Junkyard – I wouldn’t waste your time – he is clearly getting a semi-on at getting any kind of response so it seems better not to feed the Übertroll.

I notice you think absent dads can just MTFU

Well I’m suggesting that the OP sees and spends time with his child, but waits until she is over 12 months old before she stays overnight with him. I see no benefit for a 6 month baby to stay overnight with the father. Yes I’m suggesting that he MTFU, what else do you suggest he does the rest of the time when he’s not with the child?

The mother’s suggestion seems perfectly reasonable to me.

That’s my opinion. You might not agree with it, but I’m not going to change it just because someone else doesn’t like it.

And since when has my opinion matter so much ? What am I……the arbitrator of all that is good and
right ?

I’m truly touched if that’s the case, but I would rather keep the opinions which I’m most happy with – not necessarily the ones which other people approve of.

But I thought you were just talking bollocks in order to get people to respond?

I am confused now – will you be consistent please.

BTW mastiles_fanylion, RE : “he is clearly getting a semi-on”

Nice. You’re plunging to new depths in your attempts to insult someone who doesn’t agree with your opinion.

But back to the original point, she had the girl christened, not circumcised or tattooed. Some perspective might help here too. It is a reversible process…

On the contrary Ernie I do not mind people who don’t agree with me – and it happens quite regularly. But I prefer those people to actually believe what they are saying rather than be saying things just for cheap kicks.

back to the original point

Pay heed!

But back to the original point, she had the girl christened, not circumcised or tattooed. Some perspective might help here too. It is a reversible process…

It’s not only reversible, it’s completely imperceptible.

Ernie I do not mind people who don’t agree with me

You have a strange way of showing it…….but thanks for giving me the thumbs up that it’s ok for me to have my own opinion.

But I prefer those people to actually believe what they are saying rather than be saying things just for cheap kicks.

So I don’t really think that the mother’s suggestion to wait until the baby was more than 12 months, before she stays overnight with the OP, is perfectly reasonable ? I only said it, despite believing the contrary, for “cheap kicks” ?

You know some strange people mastiles_fanylion, to have come to that conclusion.

Because you said this an hour ago

ernie_lynch – Member
Busted. There’s no “pulling the wool over your eyes” eh ?

So you WEREN’T just saying it for effect then?

ernie_lynch

please do not assume I walked out on my ex & daughter at christmas as you are not aware of the circumstances. With regards the passport I AM NOT SOME DELUDED BITTER EX – I was merely asking people what they thought as I think morally it is not quite right and all I want is reasonable access for my daughter without any grief/texts every time I drop her back off with her mother.

Yes I am paying half the mortgage and rent on a house so I have a home for my daughter.

To every body who has contributed positively – Thank you

So you WEREN’T just saying it for effect then?

Which bit of “that’s my opinion, if you don’t like it tough” can’t you understand ?

The “Busted. There’s no “pulling the wool over your eyes” eh ?” was in response to this absurd comment

“are you just trying to make pointless claims in order to cause an argument?”

You were clearly itching for an argument and I couldn’t be arsed. Of course you got your argument in the end anyhow, so well done you.

I’ve only read the first few comments so this may have been covered already but if you’re still thinking that you’re in a position of strength re: birth certificate, forget it. Your ex partner can get a copy for *£9:00 from the Registrars within three days or *£25;00 the same day (Stockport Council prices)

please do not assume I walked out on my ex & daughter at christmas as you are not aware of the circumstances.

I only quoted you, nothing more :

“Me and her mother have split up when she was 4 months old, I left the house that we both owned”

You were clearly itching for an argument and I couldn’t be arsed. Of course you got your argument in the end anyhow, so well done you.

You have lost me entirely – you made absurd claims, then said you were just trolling, then said you did mean it and tough on me for not agreeing with them.

It seems you are the one most up for an argument – I was not arguing – just trying to get to the bottom of your absurd claim about a child needing to be with its mother until it is 12 months old. And you have yet to actually explain why you think this other than tell us that is what you think and tough on us for not accepting that. All a bit school playground really.

If you want to explain why you feel the way you do, perhaps with some scientific evidence to back it up, I would be happy to engage further with you.

You have lost me entirely – you made absurd claims, then said you were just trolling, then said you did mean it and tough on me for not agreeing with them.

Im pretty sure there was a lot of sarcasm it the sentences when ernie said he didnt agree.

Jesus all I wanted is a bit of advice, I didn’t want this post to turn into a argument with certain people. Thank you to everyone that says my ex can get a birth certificate – I know this any way.

My ex is not a bad mother, she is just bitter. My ex told me Freya was going to get christened but never thought she would go through with it without consulting me. To find out she was christened yesterday was a shock to me.

you have yet to actually explain why you think this

Gosh, my opinion is that important to you.

I explained exactly why I think the mother’s suggestion is perfectly reasonable when you first asked the question – go back to the previous page and have a look.

I know you think it isn’t a good enough reason, but I’m sorry I think it is.

Try to get over it maybe ? 💡

Im pretty sure there was a lot of sarcasm it the sentences when ernie said he didnt agree.

Apparently so. Pity he didn’t see fit to actually argue his point rather than go down that route though.

ernie_lynch – Member

“please do not assume I walked out on my ex & daughter at christmas as you are not aware of the circumstances.”

I only quoted you, nothing more :

“Me and her mother have split up when she was 4 months old, I left the house that we both owned”

“I left the house” does not equal “walked out”, surely you know the connotations that “walked out” has? Another bit of supposition (and it’s weird because you know nothing of the situation, but still think you’re 100% right)

ernie_lynch – Member
Why don’t you stick with the issues raised by the OP Lifer ? …..instead of trying to start an argument between me and you.

Looks like you have no problems starting arguments.

Lifer – Member
ernie_lynch – Member
“please do not assume I walked out on my ex & daughter at christmas as you are not aware of the circumstances.”

I only quoted you, nothing more :

“Me and her mother have split up when she was 4 months old, I left the house that we both owned”

“I left the house” does not equal “walked out”, surely you know the connotations that “walked out” has? Another bit of supposition (and it’s weird because you know nothing of the situation, but still think you’re 100% right)

ernie_lynch – Member
Why don’t you stick with the issues raised by the OP Lifer ? …..instead of trying to start an argument between me and you.
Looks like you have no problems starting arguments.

Thank you!!!!

I left the house because it was the best thing for my daughter and my daughters siblings.

I did not walk out on my daughter!

Looks like you have no problems starting arguments.

Looks like it …… don’t it ?

Maybe I should just agree with you, mastiles_fanylion, etc…..that should stop any arguing.

But I’m a bit of cheeky fecker…….what with having my own opinions and all.

💡 Maybe you could just ignore me, that should do it.

🙄

see no benefit for a 6 month baby to stay overnight with the father.

Sexist ernie very sexist 🙄
why cant the mum MTFU when the child is not here 🙄

seriously ernie why the sexism? the contrary , argumentative and sarcasm [not always picked up on] I have no real issue with just never had you down as a sexist ?
Not like you to not even defend it or have a go

I left the house because it was the best thing for my daughter and my daughters siblings.

I did not walk out on my daughter!

sounds like you are trying to ease your own conscience.
i don’t see why your ex should have consulted you on the christening. you are obviously not getting on very well. you would begrduge your own daughter a holiday, by keeping her passport, just to get one back at your ex?
you will have to communicate with your ex, in some form, for at least the next 16yrs, so i think you should start treating her, as the mother, and main care giver of your child, with a bit more respect tbh.

To the OP, I’m sorry for your predicament…I think taking the moral highground and behaving in an honorable way would be the best thing but I understand that must be difficult if you feel your wife is doing the opposite.

And regarding the posturing and willy waving in this thread…why don’t you make your own thread so you can get your kicks rather than taking over this one.

My SO has had problems with her EX, solicitors letters mean JACK SHIT to him.He agreed to doing/taking etc. to the solicitors but NEVER backed them up with actions. If your ex partner chooses to behave in the way she wants, there is little or nothing you can do.
Get the passport, keep it, you have your daughter in your care, while the mother is abroad

Not like you to not even defend it or have a go

Because he really can’t defend it. It isn’t even sexist per se, just a silly thing to claim. I don’t think any right-minded childcare professional would ever claim that a child <12 months has to spend every night with it’s mother nor that a mother needs to be with said child every night.

restless – Member
I left the house because it was the best thing for my daughter and my daughters siblings.
I did not walk out on my daughter!

sounds like you are trying to ease your own conscience.
i don’t see why your ex should have consulted you on the christening. you are obviously not getting on very well. you would begrduge your own daughter a holiday, by keeping her passport, just to get one back at your ex?
you will have to communicate with your ex, in some form, for at least the next 16yrs, so i think you should start treating her, as the mother, and main care giver of your child, with a bit more respect tbh.

Excuse me?

I do not begrudge my own daughter a holiday, you may of read previously that this is the last thing I want to do, and to be perfectly honestly I want as least hassle as possible. I know the passport issue is not going to do me any favours so I am resigned to the fact that it is a card I cant play.

I communicate with my ex in the best possible way and this is not returned so how you can say I should give her a bit more respect is not really applicable!!!

McHamish – Member
To the OP, I’m sorry for your predicament…I think taking the moral highground and behaving in an honorable way would be the best thing but I understand that must be difficult if you feel your wife is doing the opposite.

And regarding the posturing and willy waving in this thread…why don’t you make your own thread so you can get your kicks rather than taking over this one.

Thanks this is what I intend to do.

I dont think court is the way forward.

Junkyard – Member

seriously ernie why the sexism? the contrary , argumentative and sarcasm [not always picked up on] I have no real issue with just never had you down as a sexist ?
Not like you to not even defend it or have a go

That’s not true at all, I often don’t bother ‘defending’ my position, specially when I know I’m wasting my time with someone who just wants an argument. Besides, I don’t always feel the need to justify my opinions. But for you Junkyard, just ’cause I like you…….

I’m fairly unimpressed with OP. He has started 2 threads concerning this bleeding christening – as if his ex has done him some terrible wrong. On the scale of what a woman can do to a man, in terms of devastating him, it ain’t very high. But still he goes on about it – what exactly does he want us to do about it ?

Well I as far as I can figure out he wants sympathy. Sure we all like sympathy sometimes, but we don’t always get it – life’s like that unfortunately. And if he’s so needy that he needs sympathy from a bunch of strangers on the internet who know absolutely nothing about him or his ex, then fine, you guys give it to him if you want to – but he’s not going to automatically get it from me……why does he need it from me anyway ?

If he is so confident that his behaviour with regards to his ex has been acceptable, why does he need the approval of strangers who know nothing ? Of course the clues that he is unsure are all there, with stuff like “I know its a bit wrong morally” and the need to cast doubts on his ex’s character by giving the impression that the christening was a bolt out the blue – despite the fact that he knew at least a month ago.

And why the need to very conveniently make a comment about her having had children by more than one man ? What has that got to do with him allegedly not being invited to the christening ffs ? OK, maybe she’s a poor judge of character and goes for arseholes who eventually dump her, but I hardly think that’s relevant.

It seems to me that he wants a load of strangers who know nothing, to say “there there you poor thing, she sounds awful”. Well I for one suspect there might be another side to this story, and I would be quite frankly gobsmacked if she came up with exactly the same chain of events as him.

So there you have it, a guy comes on the internet to rubbish his ex and seek the approval of people who know nothing. Well I for one reserve my right not to extend my sympathy. Partly because I haven’t heard her side of the story, and partly because he appears to need to cast her in bad light by pretending that he never knew about the christening, and unnecessary stuff about children by more than one man.

Sure he gets my sympathy in that the end of a relationship, specially when it involves children, is hardly likely to be very pleasant, but that should be as far as it goes – specially when all of his family apparently support him. Any self doubts he might have he should deal with without involving clueless strangers.

And saying so is more likely to help him than saying there there you poor thing.

Good luck SBrock.

btw as far as the “sexism” accusation is concerned, call it what you like, it really doesn’t bother me, but I have a lot of sympathy with a mother who doesn’t want to spend the night away from her baby. Specially if it involves the baby spending the night with someone who she might not like very much. Obviously there’s going to come a point when she’s going to have to bite the bullet, but I can’t see why her suggestion of 12 months is that far off the mark. I wouldn’t necessarily extend the same level of sympathy to a man. Funny that eh ?

But WHY Ernie? What is your rationale for saying the mother and child need to spend every night of the first 12 months together?

Whilst I think Ernie’s being a prize penis in the way he’s presenting himself here – I’m going to have to back him up on one thing, I don’t think that overnight contact prior to 12 months is necessary for the child. And to be honest, I think if the OP took it to court demanding it, then he’d be laughed out of the room at the CAFCASS report stage. With kids under 12 months, the official advice would be “little and often’

To the OP – avoid court at all costs if you can, but have a good insurance policy of proven regular contact in place in case it does go that way – you need to step back from the position you’re in now (hurt, angry, emotional) and remember these words “Mr Reasonable” – thats who you need to be: Mr whiter than white, totally helpful and reasonable – suck it up, swallow your pride, and play the long game – you need to be Mr Reasonable, as if it does go to court, thats what you need to show yourself as.

“Mr Reasonable” – write it on your bathroom mirror!

In the long term, your kids will make up their own minds, until that point, all you can do is be there for them!

But for you Junkyard, just ’cause I like you…….

😆 got that one 😉

btw as far as the “sexism” accusation is concerned, call it what you like, it really doesn’t bother me, but I have a lot of sympathy with a mother who doesn’t want to spend the night away from her baby. Specially if it involves the baby spending the night with someone who she might not like very much. Obviously there’s going to come a point when she’s going to have to bite the bullet, but I can’t see why her suggestion of 12 months is that far off the mark. I wouldn’t necessarily extend the same level of sympathy to a man. Funny that eh

That is just a reiteration of your view not an explanation FOR your view.
Why does the child need to be with the mother every night for the first 12 mths but not the father? Why would you have sympathy for the mother but happily deprive the father ?…do fathers feel less or something?would the child notice or actually care or just the adults? Perhaps men are just not as good as women at childcare??
As far as i can tell you are applying one set of criteria to a female parent and another to a male parent that is a near perfect example of sexism as it is discrimination based on gender.
Funny not particularly , steroetypical probably, based on anything demonstratable – not really.

I have a 2 yr old girl and a little lad on the way and while i’m not taking sides (parlty because all opinions should be expected on a forum) i do agree that it’s reasonable for a woman to request that the child is over 12 month before staying out overnight. My relationship with my daughter is amazing however it is a different relationship to that of a mother, i did not carry her for 9 month and i’m not her primary care provider. I’m not saying a farther shouldn’t be allowed to have the child oevrnight more that i love my wife dearly and understand the emotional effect that would have had on her and any other mother in that position.

We also don’t know the reasons behind the split, there could be extra baggage there getting in he way??

i’d just be gutted that my child got christened. stupid idea, IMO.

well done ernie. i agree with you. always two sides to a story and in this case we only have one. shame you didn’t make your case for your viewpoint earlier. it would have saved me reading all that crap for 10 minutes.

As far as i can tell you are applying one set of criteria to a female parent and another to a male parent that is a near perfect example of sexism as it is discrimination based on gender.

Ah yes, and this is an interesting issue. There comes a point when it is simply not possible to treat both sexes exactly equally, because we are not the same. There is no getting away from the fact that women have babies and men don’t. This has implications.