- dilema. cancer again.
got a message this morning from a friend, who is passing a message on to me from a old girl friend.
she is dying from cancer. it is going to be pretty soon by the sounds of it.
she has asked to see me. thing is I have not seen her for 30 years.
I am in 2 minds has what to do. didn’t want to ask the wife’s advice incase she takes it the wrong way. but I feel I should. the wife knows her through me.Posted 1 month agojohndohMember
She is someone from your past and wants to say goodbye. It might be the most innocent thing in the world.
What if she dropped a huge bombshell ie, ‘I had an abortion when we were dating’ or ‘I always loved you and wish we could have stayed together forever’ – you could very easily hear something that might effect you and your ongoing relationships.
I would really struggle with making that decision myself and I guess it would depend on how things finished with the person in question.Posted 1 month agoFuzzyWuzzySubscriber
Would depend a bit on how the previous relationship was really (also seems odd to me a dying person would want to contact someone they hadn’t seen for 30 years). If you were really close and she’s just going through a list of things to close off in her life then I’d go, if it was a toxic relationship or one that ended badly I’m not sure what the point would be for either of you and would just risk opening old wounds.Posted 1 month agoroneSubscriber
It’s different for everyone but as it’s 30 years ago – I would be spending the time with everyone I currently love and are involved with.
Where’s the cut off? Most of ex’s – I wouldn’t see under any circumstances for reasons of moving on and getting on with my current life.
So no.Posted 1 month ago
The other side to this is that there’s no bombshell. She maybe just wants to recapture, in some small way, a time in her life that she remembers fondly, while she still can.
I’d be prepared to give up my time for either scenario if i’m honest.
If there is a bombshell I’d want to hear it first hand and have the opportunity to ask questions rather than have it dropped later when that chance had passed.Posted 1 month agonedrapierSubscriber
Given how much people rally round on here for complete strangers, it seems odd that people are saying you shouldn’t find some time for someone you do know who’s in a bad way.
I do get the possibility that you’ll be told something unwelcome, or asked for something you don’t want to give, but I think I’d take the risk.
It’s already tricky and is going to weigh on your mind either way now she’s asked you to see her. You’re just in “regret something you did do” / “regret something you didn’t do” territory.Posted 1 month agoconvertSubscriber
I’d go after telling Mrs C. But I would expect it to have an impact on me and or my current relationship, even if it was only for a short time. Old feelings stirred up by the situation. Your Mrs knowing that you are thinking about someone else no matter that she’s dying.Posted 1 month agolungeSubscriber
A dying person gets to feel some small sense of peace and you get to say goodbye to an old friend?
I guess I’d not consider anyone I’d not spoken to for 30 years to still be a friend. And I’d also be very suspicious of someone who I’d not seen in that long to be contacting me, from the death bed or otherwise.Posted 1 month ago
Suspicious of what exactly?
I’m really surprised at some of the responses on here, especially given the generous and emphatic responses in other threads around terminal disease.
Im struggling to see why anyone’s wife would be unhappy.
Me too – if my wife was anything other than sympathetic and supportive in that situation then I’d be wondering what I married!Posted 1 month ago
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