Depression and alcohol
Hi, I’m a regular here, but I’m embarrassed and ashamed, so duplicate log-in. If this is a problem, then mods please delete and sorry. Least of my problems just now.
I’ve been suffering with stress and depression for some time now. I have been drinking far too much. I’m not dependent, I don’t feel I have to drink. But once I start, I can’t stop until I’m totally drunk.
When I start drinking, I feel good for an hour or two, but then things start getting very very dark. And I’m becoming erratic.
I’m very hung over. I’ve been crying. Late last night I had a row with my teenage daughter – there’s always a fight over bedtime. I burnt all her magazines to teach her a lesson. It seemed the right thing to do at the time. She’s hysterical today. I feel awful.
Then I stayed up all night reading about suicide. Somehow came to my senses and emailed the samaratins. I didn’t want to speak to anyone. They’ve not come back yet, but I’m sure they will.
My wife is being brilliant. She has strongly suggested I seek help, and I think she’s probably right.
I feel so low and empty, things have been buidling to a head. Ironically, yesterday was a relatively good day. I went riding for the first time in ages.
Didn’t especially enjoy it. I’m not enjoying anything, music or books or anything really lately.
I think I have ruined my relationship with my daughter. I feel so bad. My wife is great, she has some experience with mental health issues, which is good, as I feel like I have gone mad. I feel like I mess everything up and ruin everything for everyone around me.
Main thing is, I have to stop drinking. At all. I can’t trust myself not to abuse it. I can’t stop once I start and it just makes things worse.
Sorry to go on and on like a boring bastard, suppose I just needed to vent. Would be good to hear from anyone who’s been in a similar state, as I really need to turn things around. Thanks for reading. Sorry to be such a downer.Posted 5 years ago
See a professional.
See your GP about the depression.
Medication can work very effectively in allowing you to see things for what they are, and appreciate what you have, without seeing everything as bad and not even noticing the good bits.
Or maybe medication isn’t the right route to take, but the only way to find out is to seek help from people who deal with this sort of problem professionally and know what they are doing.
It’s not an easy step to take, but things will get better once you take it.Posted 5 years agobinnersSubscriber
Will you email me? Address in profile. Been there, done that. Got the t shirt! I feel your pain brother. But it’s not an irredeemable situation by a long shot. I’m out and about on the bike at the moment. Ironically in the pub for a mid-ride pint. But I’ll mail you back when I get homePosted 5 years agoMrNuttMember
ts not a downer, thats a positive thing, i.e.: you are aware of it.
Here’s the bad news: Some people can ‘enjoy’ a just a drink, some cannot. you my friend, along with me, sit in the latter half of that camp.
There’s no point in seeking oblivion in a bottle as you will take nothing from the experience but the bottle will take everything from you.
Welcome to a life of sobriety, be a better father to your daughter.
And grow up. that is all.Posted 5 years ago
[antidepressants]…they are not a statement of defeat – they just make me feel normal.
This is one of the biggest hurdles for people to get over in my opinion.
Coming to terms with the fact that medication just gives you the chance to be yourself.
It’s not “cheating” or “admitting defeat”
(If that’s what is required or recommended, please don’t try and resist it for the wrong reasons)Posted 5 years ago
Thanks for the replies. Makes me feel slightly better to share.Posted 5 years ago
I’ve been sat here staring out the window.
What’s done is done, I can’t change that.
I don’t want to think about the future, I worry so much about the job, money, health, and I see them all negatively. My wife says I “over-analyse”. I wish I could think less. I suppose that’s why I drink to excess. It turns my brain off. I must try to take things as they come.
I know I’m depressed. I was diagnosed before and treated successfully. But I suppose it never really goes away.
I’ve just looked up the email of the guy I was referred to previously. I have just emailed him to ask for an appointment, privately if need be.
In a minute, I will take out the ashes, tidy up. I slept on the sofa in my clothes, not changed yet, I need a shower. It will make me feel better.
There’s beer, wine and spirits in the house. I thought about tipping them all down the sink, but this seems dramatic. I’ve decided not to. I must make a concious choice not to drink, and this is easy for me – provided I don’t have a drink! I don’t crave alcohol, but I can’t stop once I start drinking. I guess this is a form of alcoholism, so hello – I’m an alcoholic.
@Binners – many, many thanks for your kind offer. I don’t like to impose, but I might mail you later.ChewMember
First thing is to stop drinking. Alcohol is a depressant so if you’re feeling down then drinking is only going to fuel that feeling and you’ll feel 10 times worse after the initial high.
Seek help, and also think why you feel the way you do? Somethings about like may make you feel worst and others better, so try and divert your attention to the better things. Medication may help, but may not, so be ready for a long road of getting better, these things take time.
Sounds like you really regret what happened last night, but try and have a chat with your daugther about what happened. Getting these thoughts out of your head and discussing them with others will help you work through them, rather thn bottling them up which just means they will go round and round and grow.Posted 5 years agocrikeyMember
If I was there I would give you a hug, then a slap, then another hug.
You’re not a disaster.
You’re not a failure.
You are probably a bit of a mess.
I’ve been through all this. I got to the point of making sure I would have no embarrassing history on my computer, just in case I thought about seeing myself off.
It’s an illness, it’s fixable, it’s manageable and it’s not the end of the world.
If you’ve been depressed you know the way back there, the trick is to avoid going that way.
My personal view is that admissions of alcoholism are a bit of a cop-out, a bit of a label to hide behind. You’re just self-medicating your way through a problem rather than facing up to it.
Go give your daughter a hug, tell her you are not Super-Dad, you’re just you and occasionally, we get it wrong.
Keep talking on here, you’ll get grief, but you’ll get support.
Chin up; life is a bit of a roller coaster at times, and you have to get down to start again.Posted 5 years agofatboysloMember
As I see it you have already done the hardest thing and have over come the biggest obstacle to recovery..
You have recognised you have a problem, many folks don’t, so don’t knock yourself out and feel bad, rather give yourself a pat on the back, take a deep breath and when ready take the next step and ask someone for help.
My own suggestion would be to just go without a drink for the rest of today, and when you wake up tomorrow make the same choice again,
Tell yourself ….. Just for today I will not have a drink ….
If you do this each day it will be a start on the road to recovery, when you are ready you will find many many other folk out here doing exactly the same thing and all willing to talk about their own experience,
I took that big decision over 20 years ago and still today I make that choice each and every day, I’m not going to lie and tell you it will be easy … some days it will but on many it won’t but it is worth it.
When you are ready Chances are there is a group of like minded folks meeting some where near you, I would suggest that if you really want help to stop drinking then you should make contact and have a chat, put aside any preconceptions you may have for what ever reason, they will not judge, they will not have a magic pill or cure but they will listen, and when you are ready to listen back you will realise you are not alone, others have been in similar situations to you before and have come through tough times better for it, and you can as well
I have also suffered from depression and know what dark place that is and on occasion I have found myself heading back there but fortunately now recognise what is happening and as I have a great GP I have been able to get plenty of help with that . Talk to your GP and get the help you need and deserve.
one thing I have learned is that for me at least alcohol is not a solution for anything,Posted 5 years ago
Just tried talking to my daughter. I think it will be a long time before she forgives me. If she ever does. I will regret this forever. This is far and away the worst part. How much I have hurt those closest to me. But I must try not to dwell on things and to live in the here & now.Posted 5 years agoKarinofnineMember
I recommend this Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by Dr David Burns. It’s on Amazon for a little over four quid.
I read a million (exaggeration) self-help books when I was younger, some were good, some were rubbish, I took a few gems from each. But this book, I can say without reservation (and I do get depressive episodes), is bloody brilliant. If you work through it, it’s not a comfortable read, but it certainly worked for me at at four quid why not?Posted 5 years agoEdukatorMember
there’s always a fight over bedtime. I burnt all her magazines to teach her a lesson
I trashed my son’s room totally sober over dragging out bedtime and being anti-social in the evening. The alternative was trashing him which would have been illegal, far less effective and upset Madame.
Any man with a teenage daughter is entitled to a drink problem.Posted 5 years agosingletrackmindMember
Are you me? without the family
My Mum had a technique re bedtimes , back in the day ( 80’s) . When we kicked off we were told , in a matter of fact way “The next time you want collecting from XZY at 11pm , it will now be 10.30pm . This is not up for discussion.” seemed to work then .
Hope you get some help from your GP , there is not alot I can say to help as I do pretty much the same as you . Dry weekend tis weekend so all good . Its the pressure of work and the industry Im in that don’t make it easy .Posted 5 years ago
Having outdoor hobbies helps alot too , long dark nights don’t help . I ski which keeps me sane through Jan /Feb.Garry_LagerSubscriber
drunkenidiot – Member
Just tried talking to my daughter. I think it will be a long time before she forgives me. If she ever does. I will regret this forever. This is far and away the worst part. How much I have hurt those closest to me. But I must try not to dwell on things and to live in the here & now. You’ve hardly hurt your daughter for life by burning a few copies of Heat magazine. It’s true that setting your daughter’s possessions on fire is a bit OTT in general, but a heart to heart via the missus is the way to go here. You’re stressed out and drinking too much so did something silly – group hug all round.
As you say, curtailing the boozing will make all the difference and give you much more control of your problems.Posted 5 years ago
GO TO THE DOCTOR.
There are a shitload of people who have been where you are, myself included, and have come out the other side.
It’s ******* hard work, but it will happen if you get yourself the help that you need. Honestly.
Good luck, and don’t give up.Posted 5 years agoconkerMember
Deffinetly go too see your GP asap,i am in a dark place myself at the moment but talking to my GP has lifted a weight a little,carry on confiding with your wife,she sounds like a gem.The situation i am in means my GP is the only person i can confide in,at the moment, I have always beign a strong silent type,but several events came to a head at the same time, and somthing snapped in my mind, perscibed anti deppresents at the moment, but they take a while to work fully. Personally i find riding helps once i drag my arse out.before medication i was riding like a f**ckin loony takin big risks i didnt give a damn. But now just push myself by doing long rides day or night it feels right for me.Posted 5 years ago
Hope this helps, its helped me a bit too.
All the bestbuzz-lightyearMember
You have not ruined your relationship with youR daughter. She will forgive you. Very positive you have acknowledged “the problem” though you probably don’t see that at the moment. You will get through this now. But it will take time and help.
Im not surprised your ride was joyless with so much on your mind. But You can still enjoy riding. I’m in Somerset so if that’s convenient for you then let’s go for a ride one weekend. And if you want, you can explain things and I can listen. Perhaps we won’t have beer though 🙂Posted 5 years ago
@karinofnine thanks, just ordered it, can’t do any harmPosted 5 years ago
@buzzlightyear appreciate the invite – I’m a long way from Somerset though.
And many, many thanks to everyone else for your supportive comments.
The samaratins mailed me back, but STW is more useful, I think. You people are what makes this the best place on the net! I still feel pretty awful about what happened, but you guys have been a great support through what has been a very difficult day.
As has my amazing wife.
Next steps are to stay “dry”, and to see the doc as soon as possible. And to try and take better care of myself, and most of all my family.
I’ll check in here after I’ve seen the doc, hope he can fit me in this week.leffeboySubscriber
Mate, it was about 3 year’s worth of BBc Good Food magazine.
Thanks for cheering me up anyway :). I’ve wanted to burn my daughters stuff in a similar rage before so I feel your pain. Children don’t get it and I’m not even sure that they can. I tend to agree with Edukator here
The samaratins mailed me back, but STW is more useful,
That. I can’t add anything better than has already been saidPosted 5 years ago
She’s 14. I feel awkward about discussing these issues with her. But in fairness, I suppose I should
Thanks for the offer singletrackmind, she has plenty of cookbooks. Which actually got tidied away this morning for once.
She’s not spoke to me all day, unsurprisingly. But now I feel like a new man – she’s just come in from the cimema all excited, and told me all about the film. We seem to be more or less back to normal. I am so glad!
EDIT – just saw the posts re back issues, ta!
PS: she went to see “Paranormal Activity”. It’s a 15, but my wife is very relaxed about age limits etc. Normally I might have made an issue of this, but realised just in time I wouldn’t be very convincing claiming the moral high ground today.Posted 5 years agolewisgMember
Had a spell of depression last year. Got to the point when I broke down in the Evans cycle shop in Manchester (must have been the prices of cycle shoes) 🙂
Stop drinking, now. It will not help you beyond the very short term feel good factor which will shorten until it has no effect.
Do not feel embarrassed about seeing a doctor, 1 in 10 people suffer from depression which is a disease and it can be treated.
Very best wishes, things can be turned around and a couple of steps (the drinking and seeking professional help) will send you a long down the recovery path.Posted 5 years agotransappMember
You’re on the right track by recognising the issue.
Just a thought…Posted 5 years agoRscottMember
Go Speek toadoctor1in 10 people suffer from depression at somepoint in there life Apparantly, however every ones case is different.
My partner is currently suffering from depression and the thing that helps most is the people around her.
Becasue we now understand her issues we can help more, and are more understanding, It shouldn’t be Embarasing but it understandably is. And it wont just go away but keep working on it, and it will get betterPosted 5 years agotangerineMember
+1 for go and see the doctor and if he gives you some pills to try, try them.
I did, reluctantly and after too long. Been on them for 4-5 weeks now and I cannot believe the difference they have made to how I feel. Not all happy especially, just normal. Steady. My emotions are steady and rational now. I am amazed how much difference they have made.
You can find and read my original thread if you want, it’s the only I’ve started.Posted 5 years agoSue_WMember
Find the small ‘hooks’ in your life which will keep you going, and ultimately help pull you forward.
For me, it was just being on the beach with my dog, and seeing her happy and running around. I was so unbelievably down, but at that point in my life it was just enough to keep me hanging on in there.
For you, it sounds like your wife and your daughter – who obviously love you.
Rabbit away on here if it helps, and accept the helping hand from others (Singletrackmind is one of the most genuinely good people I have never met ‘in person’)
And it will get better, it has for me and countless other people. Have hope and hang on in there.Posted 5 years agoPJM1974Member
Oh jeez…my heart goes out to you OP, you sound like you’re in a bad place.
Going to see the GP as soon as you can is a very good plan. Depression itself can be a complete and utter bastard, but you can eventually learn how to keep it in a little box, where it doesn’t pollute your daily thoughts to such an extent. You seem like you’re comfortable talking about depression, which is an extremely positive step. If your wife is well acquainted with it then that’s also another positive in your favour. You’ll beat it, of that I’m sure.
Depression and alcohol make for really unpleasant bedfellows. Whether you’re doing it to self-medicate or to take the edge off the worst excesses of depression is immaterial, you can wind up in some very dark places. The best advice I can give you is that if you don’t trust yourself to drink in extreme moderation, then don’t do it at all. I promise that it’ll make a very big difference to your mood and clarity of thought.
In amongst all this, expecting you to keep an even temper is most definitely an ask too far. Even the most tolerant of us would blow up under the circumstances, raising a teenager is also bloody hard work. The important thing is to find somewhere to let your temper out in a safe environment. Scare yourself on the bike, take a pair of boxing gloves with you to the gym and smack a punchbag around or even find a tree to chop down, it all helps.
Those around you will forgive you and support you, especially so if you make the effort to kick the booze with their help.
Although you may find it hard to see, there are a lot of positives in what you’ve written. You’ll get the hang of it eventually.
My email addy is on my profile page, drop me a line if you want.Posted 5 years agoMarinMember
Posting on here is a first good step to look at your problems I’d say. Also I’d chuck all the booze out as it is an issue. Anti-depressents may help but please advise your doctor of alcohol issues as some react very badly with alcohol.Posted 5 years ago
You’re wife and daughter sound very good reasons to stay posotive. Contact the Samaratins again as they will help. I admit its hard for me to understand such dark feelings but last year I went to an old friends funeral after he lost a similar battle. I think his pain was multiplied to everyone who attended and has caused far longer lasting pain than any of his antics whilst drinking. Realising you have a problem is a very good step. Try and stay posotive and talk to people, those closest to you will want to help. Going for a ride will help both physically and mentaly.
Stay stong, sounds like you have good things in your life. I sincerely hope you can see the posotives looking at you.Papa_LazarouMember
My wife says I “over-analyse”
One tip to try and reduce this is to focus on others, in this case your family. I suggest you could apologise to your daughter, try not to get upset and replace her magazines. The other thing is to think about 1 issue/problem at a time and rationalise how you’ll deal with it in isolation.
Drinking does make you feel better – the big problem is that this only last for a short time for the 1st drink or two and then there is nowhere to go – you either stop (unlikely to happen by the sounds of things, but then we don’t always make the best choices after a few beers) or carry on, which creates horrible situations. I stopped drinking because an hour of feeling good was not worth the hassle and hours of feeling rough afterwards.
The good thing is, the longer you stay off the booze, the less you’ll want it.Posted 5 years agosunshiner1derMember
Speaking as someone very close to a person who has gone through something similar… this is my advice, it’s very individual as to what will work for you.
Don’t beat yourself up about what is done… think about what will work for you and your family going forwards and concentrate on it.
Your wife sounds very supportive… be honest with her about your thoughts and feelings, she will only be able to give you understanding/support/help if she knows. If you were really thinking about suicide, and I genuinely hope you don’t take that route, then talk to someone (your wife/the samaritans/MIND) as they can help. It is scary to hear a loved one talk about suicide, but understanding how far those thoughts have gone helps, and personally I would prefer to hear it and have the opportunity to provide help that to not hear it and loose a loved one. Definitely see your GP as soon as possible (some do telephone appointments on same day, which could be a good starting point). Meds take time to work, you have to be able to give yourself that time.
Also if there is something you can do to make things just a little easier for you then do it, seeming dramatic doens’t matter if it helps you get through a few more hours/days whilst you get help. With that in mind if tipping the alcohol down the sink makes it easier then do it.
Most of all remember those that love you don’t judge you and will want to help, just let them. One day and one step at a time it can get better. Set realistic expectations that allow you to meet those and feel good about yourself, and base them on today not on what you would like today to be.Posted 5 years ago
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