Viewing 40 posts - 41 through 80 (of 119 total)
  • Daughter got christened – Unknown to me
  • Frankers
    Free Member

    Don’t play games, don’t try to control the situation, just focus on doing the best for your daughter, the relationship with your ex will improve if you don’t try to force her to do what you want but it might take time, years.

    Be on time, ask ex what daughter needs (clothing etc) rather than just handing over cash, if your ex is being a bitch then just smile and ignore, don’t let her or your daughter see any frustration. It will get easier and the most important thing is that you are there for your daughter.

    I agree with all of this!!

    I have been in this situation where my ex tried very hard to use the kids as a weapon to get at me when we separated (after she had an affair). I stuck to my guns and had the kids at the agreed times and days, if she had a strop and said i couldn’t see them guaranteed the next time i was due to have them she was texting asking what time i was picking them up.

    Take the moral high ground and try to be as helpful as possible, i know you must feel pretty angry/upset at the moment but you have to concentrate not to overreact at the slightest decision she makes without consulting you.

    And don’t get wound up regarding the Christening, most times no one cares about getting this done, only if pressured by grandparents.

    Don’t involve a solictor unless you have loads of cash that you are looking to chuck away on a regular basis, you being calmer and more helpful will achieve much better/cheaper results.

    Zulu-Eleven
    Free Member

    Proper advice!

    For the next few months – suck everything else up, play her game, be mr super helpful always offering to look after her while ex goes shopping/goes out for an evening with the girls, bend over backwards to help and raise a fuss about nothing, bite your lip and play the long game, however pissed off you get over it.

    During this time – get a diary – write down every time you see Freya, everything that you do for her, what money you spend and what you did with her.

    Then, when you’ve got a nice catalogue that shows your current level of contact (the status quo) hit her with an application for a court order, meaning that you’ve secured contact plans for the longer term. self represent, its not worth solicitors for a simple contact order (expect claims of all sorts, domestic violence, harassment, etc, etc – this can be happily disproven by your diary of contact)

    gravitysucks
    Free Member

    Are you still paying the mortgage on the house she lives in? If so this is likely to be above and beyond the amount of maitenance.

    Could you not inform her you will stop paying the mortgage and only give her what she is legally entitled to unless she agrees to mediation?
    It may sound like blackmail but realistically if she refuses to dicuss things like adults then you’ll need every penny you can to go down the court route.

    It might give her the kick in the ass she needs.

    Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middling Edition

    Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middlin...
    Latest Singletrack Videos
    GlitterGary
    Free Member

    Look on the bright side – at least your daughter is going to heaven, even if the mother isn’t.

    ski
    Free Member

    Don’t play games, don’t try to control the situation, just focus on doing the best for your daughter, the relationship with your ex will improve if you don’t try to force her to do what you want but it might take time, years.

    Good advice, that.

    Lifer
    Free Member

    ernie_lynch – Member
    Sorry I didn’t stick to the rule which states that in such circumstances, all posters must agree with the OP.

    Agree with what? He asked for advice not judgement based on your weird supposition. I have no idea what it’s like but gave my opinion based on a bit of cold detachment which is needed in situations like this.

    But I’m funny like that – breaking the rules that is …….surely you must have noticed before ?

    And the Stranglers said there were no more heroes.

    ernie_lynch
    Free Member

    He asked for advice not judgement based on your weird supposition.

    What “weird supposition” is that ? The one that the OP’s ex might not be a totally unreasonable woman who is a terrible mother to her children ?

    Well I’m assuming the OP also didn’t think that until at least last Christmas ……otherwise why did he have a child with her ?

    You might think that the best way to help the OP is to tell him everything he wants to hear, and to reinforce his perceptions, but I don’t necessarily agree with you, hope that’s ok – although apparently it’s not. Neither do I believe that it’s necessarily the best thing for the child involved.

    Skoolshoes
    Free Member

    Don’t entertain any of her petty games and always try to remain calm.

    My ex ran off with my 2 year old son Harry. 6 weeks after, I found that she’d left me because she’d been sleeping with my supervisor from work.
    I lost everything and even now I don’t get to see my son.

    18 months on, and I can honestly say that I feel better without her in my life. Miss my little boy like crazy, but I know that she’ll make things as hard as possible for me to see him.
    Like you, I don’t have the money for expensive court battles etc and I believe that he’ll come to me when he’s older.

    First port of call is get down to Citizens Advice… and maybe go speak to a solicitor.

    Good luck and keep your chin up.

    Cletus
    Free Member

    Agree with previous posters about trying to be helpful and remaining calm but keeping a record. I would also make an effort with her others kids as they are your daughter’s brothers/sisters. Presumably they once lived with you? If you can have genuine relationships with them (birthday/xmas presents, occasional trips out when your daughter is older) then you will probably get on better with your ex and your daughter will be with people who view you in a positive light.

    It is very easy to give this advice – in your shoes I would be polishing my Bombers!

    billyboy
    Free Member

    Freya is not a “Christian” christian-name, it harps back to Old Norse Mythology.
    Is that part of the problem?
    Are you anti the Christian religion and has your ex partner overidden your beliefs and pushed your daughter into the Church’s clutches?

    If so, I know the feeling.

    Not that I can provide an answer, just keep the contact going no matter what obstacles are put in your way and try and do the best you can for your child.

    deadlydarcy
    Free Member

    It might be an idea to give helpful objective advice to the OP rather than turning it into yet another STW fight where the OP’s questions are forgotten.

    For me there are three sides to most stories. Yours. Mine. And somewhere between those two, lies the truth.

    Oh and to be fair, if I was the OP, I’d expect to be informed of something like a christening – not because I’m a shouty atheist, but I’d still like to know.

    If she’s as horrible as the OP suggests, then doing these kind of things and not informing you is mostly to make herself feel better – and the OP’s getting wound up about it will only add fuel to her flames.

    Remain calm. Be a good dad. Realise that generally the law will be better if you don’t start kicking up all kinds of shit whenever anything happens.

    Conflict between you is ultimately water of your backs but will remain with the child forever.

    johnners
    Free Member

    Remain calm. Be a good dad. Realise that generally the law will be better if you don’t start kicking up all kinds of shit whenever anything happens.

    Good simple advice. And try to behave a bit less like the ranting loon you appeared to be in your first post.

    mastiles_fanylion
    Free Member

    Agrees with DD and several other posters who thinks the person with a level head in all of this will come out of it better (in the long run) than someone trying to get at the ex rather than move on.

    I really couldn’t imagine a worse thing to happen to anyone though 🙁

    Lifer
    Free Member

    ernie_lynch – Member
    What “weird supposition” is that ? The one that the OP’s ex might not be a totally unreasonable woman who is a terrible mother to her children ?

    Where has he said she’s a terrible mother? See what I mean?

    Well I’m assuming the OP also didn’t think that until at least last Christmas ……otherwise why did he have a child with her ?

    Relationships changing shocker

    You might think that the best way to help the OP is to tell him everything he wants to hear, and to reinforce his perceptions

    Where did I do that?

    ernie_lynch
    Free Member

    Why don’t you stick with the issues raised by the OP Lifer ? …..instead of trying to start an argument between me and you.

    can-uk
    Free Member

    Assuming you’re on the birth certificate you have legal parental responsibility.

    http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ParentsRights/DG_4002954

    Parental Responsibility, amongst other things, includes:

    determining the religion of the child

    You should have been consulted.

    aP
    Free Member

    Didn’t we go through all of this about a month ago when SBrock told everyone on here that his ex was going to get his daughter christened?
    Including the religious arguments… 🙄

    mastiles_fanylion
    Free Member

    determining the religion of the child

    This might be a question of unbelievable stupidity but does Christening someone actually determine their religion?

    Perhaps the OP could convert her to Islam – that would nark off the mother.

    molgrips
    Free Member

    Yeah. Just give her a nice headscarf to wear, tell her it’s the Jackie-O look and watch her mother freak out.

    mastiles_fanylion
    Free Member

    OP’s daughter earlier…

    Papa_Lazarou
    Free Member

    getting a child christened is a choice that should be made by both parents. for your ex to go ahead and do this behind your back is bang out of order and demonstrates she is not respecting your rights as a parent.

    I imagine the legal route is the only option with someone like this and recommend you look into this ASAP.

    ernie_lynch
    Free Member

    aP – Member

    Didn’t we go through all of this about a month ago when SBrock told everyone on here that his ex was going to get his daughter christened?

    Yep, I quick search reveals that it’s the same guy. And whilst today he’s claiming “Daughter got christened – Unknown to me” and “I have just found out Freya got christened” it couldn’t have come as quite the complete surprise which he seems to suggest, as he knew it was going to happen at least a month ago.

    Also there appears to be inconsistencies in the time lines. 4 weeks ago he said “Me and her mother have split up when she was 4 months old, I left the house that we both owned as she has other kids”.

    So if he walked out on her mother at Christmas when she was 4 months old, then she’ll be about 9 months old now. Which on the plus side means that in about another 3 months he’ll be able to have her stay with him overnight, as according to him “my ex says she can’t stay overnight until she is 1”. A perfect reasonable and understandable attitude imo btw.

    mastiles_fanylion
    Free Member

    Ernie – are you suggesting it is an understandable attitude not to allow the child to stay with the father until she is 1 year old?

    ernie_lynch
    Free Member

    Yep.

    Overnight that is.

    mastiles_fanylion
    Free Member

    Why would that be?

    RichPenny
    Free Member

    Miss my little boy like crazy, but I know that she’ll make things as hard as possible for me to see him.
    Like you, I don’t have the money for expensive court battles etc and I believe that he’ll come to me when he’s older.

    Can you not get legal aid? At the moment it may look to a court that you just aren’t making any effort to see your son. And unfortunately he may see it the same way later on.

    There’s some good advice in this thread, it’s up to the OP to try and follow that advice. Do nothing and the situation won’t change, you’ll just become more frustrated.

    ernie_lynch
    Free Member

    Why would that be?

    Because I can’t see any benefits for a child less than 12 months old to stay away from her mother overnight.

    Plus I reckon it would be an exceptional woman who would willingly allow her less than 12 month baby stay with the man who walked out on her at Christmas. In fact I might even question her commitment to her child, if she was that keen on the proposition.

    Of course you might not agree with me, and of course I’m basing my comments on the little that I know. But since I’m unlikely to hear her side of the story, I’m ok with that.

    mastiles_fanylion
    Free Member

    Because I can’t see any benefits for a child less than 12 months old to stay away from her mother overnight

    Equally it would not be detrimental to the child’s health to allow the father of the child to have her overnight.

    Now would it?

    Whatever happened to the relationship between the mother and father is irrelevant as he is still the father of the child, that will never change and he has a right to spend time with her.

    warton
    Free Member

    Because I can’t see any benefits for a child less than 12 months old to stay away from her mother overnight.

    but the child wouldn’t be any worse off if she didn’t stay with her mum overnight, would she?

    ernie_lynch
    Free Member

    It might not be detrimental to the child, but it would probably be more detrimental to the mother’s health, when the baby is just a few months old, than the father’s.

    I can’t see a problem with the mother saying the child can stay with the father, but not overnight until she is 12 plus months old. Seems perfectly reasonable to me ………what did the father think – leaving was going to be a bed of roses in which he would get everything he wanted ?

    mastiles_fanylion
    Free Member

    but it would probably be more detrimental to the mother’s health, when the baby is just a few months old, than the father’s

    And why would spending a night away from her child be detrimental in any way to the mother’s health? In fact most mothers to young children would rather enjoy a night off I reckon.

    Do you have children Ernie?

    Or are you just trying to make pointless claims in order to cause an argument?

    deadlydarcy
    Free Member

    Do you have children Ernie?

    And there we have it.

    In fairness, it was only a matter of time.

    ernie_lynch
    Free Member

    are you just trying to make pointless claims in order to cause an argument?

    Busted. There’s no “pulling the wool over your eyes” eh ?

    mastiles_fanylion
    Free Member

    And here’s me thinking you had idiotic views about parental rights and responsibilities.

    Turns out you are just an idiot.

    ernie_lynch
    Free Member

    Turns out you are just an idiot.

    Well it’s taken you over 2 years to come to that conclusion, so perhaps I was being generous with the “no pulling the wool over your eyes” comment …….what do you reckon ?

    BTW, top marks for putting your point over in such a forceful and intelligent manner.

    mastiles_fanylion
    Free Member

    I agree Ernie – if you have spent the last two years posting in such a manner you must be an Übertroll beyond compare.

    I doff my hat to you, congratulations, your parents must be very proud.

    ernie_lynch
    Free Member

    You’re too generous.

    deadlydarcy
    Free Member

    Get a room you two!

    mastiles_fanylion
    Free Member

    The room marked ‘The new person for me to brand a cock after I realised that, handled properly, Surrounded by Zulus is actually okay and even Tandem Jeremy has his moments’*?

    Junkyard
    Free Member

    It might not be detrimental to the child,

    Might not FFS ernie what harm will befall the child seperated from the mother do you think it will even notice? Imagine it had to got to hospital or something what would we do???

    but it would probably be more detrimental to the mother’s health, when the baby is just a few months old, than the father’s.

    Sexist argument for a start I am [genuinely ]shocked to read that from you tbh. The fact it upsets the mum to not be with her child is not the issue [ I notice you think absent dads can just MTFU :roll:] all parents miss their absent kids even shit ones. The issue is what is in the childs best interest which clearly involves fair access to both parents not just making sure we dont upset the mother. May I suggest you familiarise yourself with parental rights and access arrangements ernie not to mention some basic principles about equality between men and women and mothers and fathers

Viewing 40 posts - 41 through 80 (of 119 total)

The topic ‘Daughter got christened – Unknown to me’ is closed to new replies.