Depression…

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  • Depression…
  • Premier Icon aracer
    Subscriber

    Treat her like a normal human being. That’s most likely what she’ll want IMHO. I’d send a message saying thanks for letting me know, hope things are better for you soon and let me know when you feel like meeting up. Oh and my personal experience of depression is that waiting to feel better in a few days is fairly normal (that’s how it seems to work for me, though clearly everybody is different).

    If you’re interested and not put off by this, I’d suggest it’s a pretty good sign that she’s prepared to open up to you that much!

    Good luck.

    project
    Member

    There are two basic types of depression the one we all get when something goes wrong or something breaks and we feel fed up, and clinical depression which is more deep seated based on aspects of our or others personel lives.

    Either one give the lady space and let her elaborate further, be there to listen, and perhaps a box of choccholates or a meal out.

    If she is owt like my ex* then walk away now while you can, that’s if she is anything like my ex. If she isn’t then the advice above is a good starting point.

    *suffered with depression but was a nasty hateful person during her “episodes”.

    mrmoofo
    Member

    My dad had depression for many years …
    Walk – there are other people out there ready to commit to a relationship

    nealglover
    Member

    If you want to see her again and progress things further, and you aren’t put off by this…

    Let her know that’s what’s you are thinking.

    Also let her know you are there if she needs anything, and just let you know.

    No pressure, just that simple message.

    Then you will just have to see what happens.

    Premier Icon kayak23
    Subscriber

    My dad had depression for many years …
    Walk – there are other people out there ready to commit to a relationship

    People with depression(myself included) need empathy and understanding, it’s a condition. Don’t just walk. People with depression are still people… It doesn’t mean they aren’t ready to commit to a relationship.

    Rockhopper
    Member

    Thanks guys, I don’t intend to walk away, I think she’s worth more than that!

    Premier Icon aracer
    Subscriber

    Neal Glover wrote:

    If you want to see her again and progress things further, and you aren’t put off by this…

    Letting her know you aren’t put off by this is one of the best things you can do – if it was me I’d be kind of expecting never to hear again from somebody I’d told that.

    wanmankylung
    Member

    Tell her to pull herself together and shake herself out of it, and remember to tell her that she has nothing to be depressed about. That should work a treat….

    Premier Icon lowey
    Subscriber

    Walk – there are other people out there ready to commit to a relationship

    If I had adopted this mantra I would have missed out on the second best thing in my life.

    Somethings are worth working on.

    Good luck OP.

    project
    Member

    Just think of depression as one of those things we may have, at some time, like an illness, cancer,mental health problems, a disibility , amputation etc etc, its the person you love thats still that person,not some label you or they have attached to their condition.

    dan1980
    Member

    Remember that depression is an illness, and a personal one at that. She will understand her triggers, and symptoms much better than anyone on here.

    Let her guide you in how much time she wants with you, and how much support she wants, but also remember that she’s probably confused and worried that you’ll do a runner now she’s told you. Re-enforce that you’re not planning on legging it just yet!

    Good luck to the both of you 🙂

    Rockhopper
    Member

    I need a bit of advice to do with something that I have absolutely no experience of. I’ve met a lady (on POF as it happens), we’ve had a couple of dates and got on famously but then she went quiet, not replying to texts and messages and so on.
    I eventually coaxed a text out of her which said “I’m in a bad place at the moment, very susceptible to depression and feeling out of sorts – don’t know how this episode will progress, if I’m lucky I’ll be okay in a few days”.
    I really have no idea how to treat her or even what to say that might help. I’m 100% sure that what she is saying is genuine and not a feeble attempt to get rid of me 🙂

    nealglover
    Member

    Thanks guys, I don’t intend to walk away, I think she’s worth more than that!

    Make sure she knows that.

    And then give her some space if that’s what she needs.

    In time she may rely on you for help when she’s struggling, but maybe now isn’t the time for that.

    As long as she knows you are there, that’s what matters at the moment.

    grum
    Member

    My dad had depression for many years …
    Walk – there are other people out there ready to commit to a relationship

    Wow.

    mamadirt
    Member

    mrmoofo – Member

    My dad had depression for many years …
    Walk – there are other people out there ready to commit to a relationship

    Sorry, but that’s the worst thing I’ve ever read on here 🙁

    Rockhopper – Member

    Thanks guys, I don’t intend to walk away, I think she’s worth more than that!

    Cheers Rockhopper! Faith in humanity restored. Echo the positive sentiments posted already and I really hope things work out for you both.

    Premier Icon thepurist
    Subscriber

    OP in her message replace depression with migraines or nosebleeds or whatever, then behave exactly as you would in that situation. Ask, listen, understand but don’t try to cure.

    Premier Icon Northwind
    Subscriber

    nealglover – Member

    Make sure she knows that.

    +1. Lots of people try and help, which is awesome but, ime, generally completely unhelpful and you end up feeling like a **** for not being helped. But the people who say “OK, you are depressed, I am still here” and just get on with things and are still with you- they’re the ones that keep the world upright.

    IMO of course. Depression’s like religion, it’s not so much something you do as something that’s part of you. The very most important people are there for all of you not just the bits of you they like.

    Also, TTIUWP.

    grum
    Member

    Good advice here. Well done folks.

    GolfChick
    Member

    Wow I have to say I’m flabbergasted that 90% of the replies are brilliant and not the usual tosh!!

    Echo the above really, thank her for telling you as she didn’t have to be so open. You can’t solve everything and I think that’s a hard realisation to take on board when it’s someone you care about. Sometimes we say we’re okay when you ask because frankly we don’t want to explain yet again what the matter is and that we’re in a bad place but you’ll learn to spot the signs and learn to ride the quietness and show you’re there and understand in a way only you can. We will no doubt all suffer it at one time or more in our lives so it’s nothing to be ashamed of or run away from.

    Premier Icon mintimperial
    Subscriber

    mrmoofo – Member
    My dad had depression for many years …
    Walk – there are other people out there ready to commit to a relationship

    Sorry, but that’s the worst thing I’ve ever read on here [/quote]

    Don’t be so quick to judge. Dealing with someone who is properly clinically depressed is **** hard. It’s easily the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

    OP: it sounds like your heart is in the right place, so fair play to you. Don’t expect an easy time of it, best of luck.

    I have episodes of depression and anxiety. I wouldn’t wish me on my worst enemy let alone those I love. Maybe I have a skewed perspective but I reckon you’re better off looking elsewhere.

    iolo
    Member

    OP, have you met this girl yet? She’s told you the score. Fair plays to her. That is a very brave thing to do. She seems to be under control of her illness so I cannot see a problem.
    Everything will be fine.
    Some interesting comments here.
    EDIT :I have ultra rapid cycling Bipolar disorder and manage to have a fantastic relationship with a wonderful woman,

    Premier Icon surfdad
    Subscriber

    A bit twee, but there’s some real gems in there.
    buzzfeed comics about depression
    There’s also a great one about someone offering to build a nest for their friend with depression and climbing into it with them but I can’t seem to find it at the moment.
    Hang in there.

    cheez0
    Member

    alarm bells ringing for me im afraid..

    ask yourself why she’s single?

    (sorry, two marriages, one of which to a manipulating, lying, psycho bitch makes me cynical)

    mrmoofo
    Member

    Sorry, but that’s the worst thing I’ve ever read on here

    Is it really – then I doubt you have seen depression in action TBH

    I was was beaten, ignored , humiliated and made to feel a tad worthless by an man with a “condition”

    He was very selfish – he blamed everyone else. It was never his fault

    How about you? 🙄

    iolo
    Member

    Depression is an illness the same as diabetes is an illness.
    People go oh my god, MENTAL WOMAN AVOID but diabetes is poor woman, I hope her insulin is ok.
    What is this stigma many have for mental health?

    Premier Icon aracer
    Subscriber

    Colin Scott wrote:

    I was was beaten, ignored , humiliated and made to feel a tad worthless by an man with a “condition”
    He was very selfish – he blamed everyone else. It was never his fault
    How about you?

    I have depression, and haven’t done any of those things. Sure he had issues, but something other than depression.

    mrmoofo
    Member

    Depression is an illness the same as diabetes is an illness.
    People go oh my god, MENTAL WOMAN AVOID but diabetes is poor woman, I hope her insulin is ok.
    What is this stigma many have for mental health?

    Alcoholism and drug dependancy are all illnesses – would you advise someone with a choice to go down a miserable pathway of life …

    My dad was my dad – we got on later in life. But I never trusted him. It is vastly different if you are already in a relationship, or family etc.
    Other family members are depressed , we try and help. But it is a long way from being enjoyable ..

    mrmoofo
    Member

    I have depression, and haven’t done any of those things. Sure he had issues, but something other than depression.

    Fine – whoopy do for you. It is great you are a nicer person than my dad…
    But yes, he had depression – professionally diagnosed.

    It obviously frustrated him enormously – but he took it out on his family
    I understand he was ill . It didn’t make it better

    iolo
    Member

    Alcoholism and drug dependancy are all illnesses – would you advise someone with a choice to go down a miserable pathway of life …

    Eh?

    My dad was my dad – we got on later in life. But I never trusted him. It is vastly different if you are already in a relationship, or family etc.

    So you didn’t get on. And?

    My sister is depressed – and we are doing all we can to help. But it is a long way from being enjoyable ..

    I’m glad you’re helping her. I hope she has the adequate help and treatment.

    Premier Icon Nobeerinthefridge
    Subscriber

    depression is like religion

    That’s the biggest pile of pish ever written.

    mrmoofo
    Member

    So you didn’t get on. And?

    Did you actually read what I wrote?
    I have said my piece .

    Bye

    Premier Icon aracer
    Subscriber

    Colin Scott wrote:

    It is great you are a nicer person than my dad…

    The chances are the OP’s lady is as well. Most people with depression don’t go round beating other people, just as plenty of people without depression do. As far as I know there is no link between being depressed and being nasty – the OP is just as likely to meet a psycho bitch who hides it well but isn’t depressed, and to be honest actually admitting the depression is a damn good sign that she’s self-aware and not going to be a complete nightmare.

    That’s my last on this subject, the OP’s thread doesn’t deserve to be derailed any more as he also seems a very decent chap.

    iolo
    Member

    I was writing when you responded.
    I hear what you’re saying and sympathise.
    I would however think that seeing as you have personal experience you might understand this illness a little bit better.

    Premier Icon Northwind
    Subscriber

    I don’t think anyone should hold mrmoofo’s lack of objectivity against him, it couldn’t be more understandable, that’s a terrible thing to happen. But it’s not very useful.

    Nobeerinthefridge – Member

    That’s the biggest pile of pish ever written.

    If you quote half the line and take it completely out of context, sure. So, you know, don’t do that.

    Rockhopper
    Member

    Yes I’ve met her (twice, once for dinner). She’s just a normal lass who’s into motorbikes, single, no kids etc so perfect for me. I’m 48 and I’ve been single for over twenty years – no real reason other that the right person hasn’t come along yet.

    The thing I didn’t want to say was pull yourself together and crack on (even though that’s what I might be thinking!).
    I’d imagine that giving her things took forward to might be the way to go such as weekends away or going to a concert and so on. Its difficult at the moment as she’s not really responding much and I don’t want to pester her.
    All the info so far has been really helpful so thanks very much.

    iolo
    Member

    OP, Good on you. She sounds like the perfect woman. When she feels a bit down don’t pressure her.
    Good luck. Everything will be fine.

    dooge
    Member

    This is a hard one on the basis that people react in different ways.

    I have lived and looked after my mother who has had extreme bouts of depression. I have looked after her through a mental and physical breakdown, having to hide car keys so she dosent go and crash her car delibrately and lock all the knives in the garage so she dosent do something stupid.

    I have also been out with women who have had depression and I myself have had it. You have to judge who you are; can you emotional detach to a point this will not affect you? Do you have a strong support network? Does she? Is she getting treatment? How serious is it? These are the questions I would want to know however asking her these will seem insensitive, disrespectful and judgemental at this early stage.

    For me I would unfortunately leave it based on how I have dealt with similar things in the past and wanting to know the above. It says more about me than the other people I know but if you really like her go for it 🙂 I am also younger, have not got the life experience you do and things are still a bit fresh with my mum so I cant answer fairly.

    roper
    Member

    Depression can vary with how long an episode can last. She appears to understand her own and hopes to be back on track soon. IMO it’s when she is feeling better she will be able to look at future plans. Until then it would be day by day.
    To most of the nay sayers, as has been said it is an illness. You would have a pretty lonely life if you only wanted to be will someone well.

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