Dear Triathletes…

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  • Dear Triathletes…
  • richardk
    Member

    I take it you picked who you rode behind carefully then 🙂

    mrmonkfinger
    Member

    Dear triathletes,

    Please make up your bloody minds.

    Ta

    Premier Icon stever
    Subscriber

    Poking fun at triathletes? I’m in! You’d save more energy from not rocking your shoulders and bobbing your head than getting on those tribars. (I may be generalising from a small sample)

    fasthaggis
    Member

    Dear triathletes .

    Please don’t use your tri bars on a cafe run 🙂

    jfletch
    Member

    Your shorts are see though, I can see your arse crack.

    (My ride yesterday morning went part way along the route of the Trialthlon in Hathersage, it was not a pleasant sight.)

    trail_rat
    Member

    How do you suggest they get used to the position then fast haggis

    Unless by cafe run you actually mean group ride…….tri bars in a group ride are punishable by death – twice

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    From The bike snob’s guide to cycling tribes

    The Triathlete

    While the Roadie holds the Triathlete in contempt, the truth is they share common DNA. Actually, that may explain the contempt – Jews, Christians and Muslims share both monotheism and a bunch of prophets, but that hasn’t stopped them from having their share of disagreements over the years. Specifically, the area in which the Triathlete and the Roadie are most similar is in their ability to reduce cycling to a fitness-building exercise, suck the joy from it and discard it so all that is left is a desiccated Lycra shell.

    The Triathlete is one who partakes in triathlons – timed “races” in which the competitors swim, then “bike,” then run. (You should always be suspicious of people who use the word “bike” as a verb.) Many people even argue that it is inappropriate to consider a Triathlete a cyclist, since in some cases they are merely incidental cyclists who only ride because cycling happens to be part of a triathlon. If they changed the cycling leg to something else, like 10-pin bowling, they’d probably all be buying bowling balls instead of bicycles.

    Many cyclists also believe that Triathletes are bad bike handlers and criticise them for being middling at three disciplines instead of exceptional at one. (If triathlons involved bowling instead of cycling, Triathletes would probably roll their balls in the wrong direction and take out half the snack bar.) As such, Triathletes are regarded with general mistrust, since their amphibious nature leads other cyclists to view them as slimy interlopers.

    Why other cyclists don’t like them: They’re the three-bird roast of the cycling world.

    Compatibility with other cyclists: Can occasionally mix with Roadies, like when you see a couple of pigeons hanging out with a bunch of seagulls.

    fasthaggis
    Member

    Unless by cafe run you actually mean group ride

    I did indeed 🙂

    Part tongue in cheek,but the ones that I have been on group rides with ,have by far been the twitchiest and most unaware riders that I have ever seen ( excluding some Sportive riders).

    Good news is (a bit like a really bad sportive bunch)..they can be trained 🙂

    ajc
    Member

    Thats because a large percentage of triathelites spend more time on spin bikes or turbo than actually riding a real bike. And of that time on a real live bike, most of it is spent on their own not group riding.

    Premier Icon teamhurtmore
    Subscriber

    Count yourself lucky! I was competing in a half ironman three years ago and found myself cycling behind a guy in speedos. I couldn’t get past him (and no I want drafting 😉 ) and had an awful vision right in front of my eyes for quite while. Funnily enough that was my last HIM!!

    jfletch
    Member

    Count yourself lucky! I was competing in a half ironman three years ago …

    But just remember, the person behind you has a similar view.

    Premier Icon teamhurtmore
    Subscriber

    No my trisuit (in black) was not transparent in any way – I made sure of that!

    But the bloke in the speedos (must have bloody uncomfortable cycling a HIM leg in those) allowed us a full inspection of his undercarriage. Thank goodness he had a fancy bike so I could avert my gaze to the beauty of cervelo bikes rather than…

    jfletch
    Member

    No my trisuit (in black) was not transparent in any way

    Nope – They are all see though. They could see your arse crack!

    Get some lycra (or similar stretchy thin material) wet and then bend over and it will be see though. This is a law of nature, just like the laws of thermodynamics or Newton’s laws.

    cynic-al
    Member

    This is why there is no drafting.

    mogrim
    Member

    Nope – They are all see though. They could see your arse crack!

    Get some lycra (or similar stretchy thin material) wet and then bend over and it will be see though. This is a law of nature, just like the laws of thermodynamics or Newton’s laws.

    Fortunately that is not true – it’s only when the lycra gets old that it becomes a problem. Not to mention a source of piss-taking on a group ride.

    Premier Icon teamhurtmore
    Subscriber

    Lets not forget white or light blue tri shorts – please some dignity unless you nickname is “horse”!

    Get some lycra (or similar stretchy thin material) wet and then bend over and it will be see though.

    If that was true, most of the swimmers at our local pool would be banned for being flashers and perverts!!

    jfletch
    Member

    If that was true

    But it is true, my highly scientific research that I conducted on Sunday by getting overtaken by a load of Triathletes revealed a 99% triathlete to arsecrack ratio.

    The other 1% was some woman on a big heavy shopping bike who had the decency to get changed after swimming before going for a bike ride.

    Premier Icon aracer
    Subscriber

    It’s not just triathletes who have aesthetic issues

    mogrim
    Member

    It’s not just triathletes who have aesthetic issues

    Or cyclists…

    surfer
    Member

    Please don’t use your tri bars on a cafe run

    Any Wilkinson rides in an almost permanent aero position and I see him all the time sometimes with panniers on. How cool is that. (541 miles in 24 hrs)

    back2basics
    Member

    Dear TriAthletes
    you dont need 2 full bottles of carbs on the back of the seat and 7 squeezy’s on your frame for your cafe ride of 30mins each way.

    cyrilswan
    Member

    Where/when did this hatred come from??
    I enjoy doing triathlons, and I enjoy doing sportives.
    Does that really make me a c***??!!

    Premier Icon wwaswas
    Subscriber

    I enjoy doing triathlons, and I enjoy doing sportives.
    Does that really make me a c***??!!

    cyclist?

    I think you’re confusing ‘taking the piss’ with hatred.

    supercyril
    Member

    What the **** is a cafe run?

    jfletch
    Member

    What the **** is a cafe run?

    A “cafe run” is poncy roadie speak for “bike ride with mates”.

    walleater
    Member

    Dear Triathletes,

    The picture below shows some random shaped objects. These are called ‘tools’. Please try and learn how to use at least three of them:

    JCL
    Member

    Past a couple of Tritards today climbing at about 12kph on the tri-bars.

    Muppets.

    loughor
    Member

    Afraid I must agree with OP. last triathlon I had the misfortune to witness… more crack than Harlem !

    irelanst
    Member

    I honestly don’t know what you lot are moaning about.

    I was out for a run last night and when I turned a corner the local tri club was running along in my direction. The ladies at the back all had tight skimpy shorts on and I was certainly in no hurry to pass them. There was no transparency in evidence, but judging by the amount their shorts kept riding up my telekinesis is coming on leaps and bounds.

    Premier Icon matt_outandabout
    Subscriber

    Triathletes seem to be the French of the cycling world. Everyone takes the Michael but really we are jealous….

    vdubber67
    Member

    I was doing some hill reps on a local dead-end hill recently whilst a low-key ‘fun’ triathlon was taking place. As the bike leg didn’t appear to be well signposted, I kept finding riders following me up the hill on each rep, thinking I was riding their event. When I stopped at the top and turned round each time they were rather confused. I must have took four of them up there. One lady was pushing bless her. 🙂

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