This could be a lengthy post, but I’ll save the details other than to say “someone I know” is the subject of some pretty nasty emotional / psychological bullying from her Dad who is divorced from the mum for similar reasons but continues to be a very toxic presence in their lives. She’s coming of the age whereby she can make her own choices and decisions and the chance to ‘divorce’ him, ie remove all rights for him to see her, might be an option. Has anyone any experience of this – in England? I know of another example in Scotland but things might be different. How difficult is it to achieve, assuming it’ll not go uncontested in court?

As far as i aware in this country at 18 they can just sever ties having legally come of age? She can choose not to see him and make her own choices, no legal order needed, unless he pursues her or harms her, then a physical injunction?

She’s coming of the age whereby she can make her own choices and decisions

What age is that?

14

choose not to see him and make her own choices, no legal order needed, unless he pursues her or harms her, then a physical injunction?

Point is, he hasn’t physically harmed her (yet) but the psychological bullying is potentially more harmful and already having effects. Her diary was found which goes into great lengths about her feelings towards him – and its far from good. Kids are resilient and all that, but every weekend she currently has to spend there is nothing but torture.

Ah, right.

I take it there’s some kind of residency order that says she goes to him at weekends? If that’s not working, you/she probably need to go back to the family court to get it changed, and explain why. I assume he’ll fight it, which means it’s going to get messy and expensive.

why not just stop seeing him answering calls opening the door etc
Does it need to be done legally?

Hmmm, this is where it gets complicated. He’s a bully through and through – if any attempt is made to stop him doing what HE wants he kicks off, abuse flies at the mum, her husband, the kids, anyone. So not answering phones or doors might work in the immediate, but he will react. Part of me thinks let that happen – if there is physical abuse it will swiftly decide his fate in the situation.

if any attempt is made to stop him doing what HE wants he kicks off, abuse flies at the mum, her husband, the kids, anyone

Step 1 – document everything; dates, times, what was said by whom

Yes, I’ve already said that to them. Start building the case.

As per IHN, it used to involve the guardian ad litem, but now likely to involve CAFCASS if there’s a contact order/residency arrangement.

Hmmm, this is where it gets complicated. He’s a bully through and through – if any attempt is made to stop him doing what HE wants he kicks off, abuse flies at the mum, her husband, the kids, anyone. So not answering phones or doors might work in the immediate, but he will react. Part of me thinks let that happen – if there is physical abuse it will swiftly decide his fate in the situation.

Then it isn’t down to a 14 year old to divorce her father, it is down to her mother and new husband to protect her, whether that be via the Police/ Court or Social Services, if a 14 year old is in harms way with her father then they need to be protected. Someone with his attitude and potential may well have a record already.

I was abused physically by my father from the age between 8 and 13 when i was a scrawny kid, my folks divorced, and when i next saw him in Court at 17, i was an 16 stone rugby lad and i punched him square in the face and haven’t seen him since, based on the evidence documented over many years, the Court Usher, did just that “ushered” me away and told me to keep walking.