “Leila Futurama naked”, sure there were some Simpson characters in there too 😯

Then there were the fork-lift truck races….

We used to race these things…

One day, one of the lads wasn’t looking where he was going, slammed it in reverse, and floored it out of a warehouse. He completely flattened a Ford Fiesta parked outside. He barely felt it. The bloke who’d only just parked up his fiesta and walked away from it was a little shook up

Tell you what there are some right dirty women around. Unfortunatly not at the same time as me. 😆

a “friend” was enthusiastically driving the works fiesta van that was used for delivering hire tools from a garage,bodyshop business when he failed to notice a car was waiting to turn right ahead,this resulting in front of fiesta being demolished.There would have been just about enough space to stop if the road hadn’t been wet and there was 1/2 a ton of tools in the back.

When reporting what happened to the boss was asked “how fast were you going ?” replied “just under 30,Mr Davies” cue sceptical look from boss who said “we see a lot of crashed cars in here,best say that was your speed when you hit the brakes not when you hit the car”

Week later who should be dealing with his college registration? lady driver of the car he hit

One place I worked, the abusive and presumably recently dumped boyfriend of a lovely girl from the canteen turned up at work armed with a crossbow demanding to see her. Security wouldn’t let him in*, a slight scuffle ensued which resulted in the psycho shooting himself in the foot before the coppers arrived.

* they were fat middle aged blokes used to sitting around all day asking to see badges, but to be fair they had it where it counted

Great thread.
Worked as a glss collector at a large holiday camp in the south west when i was 15, the bar manageress used to like catching you and rubbing her rather enormous breasts up against all the young men, usually in full view of the rest of the staff.
In the RAF Police first posting on nights, spent the night being “look out” while sergeant nicked led from various places to make fishing weights.
Later as a taxi driver, some hilarious incidents working in a small town, but one of the best was dropping a regular off with his new lady friend, he’d all but s****d her on the back seat, said, you can come and join us if you want! I didn’t.
Said Taxi business was based in large fishing port, when pickeing up the crew form Liverpool, after riots in Liverpool, they were offering up TVs at discountted rates, and after trawler refits in Holland you would be offered speed balls instead of cash paymnents.

Was working in a church installing projectors as the priest was going all interactive with his mass, he even has it set up to stream online. He asked us to sort out a few telephone lines and move a broadband router in the parochial house and when setting up the computer I typed in the address bar http://www.g thinking google would come up in the history I was surprised to see a long list of gay porn sites. I told the lads I worked with some believed me some didn’t and about 4 years later he literally made a cockup infront of primary school children and parents.
Link here http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/blue-murder-the-priest-a-stolen-laptop-and-gay-porn-3100936.html

docstar – that article is surely made up?! Termonfeckin? Plunkett? It’s straight out of Father Ted, surely?!

Funny thread..

It seems we’ve all got stories of “back in the day” moments.

Here’s mine:

Back in the early 90’s I was Ops Mgr for a big Construction/Shopfitting company and my two bosses saw fit to land me with the job of choosing and handing out redundancies to employees as a downturn in the industry was in full force.
So I chose the employees, hard as it was some were easy targets, and then proceeded to call them all in one by one and hand over either good or bad news..
Of the 52 I had to let go, 11 physically threatened me and my family, 2 turned up at my house with spray cans and seemed quite happy to daub my walls with “scum” 1 actually pulled me over the desk and punched me in the face breaking my front tooth, someone slashed my tyres (company car) and 1 sobbed so loudly I had to call in my secretary to calm him down. We had vans vandalised, wood and materials nicked, tools of other employees stolen even machinery butchered.. One lad lit a fire in the skip and threw thinners all over it..
When times were good, they were very good indeed, when they were bad it was desperate.

Back in the early 90’s I was Ops Mgr for a big Construction/Shopfitting company and my two bosses saw fit to land me with the job of choosing and handing out redundancies to employees as a downturn in the industry was in full force.
So I chose the employees, hard as it was some were easy targets, and then proceeded to call them all in one by one and hand over either good or bad news..
Of the 52 I had to let go, 11 physically threatened me and my family, 2 turned up at my house with spray cans and seemed quite happy to daub my walls with “scum” 1 actually pulled me over the desk and punched me in the face breaking my front tooth, someone slashed my tyres (company car) and 1 sobbed so loudly I had to call in my secretary to calm him down. We had vans vandalised, wood and materials nicked, tools of other employees stolen even machinery butchered.. One lad lit a fire in the skip and threw thinners all over it..
When times were good, they were very good indeed, when they were bad it was desperate.

Surprised they didn’t offer you a presence from security just in case!

I was fired once from a telesales job (which i hated), I wondered why there were two big guys from the warehouse stood outside the salesmanagers office when I was called in. The guy was all stuttery and nervous (he was quite a small nerdy guy, but then I wasn’t particularly intimidating I don’t think), I think he was a bit surprised when I just said “oh, ok. see you then”.

worked on a number of sites where similar to the above has gone down.

one set of sparkies got booted off site so had a mad 20 minute dash round cutting out everything they had installed over the last few months.

another set (not sure which trade – different site) unbolted a load of scaffolding supports on their way out and sent an innocent lad crashing down 3 stories or so and straight into casualty.

diff guys again (and diff site) got pissed off with a fella (think he was some kind of building control man or maybe a manufacturer – was very picky and would regularly come down and make them redo anything with the slightest issue)…
anyway, while he was on a diff bit of site they hopped up to his car in the multistorey opposite and built a rather neat U-shaped breeze block wall all the way around the back of it. then went home.

I’ve got a few stories about the Shopfitters who used to stay onsite whilst working, but they just rotate around Drugs/Wiminz/Blokes/Booze/Mess/Long nights etc… and you can reorder those in anyway you wish but the stories end up the same.
Apart from one, which was about an apprentice Shopfitter, young lad, and an onsite visit with said “experienced” shopfitters, a nail gun, some silkaflex, rope, hanging hooks off a ceiling, masonry paint and a visit from one of our Customers who’d popped into the shop to see how things were going.
“Christ” I think his words were.. seems they’d nailed the lad to a cross, hung him from the ceiling naked except covered in paint.
We couldn’t sack the “experienced” shopfitters, they were just so damn good at turning jobs around quickly and blooming well on time.

We fitted out MeddowHell BTW..back in the day.

@ instant hit- I was RAF Police 89 – 95
Classic was during a fence patrol, myself and mu colleague came across a section of fence violently swaying to and fro, fearing someone was trying to climb over we carried on along the fence only to come across a young lady known locally as “Peter Beardsley” due to her good looks. being pleasured from behind. The force of their action causing the fence to sway….
The chap who was caught one weekend plaesuring himself against the Station Commanders Curtains….
Crime wise- loads of funny stuff..
A chap who was caught shoplifting on a ferry comming back from Ireland , he was an RAF employee, threw himself off the ferry into the dock as it was docking to avoid capture
Two WRAF fighting over a chap in their accomodation block, when we arrived they were starkers, so we took our time dealing with that incident… 🙂

a police officer i knew, said his superintendant who was a nasty petty man, had just been charged with drink driving by his own officers a few weeks after he retired from work, moral was dont ever upset the junior ranks as they still have the law to help them get even.

only to come across a young lady known locally as “Peter Beardsley” due to her good looks

Quality!!! 😆

I really don’t want this thread to ever stop… It’s slowing down now though 🙁

“Christ” I think his words were.. seems they’d nailed the lad to a cross, hung him from the ceiling naked except covered in paint.

A similar fate befell a colleague of mine. The lads from the warehouse jumped him, stripped him, shrink-wrapped him to a pallet, then hoisted the pallet right up to the top of the warehouse and left him there.

At the same place, as I used to read the Guardian, as opposed to the Sport (and therefore some kind of puff), I could never read the paper without someone sneaking up under the table and setting fire to it as I was reading. This (somewhat inevitably) got out of hand and led to the locker room burning down

First bike shop I worked in (Harper Cycles), the boss thought it was very funny to wait until you were taking some quiet time in the toilet, before squirting burning GT85 through the keyhole.

A 3ft flame appearing without warning in front of your nose tended to cure any constipation.

He stopped after one mechanic did the same to him – difference was he liked to read the paper in there, so we were treated to him leaping out of the toilet, trousers around his ankles, clutching a burning newspaper…

There’s some gems here, but that’s the first story that proper gave me the giggles.

If you want to talk about hazing people : When I was a courier in London had a job to Fleet Street had to go around the back of what was the Daily Mail offices, Oh god what a sight about 5 naked lads tied to some form of trolleys covered in print ink with about 20 secretaries throwing all sorts of paper strips over them. They had just completed their apprenticeships. As they were pushed up the lane more and more people came out to pour more ink and throw more crap on them. Poor buggers had given up resisting. Glad I wasn’t working in the print industry.

In the early 90’s I worked for a traffic control company who had jobs overseas. One lad was sent to Amsterdam to video the traffic control stuff we had installed to check it recorded the traffic properly.

Being a nice chap he figured all his work mates would enjoy some Dutch pron. So he set the video camera up in his hotel room where he had a channel of Dutch hard-core on TV and recorded loads of pron for us on VHS tape. Came back to the office and handed out copys to us all.

What he failed to realise was we could all see a reflection of him in the TV screen on his hotel bed beating the bishop.

A fitter at my old place “borrowed” someones scissor lift on site once. Break time came and he wandered off leaving his tools on it, when he came back he was told his tools were in the skip. Fairly raged by this he found a fork lift and lifted the guys van above the skip and asked him to get his tools back. He was asked to leave site after that.

When I was in the RAF working at Lyneham the highlight of a nightshift was rallying the Corsa van around the perry track (around the airfield perimeter). You had to be careful as you didn’t want the muppets up in air traffic seeing you attempt to copy Colin McRae. The Chief Tech wondered why the tracking was always needing to be done….

Same unit, same chief oddly enough. Has a very heavy night and comes into work feeling worse for wear. It just so happens I have some Alka Seltzer in my locker. Being a nice chap I offer a sachet to the Chief and he accepts and knocks it back. Ten minutes later the OC and the Chief have a meeting to go to. They don’t get far before the Alka Seltzer works it’s magic and he spews up everywhere in the van. He misses the boss but ends up out on the grass in front of the main terminal building chundering everywhere. I wasn’t too popular for a day or two after that.

Oh god what a sight about 5 naked lads tied to some form of trolleys covered in print ink

Having worked in the Print industry I can confirm that there is a ritual administered to apprentices known as “Black Balling”.

I have nothing to add, other than a short video from some staff training a couple of years back:

lol – Of course it is *always* that fun….

In the early 90’s I worked for a traffic control company who had jobs overseas. One lad was sent to Amsterdam to video the traffic control stuff we had installed to check it recorded the traffic properly.

Being a nice chap he figured all his work mates would enjoy some Dutch pron. So he set the video camera up in his hotel room where he had a channel of Dutch hard-core on TV and recorded loads of pron for us on VHS tape. Came back to the office and handed out copys to us all.

What he failed to realise was we could all see a reflection of him in the TV screen on his hotel bed beating the bishop.

Ah! No, I’m sorry, but that one’s been told before a number of times. My favourite version was Sam Torrance on ‘They think it’s all over’.

For future reference the story works better if he is actually holding the video camera or it’s a at least fifty to one against seeing his reflection on film(!)

Better luck next time.

Worked in various roles from agent to sales/ tech support in a big call centre in Bristol the mid 90s. All sorts of stuff going on – mainly involving sex, drugs and drink . One of those places where come Friday night everyone piled into the pub and you had no clue were you would end up, or who with.

Loads of dodgy tales but some particular gems were the bloke who regularly used to do an evening shift tripping his nuts off on ‘shrooms whilst trying to flog Friends & Family to old dears in Basingstoke and a couple found doing the beast with two backs under the sales managers desk one night by the cleaner.

One guy in the sales team was effectively homeless but covering for it by pulling double shifts and spending his downtime running up huge gambling debts in the local casino. Another mate unfortunately had a “follow through” incident on the bus in to start an early shift after a heavy night before – white chinos too (!). He “borrowed” another pair of kecks from a locker and stashed the evidence behind a ceiling tile, only for it to fall out a week later when some maintenance guys were checking the aircon ducts.

If anyone’s read Matt Thorne’s book, Eight Minutes Idle, I’m sure he must have worked in the same office or known some of the same people.

Also worked for a bit in a business sales team for the same company – ruled with a fist of iron by a boss who was a drag queen in his spare time and had the filthiest sense of humour imaginable. If we hit targets no questions were asked and had some mad nights out as rewards. One end of quarter bash involved an overnight trip to a hotel in France with the senior management team. My best mate got completely mangled on the bus to Dover on a blend of Glenfiddich and antihistamines (!). Went completely loopy and started fighting with everyone on the bus. On arrival in France, he tried to nut a border cop, called the sales director a Ginger Minger and attempted to grope another member of staff. He’s a martial arts nut and it took 5 of us to get him off the bus and pin him down in the room until he eventually passed out. He then woke up, stone cold sober at 4am and trashed the rest of us (who were paralytic by that point) at poker. I’m still not convinced it wasn’t the most elaborate bluff ever but to this day he claims to have no recollection of the trip at all.

I went from there to a telecoms company in Holland which was remarkably tame in comparison – apart from the South African / Israeli midget who lasted 3 weeks in our team before he got sacked for downloading toilet porn, and the IT consultant who managed to liven up a particularly dull presentation when the screensaver on his laptop started flashing up “readers wives” type photos of his missus.

Ah! No, I’m sorry, but that one’s been told before a number of times. My favourite version was Sam Torrance on ‘They think it’s all over’.

For future reference the story works better if he is actually holding the video camera or it’s a at least fifty to one against seeing his reflection on film(!)

Better luck next time.

Careful now, I think i you start questioning the anecdotes in this thread then you’ll have your work cut out…

It seems this quality thread is missing some feedback from the Singletrack office……..

they’re too busy shagging under desks and black balling the web monkeys

where i used to work there were two specialist designers brought in to do some contract work. The recession hit and they were informed they wouldn’t be getting their contract renewed after the three months were up. They found a loophole in their contract so that as long as they ‘worked’ everyday they’d get paid. The contract didn’t state how much or how little work they had to do so they’d fire off an email each day to the project manager at 9:05 and then watch homes under the hammer and other guff on iplayer until 5pm whilst drinking tea.

I could never read the paper without someone sneaking up under the table and setting fire to it as I was reading.

Apparently Wogan used to do this to his radio colleagues’ scripts when they were live on air 🙂

some of this will sound crap but i have 10mins spare…

from the age of 16 through to 21 i used to work in a large local drinks wholesalers, basically all the large breweries would delivery kegs/bottles etc to us and we would delivery to the local pubs/clubs/restaurants etc.

i still say the reason i have such a thick skin was from working in this place, basically the p*ss was ripped out of me form 7am till 4am 6 days a week.

we used to have very cheap red/white wine delivered, one horrible job was to stick the bottles in huge plastic vats to soften the labels, as you can imagine over time this water would be stinking and full of glue. sadly for me i was going through my grunge stage and had long hair, they found this amazingly funny so one day picked me up and dangled me in the one vat soaking my hair, i then had to go out on a delivery for the whole day.

some of the stuff they did was sick (i wont go into specifics), few lads got sacked once for ‘messing’ with real ale kegs in the cellar of a pub run be an evil landlord, loads of locals got sick from drinking the ale.

one pub had a huge spread of sandwiches (for a funeral wake) in the cellar to keep cool, of course these were sabotaged with go knows what.

they had me loads of times, once i messed up and order for one of the lads so he loaded the wrong stuff onto his lorry. they had me back the next day, i’d loaded my truck the night before, came in the following morning grabbed my folder and headed off up the road. unknown to me they had taken all the kegs/bottles etc off my truck and filled it back up with crates with all the bottles filled with rain water (so i didnt notice any weight loss) got to the first drop and noticed what they had done.

i dont know how half of them survived as they were constantly p*sed from drinking at each pub drop.

oh i also did a stint in a cold storage facility in when i was travelling round NZ, we had to load shipping containers up with frozen NZ lamb, i’ve never eaten lamb again!

In one of the offices I’ve worked in a friend was taken to one side and warned that the internet logs had shown that he had been looking at porn. He denied it and they looked closer at the logs which showed it was being done at about 9pm everynight. They then set up a webcam to monitor his workstation and it showed the cleaner coming in and sitting down on my mates chair and knocking one out whilst watching porn. My mate got an new keyboard, mouse and chair after that 😯

That’ll teach him to lock his workstation!

True, I don’t think anyone locked there workstation 10 years ago. Especially if it was set to render overnight.