As I have joyfully mentioned on here, I have managed to get back on the bike a few times since February, but due to the storms and other circumstances, I haven’t managed to make it part of my daily regime yet. Now, however, I am in the midst of an annual downturn in my mental wellbeing, and am having a hard time even thinking about riding.

To make matters worse, whereas I have not really experienced any psychological after-effects of my accident, in the last number of weeks, I have become increasingly unnerved over the prospect of returning to cycling. From the time I was first admitted to hospital, I was determined to return to riding, and I have not waivered in my determination until the last two weeks or so. It’s bizarre, and I don’t know what’s hit me (unless it is just a side-effect of the depression). I keep turning over in my mind what could happen if I even had the merest “off”, never mind going through another accident like I did before. And that’s without even considering the possibility of cars!

This has never bothered me before, and the thing that makes it particularly galling is the fact that I don’t have passion for anything else (in terms of physical activity). I can no longer play ice hockey (I never will again, unfortunately), and cycling has been my primary motivator in almost every way. But no matter how hard I try right now, I can’t bring myself to get back on… both because of my mental state, and because I have suddenly become spooked (almost like a very delayed aftershock).

Anyone on here have any comparable experience? Anything that might encourage me to get back in the saddle would be most appreciated.

I’ve had a couple of big snowboarding accidents. Nothing in your level but enough to put me on my arse for a couple of weeks.

Every time I strap the board on in anything but perfect conditions I get “the fear” that I’m going to do it again, but I remember the joy it brings me to be cruising down the slopes and “the fear” subsides.

If it doesn’t subside immediately, I just slow right down and take it back to basic drills – something about following the drill will make “the fear” drop back into the subconscious where it belongs.

From the time I was first admitted to hospital, I was determined to return to riding,

Is it more a case of that’s what you thought you should think? It’s often a first reaction to want to follow the movie script, to be the accountant who wants to be a lion tamer.
I think the first thing to realise is that there is nothing wrong with you because you have a fear of what might happen, I’d think there was something wrong with you if you didn’t feel like you do!
I would say ride to the end of your road and back. Then next day go another 100m and so on. Bit by bit you will stop associating riding with something going wrong. I’ve never suffered with what I would consider depression but have seen in others how it totally sucks motivation out of them. I’m sure there are plenty of people on here who have and will share their methods for coping with you.

Every time I strap the board on in anything but perfect conditions I get “the fear” that I’m going to do it again, but I remember the joy it brings me to be cruising down the slopes and “the fear” subsides.
If it doesn’t subside immediately, I just slow right down and take it back to basic drills – something about following the drill will make “the fear” drop back into the subconscious where it belongs.

That’s super helpful. Thanks!

I would say ride to the end of your road and back. Then next day go another 100m and so on. Bit by bit you will stop associating riding with something going wrong.

I shall do that.

#flippantcomment

Have you considered buying a new bike?

Kinda hard to go that big on a gravel bike 😉

I’m laid up for the foreseeable as well and worrying about my head more than my legs, Zwift is actually quite addictive and good for a base level of fitness if that sort of thing plays on your mind

If the cars are freaking you out then go ride off road? I’ve really done myself in a number of times on and off road. I’ve suffered depression for thirty years. My anti depression checklist includes a ride in the forest every Sunday weather I’m feeling down, up left or hungover.

Apply this to other situations now, but found this useful when surfing new / heavy breaks, particularly after a couple of nasty wipeouts. Sounds a bit hippy, but works. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Df6DPsRKqh4

mate, feel for you.
3 times I have gone through the same.
after heart surgery, I thought if I ride hard I will have a heart attack. I didn’t.
after my ankle fusion I thought, if I fall off I will smash my ankle. I didn’t.
after my hip replacement, I thought if I fall off I will smash/dislocate my new hip. I didn’t.

you had a nasty accident, you are now mended. so get out there and enjoy the fact.
just a bit steadier than before………………. ;o)

I am not sure that I have experienced what you’re feeling to the extent that you’re feeling it but –

I broke my arm quite badly making a tackle in rugby. I did go back to playing, but would get so anxious in the week leading up to the game that it really started to bother me and actually not want to continue playing. Once the whistle went on match day I never thought about it. That feeling never went away in the build up to games. I just had to keep reminding myself that it was just a one off. Nonetheless – partly as I was in my 30’s anyway, I called it a day.

I also got hit by a car on my bike, rolled over the bonnet and into the road. That was at the end of 2016 and I still get tense (although nowhere near as bad as the first 12 months) when there are cars tearing up behind me. Was really bad initially….full on death grip on the bars. Just the sound of a fast approaching car sets me off. But not to the point where I didn’t want to ride. Nervous about riding, sure…but not want to ride wasn’t an option.

It does get easier with time. But my injuries were minor compared to yours. Good luck!

Come back to the scene of the crime and this time try and ride up the hill and FFS don’t paste on the local FB page 😉
* I am not a qualified psychologist or qualified anything for that matter*

Come back to the scene of the crime and this time try and ride up the hill and FFS don’t paste on the local FB page

You saw that?!? I don’t know why that’s embarrassing, but it is. It worked, mind. After 20k+ shares, I ultimately found the person I was looking for!

Anyway, I will definitely aim to make that bit a climb. Come to think of it, it’s a challenge to aim for that might get me out on the bike this weekend. Cool.

SR

Sorry you are going through this, I wish you the best.

Forgive me if some of this is well, duh!

If you suffer from a downturn in mood at a certain time of year, it would be good if you could deal with that. It may be something as simple as lower B12 due to a different winter diet, or a lack of light. Given the similarity in the source of fear/anxiety/depression etc one will make the other worse. You need a solid foundation to move on to the next step.

I’d be amazed if everyone hasn’t had a similar, if not as extreme, experience. I would suggest that you have not previously been suffering any after effects of your accident, you are now, which is normal. Lots of people watch someone else skydive and think it looks fun but when they get up in the plane nothing short of engine failure will get them out while it’s in the air.
Fear is a normal, helpful, healthy response, in the right situation. It keeps us alive. It should be proportionate to the stimuli. When I first started going off jumps it was what prevented me from starting with 20 foot drops. It guided me to the heights that I could handle until I got comfortable my skills could go up to the next height without hurting myself.
So your problem is not fear, it’s fear at the wrong time. The closer you get to actually getting on the bike/riding etc the worse it gets because distance is a good defense. Cognitive or behavioural techniques can absolutely help with that. It retrains your brain to tailor it’s level of response to the situation. You can do that yourself to some degree by acknowledging they fear/anxiety, recognising it won’t harm you, telling yourself it is normal and helpful but not when you are just swinging your leg over a bike. You will get through it, it will not harm you. Lather rinse repeat, until you can think about biking, get in a bike, ride a bike, etc etc with diminishing (approaching “normal”) responses.

Good luck!

Your reaction demonstrates that you are an intelligent being. Your brain is trying to protect you from something that could have ended your life – I’d be more concerned about you if you didn’t feel any fear.

I’ve never experienced anything as bad as you, but after every spill I’ve had on my bike I find myself riding a lot more nervously for the next 2 or 3 weeks. I came off on the ice a couple of months back; it was nothing serious but sore wrists, bruised ribs, lots of scrapes, and a couple of deepish cuts. It’s only in the last few days that I’ve got back to cornering and braking the way I used to.

My advice would be to tell a friend how you’re feeling, and ask them to accompany you on a gentle ride. If you make a date it’s harder to back out, and you’ll feel a lot more confident if you have someone there watching out for you.
Take it really easy on the first few rides – just pootle around a park or a wood, get a feel for your bike again. Take a flask of tea and a few sandwiches so that the ride isn’t the entire focus of your trip.

Where about do you live? I bet there’s someone from here near you who would be happy to go out for a ride with you.

Good luck, let us know how you’re doing.

In work but yeah me

Pelvis 4mths crutches 5yrs constant pain

Then a hip replacement

I’ll reply more in-depth or drop me a line n I’ll call you if your wanting.

Didn’t know you played ice hockey, great game my son has played since he was 5, just retired due to work.

This is a tough one, if your struggling to ride make sure you go for a long walk every day and pay attention to enjoying you surroundings.

Like others have said, try a mountain bike, ride on a canal or in the countryside if you can, somewhere where you don’t relate to riding on the road.
You may find offroad riding provides a distraction while you concentrate on the riding line.

Another trick is to notice what you are thinking as an anxious thought comes up see if you can recognise it coming and immediately think of something you can currently see. Just practice cutting them off as they rise.

Would a sports psychologist help? Probably rare as hen’s teeth, but a good one would surely have some tools in their armoury to get your head straight/er. Maybe.

I had a couple of hospital crashes in fairly close succession about 5 years ago. First one was worse, MTB, smashed face, lots of plastic surgery, broken jaw, nose broken in 5 places, out for a few minutes, no memory until in ambulance. Second was was in rehab, 6 weeks to the day later on the Velodrome, crash in front of me, big pile up, knocked out and whiplash but no real injury.

When I went back on MTB I was petrified and couldn’t ride to save myself. Had a half day one to one coaching session and that totally sorted me. When I went back to the Velodrome I was really really scared and nearly bottled it. After a few sessions I was fine, though I do retain a nervousness I never had before, even though I coach kids on the track every week !

Another trick is to notice what you are thinking as an anxious thought comes up see if you can recognise it coming and immediately think of something you can currently see. Just practice cutting them off as they rise.

I think the more common advice / technique is not to try and deny it or block the thought but to notice it as you say but let it pass by. Trying to block something reinforces the idea that it’s harmful to you.

If you haven’t already done so OP then it could be worth trying to get some counselling support to help get you going again.

I’ll always take you out for a ride. MTB non technical if you like 🙂

My suggestion is just getting back on the horse. Don’t worry about how far or how fast just ride. I think you have anxiety related to performance, you seem to need always to be trying your utmost, to be improving and striving. Which I get, and has positives, but sometimes you just need not to worry about it!

Saxonrider – I am currently struggling with something very similar but mine stems from anxiety, I can relate for the most part what you’re going for and it is a horrible thing to experience. Mine too started from an injury. I tore my ACL in December 2017 from a skiing accident, this led to a month on crutches and a bad episode when walking to uni (I’m a student), things went downhill from there and I could barely even leave the house by myself last Feb/ March. I had to take a break in study and went through CBT counselling which helped a lot. Still a bit patchy, and still have mental blocks.

The biggest thing I suffer with is not to do with my knee / injury but similar to Ton’s experience where I think if I ride hard I will have a heart attack or something pretty detrimental will happen to me, even though there’s no reason to. I went through a couple of sessions with the CBT where I’d be made to run up and down a hill or walk away places by myself (Essentially facing my fears) and prove nothing would happen.

There seems to be a lot of good advice on here that people have given and I too am going to take some of it on board. I plan on going on an easy ride with someone on monday morning and he knows the situation so will be nothing demanding and just taking our time etc. Feel free to message me if you want to talk more, If you’re anywhere near Sheffield then we can go on a ride together and start off slow / take it easy.

Weirdly, the one thing that “fixed” my fear of crashing after i crashed and broke my wrist was…. crashing!

The fact is, in mountain biking, crashing is the norm rather than the exception. It’s fundamentally a sport that revolves (sometimes literally!) around the art of balancing under difficult circumstances (traversing slippy, uneven terrain, at speed, on a device with just two wheels!).

Once i’d had a few minor crashes and NOT hurt myself seriously again, my fear of crashing returned to its pre-crash levels, ie, there, but not so in the forefront of my mind that it was distracting or directly worrying.

I can vouch for crashing to recover

1st big off and I was impressed my leg was ok… Got easier from then

I understand where you are coming from, been 6 months since my stack breaking vertebrae, occipityl condyle and serious concussion/head injury. I luckily healed well, although I still worry about the head injury whenever I forget something or struggle with a simple problem. I’m still not as keen on mountain biking, although I’m going to get back into social racing as that is where I catch up with a number of friends. I haven’t ridden the mountain bike a great deal, not helped by the fact it keeps breaking every time I go out one it (maybe its trying to tell me something?) but I have been zwifting and doing some road rides I’d been wanting to do but kept putting off. I find indoor stuff dull but helpful, and not as stressful as outdoor stuff.
Traffic definitely makes me more nervous these days and I have to push through the lack of motivation, but I have got the New Zealand Pioneer booked for the end of this year (held over from last year due to the injuries). Having a big goal definitely helps, especially as it is a pairs race and I don’t want to let down my partner.
Hope things improve for you, at least you are coming into better weather which should help, we are going the other way here in Aus. Things do get better slowly.

Wow. Amazing how what you think is a very personal thing can be shared by others. I got knocked off my bike 2 years ago and despite no serious damage I was scared/ bitter/angry and totally put off cycling and depressed. Subsequently it’s taken using a turbo inside ( safe) and group rides with friends but above all time to recover. I guess if there’s a moral to this or advise then do what just about everyone else has said and try something new, perhaps just try. Accept the fact thing’s are bad and time heals. It’s helped me to have planned events and bizarrely I now spend more time road and gravel biking than mountain biking even though it was a road accident. Good luck, we’re all different and a bit odd.

I went through something fairly similar after making a jigsaw out of my upper jaw and hand, in my RTA just over 5 years. Initially, I was chomping at the bit to get back on that horse, but doctors told me not to ride for three months. And by then, my anxiety about the accident and what would happen if I had another had really built up, while I piled on a load of weight through doing practically no exercise (which really got me down).

The first few weeks of fair weather commuting, because I was now paranoid about riding in wind and/or rain, were really stressful. My eyes were on stalks, expecting cars to take me out at junctions.

But on the positive, it made me look at quieter routes, especially for the ride home. It was about enjoying being on a bike, before I was even on Strava, so chasing segment PBs or trying to hammer it home didn’t come into it.

Which then lead to buying the Wazoo fatbike, buying a fun bike to build my cycling confidence up again, even though riding ~90% tarmac was hardly its forte! But it did the job, got me riding more and then lead to trying to lose weight and get fit again by riding the local sub 200 foot hills.

Got really into riding again and started riding further afield, discovered the South Downs after living in Southampton for ~25 year, never realised they were so close. Bought the disc brake road bike just under two years ago and the rest is history, now the fittest I’ve been since being a 20-something back in the early 1990s.

I have said it to you before James. It’s all about having goals to focus on.

Go on a club ride. Think of it as the first battle with anxiety, and enjoy the fear it gives you … it’ll actually be an exciting experience just being aware of your fear.

Once on the club ride the banter will distract the anxiety.

Don’t underestimate what you’ve been through – a few sessions with a specialist trauma therapist would probably help.

I read a great description of the brain as a computer that is constantly running an application called ‘don’t get killed’. It also has an emergency response unit that is great for avoiding being eaten by tigers but because of the brains ability to imagine all kinds of bad outcomes in an attempt to not get killed by things, it’s also capable of setting off the unit in response to imaginary tigers.

Basically your brain is doing its job and anxiety / avoidance is the threat response kicking in even when the is no immediate threat but it will need to be convinced by experience to dial down the reaction and for you to become comfortable with the background chatter from your head.

I’m sure you’ll get through it, don’t hesitate to seek some help

Your mental health might be adding to your anxiety about riding, on top of the memory of the crash? Also, don’t underestimate how long you need to recover from that kind of injury and even from the surgery itself. I don’t want to witter on about myself here, after I had a 5 and a half hour op on my spine it took 6 months to recover physically and to also stop feeling mentally exhausted. Your injury and surgery were a much bigger deal. Give yourself time, maybe do short rides where you stop and “smell the roses”, enjoy the scenery and fresh air, make it more about that than purely riding.

Major accident – driver broke my spine. Very badly injured TBH, In hospital over 6 weeks, body brace for 4 months. I did get back on the bike but it was MTB – I’ve had too many hits by drivers, that I’ve given up road riding. I’m no nutter of the MTB, but I’ve found it enjoyable. I used to commute 26 miles and more each day. My riding is now for enjoyment. I’m not as fit as I was but can still climb pretty well.

Don’t beat yourself up, and it might be worth seeing a counsellor – I had a very bad time last summer, and it’s taken over 6 months to pull myself round, with help. If I don’t fancy a ride, I don’t do it. I tend to use Zwift a couple of times a week to keep the legs and lungs ticking over.

Normal I would say.

I came off my road bike in a corner 5 year ago it mentally blocked me a long time got a lot slower and started riding useless lines, well I stil do.

Long ago I would be able to catch up a 40 sec deficit on the lead group in cyclosportives in a 5 k descent. I went to hitting the descent at the back of the second group and finishing at the bottom behind the fourth group. Took three years to get going and since ast year i only get dropped less than half of the time, lines still pretty rubbish. I had big off’s and scare’s before way bigger even but that time I couldn’t find a reason as I was about 10k/h under my normal corner speed(and I know them by hart).

Purely mental as in the same period I still bombed down on the mountainbike as a lunactic at warp speed.

Hi SR. Can very much relate. 2 years dealing with a slipped disc. So many doubts about riding and fitness. Even as I sit here I am giving myself a hard time over not getting any riding done.

I wish I knew the answer.

See a sports psychologist? Pretty sure the standard treatments for PTSD would help you get over an injury and get riding again as well.

I had a bad leg break a few years back, baling out from a big jump.
After having all the frame work removed I couldn’t do any sports like rugby or football for a couple of years after due to the risk of re-breaking and it took over a year to be able to comfortably run around a corner. Ski boots also massively uncomfortable as they are the same height as the fracture lines. Cycling was considered to be the perfect sort of exercise (did they not read the medical notes?). The following summer I found myself racing 4X and one of the first to hit a big jump on a new track. That was partly my own determination to do it, but it also felt right.

I guess what sticks with me now is two interchangeable views; one is the things it will impact of it goes wrong, family, time sitting stuff out, work. The other is that something bad happened, but it was all fixable.
So sometimes I chicken out because I’ve experienced the consequences, other times I’m giving it a go as if I didn’t know otherwise.

Somewhat embarrassingly, when I went for my first check up a week after the frame came out, I had a massive scar parallel to the original skin tear due to coming off the bike the day after the frame came out.