Bloody livid this afternoon for no really good reason – mate at work has been promoted to BDM/CRM type role out of the blue, just fuming that I never got a sniff of it cause I’d love that job. Can’t be angry with him because he’s a mate, he’ll do a great job and I know he didn’t ask for it, can’t be angry with my boss because he thinks he’s doing the right thing for the business, but even now, ten hours later, I’m still shaking with anger. Nothing bad has happened, and I’m on an unwritten promise of a promotion of my own (to a team leader position that I’m comparatively not that bothered about, if we get big enough to have a team) – how do I stop being angry? Even stopped and road-raged at some bloke in a pickup tonight, very out of character for me. Don’t like it, make it stop. 🙁

Preach.

Go for a run maybe? I find that always helps, even if it’s a really weird time of night to be running. Irrational anger is a horrible emotion to have to deal with and control. You’ll feel better tomorrow.

Have a word with your boss. Did they know it’s a role you’d have been interested in? Let them know for next time.

Ride your bike or go do some form of exercise and release some endorphins.

Trek steer Jnr was in a similar position last year. Got so bad he found another job, handed in his notice before Xmas, giving enough notice to be able to finish a couple of projects. On return there was lots of meetings, they wanted him to stay. Upshot is he got what he wanted from current employer and is staying(for the time being). He does enjoy his job and when he got the written T&Cs from his prospective new employer they were not quite as per interview so after some hard bargaining he made his decision.
Now happy again and his bosses are now aware of some work flow issues and are putting improvements in place which should both save the company money and potential yearn them more 😆

Knock one out?

Go to your boxing gym and give the heavy bag a beating

I’d echo what a couple of people have said – exercise where you can get “aggressive”. I found running good too, I could take the frustration out on myself and it ave me time to think. My head was always clearer in these cases.

I had something very similar when a mate was promoted and I wasn’t – mine came about 6 months later.

Try and be objective and don’t let it stew – have a discussion with your boss, saying you are interested in promotion prospects and what you need to do to demonstrate the competency expected and if he can help you reach that goal? Stroke his ego and you’ll get more results – telling them you’re great and the company’s useless doesn’t tend to achieve the same result! These days you don’t just get a promotion for being good at your job, but by going the extra mile and that’s what gets you noticed.

Just accept management can be stupid at times, although I’d bring it up in your next review.

My own senior management pissed me off yesterday to, a guy in another team asked if he could transfer to my team (I had an opening and he’s bored in his current role), it got blocked by a VP as “we shouldn’t be poaching from other teams” (not that I did, he approached me). Found out today the guy’s been offered a job at another company and has handed his notice in – round of applause for the VP…

Some wise advice I was given many years ago – how you deal with situations unfavourable to you is very telling about your character (and subtext – your suitability for promotion).

Present a positive rational and objective case to your boss about why you should be promoted, how this will further the whole team and organisation, not just you personally.

And calm down dear !

Go to your boxing gym and give the heavy bag a beating

Not this. Sorry Pigface.

I know exactly what you mean, pondo, and the only the way to deal with it is to understand it and fight it. If you give expression to it as in Pigface’s example, it will erupt again another time.

Anger is like a volcano that, once it erupts, needs to be calmed, otherwise it keeps spewing destruction.

Ancient Greek medicine talked about curing with opposites. So in those terms, you would fight anger with cheer. Force it, and it will eventually overcome the negative feelings.

Trust me: this morning I am with you completely. 👿

Only two things can return my usual zen like state :wink:;
Spending time with the little ‘un and riding my bike.
Chuck a sickie and do one of those. Or both.

Mid 90s, I spent 3 months as an acting team manager, but the job was given to a less experienced colleague for “political” reasons. I was really pissed off with manager X for shafting me, but took it on the chin.

The girl who got the job had a breakdown a few months later, and I got sent back in as acting manager again to sort it out, and this time I got the job. Manager X then left for pastures new.

A year later, I applied for a job elsewhere, big step up, lots more money, relocating to the south east. I was only 25, still a bit green, and up against experienced guys twice my age. I got the job.

Turns out my new boss was a mate of manager X, who had given me a very positive unofficial reference over a beer at a conference they’d been to.

Hang on in there, and resist the urge to flounce.

Nah, flounce.

Flounce yer pants off.

Being shafted is proper bad form and you should at the very least have a word with the Line Manager who appointed the person..
You need to know why, how and in what contest they got the role and you didn’t.

If the Managers any good they’ll offer up th reason, if not walk out.

This may be a long shot,but how about you talk to someone that can do something about it.For better or worse sort out the communication problem at work.
Failing that,just have an angry wee rant on here to a bunch of randoms if that really makes it better,or punch a baby robin.

Happy Friday

FINISH HIM!

Happy Friday Pussy(cat) 🙂

I had an anger therapist once that gave a nice simple line to help in times of anger.

You can always lose an inch at the shoulders

It’s a bit weird if you over think it – you could easily end up lying on your arse – but keeping within context, every time you feel the anger rush try dropping your shoulders, effectively breathing out and relaxing. It’s a split second thing that either works or doesn’t. I had great success with it when I had a few issues but I also thumped a guy on the nose in that period and the thought didn’t get anywhere near to crossing my mind.

Good luck.

And smile, even when you’re angry. 🙂

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUi5lS4twN0[/video]

I used to be angry a lot. Whether it was the state of the world, being bypassed at work, stuff on the news, crap drivers etc, I was always losing my temper and shouting at people. Then I embraced what I can only describe as a nihilistic disinterest in everything outside of my family and friends. It’s worked quite well, I no longer shout at drivers, get angry at things in the news, and on the work front, I’m much less stressed. The only downside is that I’m now accused of being apathetic and pessimistic, which I’m not, I just choose not to get too bothered about things.

I came back livid the other night.
some woman tried to drive into me so i knocked on her window to let her know I was there and got a load of abuse for scaring her. gave her a mouthful back (obviously) but arrived home bloody livid.

Had to take my aggression out on the for an hour.

Go and pedal your cycle furiously

Success and failure, happiness and anger at work are at least 50% down to you.

You’re effectively blaming others for you not getting something you want.

Take the advice on dealing with the anger, and don’t forget that at least 50% of the cause of your anger is you.

Oh, and remember that what you’re experiencing is change. Everyone thinks that life will remain constant, but in fact change is the only thing that remains constant. Here’s the kubler-ross change curve. You’re in the “shock” stage….

I get like that at times aswell, some days I just wake up in a bad mood (having a near constant headache due to sinusitis doesn’t help). I find going for a run really helps me as others had said, I also find cleaning strangely therapeutic, so it’s out with the polish and duster.

If I’m like that I just need to be on my own, took my wife years to understand this as I grew up with 2 brothers and a sister so always people about, but I enjoy my own company and it gives me space to put things in to perspective. I have been bike less for a while now but when my new one arrives in a few weeks I’ll start heading out on that aswell. This time of year doesn’t help me as I feel like a caged animal because I can’t get out much to just potter about.

I was and still am very angry that I have had to give up Ice Hockey due to past and ongoing injuries, still not sure how to deal with this but I’m hoping my new bike will fill the void (until spring comes round and the motorbike comes out to play again). This place is also a good way to get things off your chest, always somebody to offer advice or take the piss and tell you to MTFU.. I just got a few things off my chest there! Yippee!

I keep a picture of this on my phone which I look at everytime I want to chuck a spanner at something/someone:

Currently looking at it because the link to the office is hanging and I’m not sure if the report I’ve spent an hour writing is lost forever in the digital netherworld…

The anger will pass. It’s a physical reaction to stress and shock. Get some exercise and sleep. It might take days or weeks, but eventually you not be angry any more. That’s when you might want to think about talking about why you weren’t promoted, not when you’re seething with rage.

This forum never amazes me with its capacity to inform and amuse – sincere thanks to everyone who’s contributed, I feel a load better today and most of that is down to you.

Go for a run maybe?

I think exercise (and the lack thereof) might well be a factor, I have had just absolutely no inclination to do any since last November and I feel badly out of shape. Mrs Pondo and I have a long weekend away and we’re taking running shoes and bikes, time to get out of this rut I’m stuck in.

Have a word with your boss. Did they know it’s a role you’d have been interested in? Let them know for next time.

The boss took me aside for a chat after it was announced that my mate was hitting the road – my mate and I both joined the company to do support stuff, it’s a small company with new products and we both got the chance to go out and do some onsite installation, training and demonstrations, outside the remit of our roles but great to do something different and my boss knew we both enjoyed it. He said yesterday it’s a possibility for me in the future as we grow, but what’s that going to be – six months, two years, ten years…?

Go to your boxing gym and give the heavy bag a beating

There was nothing – absoutely nothing – I wanted to do more than get home and beat the heavy bag to death with a sledge hammer – unfortunately I’m in rehearsals for a play in a couple of weeks so had to drive twenty miles to that (bad traffic, road closed, late – more frustration) and it ran an hour over what it was supposed to, so didn’t get back till gone half ten. All I wanted to do by then was moan to Mrs Pondo, have a few beers and hit up the forum for advice.

Try and be objective and don’t let it stew…

That’s definitely a plan – been trying to rationalise it to myself, and I really can’t realistically be angry with anyone else, maybe that’s why it’s so painful. I think I just need to get over myself, it’ll take a bit of time but I’ll be reet. 🙂

… have a discussion with your boss, saying you are interested in promotion prospects and what you need to do to demonstrate the competency expected and if he can help you reach that goal? Stroke his ego and you’ll get more results – telling them you’re great and the company’s useless doesn’t tend to achieve the same result! These days you don’t just get a promotion for being good at your job, but by going the extra mile and that’s what gets you noticed.

Here we head into slightly murkier waters… 🙂 Very briefly, when we joined I had more experience in the sector, my mate was more technical, and since our “support” roles were closer to sales and promotion, my stock rose within the company and I had loads of extra stuff to do while he got the drudge. Over time, that started to shift so he started getting the extra stuff and I started to get the drudge (and I know at the start of this week he was at breaking point with the amount of little projects he had to juggle), so it’s like his star has been rising whilst mine was on the wain. My boss tells me that he’s got the role because he has more experience on our secondary product so can talk about both (he might do when it comes to sorting out quotes, but not sure how hard it is to pick that game up) but I just think the big boss and Mrs big boss don’t rate me as high as they used to. That’s where a lot of the frustration comes from, I think – the main project I had about a year or so back was shared between my mate and my boss about five months ago, I think because there was a perception that I wasn’t successful enough at it. But in the intervening five months, they’ve achieved no more between them than I did on my own, and now it’s coming back to me – too late, the perception has been formed… 🙁

Regardless, I want to make it clear to them (and to you lot 🙂 ) that I’m not going to flounce – crushingly disappointed, bit peeved that my workload (which I already can’t complete to my own satisfaction, too much work, not enough hours, etc) is now going to be made heavier, and I’ve got image work to do even though I’m working harder than I ever have before. I still think this is a fantastic place to work, the products are great and it will be a big company – in which case, I came in at the start and the potential is decent. Just gutted to miss out on this role, because I think I’d be good at it. 🙁

Some wise advice I was given many years ago – how you deal with situations unfavourable to you is very telling about your character (and subtext – your suitability for promotion).

Like it – I am working very hard at making it known that, although I’m disappointed, it’s onwards and upwards as far as I’m concerned. 🙂

I know exactly what you mean, pondo, and the only the way to deal with it is to understand it and fight it. If you give expression to it as in Pigface’s example, it will erupt again another time…

….Ancient Greek medicine talked about curing with opposites. So in those terms, you would fight anger with cheer. Force it, and it will eventually overcome the negative feelings.

Like it – feel like I need a bit of both, I do want to give the bag some stick, but I know I need to work it out with myself. Off out tonight with Mrs Pondo’s teacher buddies on the first night of half term, so I shall be fighting frustration with exuberant good cheer. 🙂

This may be a long shot,but how about you talk to someone that can do something about it.For better or worse sort out the communication problem at work.
Failing that,just have an angry wee rant on here to a bunch of randoms if that really makes it better,or punch a baby robin.

You’re not wrong – it had just been a very long day, with a very long rehearsal, with an uncharacteristic road rage incident, and I needed to vent. I’ll get better. 🙂

You can always lose an inch at the shoulders

Class, thank you! 🙂

Success and failure, happiness and anger at work are at least 50% down to you.

You’re effectively blaming others for you not getting something you want.

Take the advice on dealing with the anger, and don’t forget that at least 50% of the cause of your anger is you.

Wise words – I think, even last night, I was a long way towards knowing that there was no-one to blame except me, it’s just how schizzle happens.

The anger will pass. It’s a physical reaction to stress and shock. Get some exercise and sleep. It might take days or weeks, but eventually you not be angry any more. That’s when you might want to think about talking about why you weren’t promoted, not when you’re seething with rage.

That I think is crucial. We’ve got reviews in a couple of months, much as I wanted to fire off an angry email, I knew last night wasn’t the right time – I want this whole thing to turn out positively.

Spent a lot of time trying to figure out an analogy – do you know the best thing I could come up with? It’s like there was a girl that I really liked but I knew was a step above me, and out of nowhere she’s copped off with my mate who’s no more or less handsome, wealthy or otherwise desirable – why him? And if him, why not me? Gah – I’ll get over it, thanks for listening. 🙂

Oh Pondo you are a thesp, obviously having a minitanty 😉

Glad you feel better.

FINISH HIM!

I was about to suggest Mortal Kombat. Very therapeutic.

Have a read of The Chimp Paradox.

Another chat today with my boss (again at his prompting), to let me know I’m fantastic, there’ll be other opportunities, I’ll be doing more going out, I’m going to be involved in interviewing the team and the TL role was more forcefully verbally promised (for what that’s worth), etc etc – they knew I was peeved, had a good honest chat (“it’s nothing you’ve done, he just had a better skillset”/”I’m still going to be trying my hardest, more excited about team leadering now”, etc). Still achingly gutted, bit more sanguine about it today (until I overhear chat about where my mate’s going to be off to next week, and getting another car – no names mentioned, but I wonder who that’s for…) but hey, it’s an opportunity to prove myself. I thought I already had, but clearly not! Oh well, no-one’s got hurt, it’ll all turn out good in the end. And my mate was back in the office last thing and things are still ace between us, which is great – I have to mentor the idiot he currently sits opposite, so he owes me for that at least! 🙂

Oh Pondo you are a thesp, obviously having a minitanty

Every day, dahling, every day. 🙂

Glad you feel better.

Cheers feller. 🙂

FINISH HIM!

I was about to suggest Mortal Kombat. Very therapeutic.[/quote]

When I saw the original posting of that last night, I read it as “finish your mate” – he’s a six foot two weight lifting ex-prison van driving former kickboxer, and the one bloke in the office I wouldn’t fancy my chances against. 🙂

Have a read of The Chimp Paradox.

Started it before but it got a bit heavy – I shall make another effort. 🙂